Dry January

During the new year, we all want to start fresh and lead healthier and enriching lives. Of course, we make all kinds of promises to ourselves during January. From dieting resolutions to new gym memberships. One particularly popular new year resolution, though, involves alcohol.

Dry January, also known as cutting back on alcohol during the month of January, has had a strong start this month. People all over the world are trying to eliminate alcohol from their lives during January.

And really, this does not come as much of a surprise. Alcohol sales have only increased during the pandemic. So, it makes sense that people would want to cut back a little on their alcohol consumption this year.

It’s not that alcohol is inherently bad, but a steady intake of it can have consequences to our health, even if it makes us feel good in the moment. As a result, there has been a growing interest in alternative drinks with low alcohol content or no alcohol content at all.

In fact, bars and large alcohol companies are offering more non-alcoholic versions of their drinks to keep up with this trend and boost sales. Alternative drinks were already on the rise before January, but this month has only emphasized the need for non-alcoholic drinks.

And, really, there are a lot of great options for people who are health conscious. Not only can you drink zero alcohol beers. But, you can also try out wellness drinks like kombucha, flavored sparkling waters, and even CBD infused drinks.

All of these drinks can bring on a sense of calm and improved health. CBD drinks and supplements infused drinks, in particular, seem to be having a potent effect on people. From mood stabilization to better sleep, the benefits of non-alcoholic drinks are endless.

Why Dry January is Beneficial For Your Health:

Still, you might be wondering why you should try Dry January, or why you should give up alcohol at all. In this final section of the post, I’ll briefly go over some of the health benefits of Dry January!

1. Your Mental Health Will Improve

Alcohol might seem like a good way to unwind and relax, but once you’ve come down from your buzz, you probably won’t feel great. Hangovers are one issue, but alcohol is also a known depressant. Over time you will feel more anxious and depressed after drinking. Once, you let go of alcohol, though, your mood will stabilize more!

2. You Could Lose Weight

Many alcohols contain a high-calorie count and plenty of sugar. This can lead to weight gain, especially when you drink a lot. When you give up alcohol for a month, though, you could see some weight loss.

3. You’ll Sleep Better

Alcohol might help you pass out, but it does diminish sleep quality. In short, you won’t get a good night of rest drinking. Again, though, cutting back on this subsistence will increase your sleep quality and help you sleep better!

4. You’ll Save Money

This is indirectly tied to your health, but when you cut back on alcohol, you can save money. More money means you can worry less about your bills, and even have more of a budget for healthy drinks and foods.

In a world that often demands perfection, learning how to practice self-compassion has become a crucial skill for maintaining mental wellness. Many of us are quick to show kindness to friends facing difficulties, yet we speak to ourselves with harsh criticism when we stumble. This internal double standard can fuel anxiety, depression, and a persistent sense of inadequacy that affects every aspect of our lives.

Self-compassion isn’t about making excuses or lowering standards. Instead, it’s about treating yourself with the same warmth and understanding you’d offer a good friend. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression while building greater resilience and emotional stability. Understanding how to develop this vital skill can be the key to transforming your mental health journey.

Understanding What Self-Compassion Really Means

Self-compassion consists of three core components that work together to create a healthier relationship with yourself. According to psychological research, these elements form the foundation of genuine self-acceptance and emotional healing.

The first component is self-kindness, which involves treating yourself with gentleness rather than harsh judgment when facing personal failings or difficult circumstances. Instead of berating yourself for mistakes, self-kindness means speaking to yourself as you would to someone you care about deeply.

The second element is common humanity, recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. This perspective helps you understand that you’re not alone in your struggles and that making mistakes doesn’t make you fundamentally flawed or different from others.

Finally, mindfulness allows you to hold your feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them or suppressing them entirely. This means acknowledging your pain without being overwhelmed by it or pretending it doesn’t exist.

The Difference Between Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem

Many people confuse self-compassion with self-esteem, but these concepts are fundamentally different. Self-esteem often depends on external achievements and comparisons with others, creating a fragile sense of worth that fluctuates with circumstances. Self-compassion, however, provides a stable foundation of self-worth that isn’t contingent on success or failure.

While self-esteem asks “How good am I?” self-compassion asks “How can I care for myself right now?” This shift in perspective creates lasting emotional resilience that doesn’t crumble when life becomes challenging.

Recognizing When You Need More Self-Compassion

Identifying moments when you need self-compassion is the first step in developing this practice. Common signs include persistent self-criticism, perfectionism that paralyzes rather than motivates, difficulty bouncing back from setbacks, and a tendency to ruminate on past mistakes.

You might notice an inner critic that speaks in absolutes, using words like “always,” “never,” “should,” or “must.” This voice often sounds familiar because it may echo critical messages you received in childhood or reflect societal pressures to achieve unrealistic standards.

Physical and Emotional Warning Signs

Your body often signals when you’re being too hard on yourself. Physical symptoms might include muscle tension, headaches, difficulty sleeping, or a constant feeling of being “on edge.” Emotionally, you might experience shame spirals, social withdrawal, or a sense of being stuck in negative thought patterns.

Pay attention to how you feel after making mistakes or facing criticism. If these situations leave you feeling worthless, fundamentally flawed, or completely alone in your struggles, it’s time to cultivate more self-compassion in your daily life.

Practical Techniques for Daily Self-Compassion

Learning how to practice self-compassion requires consistent effort and specific techniques that you can implement throughout your day. These practices help retrain your brain to respond to difficulties with kindness rather than criticism.

The Self-Compassion Break

When you notice suffering or stress, pause and take a self-compassion break. Place your hand on your heart or another soothing location and acknowledge your pain by saying, “This is a moment of suffering.” Then remind yourself that “Suffering is a part of life” or “I’m not alone in this.” Finally, offer yourself kindness with phrases like “May I be kind to myself” or “May I give myself the compassion I need.”

