Helping Children Cope With Witnessing Domestic Violence by Wendy Patrick J.D Ph.d
Key points
- Children witnessing domestic violence as victim-survivors in their own right.
- Witnessing domestic violence on a daily basis can impact emotional, social, and physical well-being.
- Emotional protective factors include peers and extended family networks of support.
- Independent parental figures can provide a sense of security and comfort in the midst of adversity.
Domestic violence month highlights the importance of addressing the insidious yet often invisible pandemic of interpersonal violence. Whether discussing its prevalence, prosecution, or prevention, we recognize the need to protect direct victims as well as other household members who are traumatized, often both emotionally and physically: the children. Fortunately, research has identified sources of support for young victims and witnesses caught in the crossfire.
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Children Witnessing Domestic Violence Are Survivors
Silke Meyer in “The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children” (2025) discusses both the challenges and opportunities to protect children living within abusive homes.[i] Considering the current scholarship surrounding the childhood experience of domestic violence, she recognizes children witnessing domestic violence as victim-survivors in their own right, who can benefit from strategies for safety, resilience, and recovery.
Meyer recognizes that children are not just observers; they are directly impacted by witnessing domestic violence in the home, sometimes on a daily basis, which can have a long-term impact on their emotional, social, and physical well-being. She also recognizes the possibility of intergenerational transmission of violence, which could manifest in the form of sibling violence or violence against parents from children. She concludes by noting that although significant progress has been made in the response of child protection efforts within domestically abusive homes, there is a need for ongoing reform, including child-centered recovery support.
How Children Cope with Witnessing Domestic Violence
Because childhood exposure to domestic violence is an unfortunate reality within so many homes, researchers have also explored how some children manage to cope better than others. Jenny Tonsing (2025) explored this issue, identifying protective factors that facilitate a child’s ability to cope with exposure to domestic violence,[ii] which she describes as “a pattern of assaultive, coercive, threatening behaviour, including physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse between intimate partners or family members.”
From a framework of childhood development, Tonsing’s study included the experiences of eight children from ages 10-15 who were no longer living in abusive homes. Results revealed several types of protective factors, including individual characteristics, parental factors, and the support of peers and other family members. These factors helped children navigate adversity in a domestic violence context in order to lower levels of violence-related stress, as well as increase resilience and feelings of well-being. Tonsing notes that extended family networks of support can provide guidance and resources, which can cultivate physical, mental, and emotional strength.
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Differences in Childhood Adjustment to Domestic Violence Exposure
One of Tonsing’s central findings is something many of us recognize instinctively: not all children raised in abusive homes are adversely impacted in the same way and to the same extent. With this in mind, Tonsing defines resilience as involving “evidence of positive adaptation and healthy functioning in individuals exposed to significant adversities.”
In her study, she noted individual factors, including how children as young as 10 years old adopted an adult role, engaging in behavior such as removing younger siblings from a troubling scene by taking them to another room. Other children adapted by remaining in their rooms until arguments ceased or listening to music to drown out the noise. Some children managed their emotions through engaging in positive self-talk and focusing on future goals.
Regarding parental factors, Tonsing noted that having a supportive parental figure who provides care, nurture, and warmth can promote a sense of security and well-being in the midst of adversity. In the same vein, peers or extended family members such as cousins, siblings, grandmothers, uncles, and aunts can also provide important sources of encouragement, support, and acceptance.
Perception as Prevention
The ability to recognize signs of abuse and violence within the family facilitates the ability to minimize harm, protect victims, hold perpetrators accountable, and promote healing of both adult and child victims who are adversely affected.
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References
[i] Meyer, Silke. “The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Challenges and Opportunities for Child Protection Responses.” Journal of Family Violence, August 9, 2025.
[ii] Tonsing, Jenny. “A Qualitative Study of Children’s Exposure to Domestic Violence and Factors That Facilitate Children’s Ability to Cope.” Child Abuse Review 34, no. 3 (May 1, 2025): 1–6.
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