Many people feel slighted, but avengers act on vengeful feelings; nonavengers don’t.
Revenge is impacted by the offense, relationship between the parties, and context.
Social exclusion often prompts revenge, highlighting its social nature.
Source: Image by Photolesh from Pixabay
Within human interaction, relational conflict is inevitable. It occurs between friends, family members, and coworkers, from the classroom to the bedroom to the boardroom. The outcome, however, depends on the personalities and proclivities of the individuals involved. Some people are better equipped to handle conflict than others. We all know people who have a thick skin when it comes to weathering negative sentiments and personal attacks, seemingly unruffled in the fray. We also know people on the other end of the spectrum who take offense easily and carry grudges. It is those in the latter category who are more difficult to deal with, more disagreeable, and potentially be dangerous. Research explains.
Responding With Revenge
Maartje Elshout et al. in a piece entitled “Situational Precursors of Revenge” (2017) investigated settings that predicted revenge, including social exclusion, types of relationships, and opportunity.[i] They compared what they termed avengers—people who acted on vengeful feelings—and nonavengers, orpeople who did not.
Elshout et al. recognize that revenge may be excessive with severe consequences, including what they term “personally and societally disruptive acts” including everything from school shootings to homicide to mass murder. They acknowledge the importance of acquiring insight into revenge predictors, yet also know, as threat assessors can attest, that acts of revenge are often unpredictable. Elshout et al. corroborate this reality with examples of friends and acquaintances expressing disbelief when hearing about the carnage caused by an avenger they considered to be “such a normal person” or “a totally normal, nice guy” whom they did not believe capable of violence. But there are red flags.
Vendettas and Vengefulness
Elshout et al. note that some prior research focusing on how demographics and personality traits impact attitudes and intentions about revenge show that vengefulness is higher among men than women, and higher among younger people. They note that vengefulness is also positively associated with attitudes about power, social dominance, and psychological states such as narcissism and neuroticism, while negatively correlated with empathy, agreeableness, and benevolence. Yet knowledge about potentially predisposing factors cannot predict whether such people will actually take revenge. Situation matters also.
Situations Geared to Revenge
Elshout et al. compared avengers to nonavengers within different situations related to the nature of the offense, the relationship between the parties, and context. They found that avengers, perhaps contrary to popular opinion, did not exact revenge because the offenses they suffered were more severe or emotionally intense, or created more rumination, based on the number of audience members, or based on their level of closeness to the offender.
Regarding the characteristics that distinguished the two groups, they found that revenge was more prevalent among young male friends and acquaintances, following offenses involving social exclusion, and when it was possible. Elshout et al. recognize opportunity as a key factor in the choice to take revenge, explaining that it may be one of the few ways to gain attention in reacting to social exclusion, and may be less likely when offenders are strangers.
Revenge as Social Insult
Elshout et al. found that only offenses involving social exclusion predictably resulted in revenge, highlighting its social nature. They explain the link as illustrating the harm caused by interpersonal threats to the sense of belonging and note that rejection and social exclusion are linked with aggression in general as well as severe manifestations of aggression such as school shootings.
Elshout et al. provide a practical warning: Social exclusion should be closely monitored to detect red flags of plotting revenge and to prevent future danger. And as threat assessors know and seek to achieve every day, intervention is prevention.
References
[i] Elshout, Maartje, Rob M. A. Nelissen, Ilja Van Beest, Suzan Elshout, and Wilco W. Van Dijk. 2017. “Situational Precursors of Revenge: Social Exclusion, Relationship Type, and Opportunity.” Personal Relationships 24 (2): 291–305. doi:10.1111/pere.12185.
Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.
Everyone’s relationship can use a boost. Knowing strategies to fix problems or prevent them is important.
You can “do more” by working on the relationship or “demand less” by focusing on managing expectations.
You can better appreciate what you have by focusing on the positives and what works well.
