Texting Habits of Narcissists: 12 Red Flags to Watch Out For
In the digital age, texting is a primary form of communication in relationships. But not all text exchanges are healthy. Individuals with narcissistic traits often display texting habits that mirror their personality characteristics—patterns marked by manipulation, inconsistency, and self-centeredness. Recognizing these signs can help you protect your mental well-being and set firmer boundaries.
Below are 12 commonly observed texting behaviors linked to narcissism, supported by psychological research on narcissistic personality traits and communication styles.
1. Abundance of Messages During Idealization
In the beginning—or during the “love-bombing” phase—narcissists may send a flood of messages filled with flattery, attention, and intensity. This creates a false sense of closeness and dependency. Research shows that narcissists often engage in grandiose displays of affection early in relationships to secure admiration (Campbell & Foster, 2002).
2. Ghosting or Silent Treatment
Just as quickly, the messages may stop. Ghosting or imposing silence is a way to punish or regain control. The “silent treatment” is a classic form of narcissistic abuse, designed to trigger anxiety and compliance in the recipient (Wright, 2019).
3. Inconsistent Response Patterns
One day they reply instantly; the next, hours or days go by with no response. This unpredictability keeps you hooked, wondering when you’ll hear from them next. Studies suggest narcissists thrive on unpredictability to destabilize their partners (Campbell, Brunell, & Finkel, 2006).
4. Gaslighting and Manipulation
Narcissists may deny past conversations, twist your words, or make you question your memory. These gaslighting tactics, documented in psychological research, are used to destabilize victims and assert control (Sweet, 2019).
5. Self-Centered Conversations
Scroll through their texts and you’ll often see one recurring theme: them. Their accomplishments, their struggles, their frustrations dominate. Research confirms that narcissists tend to monopolize conversations and display low levels of empathy (Raskin & Terry, 1988).
6. Sudden Mood Shifts
Text conversations can swing dramatically—affectionate one minute, hostile the next. This emotional rollercoaster often reflects their fragile self-esteem and dependence on external validation (Morf & Rhodewalt, 2001).
7. Passive-Aggressive or Sarcastic Remarks
When criticized or ignored, narcissists may resort to sarcasm, subtle digs, or passive-aggressive comments. This indirect hostility reflects their difficulty handling perceived rejection (Krizan & Johar, 2012).
8. Lack of Empathy
Their texts often lack genuine concern for your feelings. Instead, the focus is on their own experiences. Lack of empathy is a hallmark of narcissistic personality traits and is consistently identified in psychological assessments (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
9. Triangulation
A manipulative tactic, triangulation involves bringing others into the conversation—mentioning exes, friends, or rivals—to spark jealousy or insecurity. Research shows narcissists use such strategies to maintain control and elevate their status (Campbell et al., 2002).
10. Demanding Instant Attention
Some narcissists expect immediate responses and may lash out if they don’t receive them. This reflects their need for constant validation and intolerance of delayed gratification (Miller et al., 2010).
11. Message Flooding During Conflict
During arguments, narcissists may bombard you with text after text, overwhelming you into submission. This “text avalanche” mirrors verbal aggression strategies found in toxic relationships (Wright, 2019).
12. Love Bombing After Conflict
Following silence or conflict, they may suddenly resume with affectionate, apologetic, or flattering messages. This intermittent reinforcement—a psychological principle used in manipulation—makes it harder for victims to detach (Skinner, 1953; Sweet, 2019).
Protecting Yourself
Not everyone who exhibits these behaviors has narcissistic personality disorder. But consistent patterns of manipulation, lack of empathy, and control are serious red flags.
What you can do:
- Set boundaries: Limit response times and decide when and how you’ll engage.
- Avoid text-based arguments: Complex emotions are better addressed face-to-face.
- Reflect on how you feel: Do their texts leave you drained or anxious?
- Seek support: Talking with trusted friends, therapists, or support groups can provide perspective.
Final Thoughts
Texting with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. From love-bombing and ghosting to gaslighting and triangulation, their patterns of communication often mirror deeper personality traits rooted in control and self-interest.
Recognizing these red flags allows you to step back, regain perspective, and protect your emotional health. Healthy communication is built on respect, empathy, and consistency—not manipulation.
References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC.
- Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2002). Narcissism and commitment in romantic relationships: An investment model analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(4), 484-495.
- Campbell, W. K., Brunell, A. B., & Finkel, E. J. (2006). Narcissism, interpersonal self-regulation, and romantic relationships: An agency model approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(4), 652-667.
- Krizan, Z., & Johar, O. (2012). Envy divides the two faces of narcissism. Journal of Personality, 80(5), 1415-1451.
- Miller, J. D., Campbell, W. K., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2010). Narcissistic personality disorder: Relations with distress and functional impairment. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 48(2), 170-177.
- Morf, C. C., & Rhodewalt, F. (2001). Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self-regulatory processing model. Psychological Inquiry, 12(4), 177-196.
- Raskin, R., & Terry, H. (1988). A principal-components analysis of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory and further evidence of its construct validity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(5), 890-902.
- Skinner, B. F. (1953). Science and Human Behavior. New York: Macmillan.
- Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875.
- Wright, J. (2019). Narcissistic abuse: Silent treatment, gaslighting, and manipulation. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 28(7), 869-886.
