Experiencing a profound sense of sadness, exhaustion, or hopelessness immediately upon waking, only to feel better as the day progresses, is a challenging and often confusing pattern. This phenomenon is known as diurnal mood variation or morning depression. While not a formal diagnosis itself, it is a key symptom frequently associated with underlying conditions, most notably Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) [1]. Understanding the biological, hormonal, and environmental factors at play is the critical first step toward finding relief and reclaiming your mornings.

The Biological Clock: Circadian Rhythms and Hormones

The primary culprits behind intensified depressive symptoms in the morning are often rooted in the body’s natural 24-hour internal clock, the circadian rhythm, and the resulting hormonal shifts [2].

1. The Cortisol Spike

Cortisol is the body’s main stress hormone, and its levels naturally surge shortly after you wake up—a process known as the Cortisol Awakening Response (CAR). This spike is meant to help you transition from sleep to wakefulness. However, in individuals with depression, this cortisol surge can be exaggerated or dysregulated, leading to heightened anxiety, stress, and a heavy emotional burden at the start of the day. Elevated cortisol levels effectively deepen the depressive state during these crucial early hours.

2. Inflammation Markers

Emerging research suggests a link between morning depression and systemic inflammation. Inflammatory markers, such as interleukin-6 (IL-6), tend to be higher in the body during the early morning hours [3]. This heightened inflammatory state may directly contribute to low mood, irritability, and the cognitive symptom known as “brain fog.”

3. Sleep Disruption and Apnea

Poor sleep quality is a significant exacerbator of depression. Conditions like obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) fragment sleep, preventing the restorative deep cycles necessary for emotional regulation. Waking up exhausted and cranky, despite spending eight hours in bed, can trigger or intensify morning depressive symptoms. Establishing consistent and high-quality sleep hygiene is vital for stabilizing the circadian cycle and mitigating mood disturbances [2].

Recognizing the Key Symptoms

Morning depression is typically characterized by a specific set of symptoms that are most pronounced upon waking:

• Difficulty Waking Up: Feeling overwhelmingly tired and unmotivated to leave the bed (hypersomnia), even after a full night’s rest.
• Intense Low Mood: The feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or irritability are at their peak and often feel insurmountable during the first few hours of the day.
• Severe Fatigue: A crippling lack of energy and motivation that makes routine tasks (showering, getting dressed, preparing breakfast) exceptionally challenging.
• Cognitive Fog: Trouble concentrating, slowed thinking, and a feeling of mental sluggishness that impairs work or school performance early on.

Effective Strategies for Managing Morning Depression

Managing diurnal mood variation involves incorporating intentional strategies that gently regulate your body’s internal clock and reduce the severity of the morning mood shift.

1. Establish a Non-Negotiable Morning Routine

Consistency is key. Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day—even on weekends—helps anchor your circadian rhythm. Keep the routine simple and manageable. Break tasks down into tiny, achievable steps (e.g., “Step 1: Sit up. Step 2: Drink water”). Achieving small goals early in the day builds momentum and reduces morning anxiety.

2. Leverage Light Therapy

Light exposure is the most powerful tool for resetting the circadian rhythm. Expose yourself to bright light (preferably natural sunlight or a therapeutic light box) within minutes of waking [4]. This signals to your brain that the day has begun, helping to regulate melatonin and cortisol release.

3. Move Your Body

Engaging in physical activity, even a light 15-minute walk or gentle stretching, can naturally lift your mood and energy levels by promoting the release of endorphins. This can provide a powerful counterbalance to the biological factors contributing to the morning slump.

Exploring Professional Treatment Options

If lifestyle adjustments are not enough, it is crucial to consult a mental health professional for a comprehensive evaluation. Morning depression is often indicative of MDD, requiring targeted treatment.

Psychotherapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is highly effective. It helps individuals identify the negative thought patterns—such as catastrophic thinking about the day ahead—that contribute to their low morning mood. By learning to reframe these thoughts and developing coping skills, patients can lessen the intensity of their morning symptoms.

Medication

While Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are common for depression, some studies suggest that Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs), such as venlafaxine, may be more effective for individuals experiencing pronounced diurnal mood variation [5]. Other options that specifically target circadian regulation, such as agomelatine, may also be considered by a psychiatrist.

Recognizing the patterns of morning depression and understanding its biological origins is an empowering first step. With professional support and consistent application of lifestyle strategies, finding relief and starting your day with clarity and hope is an achievable goal.

References

1. WebMD. (n.d.). Morning Depression: Everything You Need to Know.
2. Healthline. (n.d.). Morning Depression: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatments.
3. Priory Group. (n.d.). Steps to take if you’re waking up depressed.
4. Care Counseling. (n.d.). 3 Effective Ways to Beat Morning Depression

Introduction

Texting has become a primary form of communication in modern relationships, but it can also reveal hidden patterns in someone’s personality. Narcissists, in particular, often use texting as a tool to manipulate, control, or gain attention. Understanding their texting behaviors and knowing how to respond can help you protect your emotional well-being.

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Common Texting Behaviors of Narcissists

1. Intermittent Messaging
   Narcissists may text frequently, then suddenly disappear. This push-pull pattern keeps you off balance and eager for their attention.
2. Self-Centered Messages
   Their texts often focus on their own achievements, problems, or feelings. Genuine curiosity about you is minimal.
3. Ghosting and Silent Treatment
   Ignoring your messages or responding late is a common control tactic. They may reappear suddenly with charm or flattery.
4. Love Bombing
   Early in interactions, narcissists may send excessive compliments, affection, or attention to hook you emotionally.
5. Manipulative Messaging
   Texts may include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or passive-aggressive remarks to influence your reactions.
6. Attention-Seeking
   They often send messages designed to provoke jealousy, validation, or a reaction, rather than meaningful conversation.
7. Inconsistent Tone and Frequency
   Texting styles can change dramatically, leaving you guessing and emotionally invested.

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How to Respond to a Narcissist’s Texts

1. Stay Calm and Neutral

• Avoid reacting emotionally.
• Keep your messages short, neutral, and factual.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

• Don’t engage in arguments or respond to manipulative messages.
• Politely but firmly communicate your limits.

3. Avoid Over-Explaining

• Narcissists often twist explanations to their advantage.
• Stick to concise, non-emotional responses.

4. Delay Responses if Needed

• You don’t have to reply immediately.
• Taking time helps you stay grounded and reduces emotional reactivity.

5. Don’t Seek Validation

• Narcissists thrive on attention.
• Avoid giving compliments or praise they may exploit.

6. Know When to Walk Away

• If texting consistently leaves you anxious, drained, or manipulated, limiting contact may be necessary.

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Maintaining Your Sense of Control

• Mind Your Emotions: Be aware of triggers and remind yourself that you control your reactions, not the narcissist.
• Use Support Networks: Friends, family, or therapists can provide perspective and validation.
• Document Interactions: Keeping a record of messages helps you see patterns clearly and avoid being gaslit.
• Practice Self-Care: Journaling, exercise, and mindfulness can strengthen your emotional resilience.

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Conclusion

Texting with a narcissist can be confusing, emotionally draining, and even manipulative. By understanding their typical texting behaviors, responding calmly and strategically, and maintaining clear boundaries, you can protect your emotional well-being and retain a sense of control. Remember: your peace of mind is non-negotiable.

