Author: Staff

Almost every morning I face the same dilemmas. Whether I should wake up my wife with a kiss or let her sleep longer. Should I get out of bed or just press the snooze button? And that is even before I have had my first cup of coffee.

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Our daily life is rife with so-called trivial decisions. People often feel silly for overthinking low-stakes decisions but research has shown there are logical reasons for feeling this way. Understanding why you feel so stressed by smaller decisions can help you learn what to do about it.

First, sometimes the sheer number of options overwhelms us, as we find it difficult to compare and contrast the options. Economics scholars long championed the notion that it’s better to have more choices. But in 2000, US psychologists Sheena Iyengar and Mark Leeper challenged this idea.

Analysis of the world, from experts

In one of their studies, they set up a jam testing table at a supermarket. Far more consumers bought a jam when they were given fewer options. Almost a third (30%) of customers went on to buy a jam when the stall had six flavours yet only 3% of customers bought jam when there were 24 flavours.

Drawing on these findings, US psychologist Barry Schwartz’s book The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, argues an abundance of choices can cause people anxiety.

People often lack, or believe they lack the expertise to properly assess their options. For example, when dealing with a financial decision. And if you have goals, a lack of certainty about how rigidly you want to stick to them is probably going to give you a headache. A vague goal to “start saving more” isn’t going to give you clarity when a friend suggests going out for food and your belly is rumbling.

Also, some of the decisions we label trivial may actually have emotional high stakes. Deciding what to wear for a date, for instance, is probably not just about fashion.

While each factor is enough to create stress, when all factors are combined anxiety about the decision is only going to be amplified.

It’s your personality

Another line of research has focused on the link between people’s decision strategies and wellbeing. Researchers have identified two main decision-making strategies: Maximising and satisficing. Maximising is a tendency to try and find the best option. Satisficing, a term introduced by Nobel prize winner Herbert Simon, is a strategy that terminates once an acceptable option is found.

Maximising and satisficing have been linked to personality traits. There are people who tend to maximise and others who are more satisficers.

Schwartz and his colleagues found a negative relationship between a tendency to maximise and feelings of life satisfaction. Maximisers (compared with satisficers) were also more likely to experience post-decision regret. One explanation is that maximisers are always brooding about what they could have done and how they could have made a better decision.

To be clear, the study did not examine major life decisions about marriage or health but focused on every day decisions (although similar findings have been reported about more serious medical decisions).

Make a habit of it

Decisions can be mentally exhausting. So sometimes everyday choices feel hard because you have decision fatigue.

William James, one of the greatest thinkers of the 19th and 20th centuries, suggested habits help us cope with these complexities. Habits take away the need to think. Investing your time in building habits can stop you from ruminating on everyday decisions.

William James’ insights have inspired many contemporary researchers. One idea popularised by psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, is the notion that we use two different information processing mechanisms, system one and system two. System one is unconscious, fast, intuitive. It requires little effort. System two is purposeful thinking.

Waking up at the same time every morning, kissing my wife and then making coffee has become a habit that has helped me avoid thinking too much about these activities. I let my system one take charge as much as I can, at least until I have my first cup of coffee.

US writer Merlin Mann said “thinking can be the enemy of action”. While I am not sure I would agree completely, his words do resonate with many findings from psychology.

Herbert Simon developed the idea of satisficing because he believed humans have limited cognitive and other capacities (such as memory and attention). Thinking too much — for example, whether to exercise today or not — can be stressful and frustrate the intention to do so.

You have to decide how to invest your resources (whether they are cognitive, emotional, or physical). Investing them in thinking about exercising can consume the energy you needed to exercise.

When it comes to our daily decisions, reducing the number of options can also help ease the process. Apple co-founder Steve Jobs was well known for wearing similar outfits almost every day (jeans and a turtle neck or a T-shirt) partly to simplify the decision process.

It’s about accepting you have limited “decision making juice” and being conscious about how you use it. Reducing choices, developing good habits, and letting our so-called system one take charge can help us face our daily decisions.