Source: Jennifer Murray/Pexels
When it comes to relationships, we tend to overcomplicate things.
We start wondering if this person is “the one” and if everything will remain perfect. Inevitably, reality falls short of our expectations. When we encounter problems, it can feel overwhelming. Or perhaps we start to feel adrift in love.
How will you deal with this? What should you do? You could read the scientific literature, go to counseling, or wade through all of the questionable relationship advice, hoping to uncover something useful.
It’s a lot to process, making you want to do nothing and hope for the best. While that may make you feel better temporarily, it’s not what will ultimately make your relationship better.
Ready for some good news? Relationship improvement is simpler than it may seem. It comes down to three basic strategies.
1. Do More
The “do more” types are the people who see a problem and attack it head-on. If you’re this type, you have difficulty just sitting there. Instead, you want to do something—anything. You want to dive in and devote the time and energy to fix what’s wrong. You like to be proactive by looking for what you can add or improve to address potential problems before they arise.
As Nicholas Sparks wrote in The Notebook, “So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day…” That’s OK. It’s natural and part of how people build strong relationships. The work makes it worth it. Here are a few ways to do more:
The four-hour relationship: Doing more doesn’t have to be time-consuming. A week has 168 hours. Start by making your relationship a priority for four of those hours each week to see the benefits. To make that time even more impactful, have date nights featuring “N.I.C.E.” activities or those that are “new, interesting, challenging, and exciting.” Research shows that couples who do things together with those four qualities have better relationships (Aron et al., 2022).
Building relationship skills: Spend some of those four hours each week building your relationship skills. There are lots to choose from, but here are some of the best: communication, conflict resolution, how well you know your partner, how well you know yourself, life management, stress management, and sexual/romantic skills (Epstein et al., 2013). The good news is that most of these skills relate to self-improvement (i.e., you don’t need your partner’s help), which makes them easier to implement. Because they’re skills, it also means there is always room for improvement, so returning to them often is helpful. It’s worth the effort because research shows that the better you are at these skills, the better your relationship will be.
Doing more in bed: Here’s a fun one: Doing more sexually, particularly in terms of greater sexual/erotic variety, increases sexual arousal and desire (Morton & Gorzalka, 2015). More desire and arousal improve sexual satisfaction by counteracting familiarity and boredom, which helps minimize the potential for infidelity. Win-win.
2. Demand Less
Don’t feel like you have the time or energy to add more to your already hectic life? Sometimes the answer isn’t to do more but to want less. This isn’t suggesting that you should throw out all of your standards. Rather, you want to properly calibrate your expectations and be more realistic. Savor having enough.
The “demand less” strategy will appeal to those who realize how their own interpretation or evaluation of their partner’s actions or their own rules for the relationship impact their happiness. For example, seeing a partner’s occasional moodiness as a deal breaker or believing couples in good relationships don’t fight are both counterproductive.
The key to this approach is to realize that, as Hamlet said, “…there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” In other words, the problem may not be the relationship, but your perspective. Learning more about what makes relationships work will help.
Soulmate solution? Everyone loves a little romance in their relationship. There are few things more romantic than soulmates. However, seeing your partner as a soulmate can force them to live up to a nearly impossible standard. That’s because no one is really that flawless. Soulmates are allegedly your perfect match—the one person who is best suited for you, the person you’re destined to be with (Knee & Petty, 2013). When your partner inevitably falls short of soulmate-worthy performance, you’re left with doubt. Now you may wonder if this is the right relationship, the right partner, and your relationship may feel like a fraud. All for potentially nothing. It’s unfair. The fact is, soulmates are more mythical than magical. Ditch the impossible standards.
