When life gets stressful, staying calm can feel impossible. Whether it’s a demanding job, family challenges, or unexpected change, pressure has a way of throwing even the most centered person off balance. But staying calm under pressure isn’t just a personality trait — it’s a skill you can learn and strengthen over time.
Let’s explore how to manage your stress, stay composed, and protect your peace — even when life turns up the heat.
💭 Why It’s Hard to Stay Calm Under Pressure
When we face stress, our brains activate the fight, flight, or freeze response — a survival mechanism meant to protect us. While this was useful for our ancestors escaping predators, it’s not as helpful when you’re just facing a deadline or tough conversation.
Your heart races, your breathing quickens, and your mind fills with “what if” thoughts. These reactions make it difficult to think clearly or respond calmly. The good news? You can train your body and mind to respond differently.
🌿 10 Proven Strategies to Stay Calm Under Pressure
1. Practice Deep Breathing
Deep breathing instantly lowers stress hormones and sends a calming signal to your brain. Try box breathing — inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Use this technique before meetings, during anxiety spikes, or any moment you feel your body tensing up.
🖼️ Image idea: A calm person sitting cross-legged with gentle light, showing slow, rhythmic breathing.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
Under stress, it’s easy to fixate on everything that could go wrong. Instead, identify what’s in your control — and release what isn’t. Ask yourself: “What can I do right now to move forward?” Small actions lead to clarity and confidence.
3. Use Positive Self-Talk
Your internal dialogue shapes how you handle challenges. Replace “I can’t handle this” with “I’ve handled tough things before, I can handle this too.” Affirmations build resilience and help you stay solution-focused instead of panic-driven.
4. Visualize Success
Close your eyes and picture yourself staying calm and succeeding. Visualization activates the same neural pathways as real-life performance, helping you prepare mentally for stressful moments. Athletes, surgeons, and leaders use this technique to build confidence and poise.
5. Slow Down Before You Respond
When pressure hits, don’t rush to react. Take a pause — even a few seconds — to breathe and ground yourself. Responding thoughtfully instead of impulsively is a sign of emotional strength.
Stepping away from a stressful situation helps reset your nervous system. A brief walk, stretch, or glass of water can clear your head and calm your emotions. Remember — rest is productive.
7. Ground Yourself in the Moment
When your thoughts spiral, grounding techniques can pull you back. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method:
5 things you see
4 things you feel
3 things you hear
2 things you smell
1 thing you taste
This sensory focus quiets overthinking and reconnects you to the present.
8. Prepare for Stressful Scenarios
Preparation reduces panic. If you know a tough situation is coming (like a presentation or conflict), rehearse calming strategies in advance. The more familiar your body is with stress responses, the more resilient you’ll become.
9. Keep a Routine
Routines provide stability during chaos. Regular sleep, exercise, and nutrition help your body handle stress better. Even simple rituals like morning journaling or evening walks create a sense of normalcy and control.
Sometimes, the calmest choice is acceptance. You can’t control every outcome — and that’s okay. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up; it means conserving your energy for what truly matters.
🖼️ Image idea: Flowing water or open hands symbolizing release and peace.
🧠 When to Seek Help for Stress or Anxiety
If constant pressure leads to sleeplessness, panic, or burnout, professional support can make a difference. Our sister site TheraConnect connects you with compassionate therapists, coaches, and mental health professionals who can help you build coping tools and emotional balance.
You don’t have to handle stress alone. Asking for help is strength, not weakness.
🌸 Final Thoughts
Staying calm under pressure isn’t about perfection — it’s about practice. The more you apply these techniques, the more natural your calm becomes. Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember: peace begins with a single deep breath.
💡 Share & Save
If this article helped you, share it with someone who’s facing a stressful time. Together, we can normalize emotional wellness and resilience.
Toxic relationships can quietly drain your energy, confidence, and sense of peace. Whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, family member, or coworker, constant stress and emotional chaos can leave you feeling exhausted and unsure of yourself.
At FitnessHacksForLife, we share tools and insights to help you spot unhealthy patterns, set boundaries, and rebuild your mental strength—so you can protect your peace and start healing.
💔 What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that consistently causes emotional pain instead of support, respect, or growth. While all relationships have conflict, a toxic one feels one-sided, unsafe, and emotionally draining.