• Dr Yaniv Hanoch is a Professor in Decision Science at Southampton Business School. Prior to joining Southampton Business School, he was a professor of Decision Science at Plymouth University, and a post-doc at the UCLA school of public health and the Max Planck Institute for Human Development (ABC group).

This is part of series on Narcissism.

The original is at: Peak to Peak Mountain New

Posted By: Jacqueline Hart-Gibson 4725 Views

When we think of crazy mothers, we often think of Joan Crawford screaming, “No more wire hangers,” or Norma and Norman Bates, who could not live with or without each other, becoming so enmeshed that Norman can’t tell the difference between himself and his mother.

Off the silver screen and out in the wild where we live, a narcissistic mother isn’t so easy to spot. When the mother in question is our own, it becomes even more challenging to understand and accept the truth right before our eyes.

The first step to healing from a narcissistic mother is to recognize we have one. Because the symptoms and behaviors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder exist on a continuum, some NPD’s are harder to spot than others. If we choose to be healed and to end cycles of abuse in our families, we must be willing to honestly face and accept the truth of our upbringing.

Before researching the specific and numerous lists of “traits of narcissistic mothers,” instantly available with a Google search, remember to go back to the three core traits that exist in all NPD’s; lack of empathy, lack of insight into themselves and exploitative. In practice this looks like; When I am sick my mother is upset because she is inconvenienced, when I tell my mother wearing her own wedding dress to my wedding is not appropriate she insists I am selfish, and my mother uses my pain to garner attention for herself, while showing little to no concern for my well being.

Narcissistic mothers see their own children in terms of how the child can serve their needs and never vice versa. Love is conditional and available as an insincere temporary reward for pleasing the mother’s ego. In the book, “You’re not crazy, it’s your mother,” by Danu Morrigan, NPD mothers are divided into two categories; the engulfing and the ignoring narcissistic mothers. Some narcissistic mothers move back and forth between these two types as well.

The Engulfing Narcissistic Mother

Sometimes referred to as the “overt” narcissistic mother, this mother does not allow for healthy boundaries between themselves and their children. Everything the child does has a direct effect on the mother. The grades they receive, activities they choose, talents they possess, friends they have, and partners or jobs they choose as adults, are all about mom. The child is discouraged from autonomy and becomes wired to consider what mom will think, before making any decision. A program they must consciously delete as adults, if they are to ever live independently.

This mother is jealous of anyone else in the child’s life; friends, teachers, and definitely spouses. When the adult child has children of their own, grandchildren become pawns in the mother’s game.

Friends the child has may be charmed by the mother and recruited as the mother’s friends or allies, to motivate the child to do more of what the mother wants. Unsuspecting friends may believe this mother just “cares a lot about the child,” and oblige continued abuse unwillingly. This can make the child feel abandoned by friends and more powerless regarding the mother.

The mother may tell stories to teachers and other adults to recruit them as well. Stories will always be told with dripping sentimentality, but are attempts to manipulate, not lovingly guide.

Potential partners the son or daughter of a narcissistic mother brings home are in for a ride! Think evil stepmother in Cinderella. Only a prince will do for her daughters because it serves her. The same is true for the NPD mother in the real world. How does my son or daughter’s partner serve my agenda? If the answer is, “They don’t,” than this partner is unsuitable, no matter how well the couple care for each other. Sabotaging the relationships of the child, small or adult, that don’t serve the NPD mother is common.

The engulfing NPD mother sees their grandchildren as their own and believes it is their right to intrude regarding parenting. This isn’t the loving grandmother who wants to be helpful, this is the grandmother who sabotages the parents by directly opposing parental rules frequently, often gossiping about one or both parents to children, or otherwise creating needless conflicts between parent and child. We can tell that this is more than “letting the grandkids stay up later or eat more sweets,” by the grandmother’s response when we respectfully ask her to stop. When the NPD mom is confronted about boundaries and asked to respect them she will likely become angry, respond that we are being unreasonable, ignore the request, or claim the incident we are referring to never happened. Denials are usually a lot more dramatic than seems appropriate for the infraction, which is an attempt to control the adult child.