Manage expectations. In the movie “Up in the Air,” Anna Kendrick’s character, Natalie, has an extensive and oddly specific list of what she wants in a partner and self-righteously proclaims, “I just don’t want to settle.” Vera Farmiga’s more experienced character, Alex, explains that not checking every box on a partner wish list isn’t a failure. Unrealistic expectations, however, will absolutely fail you because they set your partner and your relationship up for constant disappointment. Instead, demand less by realizing you’re not perfect, which makes it perfectly reasonable that you’re partner isn’t either. Having exceedingly high expectations and always wanting more can result in not appreciating the great partner you have.
Don’t go looking for problems. Even if your expectations are properly calibrated, you may still be overly critical of your partner and relationship. We have a natural negativity bias that encourages us to pay more attention to the bad aspects of an experience (Rozin & Royzman, 2001). One way that happens is by engaging in “problemicity” or finding problems where they don’t exist. In fact, research suggests that when your relationship doesn’t have any big problems, you tend to overemphasize the smaller issues (Levari et al., 2018). An easy way to demand less is by not manufacturing drama and seeking out problems.
Careful, though: Demanding less is not about disregarding all of your standards. While lowering expectations a bit can improve happiness, if you go too far you’ll surely be miserable. Go far enough and the world’s worst relationship may seem acceptable. Ultimately, the best standards and expectations are reasonable and realistic.
3. Better Appreciate What You Have
Good news: The best fixes are sometimes the simplest ones. If finding time to “do more” feels impossible and your expectations are honestly fair, you may think, “Now what?” Well, you can use perhaps the easiest strategy of them all: Cherish your current relationship. Alan Kay said, “A change of perspective is worth 80 IQ points.” Wise words. Time to get wiser about your love life.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Sometimes relationship improvement is as simple as being more thankful for what you already have. Take stock of everything about your relationship that is easy, comfortable, uncomplicated, stable, and predictable. We take so much for granted in our relationship, but especially these basic building blocks. But they are each fundamental to your relationship’s success. Something as simple as expressing gratitude about them (or other positive aspects of your relationship) improves relationship quality (Algoe et al., 2013).
Celebrate the positives. It’s also OK to take that appreciation one step further by doing even more to highlight the good parts. Researchers call this capitalization and find that savoring the good news and positive moments in a relationship boosts individual partners’ well-being and self-esteem (Gable & Reis, 2010). Capitalization also increases the relationship’s closeness, satisfaction, intimacy, and commitment. Ultimately, good relationships have a lot more positives than negatives. We have to take the time to notice.
Use your illusions. Now you may wonder if you can take all this gratitude and positivity too far. What if your partner and relationship really aren’t as great as you’re making it seem? What if you’re wrong, or worse, lying to yourself? That’s OK. In fact, holding positive illusions, whereby you see your relationship as better than it is, actually helps the relationship (Murray et al., 1996). Our overly generous assessments give our partner a goal to aim for that encourages their improvement (e.g., “My partner thinks I’m really wonderful, so I better make sure I am so they’re not disappointed.”), which ultimately benefits the relationship.
What’s Best?
Which of these three strategies is best? Whichever one you’re most likely to actually use. That comes down to how you prefer to tackle problems.
If you’re action-oriented, do more.
Can you be a bit picky, judgmental, or hard to please? Demand less.
If you feel like you simply need to take a step back and reevaluate, take a moment to better appreciate what you have.
Pick the one that’s going to let you get started right away. Once you put that into effect, you’ll build some positive momentum that you can use to add other strategies. Mix and match, or stick with the one that works best. The only thing that matters is that you’re working to improve your relationship. Its future is too important to do anything else.
Algoe, S. B., Fredrickson, B. L., & Gable, S. L. (2013). The social functions of the emotion of gratitude via expression. Emotion, 13(4), 605–609. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032701
Aron, A., Lewandowski, G., Branand, B., Mashek, D., & Aron, E. (2022). Self-expansion motivation and inclusion of others in self: An updated review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221110630
Epstein, R., Warfel, R., Johnson, J., Smith, R., & McKinney, P. (2013). Which relationship skills count most? Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy,12 (4), 297–313, https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2013.836047
Gable, S. L., & Reis, H. T. (2010). Good news! Capitalizing on positive events in an interpersonal context. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology, Vol. 42, pp. 195–257). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(10)42004-3
Knee, C. R., & Petty, K. N. (2013). Implicit theories of relationships: Destiny and growth beliefs. In J. A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (pp. 183–198). Oxford University Press.