Emotion plays a vital role in shaping our experiences and interactions with the world. From fear in threatening situations to anger at injustice or sadness in tough times, emotions are closely tied to our mental and physical health.

Understanding emotions involves exploring both physiological reactions triggered by the nervous system and the subjective interpretations in our minds. Psychological research, including the James-Lange theory, shows that emotions are complex interactions between the brain, body, and behavior.

When faced with emotional challenges, the autonomic nervous system activates, creating physical responses that the brain interprets as emotions. This connection explains how stress causes tension, fear triggers fight-or-flight, and anger energizes us.

Recognizing these processes forms the basis of emotional intelligence, which affects relationships, careers, and overall well-being. Adults with emotionally immature parents may lack this foundation, facing challenges in emotional awareness and expression. However, understanding these impacts can guide healing and growth in emotional intelligence.

Characteristics of Emotionally Immature Parents

Understanding Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity in parents refers to their inability to develop essential emotional skills required to manage stress, regulate emotions, and empathize with their children’s emotional needs. These parents often prioritize their own emotions and needs above their children’s, creating an environment where emotions may be dismissed, invalidated, or manipulated. Instead of responding thoughtfully, they tend to react impulsively, sometimes exhibiting emotional outbursts or abruptly withdrawing. This behavior can result in an unpredictable and insecure emotional atmosphere for their children.

This dynamic can make it challenging for children to build secure emotional connections and develop their own healthy emotional intelligence.

Common Traits and Behaviors

Emotionally immature parents often display distinct traits and behaviors that can influence their children’s emotional development:

• Emotional Unavailability: They may seem detached or uninterested in their child’s emotions and needs, often responding with criticism or minimization rather than offering comfort and support. For instance, saying “it could be worse” dismisses a child’s feelings and teaches them to suppress their emotions.
• High Emotional Reactivity: These parents might have intense emotional outbursts or tantrums, making their reactions unpredictable. Such behavior instills fear and distress in children, discouraging them from expressing their feelings openly.
• Lack of Empathy: They often struggle to see things from their child’s perspective or recognize their child as an individual with unique emotions and autonomy. This can lead to defensive behaviors, blame-shifting, and insensitive remarks that undermine trust and emotional safety.
• Self-Centeredness: Conversations and family dynamics are frequently centered around the parent’s own needs and feelings. They may expect their children to accommodate them without reciprocating, leaving the children feeling neglected and anxious.
• Controlling or Narcissistic Tendencies: Some emotionally immature parents impose rigid rules or treat their children as extensions of themselves, demanding loyalty and obedience rather than encouraging independent emotional growth.
• Inconsistent Emotional Support: These parents may offer affection sporadically or fail to consistently validate their child’s emotional experiences. This inconsistency often leads to insecurity and confusion in the child’s emotional life.

Recognizing these traits can help you understand how emotionally immature parents shape your emotional experiences and why you may struggle with certain feelings or behaviors as an adult. The gap between their emotional responses and your needs often leads to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and insecurity that can persist into adulthood.

Effects on Adult Children

Challenges in Emotional Skills Development

Growing up with emotionally immature parents often means missing out on the guidance needed to develop healthy emotional skills. Without consistent emotional validation or support, many adult children struggle to identify, express, and regulate their own emotions.

This can lead to difficulties in coping with stress, managing anger, sadness, or fear, and may result in either overwhelming emotional outbursts or emotional shutdowns. The absence of healthy modeling for emotional intelligence can leave you feeling confused about your own feelings, making it hard to understand your emotional experiences or respond to them in constructive ways. Over time, these gaps in emotional development can affect your mental health, sometimes contributing to anxiety, depression, or other mood disorders.

Formation of Relationship Patterns

The relationship dynamics you experienced in childhood often shape your adult relationships. If your parents were emotionally unavailable or unpredictable, you may find yourself repeating similar patterns—either by seeking out partners who are distant or by becoming overly accommodating and self-sacrificing in an attempt to gain love and approval.

Many adult children of emotionally immature parents struggle with setting healthy boundaries, often feeling either too rigid or too porous in their relationships. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, or rejection, as well as a persistent fear of abandonment.

These patterns are not your fault; they are learned behaviors rooted in your early experiences, but with awareness and support, they can be changed.

Self-Esteem and Identity Issues

When your emotional needs were consistently overlooked or dismissed, it’s common to internalize the belief that you are somehow unworthy or defective. This can result in low self-confidence, a constant need for validation, and difficulty trusting your own judgment.

Many adult children of emotionally immature parents carry a sense of emptiness or a feeling that they don’t truly belong, even if their lives appear successful on the surface. These identity issues can make it hard to assert your needs, pursue your goals, or feel genuinely fulfilled.

Recognizing these effects is the first step toward healing and building a stronger, more authentic sense of self.

Strategies for Healing and Growth

Seeking Professional Therapy

One of the most effective ways to heal as an adult child of emotionally immature parents is by seeking professional therapy. Therapy offers a supportive environment where you can delve into the effects of your childhood emotional experiences, identify limiting beliefs, and develop emotional skills that may not have been nurtured during your upbringing. Methods such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), schema therapy, and attachment-based therapy are particularly effective in addressing patterns formed due to emotionally immature parenting.

Therapists often use techniques like inner child work and mindfulness to help you reclaim your emotional well-being, cultivate self-compassion, and find healthier ways to manage emotions. Therapy also emphasizes building autonomy and assertiveness, teaching you how to set clear boundaries and express your needs with confidence—key components of emotional intelligence and mental health.

Building Healthy Relationships

Creating a relational world filled with emotionally healthy connections is a critical aspect of growth. Adult children of emotionally immature parents often face challenges with trust and intimacy, making it essential to surround yourself with individuals who validate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

Learning to foster relationships based on empathy, mutual support, and emotional availability can help heal the relational wounds from childhood. This includes seeking out supportive friendships and partnerships while intentionally distancing yourself from toxic dynamics or emotionally draining interactions. Practicing detachment from the emotional turmoil caused by immature parents safeguards your well-being, enabling you to prioritize relationships that uplift your emotional health and overall life satisfaction.

Self-Care and Boundaries

Focusing on self-care and establishing strong boundaries are vital strategies for addressing the lingering effects of emotionally immature parenting. Self-care involves engaging in activities that nurture your mental and physical health, such as mindfulness practices, exercise, journaling, and stress management. By attending to your emotional and physical needs, you build resilience against past patterns of neglect or emotional suppression.

Equally important is learning to set and maintain boundaries, even when it feels difficult, to shield yourself from emotional exploitation or guilt-tripping. Healthy boundaries empower you to proactively manage your emotional experiences and minimize stress from unresolved family dynamics. Over time, these skills will strengthen your ability to handle emotions with the emotional intelligence that may have been absent during your upbringing.

Conclusion

Adult children of emotionally immature parents often face distinct emotional challenges that can impact their mental health, relationships, and self-esteem. Understanding and acknowledging these effects is an essential first step on the path to healing.

Engaging in professional therapy, fostering healthy relationships, and prioritizing self-care while setting clear boundaries can help you cultivate the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate your feelings and experiences effectively. Always remember, healing is a journey that demands patience and self-compassion.