Loving-Kindness Practice for Yourself

Set aside time each day to practice sending loving-kindness to yourself. Begin by sitting comfortably and bringing yourself to mind. Repeat phrases like “May I be happy,” “May I be healthy,” “May I be at peace,” or “May I accept myself as I am.” If traditional phrases don’t resonate, create personalized versions that feel authentic to you.

The Supportive Friend Technique

When facing a difficult situation, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend experiencing the same challenge. Write down this supportive message and then read it as if it were directed toward you. This technique helps you access the compassionate voice you naturally use with others and apply it to your own situation.

Overcoming Common Obstacles to Self-Compassion

Many people resist self-compassion due to deeply ingrained beliefs about motivation and personal responsibility. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that these concerns are largely unfounded and that self-compassion actually increases motivation and personal responsibility.

Fear of Becoming Lazy or Complacent

One of the biggest obstacles is the belief that self-criticism is necessary for motivation. However, studies consistently show that self-compassion leads to greater motivation, not less. When you treat yourself kindly after setbacks, you’re more likely to learn from mistakes and try again rather than getting stuck in shame or giving up entirely.

Self-compassion provides the emotional safety needed for honest self-reflection and growth. Harsh self-criticism, on the other hand, often triggers defensive responses that prevent learning and positive change.

Cultural and Family Messages

Some people grew up in environments where self-criticism was modeled as normal or even virtuous. Changing these deeply rooted patterns takes time and patience. Start by noticing when your inner critic sounds like a specific person from your past, and consciously choose to respond differently.

Remember that developing self-compassion doesn’t mean abandoning your values or standards. It means pursuing your goals from a place of self-care rather than self-punishment.

Building Self-Compassion Through Daily Habits

Integrating self-compassion into your routine requires consistent practice and conscious attention to your inner dialogue. Small, regular actions can create significant shifts in how you relate to yourself over time.

Morning and Evening Practices

Begin each day by setting an intention to treat yourself kindly, regardless of what challenges arise. You might say, “Today I will speak to myself with the same kindness I show my closest friends.” End each day by reflecting on moments when you practiced self-compassion or identifying opportunities to be gentler with yourself tomorrow.

Mindful Self-Talk

Throughout the day, notice your internal commentary and gently redirect harsh criticism toward more balanced perspectives. Instead of “I’m such an idiot for making that mistake,” try “I made a mistake, and that’s human. What can I learn from this?”

Use your name when speaking to yourself internally, as this creates psychological distance that makes it easier to be kind. “Sarah, you did your best today” feels different from “I should have done better.”

Physical Comfort and Care

Incorporate physical gestures of self-compassion into your routine. This might include taking warm baths when stressed, preparing nutritious meals as an act of self-care, or simply placing your hand on your heart during difficult moments. These actions reinforce the emotional practice of self-compassion with tangible expressions of care.

The Science Behind Self-Compassion’s Mental Health Benefits

Neuroscience research reveals that self-compassion activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes feelings of safety and calm. This biological response counteracts the fight-or-flight activation that often accompanies self-criticism, creating an internal environment more conducive to healing and growth.

Studies show that people who practice self-compassion have lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone linked to anxiety and depression. They also demonstrate greater emotional resilience, improved immune function, and better relationships with others.

Long-Term Mental Health Outcomes

Regular self-compassion practice leads to lasting changes in brain structure and function. Areas associated with emotional regulation become more active, while regions linked to self-criticism and rumination show decreased activation. These neurological changes support sustained improvements in mood and overall mental wellness.

People who practice self-compassion also report greater life satisfaction, stronger motivation to make positive changes, and improved ability to cope with life’s inevitable challenges.

Advanced Self-Compassion Practices

As you become more comfortable with basic self-compassion techniques, you can explore deeper practices that address specific areas of struggle or help you maintain your progress during particularly challenging times.

Writing Exercises for Self-Compassion

Try writing yourself a letter from the perspective of an unconditionally loving friend. Address your struggles with warmth and understanding, remind yourself of your strengths, and offer encouragement for moving forward. Keep this letter to read during difficult times.

Another powerful exercise involves writing about a current challenge from all three self-compassion components. Describe your situation with self-kindness, acknowledge how others have faced similar difficulties, and practice mindful awareness of your emotions without judgment.

Working with Difficult Emotions

When facing intense emotions like shame, anger, or sadness, practice the RAIN technique: Recognize what you’re experiencing, Allow the feelings to be present, Investigate with kindness how the emotions feel in your body, and Nurture yourself through the difficulty with self-compassion.

Remember that the goal isn’t to eliminate difficult emotions but to relate to them with greater kindness and wisdom. This approach helps you process challenging experiences more effectively while building emotional resilience.

Conclusion: Your Journey to Greater Self-Compassion

Learning how to practice self-compassion is a powerful step toward improving your mental wellness and breaking free from cycles of anxiety and depression. This skill takes time to develop, especially if you’re accustomed to harsh self-criticism, but the benefits extend far beyond temporary mood improvements.

Start small with simple practices like the self-compassion break or mindful self-talk, and gradually incorporate more techniques as they become natural. Remember that developing self-compassion is itself a practice worthy of patience and kindness.

As you continue this journey, you’ll likely notice positive changes not only in how you treat yourself but also in your relationships, stress levels, and overall quality of life. Self-compassion creates a foundation of inner security that supports your growth and helps you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience.

Your mental wellness deserves the same attention and care you would give to any other aspect of your health. By practicing self-compassion consistently, you’re investing in a skill that will serve you throughout your life, helping you build the emotional resilience needed to thrive rather than merely survive.

Starting yoga can feel intimidating—but it doesn’t have to be. Yoga is about building awareness, strength, flexibility, and calm at your own pace. These beginner-friendly yoga poses form a strong foundation and can be practiced at home with little to no equipment.