Levari, D. E., Gilbert, D. T., Wilson, T. D., Sievers, B., Amodio, D. M., & Wheatley, T. (2018). Prevalence-induced concept change in human judgment. Science, 360(6396), 1465–1467.
Morton, H., & Gorzalka, B. B. (2015). Role of partner novelty in sexual functioning: A review. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41(6), 593–609. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2014.958788
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(6), 1155–1180.
Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(4), 296–320.
PHOTO CREDIT: Benjamin Esakof/Halo Creative Group, LLC
Warning – offensive words appear in this document.
The Men Who Call Women “W*)*(***
Words hold more power than we often realize. While it may seem harmless to use terms like “slut,” “bitch,” or “whore,” such disrespectful language can significantly impact how women perceive themselves and can lead to serious consequences. Men, in particular, should never refer to women by any name other than their given name. Resorting to name-calling, such as calling a woman a “whore” or “slut” when things don’t go their way, reflects a lack of emotional maturity and is not indicative of a healthy mindset.
The words “whore,” “slut,” and “bitch” are not new; they have been used for hundreds of years. These derogatory terms have served to demean and belittle women throughout history. They are often used to shame women and compare them to prostitutes in a sexual context. This is a clear example of sexism at its worst.
Today, this word is still weaponized against women, especially young girls and those with an online presence. Social media amplifies men’s words, giving them a reach and impact that far surpasses anything seen in the past.
When men use that offensive term to refer to women, whether online or offline, it leads to more harmful and insidious outcomes. In this post, we will explore what this means for women and explain why you should avoid men who resort to name-calling like that.
The advent of the Internet and other online technologies has significantly changed our world. Overall, the Internet and online culture have brought many benefits. For example, we can now communicate with people from around the globe and have greater access to knowledge and job opportunities.
While we celebrate the advancements in communication and technology, it’s important to acknowledge the challenges that come with them. Social media has profoundly affected women’s lives, often placing immense pressure on them to meet unrealistic and harmful body image standards. Additionally, many women endure degrading language and actions from men online, which can be deeply hurtful. It’s crucial to recognize these struggles and support one another in creating a more compassionate and respectful online environment.
Some men are increasingly able to shame women and use derogatory language without facing significant consequences. The rise of AI technology has made it alarmingly easy for them to create fake nude images of women. In the past, it was much more difficult to defame and harm women; however, this has changed dramatically with advancements in artificial intelligence. This technology not only facilitates the creation of fabricated images but also empowers men to use harmful rhetoric against women. When faced with rejection, it is all too common for men to resort to spreading rumors to inflict damage.
Online profiles can be made anonymously, and young girls and older women can be called whores, bitches, c*** by people who have a deficit In humanity. A startling and tragic example of this occurred recently in Houston, Texas. A young teen was harassed online by a group of three people. Two of the bullies were female, and one was a male whom the victim rejected.
The young girl named Mareja Pratt was targeted and stalked and called a whore for months. Her online bullying resulted in a real-life confrontation, which led to the death of the victim. She was shot and killed by the man who called her a whore, and the other two women who participated in the online bullying were also present while she was dead.
Men who call women names
Not all instances of online bullying are as severe as this one, but young people and women of all ages remain vulnerable to harmful comments made online. Each year, many girls attempt to harm themselves due to the names they are called. Slut-shaming, in particular, has a significant impact on women.
A young teenager took the bus every day and started a conversation with a man in his thirties. Although he spoke to her, he continually referred to her as “putica,” aware that she did not understand Spanish. It’s important to be aware of foreign words and their meanings.