By taking proactive measures, you empower yourself to break free from old patterns, restore your emotional well-being, and build a healthier, more fulfilling future.

FAQ

What are the main characteristics of emotionally immature parents?

Emotionally immature parents are often emotionally unavailable and display high emotional reactivity, such as tantrums and outbursts. They lack empathy, are defensive, shift blame, and have difficulty taking responsibility. These parents frequently dismiss or invalidate their children’s feelings, prioritize their own needs, and struggle to provide consistent emotional support or affection.

How does growing up with emotionally immature parents affect attachment and relationships in adulthood?

Growing up with emotionally immature parents often leads to insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment. As adults, individuals may struggle with trust issues, fear of abandonment, and people-pleasing behaviors.

They often seek emotional intimacy but fear being perceived as “too much.” They may have difficulty setting boundaries and tend to engage in non-reciprocal relationships. Many repeat unhealthy patterns learned from their caregivers.

What are common coping patterns that adult children of emotionally immature parents develop?

Adult children of emotionally immature parents frequently develop coping mechanisms such as setting boundaries, suppressing emotions, adopting a “role self” (e.g., people-pleasing or perfectionism), internalizing blame, and externalizing frustration. They often face challenges with insecure attachment, low self-esteem, and difficulties in authentic emotional expression and relationships.

What practical steps can adult children of emotionally immature parents take to set healthy boundaries and heal?

Adult children can take several practical steps to heal and set healthy boundaries. First, identify specific resentments to determine where boundaries are needed. Shift your goal from changing your parents to maintaining a pleasant relationship.

Remember that disagreeing with them does not harm them. Use the CLEAR method: communicate value, limit, explain benefit, assure, and repeat. Be prepared for discomfort and enforce consequences when necessary.

Finally, accept their limitations rather than trying to change them.

Recognizing Signs of Insecurities

Understanding insecurities in a partner requires keen observation. Signs may manifest in various ways, often subtly but significantly impacting the relationship. Here are a few common indications:

• Overanalyzing Situations: An insecure partner might question your every action or word, constantly seeking validation.
• Jealousy: They may feel threatened by your friendships or other relationships, leading to unnecessary conflicts.
• Withdrawing Emotionally: Insecurity can cause a partner to shut down when discussing feelings or vulnerabilities, making communication difficult.

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward fostering a supportive environment for both partners.

Impact of Insecurities on Relationships

Insecurities can cast a long shadow over a relationship, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. For instance, one partner’s feelings of inadequacy might make the other feel pressured to provide constant reassurance. This cycle can lead to:

• Increased Tension: Frequent arguments may arise from misunderstandings rooted in insecurity.
• Emotional Distance: An insecure partner might struggle to open up, causing the relationship to feel less intimate or connected.

By addressing these insecurities together, couples can cultivate a more trusting and resilient bond, ultimately enhancing their relationship journey.

Communicating Effectively with an Insecure Partner

Active Listening Techniques

When dealing with an insecure partner, communication is vital. One powerful technique is active listening, which shows genuine care and understanding. This involves:

• Maintaining Eye Contact: It shows that you are present and engaged in the conversation.
• Nodding and Using Affirmative Cues: Simple acknowledgments like “I see” or “I understand” can encourage your partner to share more openly.
• Reflecting Back: Paraphrase what they say to confirm you truly understand their feelings. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling upset about how I spent time with my friends.”

Using these techniques can create a safe space for your partner to express their insecurities without fear of judgment.

Providing Reassurance and Support

Reassurance is crucial for an insecure partner. Regularly affirming your love and commitment helps alleviate their doubts. Simple gestures can make a big difference:

• Verbal Affirmations: Regularly say things like, “You mean the world to me” or “I appreciate you.”
• Quality Time: Dedicate time to activities that strengthen your bond, helping them feel valued and secure.

For example, planning a surprise date can reinforce your commitment while easing their worries. Creating an atmosphere of trust and support encourages your partner to open up, ultimately leading to a healthier relationship.

Building Trust and Self-Esteem

Creating a Safe and Open Environment

After establishing effective communication, it’s essential to create a safe and open environment for an insecure partner. They need to feel secure enough to express their feelings without the fear of judgment. Here’s how to foster this environment:

• Encourage Open Dialogue: Let your partner know that it’s okay to share their worries. Regular “check-in” conversations can help.
• Practice Patience: Understand that building trust takes time. Remind them that their feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

For example, having weekly discussions about what each of you wants from the relationship can promote openness and strengthen your bond.

Encouraging Personal Growth and Confidence

In addition to creating a supportive environment, encouraging personal growth is vital for building self-esteem. Help your partner explore their interests or set small, achievable goals. Consider these strategies:

• Celebrate Achievements: Recognize even the smallest accomplishments, reinforcing their self-worth. A simple “I’m proud of you” can boost confidence.
• Promote Independence: Encourage hobbies or activities they can engage in independently to develop self-reliance and self-esteem.

For instance, if your partner enjoys painting, help them find a local class. Supporting their journey fosters individual growth, ultimately enriching the relationship by cultivating both trust and self-esteem.

Seeking Professional Help and Resources

Therapy and Counseling Options

When personal efforts to build trust and self-esteem hit roadblocks, seeking professional help can be a game changer. Therapy and counseling provide structured support, offering a safe space for couples to address insecurities together. Consider these options:

• Individual Therapy: A therapist can help your partner work through their insecurities, equipping them with coping strategies.
• Couples Counseling: This provides an opportunity for both partners to learn effective communication and conflict resolution skills.

For example, a friend once shared how couples therapy helped them understand each other’s fears and strengthened their bond. It’s a powerful tool for enhancing relationship dynamics.

Self-Help Books and Workshops

In addition to professional help, self-help resources can be incredibly beneficial. Books and workshops focusing on relationship-building and self-esteem can offer valuable insights. Here are some popular recommendations:

• Books: Titles like “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown encourage self-compassion and vulnerability.
• Workshops: Many community centers and organizations offer workshops on effective communication and personal development.

Engaging with these resources provides ongoing support, helping both partners navigate insecurities and ultimately fostering a healthier relationship. By taking proactive steps, couples can transform challenges into opportunities for growth and connection.

Strengthening the Relationship

Cultivating Trust and Understanding

With the foundation of communication, trust, and self-esteem established, the next step is to cultivate a deeper understanding within the relationship. This can be achieved by:

• Being Vulnerable: Share personal stories and feelings to encourage your partner to open up. Vulnerability fosters intimacy.
• Practicing Empathy: Make a conscious effort to see things from your partner’s perspective. A simple phrase like, “I understand why you feel that way,” can create connection.

Remember when a close friend shared her past with her partner? This act of vulnerability helped them understand each other on a profound level, and it truly transformed their relationship.

Nurturing a Loving and Supportive Connection

Finally, nurturing a loving and supportive connection requires ongoing effort but yields rich rewards. Here are some useful strategies:

• Small Acts of Kindness: A surprise note, a favorite snack, or spontaneous plans can show appreciation and love.
• Regular Affirmations: Continuously express love and admiration through words and actions. Remind your partner what they mean to you.

For instance, dedicating one evening a week to express gratitude and affection can reinforce the bond between partners. By consistently nurturing this connection, couples can build a resilient and loving partnership capable of withstanding life’s challenges together.

