5 Covert Manipulative Behaviors and How to Spot Them Instantly

At one point in time or another, we’ve all encountered or exhibited signs of manipulation—it’s an inherent aspect of human interactions to some extent. Recall a young child feigning tears or gazing at you with hopeful eyes when they desire something. However, as we mature, these manipulative behaviours morph into less adorable forms such as deceit, ultimatums, or other tactics aimed at controlling or influencing others to achieve certain outcomes. Recognizing these manipulative behaviours is essential to addressing them and establishing healthy boundaries for oneself and others.

Manipulation can be defined as a tactic where one individual attempts to sway another’s emotions to achieve a specific reaction or result, notes Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, therapist and Chief Medical Officer at LifeStance Health. While the definition may seem simple, the manifestations of manipulative behaviour can be veiled as various interpersonal dynamics. Generally, manipulation is at play when one feels devoid of autonomy, choice, or the ‘license’ to set boundaries, states psychotherapist and psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, LP.

To help identify manipulation in real-life scenarios, we reached out to mental health professionals to shed light on some seemingly innocuous actions that are red flags. Here are five common yet subtle manipulative behaviours to be vigilant about:

Gaslighting

Originating from the 1938 play, Gas Light, and its subsequent 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, the term ‘gaslighting’ has become synonymous with a form of manipulation where the manipulator causes the victim to doubt their reality. Sadly, this form of manipulation remains prevalent today, particularly in toxic relationships, says Spinelli. Confronting gaslighters with phrases like “We remember things differently” or “I am not interested in debating what happened with you” can be a way to address this behaviour.

The Silent Treatment

Here, the manipulator shuns communication with the other party, sometimes to assert control. While they may be genuinely upset, the silence is used as a tool of power, making the victim feel they’ve committed an unforgivable act, explains mental health counsellor Leon Garber, LHMC. Digital silence, like intentionally ignoring texts or emails to elicit anxiety or maintain control, is also a manipulative tactic, adds Spinelli.

Guilt Tripping

Guilt tripping is aimed at making someone feel remorseful or embarrassed to sway their behaviour. It often involves reminding others of personal sacrifices made for them or evoking guilt over attributes the manipulator lacks, states Garber. Recognizing and addressing guilt tripping when it occurs is crucial for maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.

Flattery

While compliments are generally well-received, excessive or insincere flattery is a manipulative tactic. It often includes exaggeration to gain favour or maintain closeness, rather than fostering genuine connection, explains Garber. Being aware of and addressing insincere flattery when it occurs can help maintain authentic relationships.

Love Bombing

Excessive expressions of love, especially in a budding relationship, can be a form of manipulation with the strategic intent to quickly entangle someone emotionally, explains Spinelli. Love bombing can also reoccur in relationships, particularly after a hurtful incident, as a way to seek forgiveness without addressing the underlying issue. Recognizing love bombing early on can help prevent long-term emotional distress.

Conclusion

Remember, if a loved one’s actions are causing mental or physical distress, consulting a professional is advisable. Your well-being should never be a subject of negotiation. It’s important to stay informed and take proactive steps to maintain healthy relationships.