When men use derogatory terms to describe a girl, it can lead to her being ostracized and ridiculed in real life, particularly if others witness this behavior online. Situations like that of Ms. Pratt, along with other tragedies, clearly demonstrate that men should refrain from using terms such as “whores,” “hoes,” “bitches,” “cunts,” or “sluts.” It also highlights the importance for women to distance themselves from men and others who use such disrespectful language.
Reasons to Avoid Men Who Use Disrespectful Names for You
The terms “whore,” “slut,” “bitch,” and “c**”—along with other sexual slurs—should not be used for various reasons. These words can harm women’s self-esteem and physical safety, and they reflect poorly on the character of the man who uses them. Men who resort to such language do not respect women, and being around anyone who uses these words is not advisable.
It’s easy to overlook this issue, particularly in a culture that often demeans women sexually. However, it’s important to respect yourself and be with someone who respects you in return. While cutting ties with people can be difficult, it’s essential for your mental health to distance yourself from men who frequently call you derogatory names like “whore,” “bitch,” or “ho,” or who pry into your sex life.
Call you derogatory names in bed? RUN
Be cautious if a man uses certain words early in your friendship or relationship; this is a significant red flag. If he uses them, it may indicate that he is not someone deserving of your time and energy. While this can be overwhelming to consider, it’s important to reflect on how these words affect you and other women as you choose who to allow into your life.
You deserve respect just as much as any man!
And as an aside, what about the men who are whoring around? What do you call them?
More than a quarter of online daters feel optimistic about using AI for dating.
The flirty text messages that AI generates aren’t as useful as human suggestions.
AI can answer dating questions, but it doesn’t do a good job of telling you if they’re bad questions to ask.
AI can help you with dating. But is that a good idea?
Source: Cottonbro / Pexels
Modern dating is tough. To make it easier, singles are turning to AI for help. But should you really rely on robots for your love life?
Can AI Help with Dating?
AI has already infiltrated modern dating. According to the recent Singles in America study by Match Group, 27% of online daters feel optimistic about using AI for dating. Among singles who have tried it, 43% used AI to help write their dating app profile, and 37% used it to craft a first message. Some think it helps — 26% reported receiving more matches, 27% got better matches, and 32% met potential partners faster with AI assistance. Interestingly, one-third of singles believe AI can assess romantic compatibility.
Putting AI to the Test: Flirty Texting
To see how AI handles a common dating question, I asked, “What’s a flirty text I can send someone?” Here’s ChatGPT’s suggestion:
“Hey there, just wanted to let you know that you’ve been on my mind lately. Your smile has a way of brightening up my day. Care to join me for [insert activity or event] sometime? I have a feeling it would be a lot of fun with you by my side. 😊“
My Analysis: First, it’s way too long and positions the sender as chasing after the other person, which seems needy or desperate. The message is a bit sexually suggestive, which isn’t ideal (it’s better to build your relationship on friendship and compatibility). Similarly, I’d suggest focusing less on looks (e.g., smile) and more on substance (e.g., intellect, humor, kindness, positivity).
To make sure this first try wasn’t a fluke, I asked the AI to try again:
“Hey there, just a friendly reminder that you make my heart race every time I see you. 😏 How about we grab a coffee/drink sometime and continue this electrifying connection we’ve got going on? Can’t wait to see that charming smile of yours again.”
My Analysis: It’s really more of the same, problems and all, so I’ll skip the lengthy analysis. At least the AI is consistent. One bonus aspect this time was including the phrase “electrifying connection” which sounds cringey. But maybe that’s how robots talk.