Splitting, often referred to as “all-or-nothing thinking” or “black-and-white thinking,” is a psychological defense mechanism where individuals struggle to hold conflicting thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about a single person, situation, or even themselves. Instead of seeing the nuanced complexity of reality—where people and events contain both good and bad qualities—the world is viewed in rigid, mutually exclusive extremes.

This inability to integrate both positive and negative qualities into a cohesive view is a hallmark of emotional dysregulation, providing temporary relief from the intense anxiety caused by ambiguity.

What is Splitting?

Splitting is an unconscious attempt to protect the ego from the painful, destabilizing experience of ambivalence.

In psychology, it is formally defined as the failure to integrate the positive and negative aspects of oneself or others into a whole. Since it is easier for a person experiencing overwhelming emotion to process the world in simple, clear terms, splitting serves as a temporary coping strategy by dividing the world into two camps:

1. Idealization (All Good): The person or object is viewed as flawless, perfect, and completely trustworthy. This phase often involves intense, immediate attachment and dependence.
2. Devaluation (All Bad): When the idealized person inevitably fails to meet impossible standards (even through a minor, normal mistake), the individual abruptly flips their perception. The person or object is now viewed as entirely malicious, worthless, and evil.

The crucial characteristic of splitting is the speed and intensity of this shift. There is no middle ground, and the transition from idealization to devaluation can happen instantly, triggered by seemingly small events.

Causes and Context

Splitting is not a choice; it is a profound difficulty in emotional regulation, and it is most closely associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It stems primarily from developmental trauma and attachment issues:

• Early Childhood Trauma: Individuals who experienced inconsistent, unreliable, or abusive caregiving in childhood may not have developed the capacity to tolerate the idea that a single person (their caregiver) could be both loving and neglectful.
• Fear of Abandonment: For those with BPD, the perception of being abandoned—whether real or imagined—triggers intense fear. Splitting a person into “all bad” can feel protective, as it psychologically justifies pushing the person away before they can inflict perceived harm.
• Emotional Dysregulation: The core struggle in BPD is an intense, volatile, and quickly shifting emotional state. Splitting simplifies this chaos by creating a straightforward, albeit inaccurate, narrative.

Examples of Splitting Behavior

Splitting manifests differently across various aspects of life, particularly in interpersonal relationships.

1. In Relationships (Idealization vs. Devaluation)

This is the most classic example of splitting:

Phase	Scenario
Idealization	“My new partner is perfect. They are the only person who has ever truly understood me. They are flawless, and I will be with them forever.” (Ignoring any minor flaws or disagreements.)
Devaluation	Following a minor argument or disappointment: “My partner is a malicious liar and a monster. They never cared about me, and they were trying to ruin my life. I hate them and will never speak to them again.” (Ignoring all positive shared history.)

2. Self-Perception

The individual’s view of themselves can also toggle between extremes:

• All Good: Feeling incredibly talented, successful, and superior. Taking on large, unmanageable projects with unwarranted confidence.
• All Bad: After a minor setback (e.g., getting a B on a paper), feeling utterly worthless, incompetent, and unlovable. This can lead to rapid self-sabotage or intense depressive episodes.

3. Perception of Healthcare/Support Systems

Splitting is notorious for causing conflict in clinical settings:

• Staff Splitting: A patient might view one therapist or nurse as a “savior” who is completely competent and caring (idealization), while simultaneously viewing another staff member as an “evil dictator” who is incompetent and hostile (devaluation). This puts the medical team at odds and makes cohesive treatment difficult.

4. Group Dynamics and Work Environments

Splitting can polarize a group of people:

• Project Team: A team member might declare that the entire leadership of one project is brilliant and perfect, while dismissing the leadership of a competing project as utterly incompetent and corrupt, regardless of objective evidence.

Moving Beyond Black and White

Overcoming splitting requires developing Dialectical Thinking—the ability to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas simultaneously (e.g., “I love this person, and they sometimes frustrate me” or “I am a competent person, and I made a mistake”).

This process is generally achieved through specialized psychotherapies, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which focuses on developing core skills in:

1. Mindfulness: Being present and aware of current emotional states without judgment.
2. Distress Tolerance: Learning to cope with overwhelming emotional pain without resorting to destructive defense mechanisms like splitting.
3. Emotion Regulation: Gaining control over intense, rapidly shifting emotions.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Learning how to assert needs and maintain relationships while respecting others.

By integrating these complex views, individuals can move from the safety of the polarized black-and-white world into the richer, albeit more challenging, shades of gray that define true reality.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a highly stigmatised and misunderstood condition. Australians with BPD face considerable barriers to accessing high-quality and affordable care, according to new research published today.

For every 100 patients we treat in inpatient psychiatric wards, 43 will have BPD. People with this condition are vulnerable, impulsive, and highly susceptible to criticism – yet they continue to face stigma and discrimination when seeking care.

We have come a long way since the days of viewing mental illness as a sign of weakness, but we are lagging behind in our attitude towards BPD. At least part of this stems from the way we frame the condition, and from the name itself.

Rather than as a personality disorder, BPD is better thought of as a complex response to trauma. It’s time we changed its name.

How common is BPD?
BPD is strikingly common, affecting between 1% and 4% of Australians. It is characterised by emotional dysregulation, an unstable sense of self, difficulty forming relationships, and repeated self-harming behaviours.

Most people who suffer from BPD have a history of major trauma, often sustained in childhood. This includes sexual and physical abuse, extreme neglect, and separation from parents and loved ones.

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I’ll pitch in
This link with trauma – particularly physical and sexual abuse – has been studied extensively and has been shown to be near-ubiquitous in patients with BPD.

People with BPD who have a history of serious abuse have poorer outcomes than the few who don’t, and are more likely to self-harm and attempt suicide. Around 75% of BPD patients attempt suicide at some point in their life. One in ten eventually take their own life.

Read more: Borderline personality disorder is a hurtful label for real suffering – time we changed it

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) does not mention trauma as a diagnostic factor in BPD, despite the inextricable link between BPD and trauma. This adds to viewing BPD as what its name suggests it is – a personality disorder.

Instead, BPD is better thought of as a trauma-spectrum disorder – similar to chronic or complex PTSD.

The similarities between complex PTSD and BPD are numerous. Patients with both conditions have difficulty regulating their emotions; they experience persistent feelings of emptiness, shame, and guilt; and they have a significantly elevated risk of suicide.

People with BPD are highly susceptible to criticism. Andrew Le
Why the label is such a problem
Labelling people with BPD as having a personality disorder can exacerbate their poor self-esteem. “Personality disorder” translates in many people’s minds as a personality flaw, and this can lead to or exacerbate an ingrained sense of worthlessness and self-loathing.

This means people with BPD may view themselves more negatively, but can also lead other people – including those closest to them – to do the same.

Read more: Mood and personality disorders are often misconceived: here’s what you need to know

Clinicians, too, often harbour negative attitudes towards people with BPD, viewing them as manipulative or unwilling to help themselves. Because they can be hard to deal with and may not engage with initial treatment, doctors, nurses and other staff members often react with frustration or contempt.

These attitudes are much less frequently seen from clinicians working with people suffering from complex PTSD or other trauma-spectrum disorders.

