Author: Staff

Overwhelmed and under-appreciated? Time to celebrate yourself.

• We often set our partners, and ourselves, up for disappointment with unrealistic holiday expectations.
• There are infinite simple, creative ways we can celebrate ourselves this Valentine’s Day.
• Hijacking does not require buying into the commercialization but does ask that you take a moment to consider what you are truly craving.

Source: Laura Ockel/Unsplash

If you happen to be partnered up with the rare human who dotes on you with breakfast in bed, flowers, chocolate, and a romantic dinner out (sans kids! babysitter secured!), you just sit back, my dear, and soak it on up. You deserve it. And know—you either landed yourself a unicorn or are deep in the honeymoon phase. (Jaded? Perhaps. Also…truth.)

If, however, you find yourselfin the majority, you may need to sweetly remind, doggedly train, or kindly threaten in order to garner a modest token of affection.

Persistence is also required. Take heed, it only took 20 years for me to indoctrinate my husband. He now stops for hand-picked chocolates and a card (romantic, not humorous—that took 12) on his way home from work on Valentine’s Day. A wee dose of well-placed fear can be effective.

Perhaps you’ve employed the above tactics ad nauseam to no avail, are feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated, or are flying solo this year.

If so, lean in and listen up.

No more unrealistic romanticizing and tearful, dashed hopes on Valentine’s Day.

Instead of waiting around for our (current or future) partner to finally get it right, I say we take back control and claim it as a welcome opportunity to treat ourselves, celebrating all that we do and all that we are as women and moms.

Let’s Hijack Valentine’s Day for Ourselves.

Hijacking does not require buying into the commercialization (no Hallmark purchases needed). It does, however, ask that you take a moment out of your full day (go ahead, do that right now) to consider what it is you are truly craving.

What would make this Valentine’s Day deservedly decadent and delightful? How can you get a taste of that?

If you’re coming up blank or your only answer involves a not-very-realistic-for-your-current-situation plane ride and two-week getaway to a remote island, I’ve gone ahead and brainstormed ideas to get your creative wheels turning:

15 Ways to Hijack Valentine’s Day:

1. Take yourself on a date. If you had a few hours to yourself, how would you spend it? Where would you go?
2. Go for a walk in a new-to-you place. Use your senses and take in your surroundings. Do you hear that? Silence between the sounds?
3. Bask in the flavor bombs. Slowly savor those chocolates or your favorite stuffed burrito. For today, calories and nutrition do not exist.
4. Move your body in whatever ways feel pleasurable to you. Dance to music. Head to a class. Get outside for a hike.
5. Take a bubble bath. Yes, I understand this might require cleaning the tub. It’ll be worth it.
6. Phone that friend who will make you laugh.
7. Tune in to an indulgent or inspirational podcast.
8. Curate humor. Rewatch that movie guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Check out that popular comedian.
9. Take a freaking nap.
10. Go to the movies alone. Order the vat of buttery popcorn and ridiculously overpriced M&Ms.
11. Eat dessert for lunch. Or a generous hunk of baguette, brie, and an apple.
12. Listen to music that pumps you up, relaxes you, takes you back.
13. Go outside, lie down on a blanket, and stare at the clouds.
14. Visit your local bookstore. Browse. Take those purchased books to the local cafe. Sip and read.
15. Write a love letter to yourself. Be generous, loving, and kind. You know, exactly the way you treat others you love. Tuck it away. Pull it out when a reminder of your awesomeness is needed.

What would you add to the list?

Of course, those of us parenting solo or in the trenches with little ones may need to plan ahead and get creative with childcare. (Swap care with a friend? Schedule your celebration for after you’ve put the kids to bed or at nap time?)

Maybe your celebration consists of a few minutes scattered here and there throughout your chaotic, full day. That’s fine. Ultimately it’s about the intention and attitude focused on just how amazing you are.

So, what’s the plan? How will you hijack Valentine’s Day and celebrate yourself this year?

Shonda Moralis, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, mindfulness educator, writer, and mom of two.

Online:

shondamoralis.net, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

Emotions in romantic relationships can be intricate, as different interest levels are involved. Lust and Love are two crucial factors that shape these partnerships, each having distinct characteristics.

Lust vs. Love

Lust can be defined as a solid physical attraction or desire for someone. A need for sexual gratification drives it. On the other hand, love is a deep affection and attachment towards another person, encompassing emotional and psychological bonds. Love is often characterized by compassion, care, and a desire for emotional connection.

Levels of Interest in Romantic Partnerships

When it comes to romantic relationships, individuals may experience different levels of interest. These levels can range from physical attraction to emotional connection, intellectual compatibility, and long-term commitment. Understanding these levels can help individuals navigate relationships and determine whether Lust or Love drives them.

Physical Attraction and Lust

Physical attraction plays a significant role in Lust, where individuals are primarily driven by sexual desire and a physical connection. It is based on the immediate physical appeal of another person.

Signs of Being Driven by Lust Rather than Love

Signs of being driven by Lust rather than love include solely focusing on physical appearance, having a superficial interest in the other person, and disregarding emotional compatibility or long-term commitment. Lust thrives on the excitement of interaction, whereas love necessitates vulnerability, deep understanding, emotional intimacy, trust, and empathy to foster strong bonds between partners.

Importance of Demonstrative Connections

Emotional connection is vital in love as it helps partners understand each other, provides support, and brings deep intimacy. It allows for trust, vulnerability, and an emotional bond.

Infatuation and Love

Differentiating love from infatuation can be challenging, but there are key differences. Love is based on a deep emotional connection, while infatuation is driven by intense passion and often fades quickly.