Whether your goal is stress relief, improved mobility, or overall wellness, these poses will help you ease into a sustainable yoga practice.

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1. Mountain Pose (Tadasana)

This pose may look simple, but it teaches proper alignment and posture.

Benefits:

• Improves balance and posture
• Builds body awareness
• Strengthens legs and core

How to practice:
Stand tall with feet hip-width apart, arms relaxed at your sides. Engage your core, lengthen your spine, and breathe deeply.

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2. Downward-Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana)

A classic pose that stretches and strengthens the entire body.

Benefits:

• Stretches hamstrings and calves
• Strengthens arms and shoulders
• Relieves tension and fatigue

How to practice:
Start on hands and knees, then lift your hips up and back, forming an inverted “V” shape.

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3. Child’s Pose (Balasana)

A deeply restorative pose perfect for rest and recovery.

Benefits:

• Calms the nervous system
• Gently stretches the back and hips
• Relieves stress

How to practice:
Kneel on the mat, sit back on your heels, and fold forward with arms extended or relaxed by your sides.

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4. Warrior I (Virabhadrasana I)

A powerful pose that builds strength and confidence.

Benefits:

• Strengthens legs and glutes
• Improves focus and stability
• Opens hips and chest

How to practice:
Step one foot back, bend the front knee, and raise arms overhead while facing forward.

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5. Tree Pose (Vrksasana)

An excellent pose for improving balance and concentration.

Benefits:

• Enhances balance and coordination
• Strengthens ankles and legs
• Encourages mindfulness

How to practice:
Stand on one leg and place the sole of the other foot on your calf or thigh. Bring hands to heart center or overhead.

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6. Cobra Pose (Bhujangasana)

A gentle backbend that supports spinal health.

Benefits:

• Strengthens the lower back
• Opens chest and shoulders
• Improves posture

How to practice:
Lie face down, place hands under shoulders, and gently lift your chest while keeping hips grounded.

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7. Seated Forward Fold (Paschimottanasana)

A calming stretch for the back and legs.

Benefits:

• Stretches hamstrings and spine
• Promotes relaxation
• Reduces stress

How to practice:
Sit with legs extended and hinge forward from the hips, reaching toward your feet.

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8. Corpse Pose (Savasana)

Often overlooked, this pose is essential for integration and relaxation.

Benefits:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Allows the body to absorb benefits of practice
• Encourages deep relaxation

How to practice:
Lie flat on your back, arms relaxed, eyes closed. Focus on slow, natural breathing.

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Tips for Beginners

• Move slowly and listen to your body
• Use props like blocks or cushions for support
• Focus on breathing, not perfection
• Practice consistency over intensity

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Final Thoughts

Yoga is a personal journey—not a performance. These beginner poses help build confidence, mobility, and mindfulness while supporting both physical and mental well-being. Start where you are, and allow your practice to grow naturally over time.

Yoga has been linked to numerous health benefits. But is it also the secret to a long life? This is what Daisy Taylor, a centenarian from Chelmsford, England, reports.

In a recent interview on her 105th birthday, Taylor told the BBC she attributes her long and healthy life to yoga – alongside her optimism and appreciation of the little things. She says yoga especially helps her to stay mentally fit. She’s still practising yoga even at her age – although now more often in a chair than on a mat.

As an aged and, above all, mentally fit yogi, Taylor is not alone. Many of the world’s most notable yoga practitioners have lived long, healthy lives. Take B.K.S Iyengar, for example. Probably the most famous yoga teacher of our time, in childhood he was given only a few years to live after simultaneously catching malaria, typhoid and tuberculosis. Then he discovered yoga and started practising for ten hours a day. He not only survived his illness for a few years – he lived to 95.

His brother-in-law and teacher Tirumalai Krishnamacharya, founder of vinyasa yoga, lived to age 100. And Krishnamacharya’s almost equally-famous other master student Krishna Pattabhi Jois, whose Ashtanga yoga laid the foundation for the yoga fitness wave, lived to be 93.

There are many reasons why yoga is so beneficial to do even in old age. Studies show it can have a positive effect on various age-related diseases by reducing blood pressure, blood fat levels and obesity.

Yoga can also alleviate depression, stress and anxiety. Yoga is also associated with a generally healthier lifestyle – such as following a healthier diet.

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Evidence also shows that yoga may have many benefits when it comes to ageing and staying young.

Yoga and ageing

Research shows yoga may potentially influence ageing at a cellular level. In one study, participants who practised yoga showed a 43% increase in telomerase activity – while participants who only relaxed showed an increase of just under 4%. The enzyme telomerase is a key factor in ageing, as it slows down cell ageing.

Moreover, some very experienced yogis can reduce their metabolism so substantially that their physiological state is similar to that of hibernating animals: their breathing and heart rate drop significantly, as does their body temperature. In animals, this sort of resting phase is shown to increase lifespan. Some argue that same could be true in humans.

Evidence also indicates yoga helps us keep mentally fit as we age.

As we get older, we decline mentally. Learning new things and forming new memories becomes increasingly difficult. This is reflected in the brain: the hippocampus in particular, which is important for the formation of new memories, loses substance with age.

But a study which examined the brains of yoga practitioners found they generally had a larger brain mass compared with non-yogis of the same age. This difference was particularly evident in the hippocampus. Not only that, but the longer someone had been practising yoga, the larger their brain mass.

Another study also found the average brain mass in 40-50-year-old meditators corresponded to the average brain mass of 20-30-year-old non-meditators. Meditation is an important part of yoga.

While many of these studies take care to adjust for any variables which might influence a person’s risk of cognitive decline (such as their lifestyle habits and genetics), this control is never perfect – so these associations are only correlations.

But research has actually shown meditation can indeed increase brain mass causally – and rather quickly. In a study with participants who were not experienced in meditation, one group took part in a four month meditation course while the other group did not. After four months, brain mass increased significantly in the meditation group. Once again, this particularly affected the hippocampus. Overall, the data suggests meditation – and yoga – is associated with a younger brain age.