What could a name change do?
Explicitly linking BPD to trauma could alleviate some of the stigma and associated harm that goes with the diagnosis, leading to better treatment engagement, and better outcomes.

When people with BPD sense that people are distancing themselves or treating them with disdain, they may respond by self-harming or refusing treatment. Clinicians may in turn react by further distancing themselves or becoming frustrated, which perpetuates these same negative behaviours.

Eventually, this may lead to what US psychiatric researcher Ron Aviram and colleagues call a “self-fulfilling prophecy and a cycle of stigmatisation to which both patient and therapist contribute”.

Read more: Biology is partly to blame for high rates of mental illness in women – the rest is social

Thinking about BPD in terms of its underlying cause would help us treat its cause rather than its symptoms and would reinforce the importance of preventing child abuse and neglect in the first place.

If we started thinking about it as a trauma-spectrum condition, patients might start being viewed as victims of past injustice, rather than perpetrators of their own misfortune.

Practical Strategies to Stay Balanced, Set Boundaries, and Maintain Your Fitness & Mental Wellness Through the Holidays

At Fitness Hacks for Life, we believe true wellness requires both a healthy body and a peaceful mind. While the holidays can bring joy, they also bring unique stressors that challenge both your physical fitness routines and mental health. If the pressure to be merry while maintaining your wellness goals feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. This guide offers research-backed strategies to protect your mental health, stay active, and survive the season with your wellbeing intact.

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Why the Holidays Challenge Your Wellness

The holiday season triggers unique stressors that disrupt even the most dedicated wellness routines.

The Pressure to Be Cheerful

Being surrounded by cheeriness can feel isolating when you don’t share the same enthusiasm. The societal expectation to be social, happy, and present makes it difficult to acknowledge when you’re struggling—mentally or physically.

Research shows that this pressure to perform happiness while feeling depressed or anxious creates cognitive dissonance and shame, making mental health symptoms worse while also derailing healthy habits.

Disrupted Fitness Routines

Between travel, family obligations, and packed schedules, maintaining your regular workout routine becomes nearly impossible. Gyms have holiday hours, weather affects outdoor exercise, and finding time or motivation feels overwhelming.

Financial Stress

Gift-giving, travel, hosting, and holiday activities create significant financial strain. For those already managing budgets carefully, the pressure to spend money they don’t have intensifies anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.

Nutrition Challenges

Holiday gatherings center around food—often unhealthy options. The combination of endless treats, pressure to indulge, and disrupted meal schedules can derail months of nutritional progress while triggering guilt and shame.

Family Dynamics and Conflict

Difficult family relationships don’t disappear during the holidays—they often intensify. Unresolved conflicts, toxic dynamics, judgment about your lifestyle choices (including your fitness or diet), and pressure to maintain family harmony create emotional exhaustion.

Grief and Loss

For those mourning loved ones, the holidays magnify absence. Every tradition, empty seat, and “first holiday without them” milestone reopens wounds and makes grief feel inescapable—often leading to abandoned self-care routines.

Social Isolation and Loneliness

While media portrays holidays as times of togetherness, many people spend them alone. Research shows loneliness impacts both mental and physical health, and the contrast between expected holiday joy and actual isolation feels particularly painful.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Winter’s lack of sunlight triggers or worsens depression symptoms for millions. Less daylight means less motivation for outdoor exercise, creating a compounding effect on both mood and fitness.

Unrealistic Expectations

We dream about picture-perfect holidays while maintaining our fitness goals and healthy habits. These unrealistic expectations set us up for disappointment and the dreaded “I’ll start again in January” mentality.

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Six Common Holiday Wellness Challenges—And How to Address Them

1. Maintaining Your Fitness Routine

The Problem: Travel, schedule disruptions, and family obligations make consistent workouts nearly impossible. Missing your routine affects both physical fitness and mental health.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• Adjust expectations: Maintenance mode is success during the holidays
• Schedule workouts like appointments—treat them as non-negotiable
• Shorten workouts if needed (20 minutes is better than nothing)
• Try home workouts when gyms aren’t accessible
• Involve family: Go for walks together, play active games, or do quick YouTube workouts
• Focus on movement over structured exercise: Take stairs, park farther away, do kitchen counter push-ups
• Morning workouts prevent schedule conflicts later

Reality Check: Maintaining 70% of your normal routine is a win. Perfect consistency isn’t realistic—and that’s okay.

2. Navigating Food Without Guilt

The Problem: Holiday foods are everywhere. You want to enjoy celebrations without derailing progress, but the all-or-nothing mentality leads to guilt, shame, and binge cycles.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• Give yourself permission to enjoy holiday foods—deprivation backfires
• Use the 80/20 rule: Make nutritious choices 80% of the time, enjoy treats 20%
• Eat before parties so you’re not ravenous
• Focus on protein and vegetables first, then enjoy treats
• Stay hydrated—thirst often masquerades as hunger
• Practice mindful eating: Savor treats slowly rather than mindlessly grazing
• Skip foods you don’t truly enjoy—save “calorie budget” for favorites
• One indulgent meal won’t ruin your progress; it’s the pattern that matters

Script for Food Pushers: “It looks delicious, but I’m satisfied right now. Thank you!”

Reality Check: Your worth isn’t determined by what you eat. Enjoy holidays without guilt, return to regular habits afterward.

3. Managing Seasonal Depression While Staying Active

The Problem: Less sunlight leads to depression symptoms and decreased motivation for exercise—creating a vicious cycle where inactivity worsens mood.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• Exercise outdoors during midday when sun is brightest (even 10-minute walks help)
• Light therapy lamps (10,000 lux) for 20-30 minutes daily while you stretch or have coffee
• Schedule morning workouts to boost energy and mood for the day
• Try winter activities: Skiing, snowshoeing, ice skating, winter hiking
• Outfit your workout space with bright lighting
• Join group fitness classes for community and accountability
• Remember: Exercise is proven as effective as medication for mild to moderate depression
• Focus on how movement makes you feel, not just physical results

When to Seek Help: If you’ve felt anxious or depressed for more than two weeks despite exercise, talk to a mental health professional. The Mental Health Care Fund can help if cost is a barrier.

4. Neglecting Self-Care Basics

The Problem: With endless obligations, we abandon the fundamentals: sleep, nutrition, hydration, and movement. These basics are your foundation for both physical and mental health.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• Sleep: Prioritize 7-9 hours—it affects hunger hormones, recovery, and mood
• Hydration: Aim for half your body weight in ounces daily
• Nutrition: Focus on protein (0.7-1g per pound bodyweight) and vegetables
• Movement: Daily walks minimum, even 10 minutes
• Stress management: Deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or journaling
• Limit alcohol: It disrupts sleep, dehydrates you, and is a depressant
• Recovery: Your body needs rest between workouts, especially during high-stress seasons

Reality Check: You cannot maintain wellness while neglecting basics. These aren’t optional—they’re essential.

5. Overwhelming Social Obligations

The Problem: Back-to-back events drain your energy and leave no time for workouts, meal prep, or recovery.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• It’s okay to say no to events that don’t serve you
• Set boundaries around your time and energy
• Protect your workout times—they’re appointments with yourself
• Build in recovery days between social commitments
• Leave events early if needed
• Bring healthy options to gatherings
• Don’t abandon all routines—pick your non-negotiables

Script for Declining: “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m keeping my schedule lighter this year to maintain my wellness routine.”

