11 Manipulation Tactics: Gaslighting, Projection & Blame-Shifting
1. “I don’t even know why you’re upset…”
👉 Gaslighting & denial.
The narcissist pretends confusion and innocence, denying wrongdoing. This makes the victim question whether their feelings are valid.
2. “You don’t realize how lucky you are…”
👉 Entitlement & superiority.
They imply the victim should feel grateful for tolerating mistreatment, flipping the dynamic so the victim feels indebted.
3. “I try so hard… but you push me away.”
👉 Reversal of blame.
The narcissist positions themselves as the one who’s trying while the victim is framed as defensive or weak.
4. “You make such a big deal out of little things…”
👉 Minimization.
The narcissist downplays harmful behaviors (ignoring texts, excluding the victim) to invalidate the victim’s feelings.
5. “The way you make me feel guilty—it’s manipulative.”
👉 Projection.
They accuse the victim of doing the very thing they are guilty of (manipulation), confusing and silencing the victim.
6. “Sometimes I wonder if you even want this to work…”
👉 Conditional love & boundary shaming.
Boundaries are reframed as proof of not loving enough, when in reality, boundaries protect well-being.
7. “You provoke me, and then I react…”
👉 Victim-blaming.
Here, the narcissist excuses harmful outbursts by blaming the victim for “provoking” them.
8. “I forgive you for your outbursts…”
👉 False magnanimity.
By “forgiving” the victim, the narcissist frames themselves as noble while subtly accusing the victim of cruelty.
9. “If you could just stop criticizing, everything would be fine.”
👉 Unrealistic expectations.
The victim is told that only by suppressing their needs and concerns can peace exist.
10. “I don’t want to lose you, but…”
👉 Fear mixed with threat.
The narcissist dangles abandonment while implying it’s the victim’s fault if the relationship ends.
11. “I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you.”
👉 Love-bombing finale.
They end with flowery “love” to soften the abuse, creating confusion and pulling the victim back in.