Studies have also looked at so-called “fluid intelligence” – the ability to solve new, unknown problems, learn new things and recognise patterns and connections. This ability tends to decline with old age. But research shows middle-aged people who have done yoga or meditation for many years have better fluid intelligence compared to people of the same age who did not do either activity.

Longevity and yoga

But is there any direct evidence showing that yoga prolongs life?

One study looked at just that. The researchers used linked data from the National Death Index and the National Health & Nutrition Examination Survey – an ongoing, nationally representative survey of the health and nutritional status of the US population. The 22,598 study participants were asked a range of questions about their lifestyle habits – including whether they did yoga.

The results were striking. Within an average of eight-and-a-half years after the survey, the risk of dying was almost two-thirds lower among participants who practised yoga than among those who did not. There was just one catch: yogis were generally much younger than the average participant. When age was accounted for in the analysis, there was no longer any difference between mortality in yogis and non-yogis.

So, yoga does not seem to increase longevity after all.

Daisy Taylor spoke in her interview about her 103-year-old sister and her five other siblings, who have each lived to be over 90. So in Taylor’s case, her longevity appears to be more of a family trait.

But yoga seems to keep us healthier and, above all, mentally fitter in old age. And perhaps, as it has for Daisy Taylor, it can take the fear out of old age.

A popular New Year’s resolution is to take up meditation – specifically mindfulness meditation. This is a healthy choice.

Regular mindfulness practice has been linked to many positive health benefits, including reduced stress and anxiety, better sleep and quicker healing after injury and illness. Mindfulness can help us to be present in a distracted world and to feel more at home in our bodies, and in our lives.

There are many different types of meditation. Some mindfulness practices ask meditators simply to sit with whatever thoughts, sensations or emotions arise without immediately reacting to them. Such meditations cultivate focus, while granting more freedom in how we respond to whatever events life throws at us.

Other meditations ask practitioners to deliberately focus on one emotion – for example, gratitude or love – to deepen the experience of that emotion. The purpose behind this type of meditation is to bring more gratitude, or more love, into one’s life. The more people meditate on love, the easier it is to experience this emotion even when not meditating.

One such meditation is known as “metta,” or loving-kindness. As a scholar of communication and mindfulness, as well as a longtime meditation teacher, I have both studied and practiced metta. Here is what loving-kindness means and how to try it out for yourself:

Unbounded, universal love

Loving-kindness, or metta, is the type of love which is practiced by Buddhists around the world. Like many forms of meditation today, there are both secular and religious forms of the practice. One does not need to be a Buddhist to practice loving-kindness. It is for anyone and everyone who wants to live more lovingly.

Loving-kindness, the feeling cultivated in metta meditation, is very different from romantic love. In the ancient Pali language, the word “metta” has two root meanings: The first is “gentle,” in the sense of a gentle spring rain that falls on young plants, nourishing them without discrimination. The second is “friend.”

Metta is limitless and unbounded love; it is a gentle presence and universal friendliness. Metta practice is meant to grow people’s ability to be present for themselves and others without fail.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/FyKKvCO_vSA?wmode=transparent&start=0A guided loving-kindness meditation practice.

Metta is not reciprocal or conditional. It does not discriminate between us and them, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, popular or unpopular, worthy and unworthy. To practice metta is to give what I describe in my research as “the rarest and most precious gift” – a gift of love offered without any expectation of it being returned.

How to practice loving-kindness meditation

In the fifth century, a Sri Lankan monk, Buddhaghosa, composed an influential meditation text called the “Visuddhimagga,” or “The Path of Purification.” In this text, Buddhaghosa provides instructions for how to practice loving-kindness meditation. Contemporary teachers tend to adapt and modify his instructions.

The practice of loving-kindness often involves quietly reciting to oneself several traditional phrases designed to evoke metta, and visualizing the beings who will receive that loving-kindness.

Traditionally, the practice begins by sending loving kindness to ourselves. It is typical during this meditation to say:

May I be filled by loving-kindness
May I be safe from inner and outer dangers
May I be well in body and mind
May I be at ease and happy

After speaking these phrases, and feeling the emotions they evoke, next it’s common to direct loving-kindness toward someone – or something – else: It can be a beloved person, a dear friend, a pet, an animal, a favorite tree. The phrases become:

May you be filled by loving-kindness
May you be safe from inner and outer dangers
May you be well in body and mind
May you be at ease and happy

Next, this loving-kindness is directed to a wider circle of friends and loved ones: “May they …”

The final step is to gradually expand the circle of well wishes: including the people in our community and town, people everywhere, animals and all living beings, and the whole Earth. This last round of recitation begins: “May we …”

In this way, loving-kindness meditation practice opens the heart further and further into life, beginning with the meditator themselves.

Loving-kindness and mindful democracy

Clinical research shows that loving-kindness meditation has a positive effect on mental health, including lessening anxiety and depression, increasing life satisfaction and improving self-acceptance while reducing self-criticism. There is also evidence that loving-kindness meditation increases a sense of connection with other people.

The benefits of loving-kindness meditation are not just for the individual. In my research, I show that there are also tremendous benefits for society as a whole. Indeed, the practice of democracy requires us to work together with friends, strangers and even purported “opponents.” This is difficult to do if our hearts are full of hatred and resentment.

Each time meditators open their hearts in metta meditation, they prepare themselves to live more loving lives: for their own selves, and for all living beings.

Jeremy David Engels, PhD, is Liberal Arts Professor of Communication and Ethics at Pennsylvania State University. He is also a longtime teacher of mindfulness, meditation, and yoga, having studied in both India and the United States, and he is certified to teach mindfulness after completing an intensive two-year training program under the direction of Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield

Body Image A Sense of Self

~Making the shift from Insecurity to Freedom of Expression by Radha Sandy Gillen

Societal Expectations

As a society, we place great importance on how one looks physically and rarely look much further, into the heart and soul of someone. And although we have been taught that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we are also still very much conditioned by ancient societies that inextricably married physical beauty with love, passion, desire, worthiness, and usefulness.