The Ignoring Narcissistic Mother

The ignoring NPD mom is also sometimes referred to as the covert narcissistic mother. As the title implies, she is as distant as the engulfing NPD mother is smothering. She is unavailable for a variety of reasons like; work, relationships, the gym, dating, socializing, and anything to avoid parenting. Many mothers, especially single mothers, are not as available as they would like to be. The difference here is that an NPD mother chooses to be busy and when she runs out of distractions and finds herself in the presence of her child, she remains distant and lacks remorse for time spent away. When confronted am ignoring NPD mother will likely; blame someone else and ignore the child’s feelings, become angry, or dismiss the accounts entirely. Again, noticing a lack of empathy and refusal to own mistakes is the key difference between a possible personality disorder and a human being struggling with uncomfortable truths.

Although the ignoring NPD mom appears disinterested, she will still take advantage of opportunities to use her child to make herself look good, taking credit for her child’s achievements, or to play the victim card when the child acts out.

To the child of an ignoring mother attachment is often insecure as the messages from the primary nurturer are erratic and confusing. When there is an audience, they are suddenly visible and either fawned over and bragged about, or presented as exhausting and a discipline problem. The child is always presented to the world as the mother wants them to be, not as how or who they are.

When this narcissistic mother sabotages the child, the child is likely unaware of the incidents of betrayal until later in life. The NPD mother barely lets on they notice the child, allowing her to set up the child to continuously try to do, say, behave, achieve, or change to become a child the mother can love, like a racetrack dog who never catches the rabbit. This behavior, this need of the mother’s approval, often follows the child into adulthood where they experience similar relationships through friendships, co-workers, supervisors and romantic partners. They may be needy, chase after people that don’t want them, or seek to be invisible from others for safety.

Thankfully, as adults, children of all NPD mothers can learn to let go of past abuse and re-define the terms of relationships and love. They can unlearn toxic messages. “You will never be enough,” or “You were never wanted,” or “You were never meant to be.” With some work these thoughts and beliefs can be replaced and the mind of the child who grew up in a toxic home, can become an environment that’s loving and safe to hang around in.

For more information on healing from narcissistic abuse visit any of these sites.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/774731022666224/?ref=share

On YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ7XmDQDtyqfRNn4YcbONrA

Or order Holistic Healing from Narcissistic Abuse at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1983132691/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_YvE4DbXE06T9M

(Originally published in the February 6, 2020, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)

Living in a chaotic world: how to keep anxiety at bay

Ella Fitzgerald sang that “into each life some rain must fall,” but it has felt like torrents of grief have fallen upon us in recent months. We all experience hardships and stress, and we are all very well-acquainted with that pit that forms in our stomach when nervousness takes hold. Many of us are feeling that pit as we process world and national news.

Demands from our personal and professional lives compete for our attention, and all too often the pressures of the day require more than we have to give.

Recent violence and tragedies such as police shootings in Dallas and Baton Rouge, the Nice truck killings and the attempted coup in Turkey seem to keep mounting. How do we deal with the resulting fear and anxiety? As a psychologist who has spent a great deal of my professional career studying the effects of trauma and grief, I have some knowledge of how to help people deal with the resulting anxiety.

Anxiety can turn debilitating

When the general public discusses the term “anxiety,” the usual meaning is one of unpleasantness related to having some arduous task that will require our resources at the expense of doing something that would bring us more enjoyment, such as sleeping late on the weekend, taking in a movie, or spending time with loved ones.

When the mental health community talks about anxiety, they are generally referring to a more disabling condition where a person’s individual ability to cope with stress becomes overwhelmed, leaving a person paralyzed and incapable of functioning effectively with life’s demands.