Toxic dynamics often include control, criticism, blame, manipulation, or lack of empathy.
⚠️ 7 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
If you recognize these warning signs, it may be time to reassess your connection:
You Feel Drained, Not Energized – After spending time together, you feel tense or exhausted.
Constant Criticism – You’re judged or belittled instead of supported.
Manipulation or Gaslighting – They twist your words or make you doubt your reality.
Disrespect for Boundaries – Your “no” is ignored or mocked.
Control and Jealousy – They monitor your actions or isolate you from others.
Fear of Speaking Up – You hold back to avoid conflict or guilt.
Emotional Rollercoaster – You swing between affection and tension, never feeling secure.
If these sound familiar, it’s not “just a rough patch”—it may be emotional harm in disguise.
🧠 Why People Stay
Leaving a toxic relationship is rarely easy. Many stay because of:
Fear of being alone
Guilt or obligation
Hope the person will change
Emotional attachment or trauma bonding
You’re not weak for staying—you’re human. But recognizing the pattern is the first step toward freedom and self-respect.
💬 Can a Toxic Relationship Be Fixed?
In some cases—yes, but only if both people are genuinely willing to change. Here’s what that looks like:
Honest communication about what’s not working
Respect for boundaries and emotional space
Equal effort to rebuild trust
Accountability from both sides
Without mutual responsibility, the cycle of harm will likely repeat. It’s not your job to fix someone who doesn’t want to change.
Walking away isn’t failure—it’s self-preservation. Healing starts when you stop accepting pain as love.
💪 Healing After a Toxic Relationship
Leaving is just the first step. Recovery means:
Rebuilding self-esteem through positive habits and affirmations
Connecting with supportive friends or community
Practicing mindfulness or journaling to process emotions
Seeking therapy or coaching if needed
Every boundary you set is a statement of self-worth. You deserve peace, respect, and emotional safety.
🌿 Final Thought
Recognizing a toxic relationship is a sign of strength, not weakness. At FitnessHacksForLife.org, we believe mental wellness is built one healthy habit at a time—starting with who you allow in your life.
🩵 You deserve calm, not chaos. Explore more emotional wellness tools and healing guides at 👉 FitnessHacksForLife
Alcohol can increase sensitivity to expressions of disgust and contempt.
Alcohol might increase the positivity of personality expression but not the accuracy.
Inaccurate personality expression disproves the notion that alcohol reveals the true self.
Alcohol and Emotion Recognition
I previously wrote about how alcohol impacts our ability to accurately read emotions, discussing research by Felisberti and Terry (2015) comparing the effect of alcohol on the ability to recognize microexpressions. Alcohol consumption was found to increase sensitivity to expressions of disgust and contempt, which has implications for social behavior because a heightened sensitivity to expressions of contempt could increase the risk of alcohol-related aggression.
Cocktails and Conversation
Edward Orehek et al. (2020) studied alcohol consumption in social settings due to the unique motivation to be perceived both positively and accurately. They found:
Alcohol increased the positivity of personality expression by observers, but not the accuracy.
Alcohol consumers were rated as more extraverted, less neurotic, less agreeable.
Alcohol did not impact accuracy of personality impressions overall, disproving the notion that alcohol reveals the true self.
The only significant effect on accuracy was that alcohol consumers were perceived less accurately on extraversion compared to placebo.
Risks of Overconsumption
Overconsumption can lead to more negative social consequences.
Impaired behavior may be recorded and used against individuals later.
Positive short-term social rewards may encourage drinking patterns and risk of alcohol disorders.
Negative consequences include examples like loss of life from impaired judgment and risk-taking.
Responsible Socializing Advice
Because perceptions of alcohol consumers were generally inaccurate:
The best way to make a good first impression is intentional and genuine communication, not chemical influence.
True personality emerges through conversation, not from alcohol.
Socialize responsibly and ensure safe return home.
[ii] Felisberti, Fatima, and Philip Terry. 2015. “The Effects of Alcohol on the Recognition of Facial Expressions and Microexpressions of Emotion: Enhanced Recognition of Disgust and Contempt.” Human Psychopharmacology: Clinical and Experimental 30 (5): 384–92.
[iii] Study involved Waitrose vodka (37% ABV) paired with diet Schweppes Indian tonic water and Angostura Bitters.