So, we find ourselves in this modern-day dilemma of outworn, outmoded beliefs that hinder rather than help. We idolize a particular body type or physical attributes depending on fashion and fad.

Our definition of beauty varies from culture and country, and changes over time, yet seems to remain fixated purely on external appearances. We’re constantly judging and comparing our bodies with unrealistic expectations, not to mention giving our power away to those deemed more attractive. This results in creating a better than/less than scenario that erodes our self-esteem.

Definition of Beauty

Beauty is not seen as our inner expression shining through, being reflected externally. It isn’t recognized as an integral part of our being, our inner landscape, our life force energy that radiates from who we are deep within. Inner beauty is not even popularly understood or explained, let alone as something to be felt and experienced as true beauty. Our society sees beauty as skin deep, valued for our display of fashion, hairstyle, possessions and physique.

Google’s English Dictionary provided by Oxford Languages defines beauty, in part, as;

1. A combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. “I was struck by her beauty”

2. A beautiful woman. “She was considered a great beauty in her youth”

Merriam-Webster Dictionary similarly says;

1. The quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.

2. A thing of beauty is a joy forever… “She was a great beauty in her day”

These definitions give rise to a few issues, primarily that it’s associated with the feminine youth, which contradicts the definition that it is a joy forever or timeless, instead, it has its day. Other definitions allude to physical beauty equating strength, happiness, good health and reproductive prowess, as well as the ability to attract a more successful mate. Yikes!

Redefining Beauty

We allow ‘society’ to influence how we feel about our bodies. We let the judgment of others form our sense of body image and determine the level of Self-acceptance we adopt.  Naturally, our sense of approval then is more a sense of disapproval because it’s impossible to feel good about ourselves in comparison to the photo-shopped images of supermodels and celebrities.

When we compare ourselves with unrealistic expectations, we undermine our ability to feel we are enough, to love our body and being just as we are.

It’s time for a new definition of beauty, one that supports diversity, inclusiveness and acceptance, not solely based on appearances, but what’s inherent within. What we define as pleasing needs to expand beyond superficiality.

Inner Beauty

The inherent, indwelling beauty that we all are at our core, holds the key to flipping the beauty myth on its head. Many haven’t even considered a sense of beauty as an inside job. As a society, we aren’t encouraged to go there. But as individuals, seeking more joy and contentment in our experience of life, we can make a literal shift away from the pain of comparison, competition, and the negativity of judgment inflicted from outside sources.

It’s time to heal the wound of body shaming and body-image bias. We must shift from viewing our body as a vehicle to the more sacred stance of it being a temple. Nurturing our personal ‘Spirit House’ initiates the journey to personal empowerment through the grace of Self-love. Who you are is so much more than your shape, skin tone, weight or outfit.

Making the Shift

When we realize that we alone hold the power to choose the thoughts we have toward our body-image and sense of Self, our whole world changes. The suffering we inflict upon ourselves by trying to look a certain way, fit in and look good for others can only be eradicated by authentic Self love and deep acceptance. This is taking a step in the direction of real happiness.  When you decide to nurture your inner beauty, a light goes on inside that radiates out in a brand-new definition of beautiful. You will experience a feeling of freedom when you drop the need to please others, hide yourself or be popular or somehow ‘different’ for others. Living life of your terms and adopting progressive definitions of your beauty is all powerful, in the gentlest of ways.

The environmental influences will undoubtedly always be present; however, you have the power to choose and regulate the extent to which these factors affect your personal satisfaction with how you look and more importantly, how you feel about yourself. Change begins with Intention. Joy and full Self-expression are the end game.

Reaching out for help if/when struggling with Self-image or body-image concerns, which are negatively impacting your life, is advised. Councilors, therapist and doctors can offer help.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me for more information on creative modalities that use art for healing this existential crisis and returning you to an empowered sense of Self.

Original Art by Radha Sandy Gillen

radhagillen@yahoo.com

When self-esteem enhancement is the main goal, a younger woman is the answer.

KEY POINTS:

• Narcissistic men often choose to date much younger attractive women because they view them as status-enhancers.
• A younger woman is more likely to be impressed by a narcissist than a woman his own age who has a full life of her own.
• For narcissistic men, attractive young women are often viewed as interchangeable commodities, not individuals.

The coin of the realm in the land of narcissism is self-esteem enhancement. Anything that raises self-esteem is valuable. Anything that lowers self-esteem is a threat. If you are a man with a narcissistic personality disorder, this often translates into wanting a mate who raises your self-esteem. One of the best ways to do this is to date attractive younger women.

Note: I am using the terms narcissist, narcissistic, and NPD as shorthand ways to refer to someone who qualifies for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

What are the benefits of a younger woman for a narcissist?

Younger women are likely to be easier to impress

Old-fashioned gender roles suited many narcissistic men because they practically guaranteed that their mate would be younger, less educated, more sheltered, and have less life experience than they had. All of this automatically granted the male partner a sense of superiority and a degree of control. He could bask in the glow of his mate’s admiring attention and respect for his opinions.

In today’s world, if a narcissistic man dates a woman his own age from his own social class, she is likely to be his equal with regard to education and life experience. She is also likely to have a job outside the home, have her own money, and have a sense of her own professional competence. As a result, she will not automatically idealize her partner or look to him for guidance. She will expect to be treated as an equal.

Younger women are valued more than older women as “arm candy”

In our society, youth is a valued commodity. There are few middle-aged Victoria’s Secret Angels or Dallas Cheerleaders. Many narcissistic men believe that walking into a party with a much younger attractive woman on their arm adds to their status. She is not really being valued as a person. She is the equivalent of a new sports car—a possession that will get the admiring attention of other men. Their envy makes his self-esteem rise.