6. The “All or Nothing” Mindset

The Problem: One missed workout or indulgent meal becomes “I’ve already ruined everything” and leads to abandoning all healthy habits until January.

What Wellness Experts Recommend:

• One meal, day, or week doesn’t define your progress
• Progress isn’t linear—oscillation is normal
• Focus on what you CAN control each day
• “Better than nothing” beats “perfect or nothing”
• Each meal is a fresh start—no need to “make up for” previous choices
• Maintenance during holidays is victory, not failure
• Your habits over months matter more than decisions over days

Mindset Shift: Replace “I’ll start over Monday” with “My next choice is a healthy one.”

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Practical Strategies to Protect Your Holiday Wellness

Create a Realistic Holiday Fitness Plan

Set maintenance goals:

• 2-3 workouts weekly (vs. your normal 4-6)
• 7,000 steps daily (vs. your normal 10,000)
• 2 strength sessions weekly minimum
• Daily 10-minute walks

Build in flexibility:

• Home workout options for busy days
• Quick 20-minute routines you can do anywhere
• YouTube workout channels bookmarked
• Resistance bands for travel

Make it social:

• Family walks after meals
• Active holiday activities (ice skating, sledding, hiking)
• Invite friends to work out together
• Join holiday fitness challenges for motivation

Set Clear Wellness Boundaries

Why it matters: Boundaries protect your physical health, mental health, time, and energy.

How to do it:

• Block out workout times on your calendar
• Say no to events that conflict with your non-negotiables
• Limit alcohol consumption
• Protect your sleep schedule
• Excuse yourself from stressful conversations
• Leave gatherings when you’re ready

Boundary Scripts:

• “I have an early workout, so I need to leave by 8pm.”
• “I’m not drinking tonight, but I’d love some sparkling water.”
• “I brought a healthy option to share—hope everyone enjoys it!”
• “I’m stepping out for a quick walk. Join me?”

Navigate Holiday Food Strategically

Before events:

• Eat protein and vegetables before parties
• Decide in advance what’s worth indulging in
• Bring a healthy dish to share
• Stay hydrated throughout the day

At events:

• Fill your plate with protein and vegetables first
• Take small portions of treats you truly want
• Eat slowly and mindfully
• Step away from food tables between helpings
• Choose: appetizers OR dessert (not unlimited both)

After events:

• Return to normal eating immediately—no “making up” for it
• Hydrate well the next day
• Get back to your regular workout schedule
• Release any guilt—one meal doesn’t matter long-term

Manage Difficult Family Dynamics

Preparation strategies:

• Set time limits for visits
• Stay elsewhere if possible (hotel vs. with family)
• Schedule workouts as “me time” away from family
• Prepare responses to comments about your body, eating, or lifestyle
• Bring a supportive friend or partner if possible

Response scripts for unwanted comments:

• “I’m happy with my health and fitness routine, thanks.”
• “My doctor and I are pleased with my progress.”
• “I’d rather not discuss my body/eating/weight.”
• “I’m enjoying the meal—let’s talk about something else.”

Practice Wellness-Supporting Mindfulness

Quick techniques when stressed:

Box Breathing:

• Inhale for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Exhale for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Repeat 4 times

Body Scan for Tension: Notice where you hold stress (jaw, shoulders, stomach) and consciously relax each area.

Gratitude for Your Body: List three things your body did for you today (carried you on a walk, hugged someone you love, tasted delicious food).

Build in Rest and Recovery

Recovery is essential for both physical and mental health:

• Schedule rest days from exercise
• Block off days with no social obligations
• Protect your sleep schedule fiercely
• Take solo walks for mental clarity
• Do gentle yoga or stretching
• Say no to late events that will exhaust you

Stay Connected to Your “Why”

Remember why you prioritize wellness:

• Write down your fitness and mental health goals
• Keep a journal of how exercise makes you feel
• Take progress photos (not for perfection, but for motivation)
• Connect with online fitness communities for support
• Revisit your “why” when motivation dips
• Focus on how wellness improves your daily life, not just aesthetics

Plan for Success

Meal prep:

• Batch cook proteins and vegetables
• Pre-portion healthy snacks
• Keep easy options available (Greek yogurt, hard-boiled eggs, pre-cut veggies)

Workout gear ready:

• Lay out workout clothes the night before
• Pack gym bag in advance
• Keep resistance bands in your car or travel bag
• Download workout apps for backup plans

Schedule it:

• Put workouts in your calendar
• Set phone reminders
• Tell others your schedule to create accountability
• Treat wellness time as seriously as work meetings

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When to Seek Professional Help

Contact a mental health professional if:

• You’ve felt anxious or depressed for more than two weeks
• Symptoms interfere with daily functioning or workouts
• You’re using alcohol, food, or exercise compulsively to cope
• You’re having thoughts of self-harm
• Holiday stress triggers disordered eating patterns
• You can’t stop obsessing about food or your body
• Exercise has become compulsive rather than healthy

The Mental Health Care Fund: If cost is a barrier to getting help, the Fitness Hacks Mental Health Care Fund provides free or subsidized therapy sessions. Your mental health is as important as your physical health—and we’re here to help.

Crisis Resources:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• National Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357

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Permission Slips for the Holiday Season

Give yourself permission to:

• ✓ Maintain your routine rather than make huge gains
• ✓ Miss workouts without guilt
• ✓ Enjoy holiday foods you truly want
• ✓ Say no to events that drain you
• ✓ Prioritize sleep over social obligations
• ✓ Take mental health days
• ✓ Set boundaries with family about your body or lifestyle
• ✓ Skip traditions that no longer serve you
• ✓ Ask for help when you need it
• ✓ Choose yourself over pleasing others
• ✓ Start fresh with your next choice—not next Monday

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Your Holiday Wellness Action Plan

Week Before Holidays:

• Set realistic fitness goals for the season
• Meal prep healthy basics
• Download backup home workouts
• Schedule workouts on calendar
• Practice boundary-setting scripts
• Stock healthy snacks for busy days

During Holiday Events:

• Morning workout to start day strong
• Eat protein before events
• Bring or request healthy options
• Stay hydrated
• Take movement breaks
• Practice mindful eating
• Enforce your boundaries
• Get adequate sleep

After Holidays:

• Return to normal routine immediately
• Release any guilt about indulgences
• Reassess goals for new year
• Celebrate maintaining wellness during challenging season
• Learn from what worked (and what didn’t)

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A Message from Fitness Hacks for Life

If you’re worried about maintaining your wellness this holiday season, remember:

True wellness includes mental health. Taking care of your mind is just as important as your workout routine.

Progress isn’t perfection. Maintaining your habits during a challenging season IS progress.

Your worth isn’t determined by your body or your choices. You are valuable regardless of what you eat, how much you exercise, or what the scale says.

Community matters. We’re here to support your wellness journey—including the hard parts.

The Mental Health Care Fund is here for you. If you need mental health support but cost is a barrier, we can help. Because true wellness starts with both a healthy body and a peaceful mind.