The Significance of Intellectual Compatibility in a Loving Relationship

Intellectual compatibility is crucial in a loving relationship, allowing partners to connect deeper through shared interests and values and stimulating conversations. This compatibility fosters intimacy and helps maintain a fulfilling and long-lasting partnership.

How intellectual Compatibility Differs from Lust

Intellectual compatibility involves a deep connection based on shared interests and stimulating conversations, while Lust is primarily driven by physical attraction and a temporary desire for gratification. Intellectual compatibility fosters a strong emotional bond and a lasting connection, whereas Lust tends to be more superficial and short-lived.

Long-term Commitment and Love

Creating a foundation of commitment is crucial in love. It involves dedication, trust, and a willingness to work through challenges together. Unlike casual relationships, love is built on a long-term commitment to each other’s happiness and well-being.

Creating a foundation of commitment in love

Creating a solid foundation of commitment in love involves dedication, trust, and a willingness to work through challenges together. It is about prioritizing each other’s happiness and well-being in the long term.

Differentiating Between Love and Casual Relationships

Differentiating between love and casual relationships is crucial in understanding the level of commitment and emotional investment in a partnership. Love involves a deep emotional connection and long-term commitment, while casual relationships are often based on temporary connections and lack of commitment.

Complexities of Lust and Love in Romantic Partnerships

Understanding the complexities of Lust and Love in romantic partnerships is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It requires self-awareness, open communication, and a willingness to balance physical attraction with emotional connection and long-term commitment.

Building a solid foundation of love involves recognizing the signs of lust and actively working towards a deeper and more meaningful connection. Couples can create a passionate and lasting relationship by understanding and navigating these complexities.

Finding a Balance Between the Two for a Healthy and Fulfilling Relationship

Finding a balance between the complexities of lust and love is essential to having a healthy and satisfying relationship. This balance can be achieved through open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to prioritize emotional connection alongside physical attraction.

And love?

Released during sex and heightened by skin-to-skin contact, oxytocin deepens feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex. Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, often associated with mate bonding. Vasopressin is linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships. The differences in behavior related to the actions of the two hormones may explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows.

An Invitation to Take a Survey about Women and Jealousy

Last week, Samantha Brick published a now rather infamous essay in the UK Daily Mail, on the “downsides” of being as beautiful as she is, or feels herself to be. Her point was that women had treated her badly, ignored her, or trashed her socially, because of her beauty and good looks.

She opened a Pandora’s box. The awkward thing that I think the cynical editors of the Daily Mail anticipated and even hoped for, is that the more than 5,000 overwhelmingly negative comments about the article often pointed out that Samantha wasn’t really a fitting ambassador from the realm of the beautiful to the realm of the average-looking. Also, Trolls objected to Samantha’s smugness, her shallow notion of beauty, and her cynical view that women would treat her badly, or differently, for what boiled down to jealousy over physical appearance.

Her piece made me curious about the matter of jealousy among women, or Platonic jealousy.

As a preliminary step, I’ve created an anonymous online survey on this kind of jealousy which, Samantha argues, causes women to have difficulties with other women.

Is Samantha on to something? Does jealousy among women fester under the surface of female friendships, or have we moved beyond it? Has envy secretly caused you to treat a woman differently—or do you suspect that you have been treated differently because a woman was jealous of your beauty, brilliance, figure, popularity, career successes, education, life achievements, sex life, family life, wealth, piety, altruism and unimpeachable character, or other factors?

You can answer and confess honestly. You won’t get flamed for speaking out. I’ll write a column on what the survey reveals in a few weeks.

About the Author

Pamela Haag, Ph.D., is the author of Marriage Confidential and many other books, essays, and articles—from the scholarly to the popular—on cultural trends, modern relationships, and feminism.

Online:

Marriage Confidential

Have you ever wondered how to know if a guy is falling in love with you?

The biggest sign is if he tells you he loves you, but what if he’s holding out on those three words as I did?

I waited five months before I first said “I love you” to Jessica. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her sooner; I said it too fast in my previous relationship, only to break up with that woman a week later (sorry!). So, I wanted to wait and make sure my feelings were real this time.

The moral of my story?

He might love you but hasn’t told you yet. So, here are four signs that he is falling hard.

Originally Aired: December 11th, 2022

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

Are you finding it difficult to maintain romantic connections? You might be unknowingly sabotaging your relationships. While you may be trying your best to impress and attract men, certain behaviors can inadvertently push them away.

Here are seven common mistakes women make that can drive men away

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

So how do you know if a man is falling in love with you? Here’s the real deal: it has very little to do with his words and much more about his behavior. In this week’s episode, Dr. Lewandowski and Adam LoDolce reveal the true signs that a man is falling in love.

Want to learn how to transform your love life and attract the man and relationship you deserve? Register for this free workshop: https://go.lovestrategies.com/pod

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

“Guys only care about looks.” This common misconception couldn’t be further from the truth.

While physical attraction plays a role, it’s far from the only factor that draws men in.

To truly captivate a man, you need to ignite an emotional connection.

Here are 4 easy ways to make him emotionally captivated by you.

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

Remember when dating was an exciting adventure?

You met new people, tried new things, and felt a spark of excitement with every potential match. But somewhere along the way, dating can lose its luster and become a frustrating, even disheartening experience.

Don’t worry, it’s not just you. Many people find themselves feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, or confused by the modern dating landscape. But the good news is, dating can be fun again!

Here are five easy ways to inject some joy and excitement back into your dating life.

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

So what do men REALLY find attractive in a woman? Is it her physical appearance, or are there other more important attributes that matter? In this week’s podcast, Gary and Adam discuss what men find attractive in a woman, and it has very little to do with age, hair, or makeup.

Originally Aired: Jan. 17, 2023

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session