Where does this sense of anxiety come from? Is it more prevalent now, in the wake of so many tragedies before our eyes? Though the questions seem so simple, the answers may be extraordinarily difficult to uncover.

Growing tension

Major events, such as a terrorist attack, domestic shootings or natural disaster can exceed our psychological resources and lead to mental health fallout in the form of post-traumatic stress. It is also common for anxiety to be more insidious, with daily stressors slowly mounting over time, gradually becoming so cumbersome and convoluted, that no single episode can account for where the anxiety is originating. Such is also the case with repeated violent events shown in the media; with tragedy after tragedy, cumulative stress builds up incrementally over time, eroding our sense of safety.

In each case, the individual experience of anxiety can range from mildly inconvenient to completely debilitating. The experience of anxiety is an individual phenomenon, based on a multitude of factors, including coping skills, social resources and personality variables.

For people who are working to manage anxiety, additional life stress can be particularly problematic. Imagine a family that is struggling to make ends meet, but each month somehow they are capable of just barely paying all of the bills. Then one day the family car stops working, and the family must weigh the options of putting money into fixing the car at the expense of paying some other bill, or risk not being able to drive to work and risk losing their source of income.

For a family with means, paying for an auto repair may be nothing more than an inconvenience; for a family without means, it may be the difference in being able to stay out of home foreclosure.

In similar fashion, the experience of anxiety is particular to the resources an individual is able to bring forward to cope with distress. For people with adequate coping strategies to meet a demand, which may come in the form of family, friends, spiritual resources, financial resources, etc., the effects of anxiety will likely be much more mitigating versus a person who has few coping resources.

Nonstop news, with much of it bad

Certainly our world has changed with regard to the number of stressful situations to which we are exposed. With a 24-hour news cycle and a public that is hungry for graphic and sensational stories, it is increasingly difficult to shelter ourselves from disturbing news and images.

After 9/11, for example, it simply was not possible to escape the onslaught of information about the terrible events. For people who had little room left in their psychological resources to cope with hardship, 9/11 may very likely have placed them at risk for a full-blown anxiety attack.

The specific symptoms of anxiety vary from one person to the next, but the general pattern is a feeling of unease and worry, an inability to relax often accompanied by sleep disturbance, irritability and edginess. In more extreme examples of anxiety, panic attacks may result, characterized by feelings of racing heartbeat, shallow breathing, cold sweats and terror.

A pivotal study deepened our understanding of protective factors when it comes to life events and our ability to cope with anxiety.

The researchers identified three protective factors for individuals facing life adversity: individual factors, family factors and community factors. Individual factors include such things as personality variables, such as cheerfulness and friendliness. Family factors included having a close bond with at least one caregiver, as well as emotionally healthy environments that provided emotional encouragement and independence.

Community variables included things like supportive schools, churches and neighbors.

The research also found that even when youths are affected adversely by life events, most are able to right the proverbial ship by adulthood and live healthy, productive lives.

Weathering the storm

What then can individuals do to ward off the ill effects associated with anxiety? There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Consider the following ideas to get started with developing a stress-reduction plan:

• Give yourself a break. It is actually okay not be plugged in on the latest atrocity that has happened. If you find yourself reacting negatively to what you see on the news, give yourself permission to turn the television off.
• Plan ahead and keep things realistic. So much of anxiety has to do with ambiguity and uncertainty. Alleviate this by developing a game plan. For example, if your particular brand of anxiety seems to stem when considering finances, actually write down a household budget. You might surprise yourself by being able to come up with creative solutions when everything is laid out in front of you. Remind yourself that the world is generally a safe and friendly place, and don’t isolate yourself from connecting with family, friends and loved ones.
• Stay connected to others. Negative feelings can foster isolation, and isolated people lose the protective factors associated with community. Reach out to others and accept their help if they are willing and able to provide it.
• Keep things simple. Remember, one step at a time. When things get too big and unwieldy, they become unmanageable and seemingly impossible. Any progress is good progress, and focus on your successes when you have them.
• Plan for something fun. Give yourself permission to feel good and enjoy the things in life that make life worth living.
• Consult an expert. There may be people out there who can guide you even if things seem out of control right now. This includes mental health professionals who can help you to build coping resources and learn to relax and let go of the burdens of anxiety.