Narcissistic men tend to have shallow relationships

When narcissistic older men date women who are considerably younger, they are usually content to settle for looks rather than interesting conversation. I do not mean that younger women are not as smart as the men, just that being of different generations makes it harder to have shared memories and common experiences.

Example: Jack and Jennie

Jack is in his 60s and his new girlfriend Jennie is about half his age. They were out for dinner with a group of Jack’s friends.

Jack: I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when President Kennedy died.

Jenny: I don’t think I was born yet!

Later, one of Jack’s friends said to him: She is very pretty. I understand why you want to have sex with her. But what do you talk about in the morning? Her geography lesson?

Meanwhile, one of Jennie’s friends said to her: He is your father’s age and old and boring. Why are you with him?

Younger women make the man feel younger

Although the man may have trouble keeping up with a younger woman, being with her and her friends may help distract him from his own aging. Getting older brings its own narcissistic injuries: loss of strength, virility, or power. Dating or marrying a younger woman can feel like a second chance to experience youth and hold aging at bay for a while longer.

Younger women may be more naïve

Most younger women are easier to impress than someone older and more experienced. This means that younger women are more likely to be enthralled by the narcissist’s stories and not as likely to question the narcissist’s expertise. As narcissists love to give advice and show off what they know, they will enjoy impressing their young girlfriend by introducing her to new experiences. Depending on the man’s finances, these new experiences may include fine wines, expensive restaurants, and vacations in romantic places. All of this boosts the narcissist’s self-esteem.

Summary

Many men with narcissistic personality disorder view attractive younger women as potential status-enhancers—like having a beautiful new sports car. These men are not looking for partners who are their equals. The young women are valued for their ability to cater to their narcissistic boyfriend’s ego and for being young and attractive enough to show off to other men. The moment that the girlfriend stops showering the narcissist with admiration, or becomes less physically attractive, she will be devalued and replaced with a newer model.

Based on a Quora answer.

About the Author

Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP, is a Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations.

Online:

Elinorgreenberg

And her book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.

This article was originally on Psychology Today.

In the bustling world of software development, where lines of code often resemble intricate asanas of a digital dance, it’s easy to forget the ancient wisdom encapsulated in the Yoga Sutras. The Yoga Sutras offer a sequence of instructions, a roadmap to inner peace and enlightenment. , we’ll unravel the secrets of these timeless sutras, exploring how they can balance the hectic world of modern technology, helping us debug our minds and find tranquility amid the digital chaos. Let’s dive into this fusion of ancient wisdom and contemporary challenges.

What are Yoga Sutras?

The Yoga Sutras, often called the Sutras, are a foundational text in yoga and spiritual philosophy. At its essence, the Yoga Sutras is a collection of 196 short, concise aphorisms written by the sage Patanjali, providing a systematic and philosophical framework for understanding the practice of yoga. These sutras serve as a profound guide that explores the nature of human consciousness, the mind, and the path to spiritual enlightenment. The Sutras are divided into four chapters, each addressing a different aspect of yoga, including ethical principles (Yamas and Niyamas), physical postures (Asanas), breath control (Pranayama), and meditation (Dhyana). While concise in form, the Yoga Sutras contain profound insights into the inner workings of the human psyche and offer a roadmap for individuals seeking not only physical well-being but also mental clarity, inner peace, and a deeper connection to their true selves.

Origins of the Yoga Sutras

The origins of the Yoga Sutras can be traced back to ancient India, where they emerged as a foundational text for the philosophy and practice of yoga. Understanding their origins requires delving into the historical and cultural context of the time.

Ancient India’s Spiritual Landscape:

The Yoga Sutras are believed to have been composed over 2,000 years ago when ancient India was a fertile ground for spiritual and philosophical exploration. This era, known as the Classical period of Indian philosophy, gave rise to various schools of thought, each seeking to understand the nature of existence, consciousness, and the path to spiritual realization.

The Role of Patanjali:

The authorship of the Yoga Sutras is attributed to a sage named Patanjali. However, very little is known about the life of Patanjali, and he remains somewhat of an enigmatic figure. Some scholars suggest that Patanjali might have been a compiler or a systematizer rather than the original creator of the teachings. His work is often regarded as a synthesis of existing yogic knowledge and practices in his time.

The Yogic Tradition

Before the Yoga Sutras, yoga was primarily an oral tradition, with teachings passed down from teacher to student. Patanjali’s contribution was to codify these teachings into a systematic and concise framework, making them more accessible and organized. The term “sutra” itself means a brief, aphoristic statement reflecting the brevity and precision of his work.

Incorporation of Diverse Ideas:

The Yoga Sutras draw from various philosophical and spiritual traditions of ancient India. They incorporate elements of Samkhya philosophy, which explores the dualistic nature of reality, and aspects of meditation and contemplative practices from other traditions. This amalgamation of ideas reflects the inclusivity of ancient Indian thought.

The Quest for Liberation:

At its core, the Yoga Sutras aim to provide a systematic guide for individuals seeking spiritual realization and liberation (moksha) from the cycle of birth and death (samsara). Patanjali outlines a path that involves ethical principles, physical and mental practices, meditation, and ultimately, a state of profound inner peace and self-realization.

Transmission and Influence:

Over the centuries, the Yoga Sutras have been transmitted through a lineage of teachers and practitioners. They have significantly influenced not only the practice of yoga but also the broader field of Indian philosophy and spirituality. The Sutras have become a cornerstone text for various yoga schools, including Hatha Yoga, Raja Yoga, and Jnana Yoga.