My Suggestion: Here’s a suggestion from a human (me): Try texting something a bit out of the ordinary, like sending a picture with the message “Saw this and thought you.” Or “Weird observation…” then send something quirky/interesting. One other suggestion is to ask a question or give them a challenge, “I’d love to get your thoughts on something…”
Putting AI to the Test: Dating Advice
The great thing about AI is that you can ask judgment-free questions. For example, “How do I make a guy like me?” or “How do I avoid arguments in my relationship?” Sounds good, but…
My Analysis: Those questions will get you an answer. The problem is, maybe you shouldn’t. They aren’t the right question or the best approach. For the first one, it’s much more important to have a partner like you for who you are (i.e., be authentic, and the right person for you will like that). For the second question, you really shouldn’t avoid arguments. It’s better to work through small issues so they don’t become worse.
Why AI Isn’t Great for Dating
The suggestions aren’t great (at least so far). Case in point: when scientist Janelle Shane tasked AI with creating the best pickup line ever, it produced this: “You look like a thing, and I love you.” Weird.
Not surprisingly, a research paper titled “Should ChatGPT Write My Breakup Text?” concluded that, no, you shouldn’t (Fu et al., 2024). In their words, “current technologies often fall short in fully addressing the nuanced needs of individuals”
But the most compelling case is research showing that people want a human element in certain experiences like art (Samo & Highhouse, 2023). People preferred human art over machine art and reported more positive emotions after experiencing human art. That desire for humanness likely extends to other experiences like music and, yes, love.
Ultimately, relying on artificial intelligence is inauthentic. Would you want your possible partner to be a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac by using someone else’s words? Nope. You want truth in advertising and a dating partner who uses their own words. You should do the same.
When AI Might Be OK in Dating
If you’re stuck and drawing a blank writing a dating profile or even a text, AI can avoid the scary blank page and help you get started. AI is also a fantastic way to help gather information and facts if you want to learn about the different types of love, attachment styles, or problematic communication methods.
Overall, I think Adam Grant said it best, “One of the things I’ve noticed so far is that AI is terrible at coaching. Terrible. Like you, you ask for advice on anything. And so far tools like Claude and ChatGPT give you the most banal, trite suggestions you could possibly think of. And I think this is where there’s still a great human advantage.”
References
Fu, Y., Chen, Y., Lai, Z.G., & Hiniker, A. (2024). Should ChatGPT write your breakup text? Exploring the role of AI in relationship dissolution. ArXiv, abs/2401.09695.
Samo, A., & Highhouse, S. (2023). Artificial intelligence and art: Identifying the aesthetic judgment factors that distinguish human- and machine-generated artwork. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/aca0000570
How to Use Your Voice to Reduce Stress and Feel Calmer
Hey there! 🌼 If you’re looking for a way to ease stress and cultivate a sense of calm, I’ve got some great tips for you! Your voice can be a powerful tool in this journey. Let’s dive into some easy techniques you can use immediately!
1. Start with Deep Breathing
Understanding the Connection:
How to Do It:
Find a Comfortable Spot. Sit or lie down in a quiet area.
Inhale Deeply. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold It. Pause for a moment.
Exhale Slowly. Let it out through your mouth for a count of 6.
Repeat this for 5-10 minutes, focusing on how your voice sounds as you exhale.
2. Use Your Voice to Hum
Why Humming Works:
Humming activates the vagus nerve, helping reduce anxiety and promote a feeling of safety.
How to Do It:
Pick a Tune. Choose a simple melody you love.
Close Your Eyes. This helps to center your focus.
Hummm… Let out a steady hum for as long as is comfortable.
How to Hack Your Mind with Mind Journaling: A Helpful Guide
Hey there! 🌟 If you want to unleash your mind’s potential and boost your mental well-being, you’re in the right place. Mind journaling could be just the technique for you. It’s simple, fulfilling, and can make a huge difference in your thoughts and feelings. Let’s dive in!
What is Mind Journaling?
Mind journaling is more than just jotting down your daily thoughts. It’s a practice that helps you explore your mind’s innermost workings. The idea is to connect with your feelings, thoughts, and experiences, which can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
Why Should You Try Mind Journaling?