[iv] Orehek, Edward, et al. 2020. “Self-Expression While Drinking Alcohol: Alcohol Influences Personality Expression during First Impressions.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 46 (1): 109–23.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often employed in the early stages of a relationship, characterized by an overwhelming display of affection, attention, and admiration. This behavior, while it may feel incredibly flattering and exciting at first, is typically a red flag indicating potential emotional abuse or manipulation. A love bomber will shower their partner with excessive compliments, gifts, and constant communication, often declaring intense feelings of love very early in the relationship. For instance, they might say things like “You’re my soulmate” or “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life” after just a few dates. This intense affection can make the recipient feel valued and special, but it is often a ploy to gain control and create a sense of dependency.
In essence, love bombing is not about genuine love or affection but rather a strategy to manipulate someone into a relationship.
It can be particularly confusing because it taps into the natural human desire for love and connection, making it difficult to distinguish between genuine feelings and manipulative behavior. As you navigate the complexities of relationships, recognizing the signs of love bombing is important for maintaining your mental health and ensuring you establish healthy boundaries.
The Dynamics of Love Bombing
Love bombing is characterized by a distinct set of behaviors designed to quickly and intensely capture the emotional attention of the target. It involves an excessive and often overwhelming display of affection, attention, and gifts, typically in the early stages of a relationship.
This can include constant communication via texts, emails, phone calls, and social media, as well as grand gestures such as lavish gifts or extravagant dates. Love bombers often use future faking, where they talk about a future together before the relationship has had a chance to naturally evolve. This can include discussions about moving in together, getting married, or having children, all within a very short period of meeting. These tactics are aimed at creating a strong emotional bond quickly, which can make the target feel special and valued, but ultimately serves the love bomber’s need for control and validation.
Genuine affection in a relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and healthy communication.
Unlike love bombing, genuine care does not involve overwhelming or suffocating the partner with constant attention. Instead, it respects the other person’s boundaries and allows for a natural progression of the relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners have the space to maintain their own friendships, family relationships, and personal interests without feeling guilty or pressured.
In contrast, love bombing is self-centered and ignores the partner’s need for personal space and autonomy. Love bombers may become upset or angry if their partner does not reciprocate the same level of intensity, indicating a lack of respect for the partner’s feelings and boundaries. Genuine affection is consistent over time and does not involve dramatic highs and lows; it is steady and respectful.
The impact of love bombing on the victim can be profound and often detrimental.
Initially, the intense attention and affection can activate the brain’s pleasure centers, creating a sense of euphoria and making the victim feel valued and loved. However, this feeling is short-lived and can lead to severe emotional manipulation. The victim may start to overlook or excuse the love bomber’s negative behaviors or flaws, which can result in a loss of personal autonomy and self-worth.
As the relationship progresses, the victim may experience feelings of disillusionment, disappointment, and even trauma when the love bomber’s true nature is revealed. The intense emotional highs followed by lows can create a rollercoaster effect, making it difficult for the victim to distinguish between genuine love and manipulation. This can lead to long-term mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and a distorted view of what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Projection as a Mechanism in Love Bombing
Definition of Projection
Projection, within the realm of psychology, is described as the mental act wherein individuals cast their own thoughts, feelings, or impulses onto others. This notion, first put forward by Sigmund Freud, revolves around the externalization of one’s own unwelcome or anxiety-inducing attributes, thereby diverting attention from oneself to another.
For example, an individual harboring feelings of anger or jealousy might project these emotions onto their partner, accusing them of harboring the same feelings. This defense mechanism can take various forms, including projective identification, where the individual not only projects their feelings onto others but also prompts those feelings in the other person. This can initiate a cycle where the projected emotions are mirrored back, fortifying the initial projection and fostering a distorted perception of reality. Role of Projection in Love Bombing
In the sphere of love bombing, projection plays a pivotal role in the manipulative strategies used by the love bomber. Love bombers often cast their own needs, desires, and emotions onto their partner, crafting an illusion that the partner reciprocates these intense emotions.
This phenomenon is evident when a love bomber professes profound feelings of love or commitment prematurely in the relationship, suggesting these sentiments are shared by the partner as well. Projection enables love bombers to steer the relationship’s narrative. By projecting their intense emotions and needs onto their partner, they fabricate a semblance of mutual understanding and connection that might not genuinely exist.