Yoga Sutras in Modern Life

The relevance of the Yoga Sutras in modern life is undeniable, as they offer timeless wisdom and practical guidance to help individuals navigate the challenges of today’s fast-paced and often stressful world. Here are several ways in which the teachings of the Yoga Sutras can be applied to contemporary life:

Stress Reduction and Mindfulness:

In our modern lives, stress is a pervasive issue. Mindfulness, as advocated in the Sutras, can be a powerful tool for managing stress. Through techniques like meditation and conscious breathing (Pranayama), individuals can develop greater awareness of their thoughts and emotions, leading to reduced stress levels and improved mental well-being.

Ethical Living:

The Yamas and Niyamas, the ethical principles outlined in the Sutras, provide a moral compass for modern life. Concepts like non-violence (Ahimsa), truthfulness (Satya), and contentment (Santosha) can guide individuals in making ethical choices in their personal and professional lives, fostering better relationships and a more harmonious society.

Physical Health and Well-being:

The physical postures (Asanas) described in the Sutras are now a central component of modern yoga practice. Regular practice of yoga not only promotes physical health, flexibility, and strength and helps alleviate common issues like back pain, poor posture, and the adverse effects of sedentary lifestyles.

Mental Resilience:

The Sutras emphasize the importance of mental discipline and control over the fluctuations of the mind (Chitta Vritti Nirodha). In today’s information-saturated world, these teachings can help individuals develop mental resilience, focus, and clarity, which are essential for success in various fields, including remote work in software development.

Self-Realization and Fulfillment:

Ultimately, the Yoga Sutras offer a profound path to self-realization and inner fulfillment. In a world where material success often overshadows inner contentment, the Sutras encourage individuals to look within, exploring their true nature and purpose in life.

Conflict Resolution:

The Sutras provide insights into dealing with conflicts and challenges constructively. By cultivating qualities like patience (Dharana) and self-study (Svadhyaya), individuals can develop better conflict resolution skills, promoting healthier interactions in both personal and professional settings.

Adaptation to Remote Work:

Given the rise of remote work, the Sutras can also help individuals adapt to this mode of employment. The discipline, self-motivation, and time management skills advocated by Patanjali can be particularly valuable for remote software developers striving for productivity and work-life balance.

Benefits of Embracing the Sutras

Embracing the teachings of the Yoga Sutras can bring many benefits to one’s life, spanning physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions. Here are some of the compelling advantages of incorporating the Sutras into one’s journey:

1. Mental Clarity and Focus:

By practicing the principles of the Sutras, individuals can gain greater control over their minds, reducing mental clutter and distractions. This enhanced mental clarity and focus can lead to increased productivity and efficiency in both personal and professional pursuits.

2. Stress Reduction:

The Sutras provide practical tools, including meditation and mindfulness techniques, to manage stress effectively. Regular practice can reduce anxiety, promote relaxation, and improve overall mental well-being, enabling individuals to handle life’s challenges more easily.

3. Enhanced Emotional Well-being:

Embracing the Sutras encourages self-awareness and emotional regulation. This can lead to a more balanced emotional state, improved relationships, and a greater capacity for empathy and compassion.

4. Physical Health and Flexibility:

The physical postures (Asanas) outlined in the Sutras promote physical health, flexibility, and strength. Regular yoga can alleviate common issues such as back pain, improve posture, and enhance overall well-being.

5. Ethical Living:

The ethical principles (Yamas and Niyamas) of the Sutras guide individuals toward a more conscious and ethical way of living. Embracing these principles fosters integrity, kindness, and respect in personal and professional interactions.

6. Self-Realization and Inner Peace:

The ultimate goal of the Sutras is self-realization and inner peace. Embracing these teachings can lead to a deeper understanding of one’s true nature, a sense of purpose, and profound inner tranquility.

7. Improved Relationships:

By cultivating qualities such as patience, compassion, and forgiveness, individuals can enhance their relationships with others. This can lead to more harmonious and fulfilling connections with family, friends, and colleagues.

8. Conflict Resolution:

The Sutras offer insights into resolving conflicts constructively. Embracing these teachings equips individuals with tools for effective communication and conflict resolution, reducing interpersonal tensions.

9. Adaptation to Modern Life:

In today’s fast-paced world, the Sutras provide a framework for adapting to the challenges of modern life. Whether in a remote software development career or any other field, the discipline, adaptability, and stress management skills derived from the Sutras can be highly beneficial.

10. Spiritual Growth:

For those on a spiritual path, embracing the Sutras offers a structured approach to spiritual growth and self-discovery. The Sutras provide a roadmap for progressing from a state of restlessness and ignorance to one of profound inner realization.

References:

• Bryant, Edwin F. (2009), The Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali: A New Edition, Translation and Commentary, New York: North Poinnt Press, ISBN 978-0865477360
• Crangle, Eddie (1984), “A Comparison of Hindu and Buddhist Techniques of Attaining Samādhi” (PDF), in Hutch, R. A.; Fenner, P. G. (eds.), Under The Shade of the Coolibah Tree: Australian Studies in Consciousness, University Press of America
• Crangle, Edward Fitzpatrick (1994), The Origin and Development of Early Indian Contemplative Practices, Otto Harrassowitz Verlag
• Müeller, Max (1899). Six Systems of Indian Philosophy; Samkhya and Yoga, Naya and Vaiseshika. Calcutta: Susil Gupta (India) Ltd. ISBN 978-0-7661-4296-1. Reprint edition; Originally published under the title of The Six Systems of Indian Philosophy.
• Ranganathan, Shyam (2008). Patañjali’s Yoga Sūtra: Translation, Commentary and Introduction. Delhi: Penguin Black Classics. ISBN 978-0-14-310219-9.
• White, David Gordon (2014). The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali: A Biography. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press. ISBN 978-0-691-14377-4.
• Woodyard C. Exploring the therapeutic effects of yoga and its ability to increase quality of life. Int J Yoga. 2011 Jul;4(2):49-54. doi: 10.4103/0973-6131.85485. PMID: 22022122; PMCID: PMC3193654.
• Vaibhav Tripathi, Pallavi Bharadwaj, Neuroscience of the yogic theory of consciousness, Neuroscience of Consciousness, Volume 2021, Issue 2, 2021, niab030

KEY POINTS:

• When ending a relationship with someone who has a demonstrated need for revenge, be prepared for them to turn on you.
• Due to the nonphysical nature of smear campaigns, most protection orders cannot offer much protection.
• Disengaging and choosing what to defend against will decrease the likelihood of things escalating with a vengeful ex.

