When facing a family visit, people often have ambivalent feelings, wanting to make everyone happy, yet dreading the work and potential personal conflicts that loom ahead.
Expectations
You may feel obligated to put everyone up at your house or prepare the meals because you think that’s what is expected of you. While giving to others can be deeply fulfilling, it’s best to give at a level where you can do so wholeheartedly and lovingly rather than resentfully. You don’t want to slip into martyrdom.
Instead of succumbing to what you think is expected, decide what you are willing to do and state so up front.
If, for example, you are happy to prepare one meal or one dish, graciously invite everyone for that meal or to a potluck. “I’m inviting you for dinner on Friday night. On Saturday, we can go out,” or “You’re on your own.” “You can pick up your favorite breakfast groceries at the store down the street.”
People like to know what is expected in the way of itinerary, sleeping arrangements, kids’ rules, differing holiday traditions, and dogs. If you clarify expectations and don’t promise too much, you can be giving without becoming exasperated and resentful. When you communicate clearly ahead of time, people are less likely to be disappointed because they understand the game plan and your expectations.
Saying “No.”
If your relatives or friends tend to ignore your requests, hints, and desires, or are generally unpleasant, then there’s no need to accommodate them with meals or housing, unless you are willing and able to live up to Mother Theresa’s philosophy: “People are generally irrational, unreasonable and selfish. Love them anyway.”
You can say “no” while still communicating warm-heartedly. For example, “That’s not a good weekend for us to have visitors. We would love to see you though if you come into town. Call us and we’ll meet for coffee/a drink/lunch.”
The articles on Fitnesshacksforlife.org website is provided for reference purposes only, A public resource you can use for free. You should not take them as the sole source of medical direction. Fitnesshacksforlife.org does not accept payments or incentives from any of the individuals or organizations named in the articles, and the articles are not an endorsement of those parties or their products or practices. Do not ever disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in any manner seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on our site or social media. Fitness Hacks For Life is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, eligible to receive donations under the laws of the United States of America.
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Overwhelmed by a Family Visit by Dr. Alison Poulsen
When facing a family visit, people often have ambivalent feelings, wanting to make everyone happy, yet dreading the work and potential personal conflicts that loom ahead.
Expectations
You may feel obligated to put everyone up at your house or prepare the meals because you think that’s what is expected of you. While giving to others can be deeply fulfilling, it’s best to give at a level where you can do so wholeheartedly and lovingly rather than resentfully. You don’t want to slip into martyrdom.
Instead of succumbing to what you think is expected, decide what you are willing to do and state so up front.
If, for example, you are happy to prepare one meal or one dish, graciously invite everyone for that meal or to a potluck. “I’m inviting you for dinner on Friday night. On Saturday, we can go out,” or “You’re on your own.” “You can pick up your favorite breakfast groceries at the store down the street.”
People like to know what is expected in the way of itinerary, sleeping arrangements, kids’ rules, differing holiday traditions, and dogs. If you clarify expectations and don’t promise too much, you can be giving without becoming exasperated and resentful. When you communicate clearly ahead of time, people are less likely to be disappointed because they understand the game plan and your expectations.
Saying “No.”
If your relatives or friends tend to ignore your requests, hints, and desires, or are generally unpleasant, then there’s no need to accommodate them with meals or housing, unless you are willing and able to live up to Mother Theresa’s philosophy: “People are generally irrational, unreasonable and selfish. Love them anyway.”
You can say “no” while still communicating warm-heartedly. For example, “That’s not a good weekend for us to have visitors. We would love to see you though if you come into town. Call us and we’ll meet for coffee/a drink/lunch.”
The articles on Fitnesshacksforlife.org website is provided for reference purposes only, A public resource you can use for free. You should not take them as the sole source of medical direction. Fitnesshacksforlife.org does not accept payments or incentives from any of the individuals or organizations named in the articles, and the articles are not an endorsement of those parties or their products or practices. Do not ever disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in any manner seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on our site or social media. Fitness Hacks For Life is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, eligible to receive donations under the laws of the United States of America.