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Key Takeaways

Common holiday wellness challenges:

• Disrupted fitness routines
• Nutrition overwhelm
• All-or-nothing thinking
• Seasonal depression affecting motivation
• Family stress
• Neglected self-care basics

Evidence-based strategies:

• Set maintenance goals (not PR goals)
• Create realistic fitness plans with flexibility
• Practice 80/20 nutrition
• Set and enforce boundaries
• Navigate food without guilt
• Schedule workouts like appointments
• Prioritize sleep and recovery
• Practice mindfulness
• Connect with your “why”
• Plan and prepare for success

Remember:

• Maintenance during holidays is victory
• One choice doesn’t define your progress
• Your mental health matters as much as your physical health
• You don’t have to choose between wellness and enjoying holidays
• Help is available if you need it

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Need support? We’re here.

Mental Health Care Fund: Support or access free therapy

Crisis Resources Available 24/7:

• Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
• Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line)

Because true wellness starts with both a healthy body and a peaceful mind.

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Share this guide with someone who needs it. Together, we can support wellness for everyone—especially during the holidays 🙂

Reprinted with Permission

Narcissistic abuse, abuse perpetrated by an individual with Narcissistic Personanitly Disorder can be tricky to overcome

The wounds this specialized form of abuse creates don’t heal with time alone and have the power to change the survivor’s perspective for a lifetime

The good news is, like many roads to psychology and emotional recovery, healing from narcissistic abuse can create strength of character and increased insight and empathy, equal to the NPD’s (Narcissistcally disordered person’s) lack of these same qualities. Not all abusers have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but all NPD’s abuse.

How then do we know if we have been, or are currently, the target of one of these individuals? According to the DSM V, diagnostic criteria for NPD can be summarized as exploitive in interpersonal relationships, lacking empathy and lacking insight into self, among other often grandiose, attributes. What does that mean in layman’s terms? Let’s start with exploitative in relationships.

An NPD will take “using people” to a whole new level. A true narcissist will “love-bomb” a target, studying them and projecting the target’s perfect partner, friend, parent, coworker, employer, etc. They will often heap praise of some kind on their mark, convincing them they are seen as special in the Narcissist’s eyes.

The minute their victim loses the perception of value to them, they are discarded, usually in a humiliating and dehumanizing way. Lacking empathy can be harder to spot, as this person will often mirror the empathy they see displayed by others. A disordered narcissist doesn’t necessarily think there is anything wrong

with lacking an ability to identify with the feelings of others, but they know most other people find this off putting, so they fake it.

They can also genuinely feel loss, sadness or anger, if they believe they are in

danger of losing something, or someone, they feel entitled to, or need in some way.

Empathetic onlookers can mistake

emotional display as authentic connection or remorse, when it is not.

Narcissists use emotions to manipulate. The do not feel them in the same way that non-disordered individuals do. Most importantly, another person’s feelings are of no consequence to an NPD, except in how those feelings can be used to victimize. Insight into self can be determined to be low when a person readily deflects responsibility to others and rarely, if ever, appears to own responsibility themselves. If a narcissist lies, cheats, manipulates, steals, assaults or commits any act that harms another and gets caught, they are likely to deny until their accuser is exhausted from arguing. Photographic evidence, tape recordings, video, a failed lie detector test and multiple eyewitnesses will rarely convince a narcissist to own their behavior. often blame the victims of their abuse, for the abuse they inflict.

This sounds like, “I cheated because you’re crazy,” or “I wouldn’t have to

beat the kids if you weren’t such a bad parent and spoiling them.” They use psychological warfare, usually gaslighting, to convince their

targets that the insanity in these statements is plausible.

The most common diagnosis for survivors of narcissistic abuse is

PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and C-PTSD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder. The latter is usually caused by abuse coupled with feeling like the hostage of the abuser, as though powerless to leave. C-PTSD can take longer to heal than PTSD, but healing in both instances is likely with effort, patience and time. Time will not heal this wound. It is as foolish to wait for time to heal PTSD

or C-PTSD, as it is to wait for time to heal a broken leg. Emotional and psychological wounds are as real as physical wounds. We treat injuries; we don’t wait for them to simply disappear.

The human brain is designed to remember trauma with heightened awareness. This is meant to keep us out of harm’s way. For example; remembering the exact geographic location, smells in the air, colors in the environment, feeling in our gut, etc., of the place where we had a close call with a bear, might have helped us to stay away from any location where a bear might be, back when we all lived outside.

Today, the same survival function is recording psychological, emotional and physical abuse from an ex-husband, parent, employer, etc., with similar detail and intense attachment. We cannot function normally with our trauma in the forefront of our awareness daily. It’s exhausting and creates behaviors like anxiety, hyper-vigillance, lack of trust and depression. There are several appropriate treatments for emotional and psychological trauma. Eye movement desensitization

reprocessing, EMDR, has proven successful in the last twenty years, and is widely used. Most therapists are trained in EMDR or can refer clients to a therapist who is. EMDR turns down the volume on traumatic memory. We don’t forget the event or relationship, we just don’t think they are as important as we did prior to treatment.

Brain spotting is a similar therapy to EMDR, that uses visual bi-lateral stimuli in the place of audio. A light, moving back and forth while the client reprocesses trauma, is used instead of headphones with a pulse moving back and forth from each ear. Neurofeedback is especially useful in treating trauma when the client can’t remember the original trauma. This therapy does not require a conversation and works directly on the brain, noninvasively. Once the acute trauma has been treated it is usually helpful for the survivor to engage in some form of counseling or specialized coaching. Attraction to toxic relationships can be or can become an addictive pattern; ask anyone who describes their relational “picker” as broken or who confesses,

“Ninety-nine healthy potential partners, to one sick one, and I’ll choose the one sicko every time.”

The honeymoon phase of abusive

relationships, usually following a discard or other abusive incident, is only present in toxic relationships. The honeymoon phase is the survivor’s drug, not the abuse, and we will unconsciously gravitate toward relationships that provide our “high,” often unconsciously.

Mindfulness training or dialectical behavioral therapy, DBT, are effective approaches to break the habit of attraction to toxic relationships.

More information about healing from narcissistic abuse is available in the book “Holistic Healing from Narcissistic Abuse,” by Jacqu

Author of “Holistic Healing From Narcissistic Abuse” (published book) Runs Scarlet Coaching (scarletcoaching.com) – a coaching service focused on healing from narcissistic abuse

Taking care of your mental health doesn’t have to be complicated. Just like brushing your teeth daily helps prevent physical problems, simple daily practices can protect your mental wellbeing and help you cope with life’s challenges.

Each of these tips is backed by evidence from research, including the Mental Health Foundation’s ground-breaking study Mental Health Foundation. Try them out and see which ones work best for you—some will feel easier than others, and that’s perfectly normal.

Remember: none of us is perfect, and we all have our limits. Small steps.

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1. Connect With Nature

Nature can have a really calming effect on us, and research found that going for a walk was UK adults’ favourite way of coping with stress during the pandemic in 2020 Mental Health Foundation.

In Japan, some people do “forest bathing”, which may improve their mental health Mental Health Foundation. The practice involves immersing yourself in a forest or woodland environment and experiencing the different smells, sounds, and textures around you.

How to do it:

• Visit a park, forest, or any green space
• Pay attention to trees, plants, birds, and water features
• Take deep breaths and tune your senses to your natural surroundings
• Try to feel connected to the environment around you

The goal is to be present and engaged with nature, allowing its calming effects to support your wellbeing.