Here are a few reasons why mind journaling is incredible:
Enhances Self-Awareness: Helps you understand your emotions and triggers better.
Boosts Creativity: Unlocks your creative potential by freeing your thoughts.
Reduces Stress: Acts as a stress reliever by allowing you to express what’s on your mind.
Improves Problem-Solving: Helps clarify issues and develop new solutions.
Mental health services, particularly for underserved or vulnerable populations, often require substantial resources. Donations help cover the costs of therapy, counseling, support groups, educational programs, and other essential services that may be offered free or at a reduced price.
Sustainability
Nonprofit organizations generally operate on a budget that depends heavily on donations, grants, and fundraising. Donations ensure the organization can maintain its programs over the long term and expand its reach.
Accessibility
For many people, mental health care can be prohibitively expensive. Nonprofits often aim to provide services regardless of a person’s financial situation, and donations can help bridge the gap for those who cannot afford traditional treatment options.
Awareness and Advocacy
The donations aim to persuade the public about the significance of mental health issues and the necessity of supporting mental wellness. This initiative underscores the need for increased resources and encourages donors to participate in wider discussions regarding mental care, health, and overall wellbeing.
Building a Supportive Community
We can enhance our offline presence and engage more actively in our chat room. Loneliness is a significant factor contributing to the need for mental health care. Connecting with others on the same journey can bring a sense of community.
In summary, asking for donations helps keep the services available, affordable, and sustainable, allowing the organization to continue supporting mental health care initiatives and making a positive impact.
Workplace sexual harassment can follow employees home due to an “always-on” culture and increased ways to contact coworkers after hours.
Online sexual harassment can be especially difficult to cope with because it blurs the boundaries between work and life and typically isn’t witnessed by others.
Most victims do not report online sexual harassment, often out of fear of retaliation or escalation.
Because it happens online rather than in-person, many victims erroneously view it as a private manner or not worth addressing.
Many people grew up in an age where at least during the workday, they were able to physically avoid annoying, rude, or harassing co-workers or bosses. This was especially true in large workplaces, which provided opportunities to avoid toxic colleagues in the conference room, the boardroom, or the break room.
Today, avoiding harassing employees is not as easy—or in some cases, even an option—because communication also takes place online. Sure, you can turn off your device after work. But not only might you worry about missing an important message, if you were a victim of harassment, you may also feel anxious that inappropriate messages would just be there waiting when you turn it back on. Many victims have shared they would rather just read the inappropriate messages as they came in to get it over with. But that is not an acceptable way to live—especially off the clock. Is there a solution?
Source: Image by Q K from Pixabay
Why Online Sexual Harassment is Different
Jennifer A. Scarduzio et al. (2020) examined the growing problem of coworker online sexual harassment. [i] They adopt a working definition of sexual harassment per the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (2019) as “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” They note that employees subjected to online harassment by coworkers experience a different type of discomfort than that which occurs in person. They recognize that online “tools” make it easier for perpetrators to harass victims, and create an environment that is overwhelming for survivors.
Scarduzio et al. recognize that online harassment blurs work-life boundaries, and allows perpetrators to engage in inappropriate behavior without surveillance. Consequently, victims are faced with a unique decision regarding reporting, which is complicated by the fact that many organizations do not have policies that specifically cover conduct outside of the workplace, or online.
Why Victims Do or Don’t Report Online Harassment
Scarduzio et al. note that prior research found that victims cope with online sexual harassment by normalizing, ignoring, downplaying, or blaming themselves for the harassment. In their own research studying employees who were sexually harassed on Facebook, they found some additional dynamics that impacted the decision to report the conduct.
One-third of their participants reported the harassment, explaining their motivation as including feeling unsafe, afraid, or uncomfortable, and that the harassment was affecting their work performance. They were also motivated by wanting to stop the behavior and punish the harasser.