Unfortunately for all of us in today’s modern world, there’s no shortage of reasons to feel stressed or anxious. But at least there are some simple steps, founded in research, to help us.

Professor & Director, Center for Healthy Minds and Practice

• Associate Professor of Psychology, University of Florida

Breath Work Exercises

Breathwork exercises are an ancient practice used for thousands of years to enhance mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This guide will introduce you to some of the most popular breathwork techniques that can easily be incorporated into your daily routine. Whether you’re seeking stress relief, mental clarity, or an energy boost, these exercises can be tailored to meet your needs.

1. Deep Abdominal Breathing:
   1. Find a comfortable seated position or lie down.
   2. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
   3. Inhale slowly through your nose, allowing your stomach to rise as you fill your lungs with air.
   4. Exhale gently through your mouth, emptying your lungs completely.
   5. Repeat for a few minutes, focusing on the sensation of your breath.
2. Box Breathing:
   1. Sit in a comfortable position with your back straight.
   2. Inhale through your nose for a count of four.
   3. Hold your breath for a count of four.
   4. Exhale through your nose for a count of four.
   5. Hold your breath for a count of four.
   6. Repeat this cycle for several minutes, keeping each count equal.
3. Alternate Nostril Breathing:
   1. Close your right nostril with your thumb and inhale through your left nostril.
   2. Close your left nostril with your ring finger, release your thumb, and exhale through your right nostril.
   3. Inhale through your right nostril, close it with your thumb, release your ring finger, and exhale through your left nostril.
   4. Repeat this cycle briefly, focusing on smooth and controlled breaths.
4. Breath Counting:
   1. Sit in a quiet and comfortable position.
   2. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in.
   3. Exhale slowly and count “one.”
   4. Inhale, then exhale while counting “two.”
   5. Continue measuring and focusing on your breath until you reach ten.
   6. If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath and start counting from one again.
5. Energizing Breath:
   1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and relax your shoulders.
   2. Inhale deeply through your nose while lifting your arms overhead.
   3. Exhale forcefully through your mouth, letting out a mighty “ha” sound as you lower your arms.
   4. Repeat this cycle for several rounds, allowing the breath to invigorate your body and mind.

To Recap

Breathwork exercises are an accessible and effective way to improve your overall well-being. Incorporating these techniques into your daily routine can reduce stress, increase focus, and create calmness. Experiment with these exercises and find the ones that most resonate with you. Remember, the beauty of breathwork lies in its simplicity and the transformative power of conscious breathing.

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Rerun: Today’s podcast delves into the overlooked warning signs that could indicate potential problems in your romantic connections. From excessive compliments to controlling behavior and everything in between, we’ll guide you through these potential pitfalls that many women tend to ignore.
But that’s not all! We also introduce you to the intriguing concept of “beige flags,” those quirky behaviors that may not be good or bad, but should give you pause and spark further investigation.
Don’t let these dangerous red flags slip through the cracks and sabotage your happiness. It’s time to shed light on these overlooked red flags and make informed choices for your heart’s sake.

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

When faced with someone that resists your boundaries, these strategies may help.

• Good mental health requires boundaries—setting limits on what we do for others, and how much we’ll allow them to disrespect us.
• “Boundary-pushing” can involve ignoring or testing our boundaries, and trying to manipulate us into relaxing our boundaries.
• There are ways to uphold a boundary with little drama, even when facing a tenacious boundary pusher.

Setting boundaries with others is an important life skill. Sometimes we need to set limits on what we’re willing to do for someone else, or how much we’re willing to let someone takes advantage of us or mistreat us. A lack of healthy boundaries can harm our emotional, psychological, physical, or financial health and negatively impact our other relationships. Without good boundaries, we can enable unacceptable behavior by rewarding it.