Nothing can fully prepare you for the chaos of someone who is out for revenge, but these 5 steps can help ground you

• John, 35, ended a relationship after a couple of years of “trying to make it work.” His ex went on a rampage, telling the world he cheated, reporting him to his bar association for false allegations, driving by his house at all hours of the day, and using his information to max out his credit cards–all in an attempt to seek revenge for how she felt she had been wronged. The police refused to take a report about the female perpetrator because “this is normal breakup stuff.”
• Molly, 41, went no-contact with her mother after years of therapy. Her mother told the family egregious lies about her in an attempt to alienate and isolate her. The more Molly tried to defend herself, the more the family victim-blamed by saying they did not want to get involved in “drama between you two.”

Few know the cruelty and chaos that comes with ending a relationship with someone who is out for revenge, whether it be platonic, romantic, or familial. Those who have been through this experience understand all too well that this will be one of the most stressful times in your life. Knowing how to react will be the glue that keeps you together.

Following the steps below will not stop their behaviors, but they will provide the grounding necessary to help you survive the experience with your dignity and sanity intact:

1. Do. Not. Engage

This is essential. After hearing a constant stream of lies coming from the mouth of someone who once claimed to care for you, you may feel humiliated, exhausted, and even furious. As much as you are tempted to contact them to beg them to stop, fight back, or argue with them, you must not engage.

They are looking for a reaction and will inevitably use anything and everything you say, write, or post against you in their attempt to “prove” whatever they have claimed about you. Stay silent. If you feel you must react, write it down, and have a trusted friend available to call—or just speak it out loud to yourself when you are alone.

2. Pick Your Battles

Do not attempt to rebuke every allegation and lie. Decide what is worth your time and focus, and let the rest go. They are claiming you cheated on them? This will be impossible to disprove, so leave it alone. They called your employer or licensing board to make false allegations? This is likely worth your time and effort as it could affect your livelihood.

Even while defending yourself, keep the focus on disputing the untruths and not on the person doing the damage. Trying to prove your case by speaking ill of this person can have the unfortunate effect of making you also look vindictive. So, as difficult as it may be, keep the focus on the behaviors: “Yes, we ended the relationship recently, and they are quite angry. I assure you these complaints are false. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me.”

Along these lines, I also recommend not referring to this person openly as a narcissist when communicating with third parties, such as employers or law enforcement, as this will reflect more poorly on you. Your best course of action is to avoid labels and let their actions speak for themselves. Eventually, others will see the patterns.

3. Know Your Truth

This one is important because there will be times when you will doubt yourself. It is inevitable that someone who has narcissistic traits will claim the victim role, so be prepared to hear through others about all of the ways you have harmed them, even if you know that these are exaggerated, embellished, or flat-out lies.

As they are unaware of their own projections, they will undoubtedly tell everyone that you are doing exactly what they did to you; they will believe this to be true despite all logic pointing otherwise. Therefore, if they are out for revenge on you, they may claim you are out to destroy them. If they are stalking you, they may claim you are stalking them.

Even more dangerous is the tendency of abusive people who have actual traits of narcissism to assign this diagnosis to their ex-partner, making themselves look like the victim. This is crucial for survivors to understand, as outsiders looking in often do not know who to believe.

4. Continue to Conduct Yourself Professionally at All Times

It is challenging not to react or to fight back, but it’s essential to conduct yourself professionally. Treat this person as you would a disgruntled customer or client: calm and firm, no emotional reaction.

I have developed a set of strategies that I share with my clients when they have to engage with a person who may be out to get them. I call it the “N.E.B. technique”: N for necessary, E for emotionless, and B for brief.

1. Ask yourself, “Is this communication or reply necessary?” A nasty text about how ugly you are? Ignore it. A text about childcare? This may warrant a reply.
2. Next, construct an emotionless reply. Imagine you are sending your message to the CEO of a major company—professional and concise with no emotion.
3. Lastly, make the reply brief. One or two sentences will usually suffice. I also recommend waiting about four hours before replying unless childcare or court orders state otherwise. This will allow you to reflect on your emotions and construct a professional and emotionless reply.

5. Decrease the Common Links

Unfortunately, Friday night D&D is no longer a good idea. Mutual friends may have to go, lest they become flying monkeys or informants to further inflict harm. If friends do not want to “choose sides,” make a choice for them. This is not a normal ending of a relationship, and keeping mutual friends can actually be dangerous.

Do not try to convince people that this person is abusive; simply wish them the best and move on. Ideally, they will eventually see what is going on. If not, they were not a true friend to begin with.

In her work with survivors of narcissistic abuse, Melanie Tonia Evans writes:

When we are triggered by the fear of what the narcissist may do, we react and try to expose the narcissist and frantically appeal to others to help us. Yet, people don’t want to get involved. They shut doors in our face, don’t listen, don’t care, switch off, and even turn against us.

And, you are shocked to see how the narcissist twists it all by making you out to be the wrong and crazy one. This can lead you to lose credibility, court settlements, and even your children.

Do not attempt to expose them or “prove” what they are doing to you. Focus on keeping yourself and your loved ones safe, happy, and healthy. Everything else will be exposed eventually.

References:

Evans, Melanie T. “How to Expose a Narcissist Without Looking like the Crazy One”. 9/2018. Accessed 1/17/2022.

Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS

Invisible Bruises

the article was originally published in psychologytoday