Scarduzio et al. note that the most common reason victims reported was emotional discomfort. Many of the subjects described feelings of awkwardness and personal discomfort that persisted both in and out of the workplace. They also reported how their discomfort impacted the work environment, leading to negative consequences such as difficult interactions with coworkers and supervisors, and decreased productivity.
Of the two-thirds of their study participants who chose not to report online sexual harassment by a coworker, Scarduzio et al. note that explanations included wanting to handle the situation themselves, feeling uncomfortable, thinking the harassment was not worth addressing, worrying that reporting it would make it worse, or concern about backlash by coworkers or employers. The fact that the harassment was online instead of in-person also played a role, too, causing victims to view it as a private issue that they should handle outside of the workplace.
How Social Support Facilitates Disclosure of Online Harassment
Scarduzio et al. found that in the balance, the personal distress of harassment can outweigh the desire to keep sensitive information private. They also found that the decision to report is impacted by anticipated social support, with participants deciding to share information with those whom they perceived would render appropriate assistance.
Accepting that sexual harassment is a serious social problem, whether it occurs on or offline, should inspire the creation of a supportive, respectful environment where survivors will feel comfortable revealing inappropriate behavior, so it can be properly addressed.
References
[i] Scarduzio, Jennifer A., Shawna Malvini Redden, and Jennifer Fletcher. 2020. “Everyone’s ‘Uncomfortable’ but Only Some People Report: Privacy Management, Threshold Levels, and Reporting Decisions Stemming from Coworker Online Sexual Harassment.” Journal of Applied Communication Research, November. doi:10.1080/00909882.2020.1849771.
This article was originally published on Psychology Today
Hey there! If you’ve ever felt nervous in social situations or dreaded speaking in front of others, you’re not alone. Social anxiety can be challenging, but with some strategies and support, it can get more manageable. Here’s a friendly guide on how to manage social anxiety.
1. Understand Your Social Anxiety
First things first, let’s get to know what social anxiety is.
What is it?
Common Symptoms:
You might experience:
Rapid heartbeat
Sweating
Nausea
Shaking
Excessive worrying about future social events
2. Identify Triggers
Knowing what triggers your anxiety is a big step.
How to Identify Triggers:
Keep a journal of situations that make you anxious.
Reflect on past experiences—what specifically caused discomfort?
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Our minds can sometimes create scary scenarios that may not reflect reality. Work on challenging those thoughts with these steps:
Practice Positive Affirmations:
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, if you think, “I’ll embarrass myself,” try “I can handle this.”
Reality Checking:
Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on facts?” Most of the time, it’s not.
4. Gradual Exposure
Taking small steps can help desensitize you to social situations.
Start Small:
Begin with low-stress situations, like talking to a cashier.
Gradually move on to larger interactions, like joining a small group discussion.
Steps for Gradual Exposure
Example Scenarios
1. Low-risk situation
Chat with a barista
2. Moderate-risk situation
Attend a small gathering
3. High-risk situation
Give a presentation at work or school
5. Learn Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation techniques can help calm your nerves before and during social situations:
Deep Breathing:
Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. Repeat until you feel calm.
Visualization:
Picture a positive outcome for the situation you’re anxious about. Imagine yourself feeling confident and happy.
6. Seek Support
Never underestimate the power of support!
Talk it out:
Share your feelings with friends or family who understand. Sometimes, just talking about it can lighten the burden.
Professional Help:
If social anxiety feels overwhelming, a therapist or counselor can provide tools and techniques tailored just for you.
7. Celebrate Your Wins!
No matter how small they may seem, celebrate each step you take toward overcoming social anxiety.
Rewards:
Treat yourself after successful outings or when you’ve faced a difficult situation. It could be as simple as enjoying your favorite snack or indulging in a relaxing bath.
Final Thoughts
Managing social anxiety takes time and patience. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to be a work in progress. Each small step counts, and before you know it, you’ll build connections and enjoy social interactions more than ever!