Despite healthy boundary benefits, some of us have a troubled relationship with personal boundary-setting because we:

• Feel guilty about how our boundaries will affect others.
• Fear others’ anger, emotion, abandonment, or rejection.
• Feel selfish because we believe “good” people should sacrifice for others.
• Are empathic and want to relieve other peoples’ suffering.
• Are “people-pleasers” that want everyone to like us.
• Have low self-esteem and don’t think that what we want or need is as important as what others want or need.
• Don’t know how to effectively advocate for ourselves.

If you’re like me, having healthy boundaries took emotional work and practice, motivated by experiencing some of the costs I outlined earlier. I’m happy to report that I’m better at having healthy boundaries and most people accept my boundaries without conflict. But that’s not to say it’s easy, especially when I encounter the dreaded “boundary pusher.”

Boundary Pushers and the Things They Do

Boundary pushers come in a variety of forms and may be narcissistic, immature, entitled, selfish, privileged, desperate, clueless, or some combination. They want what they want, our boundaries be damned. They do things like:

• Flat out ignore our boundary.
• Test us to see if we mean it.
• Argue with our reasons for the boundary.
• Repeatedly request or expect unjustified rule-bending that’s unfair to others.
• Try to manipulate us into relaxing our boundary. They act like we’re unreasonable or mean and exaggerate their plight. They say things like, “It’s just this one time, I’ll never ask again.” If it’s unfair to others, they promise not to tell. They try to wear us down by asking repeatedly even after we’ve said “no.”

Countering Boundary Pushers

There’s a difference between boundary-pushing and legitimate requests for relaxing our boundaries. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. Compassionate people consider whether the situation calls for bending their boundaries. Likewise, wise people consider whether the benefits of asserting their boundaries are worth the potential costs. Some boundaries are more important than others.

If you conclude your boundary is worth standing up for, remind the “offender” of the boundary using a confident, well-modulated, matter-of-fact tone of voice. You might, very briefly, restate why you’re committed to the boundary if you think it will help, but keep it simple. Don’t over-explain. Then, change the subject or leave the situation. If your resolve is tested by a tenacious boundary pusher fruitless.

We all experience stress, but sometimes, we don’t even realize how much it’s affecting us. Whether it’s work pressure, personal struggles, or just everyday life piling up, chronic stress can creep in silently and impact our body, mind, and emotions.

Recognizing the early signs of stress can help you act before burnout. Here’s how to tell if you’re stressed—and what you can do about it.

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🔍 What Is Stress?

Stress is your body’s natural response to a challenge or threat. In small amounts, it can help you stay alert and focused. But when stress becomes constant, it can damage your mental and physical health.

Understanding the warning signs of stress is the first step toward managing it healthily.

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🚨 10 Signs You Are Stressed

1. You Feel Constantly Overwhelmed

If your to-do list feels never-ending and you’re always playing catch-up, you might be experiencing chronic stress. Overwhelm can make even small tasks feel impossible.

2. Sleep Is a Struggle

One of the most common signs of stress is difficulty sleeping—either falling asleep or staying asleep. Your mind may be racing, and your body may remain on “high alert.”

3. You’re More Irritable or Moody Than Usual

When you’re stressed, your emotional fuse gets shorter. Minor annoyances might suddenly feel unbearable. You may snap at others or feel emotional for no apparent reason.

4. Physical Symptoms Show Up

Stress doesn’t just live in your mind; it also manifests in the body. You might notice:

• Headaches or migraines

• Muscle tension, especially in the neck and shoulders

• Upset stomach or digestive issues

• Rapid heartbeat

5. You’re Constantly Tired

Even after a whole night’s sleep, you may wake up feeling exhausted. Chronic stress can wear you down mentally and physically, leaving you drained.

6. You’re Easily Distracted

Stress impacts your ability to concentrate. You might struggle to stay focused, make decisions, or remember simple things.