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2. Improve Your Sleep

Anyone who has struggled with sleep will know what a difference it makes to our bodies, minds and ability to cope with life Mental Health Foundation. For many people, sleep is often the first thing that suffers when we’re struggling with our mental health Mental Health Foundation.

Adults need between 7 and 9 hours’ sleep a night, including enough dreaming sleep and enough deeper sleep Mental Health Foundation.

Simple changes to try:

• Develop a relaxing bedtime routine to help you start winding down before you actually go to sleep Mental Health Foundation
• Avoid TV and mobile screens, alcohol and caffeine before bed to help you fall asleep and stay asleep, and avoid vigorous exercise before bed Mental Health Foundation
• Go to bed and get up at around the same time every day, including weekends Mental Health Foundation

If you’re consistently struggling with sleep, consider seeking professional help.

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3. Stay Physically Active

Our bodies and minds are connected, so looking after ourselves physically also helps us prevent problems with our mental health Mental Health Foundation.

Exercise releases “feel good” hormones that reduce feelings of stress and anger, helps us feel better about our bodies, and can improve our sleep Mental Health Foundation. If it involves other people, like being part of a team, a class or a group we see regularly, that can also boost our mental health Mental Health Foundation.

Ways to move:

• Walking, running, or cycling
• Dancing or team sports
• Gardening or cleaning
• Gym workouts or yoga
• Playing with pets

You don’t need to be an athlete to benefit—the best exercise is simply the one you enjoy and will actually do.

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4. Eat a Balanced Diet

Food and drink affect our bodies, brains and mood – for good or bad Mental Health Foundation.

Sugary snacks and drinks can give us a temporary “high” or sense of comfort that can feel irresistible, but they soon leave us feeling exhausted or jittery Mental Health Foundation. Caffeine in coffee, tea, or so-called energy drinks can also have this effect Mental Health Foundation.

A balanced diet with lots of vegetables and fruit is essential for good physical and mental health Mental Health Foundation.

Remember:

• How we eat is also important—having meals with other people can help to grow relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues, which is really important in protecting everyone’s mental health Mental Health Foundation
• If you notice you’re overeating or undereating when upset, consider talking to someone you trust or seeking professional support

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5. Practice Kindness

Research shows that being kind is good for both sides—it can boost our mood, help us feel more capable, strengthen our connections with others and even make us cope better with stress Mental Health Foundation.

Exchanging a smile or friendly words can be comforting and lift our mood Mental Health Foundation.

Start small:

• Offer a smile or kind words to someone
• Do volunteer work
• Get involved in causes you care about
• Help a neighbor or colleague

These things can help us feel connected with others and the world around us and give us the sense that we can make a difference Mental Health Foundation.

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6. Stay Open to New Experiences

We can all get stuck in familiar ways, like how we spend our time and what we think about ourselves and the world Mental Health Foundation.

Life can feel more interesting, lively and rewarding when we are open to trying new experiences and experimenting with how we do things Mental Health Foundation.

Ways to try something new:

• Change your breakfast routine
• Take a different walking route
• Try a new hobby or activity
• Plan an adventure or trip
• Challenge negative self-talk like “I’m useless” with more positive thoughts like “there is so much I can do”

You might discover a new place you love, uncover a hidden talent, or meet someone important.

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7. Plan Things to Look Forward To

Things to look forward to, including fun activities, can help us cope with difficult situations and increase our sense of hope, which is important for our mental health Mental Health Foundation.

Your plan can include:

• Small pleasures like a cup of tea or a favorite TV show
• A dance class or exercise session – think yoga or even stretching.
• A trip with family or friends, short ones or long ones.
• Seeing your favorite film, sports team, or musician

The important thing is to decide what you’ll do, when and with who and, if needed, book it, then follow through on your plan and repeat Mental Health Foundation.

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8. Understand and Manage Your Emotions

Feeling upset and anxious can interfere with our lives, making it hard to think clearly or work, relax, study, sleep or deal with other people Mental Health Foundation.

Many of us will know when we’re upset but not be sure what we’re feeling—is it sadness, fear, shame, loneliness, anger or something else? Mental Health Foundation

Helpful strategies:

• Give your feelings attention without judging them, without telling yourself you’re stupid or weak to feel the way you do Mental Health Foundation
• Name what you’re feeling by saying to yourself: “I’m feeling really irritable today but also sad” Mental Health Foundation
• Talk kindly to yourself, in the same way you might reassure a small child you care about Mental Health Foundation
• Write down your feelings in a notebook or on your phone Mental Health Foundation
• Repeat something positive about yourself a few times each day, such as “I am on a journey, growing and developing”—research shows this reduces negative thoughts and feelings Mental Health Foundation

Consider trying mindfulness practices or talking with someone you trust.

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9. Talk to Someone You Trust

Many of us have learned to bottle things up inside us and try to ignore painful feelings, and it can take a lot of courage to tell someone else how we’re feeling or what we’re finding hard Mental Health Foundation.

Just talking things through with a person we trust can help and feel like a relief, making you feel safer and less alone, which will help protect your mental health and prevent problems Mental Health Foundation.

Benefits of talking:

• Talking may change how you see and feel about the situation in ways you find helpful Mental Health Foundation
• It may strengthen your relationship with the person you speak with, benefiting both of you Mental Health Foundation

You can talk to a friend, family member, colleague, health professional, or helpline volunteer—use your own words and share what feels comfortable.

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10. Be Mindful of Using Substances to Cope

Many of us sometimes use drugs to block out “difficult” feelings such as sadness, fear or shame, and for some people, drugs and alcohol offer temporary relief.

Unfortunately, they don’t stop the feelings from returning and may make things worse or create other problems, including damage to mental and physical health, relationships, work, or study.

What to do:

• Notice your substance use without beating yourself up about it—being understanding and kind to yourself is good for your mental health.
• Talk with someone you trust or contact a charity helpline for confidential, free advice
• Look for healthier ways to cope with painful feelings
• Consider attending support group meetings

If you’re concerned about your substance use, reach out for professional help.

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11. Manage Your Finances and Seek Help With Debt

Fears about paying debts, bills and essentials such as food and electricity can be very stressful, and feelings like this can make it harder to cope with everything, including the money problems themselves

Research shows money problems are one of the most common and serious sources of stress for many people Mental Health Foundation.

Steps to take:

• Share your fears with another person who’s not involved and who you trust—this is likely to help you feel less alone and overwhelmed Mental Health Foundation
• Talk with an expert at a charity that offers free money advice—they are very experienced with what can go wrong with people’s finances and what may help Mental Health Foundation
• Ask for help before any debt becomes unmanageable, as getting help will benefit everyone Mental Health Foundation

Free financial advice services can help you discover benefits you’re entitled to, understand your legal rights, and find ways to reduce debt repayments.

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Final Thoughts

These strategies won’t all work equally well for everyone, and that’s okay. Trying new things can sometimes feel uncomfortable, but they usually get easier the more we practice them Mental Health Foundation.

Start with one or two tips that feel most accessible to you, and remember that taking small steps to protect your mental health is valuable. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support—many resources are available to help.

Crisis Support:

• Samaritans: Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 for 24/7 support
• Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional

You deserve support, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.