Are You the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse? ByWendy L. Patrick, J.D., M.Div., Ph.D.

The term “narcissism” is met with mixed reactions, as it is used in a variety of contexts, from casual to clinical. Certainly, a partner with healthy self-esteem does not merit a DSM-5 diagnosis. We exercise the same caution when defining “narcissistic abuse,” preferring peer-reviewed research over armchair diagnoses. Fortunately, researchers have examined this area and share practical manifestations of a potentially toxic personality.

Source: Med Ahabchane/Pixabay

#Narcissisticabuse

After the murder of 22-year-old Gabby Petito by her fiancé Brian Laundrie captivated the nation in 2021, Olivia Nuss et al. (2024), in an article titled “Narcissisticabuse,” collected and analyzed the revelations of survivors of narcissistic abuse who turned to Twitter in the aftermath of the Petito case to share personal narratives in order to educate others about domestic abuse.[i] Nuss et al. describe narcissistic abuse as interpersonal violence committed by a perpetrator who possesses narcissistic traits such as a need for admiration, grandiosity, and the absence of empathy.

Nuss et al. explain that, unlike in other types of interpersonal violence, narcissists control their victims through manipulative psychological behaviors. Some lure victims through “love-bombing,” which involves showering a partner with attention, compliments, and gifts early in a relationship to foster strong emotional attachment, creating dependence and a sense of obligation to the abuser. When an abuser then withdraws affection and begins a cycle of abuse, the victim is left craving the affection and attention they received during the phase of love-bombing.

Many partners have lived within a cycle of love and abuse, whether physical, emotional, or both, and struggle to maintain relational coherence within the turbulence. Others have experienced a darker risk factor, which emerges when a partner feels threatened.

The Peril of Provocation: Mediating the Link Between Narcissism, Aggression, and Violence

Sophie Kjærvik and Brad J. Bushman (2021) studied the link between narcissism and aggression in a meta-analytic review.[ii] They define narcissism as “entitled self-importance,” observing that individuals with elevated narcissism believe they are special, deserving of special treatment. They also note, however, that narcissism is a continuous variable, not a dichotomy, so they decline to refer to people with high levels of narcissism as “narcissists.”

Kjærvik and Bushman recognize normal narcissism as sometimes called “subclinical,” while pathological narcissism is linked with clinically relevant mental health challenges, including suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, stalking, aggression, and violence, as well as depression, pathological gambling, and self-harm. They observe that people with pathological narcissism suffer from regulatory deficits and use maladaptive strategies to cope with threats to self-image, so they may be particularly likely to lash out aggressively when threatened.

Examining 437 studies, Kjærvik and Bushman found that narcissism was related to both aggression and violence, with the narcissism-aggression link stronger under conditions of provocation. They also found that narcissism was related to different forms of aggression, including direct and indirect, physical and verbal, proactive and reactive. They found the correlation between narcissism and violence to be only slightly smaller than the link between narcissism and less serious forms of aggression, rendering narcissism a risk factor for violent behavior as well.

Regarding types of provocation, Kjærvik and Bushman warn that people high in narcissism are especially likely to behave aggressively when insulted, humiliated, provoked, criticized, or threatened. Yet people high in narcissism are predisposed to aggression even when not provoked. Kjærvik and Bushman note that they do not merely aggress in a hostile, impulsive, and reactive manner; they also aggress in a fashion that is cold, calculated, instrumental, deliberate, and proactive. In other words, they are capable of behavior that is not only “hot-headed,” but “cold-hearted.”

Recognizing abusive behavior is the first step toward addressing the problem. Fortunately, as showcased through the online data sample examined by Nuss et al., survivors are not alone, and help is available.