After a breach of trust, Examples of romantic betrayals include infidelity, dishonesty, and lack of emotional support.
The chances of a relationship surviving betrayal depend on the perpetrator’s perspective.
Betrayal can cause relational damage as well as reputational damage.
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There is nothing so special, even magical, as the warm glow of new romance. The period of time when partners are getting to know more about each other every day. As time goes by and trust is solidified, both parties become increasingly invested in the relationship, envisioning a bright future together. Many couples experience exactly that over the course of a lifetime, from walking down the aisle to walking into the sunset decades later. Other couples, however, are not that lucky. Somewhere along the line, one or both spouses break their vows.
The most commonly cited form of romantic betrayal is infidelity, which may be physical or emotional, an intentional strategic act or an impulsive decision made under the influence of an intoxicant. The ability to recover from the event, however, often depends on the perspective of the perpetrator. Research explains.
Harnessing the Reasons for Heartbreak
Romantic betrayal is experienced every day by partners around the globe from every demographic background. While many studies have focused on the betrayed “innocent” partner, recent research has focused on the betrayer, seeking to understand how betrayer motivation predicts relational dissolution or restoration.
F. Lalot et al. (2026) studied the reasons for betrayal in a piece entitled “The Things We Do to Each Other.”[i] They defined betrayal as “a voluntary violation of mutually known pivotal expectations of the trustor by the trusted party (trustee), which has the potential to threaten the well-being of the trustor.” They collected and analyzed more than 1100 betrayal narratives from the point of view of the relationship betrayer from university students and community participants across five countries and three languages: France, Germany, Switzerland, the United States, and the United Kingdom. In each case, Lalot et al. examined the type of betrayal, the type of relationship, and the response of the person who was betrayed, as well as the causes of disloyalty explained by the betrayer. They found a variety of different types of betrayal occurring within a range of relationships, and results including everything from forgiveness to relational dissolution to revenge.
Why Partners Stray
Lalot et al. noted several traditional examples of romantic betrayals, including infidelity, dishonesty, betraying confidences, excessive criticism, lack of emotional support, and ignoring one’s partner. They note that more recent research confirms that romantic infidelity remains the most frequently cited example of betrayal, although other reported experiences include revealing secrets, lying, manipulative behavior, gossiping, failing to assist during a time of need, and unexpectedly cutting ties.
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Lalot et al. acknowledge that betrayers may incorporate a cost-benefit approach to considering betrayal, weighing what they stand to gain against potential loss. They note that costs to the perpetrator can include relational damages as well as reputational damage if others learn about the betrayal, as well as damage to the betrayer’s personal self-image and self-esteem due to the need to integrate negative behavior into personal self-concept.
Taking Responsibility Prompts Relational Repair
Regarding motivation and blame, Lalot et al. found that betrayers predominantly explained their betrayal as stemming from internal factors as opposed to blaming the innocent party or the relational dynamics. They also found that when betrayers reported strong internal attributions for betrayal, the person betrayed was more likely to have forgiven the transgression and less likely to have taken revenge. They note that this result is consistent with the notion that perpetrators who take responsibility for their actions earn more forgiveness, whereas revenge is used to send a message designed to force the betrayer to face the consequences of their betrayal, which is unnecessary if they have already taken responsibility.
As a practical matter, however, although post-betrayal confession and remorse contribute to relational repair and resilience, motive matters. A premeditated, strategic approach to securing private time with an attractive co-worker may be more emotionally devastating than a drunken one-night stand with a stranger. But both examples include additional relational hurdles, from a habit of overindulgence to poor impulse control to a compromised conscience. Nonetheless, when couples are willing to move forward, help is available to address both the betrayal and the underlying causes, to repair relational comfort and trust.
References
[i] Lalot, F., A.-M. Bertram, J. Schuck, L. Maritz, and A. Bardeau. 2026. “The Things We Do to Each Other: A Study of Betrayal Narratives From the Betrayer’s Perspective.” Personal Relationships 33, no. 2: e70065. is a path forward.
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