7. Changes in Appetite

Stress can mess with your eating habits. Some people eat more (stress eating), while others lose their appetite entirely.

8. You Withdraw Socially

If you’re avoiding friends, skipping events, or isolating yourself, it could be a sign that stress is becoming overwhelming.

9. You Feel Anxious or Restless

Stress often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. You may experience constant nervousness, unease, or a sense of dread, without knowing why.

10. You Feel Emotionally Numb

Sometimes stress is so intense that your brain shuts down your emotions to cope. This can leave you feeling numb, disconnected, or robotic.

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💡 What to Do If You’re Stressed

If several of these signs sound familiar, you’re not alone, and there are healthy ways to manage it. Try these simple strategies:

🌿 Practice Deep Breathing

Just a few minutes of slow, intentional breathing can calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present.

🧘‍♀️ Try Mindfulness or Meditation

Apps like Headspace or Insight Timer offer guided meditations to help you slow down and reset.

📝 Keep a Stress Journal

Write down your thoughts, worries, or triggers. Journaling helps you process emotions and identify patterns.

🚶‍♂️ Move Your Body

Exercise—even a short walk—releases endorphins, your body’s natural stress-relievers.

💬 Talk to Someone

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to share it. Talk to a friend, therapist, or coach who can offer support without judgment.

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✅ Final Thoughts

Stress is a regular part of life, but when it lingers too long, it can affect your health, relationships, and overall well-being. By recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to manage stress, you can regain control and start feeling like yourself again.

Toxic Positivity is a ploy used by Narcissits, they don’t validate what you say.

We live in a world that often promotes “good vibes only,” encouraging us to always look on the bright side and stay positive. While optimism can be a powerful tool, there’s a fine line between encouragement and emotional invalidation. That’s where toxic positivity sneaks in.

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how bad or painful a situation is, we should keep a positive mindset. It’s the voice that says, “Everything happens for a reason,” when your world is falling apart. It’s the pressure to smile when your heart is heavy.

And while it’s often well-intentioned, it can do more harm than good.

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🌫️ What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state in a way that denies, suppresses, or invalidates authentic human emotions.

It shows up in phrases like:

• “Just stay positive.”

• “It could be worse.”

• “Good vibes only.”

• “You’ll get over it.”

These statements might seem harmless or even encouraging at first glance. But for someone going through real pain, they can feel isolated and dismissed.

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🌱 What Is Healthy Support?

Healthy support, on the other hand, holds space for emotions. It’s the practice of listening without judgment, validating feelings without trying to fix them, and offering empathy instead of solutions.

Examples include:

• “That sounds hard. I’m here for you.”

• “It’s okay to feel upset. Your feelings are valid.”

• “Do you want to talk about it or sit quietly together?”

This kind of support makes people feel seen, heard, and safe.

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💡 Why Toxic Positivity Can Be Harmful

1. It invalidates emotions. When someone is told to “just think positive,” it suggests their pain isn’t real or important.

2. It causes shame. People may believe they’re weak or wrong for feeling negative emotions.

3. It disrupts the connection. Real relationships are built on honesty. If someone can’t be vulnerable, they may start to withdraw.

4. It blocks healing. Suppressing difficult feelings doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, unacknowledged emotions can linger and grow.

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🧠 Let’s Reframe It: Side-by-Side Examples

Here’s how we can turn toxic positivity into healthy, emotionally intelligent responses:

Toxic Positivity	Healthy Support
“Just be happy.”	“I can see this is really hard. Want to talk about it?”
“Look on the bright side.”	“It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed right now.”
“You’ll get over it.”	“Take all the time you need to heal. I’m here.”
“Others have it worse.” Positivity isn’t bad, but it becomes toxic when it’s used to cover up, dismiss, or rush through pain. Instead of offering sunshine during someone’s storm, try offering shelter. Empathy is a deeper form of love than any bright-side cliché. Let’s be people who allow others to feel it all—messy, real, and fully human.’	“Your experience is valid, and your pain matters.”