This manipulation can make the partner feel acknowledged and comprehended, yet it simultaneously lays the groundwork for emotional abuse. The love bomber’s projections can transform into mechanisms to guilt-trip or coerce the partner into meeting their demands. Furthermore, when the partner begins to withdraw or establish boundaries, the love bomber might project their own feelings of rejection or abandonment onto the partner, accusing them of being distant or indifferent. Such projection can intensify conflicts and further ensnare the partner in the love bomber’s emotional snare, complicating their ability to discern the manipulation and set healthy boundaries.
Interrelationship Between Love Bombing and Projection
Combining the Two Behaviors
The interplay between love bombing and projection is a complex and potent mix that can deeply manipulate and control the victim in a relationship. When a love bomber employs projection, they not only shower their partner with excessive affection and attention but also attribute their own emotions, needs, and intentions to the partner.
This dual approach strengthens the love bomber’s grip on the relationship, making it even more challenging for the victim to recognize and escape the manipulation. In the idealization stage of love bombing, projection is often used to create a false sense of mutual understanding and deep connection. The love bomber might project their own intense emotions onto the partner, making statements like “I can see we both feel the same way about our future together” or “I know you’re as committed to this relationship as I am.” This projection can make the partner feel seen and understood, but it is actually a tactic to accelerate the bonding process and gain control over the partner’s emotions and actions. Examples and Warning Signs
One of the most significant warning signs of the combination of love bombing and projection is the rapid escalation of the relationship coupled with an unrealistic alignment of emotions and intentions. For instance, if someone is introducing you to their family, talking about long-term plans, and declaring deep feelings of love within the first few weeks of dating, while also attributing these feelings to you, it could be a red flag.
Another example is when the love bomber starts to criticize or blame the partner for things that are actually their own flaws or fears.
This can manifest as accusations of being distant or uncaring, even when the partner has been consistently responsive and affectionate. This behavior is a clear sign of projection, where the love bomber is deflecting their own emotional issues onto the partner to maintain control and avoid accountability.
Additionally, pay attention to inconsistencies between the love bomber’s words and actions.
If they project a perfect image of themselves and the relationship but their actions do not align with this image, it may indicate that they are using projection as part of their love bombing tactics. For example, if they claim to be deeply in love but suddenly become cold or distant without explanation, this could be a sign that their initial displays of affection were manipulative rather than genuine.
Conclusion
In navigating relationships, it is important to be aware of the manipulative tactics of love bombing and projection.
Remember that genuine affection grows naturally and respects boundaries, whereas love bombing is an intense, overwhelming display of affection aimed at control and dependence. Be cautious of rapid declarations of love, constant demands for attention, and the use of guilt and shame to manipulate.
Recognize the signs of projection, where your emotions and intentions are attributed to you by the love bomber. If you find yourself in such a situation, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist, and prioritize setting healthy boundaries.
There are ways to identify the sinister, yet subtle signs of sexual grooming. ey points
Grooming is a deceptive strategy designed to facilitate child sexual abuse and avoid detection.
Some grooming tactics mimic a normal, healthy, adult-child relationship.
Red flags include isolating vulnerable victims and desensitizing sexual content and contact.
Family grooming involves spending time with a child’s family to increase access to the child.
Source: Image by Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay
Sexual abuse victimization is every parent’s nightmare every time they are separated from their child. Yet children attend school, spend time playing sports and hanging out with friends, and, as they get older, spend more time on their own in public. But parents still worry; some are suspicious of neighbors, coaches, and teachers who develop an interest in their child. How much of that attention is healthy? Recent research findings provide some guidance.
Predatory Behaviors
Elizabeth L. Jeglic et al. (2023) published a study identifying red flags of child sexual grooming behavior by adult males.[i] Their study defines sexual grooming as a “deceptive process wherein a would-be perpetrator prepares a child for sexual abuse (CSA) and prevents disclosure and detection.” They note the challenge of detecting sexual grooming behaviors because many resemble normal interactions with adults, highlighting the need to identify red flags.
Jeglic et al. studied reported sexual grooming behaviors between adults who were victimized as children and those who were not. They found numerous sexual grooming behaviors differentiated the two groups, including the behaviors of adults who engaged in CSA, as well as the importance of the child’s relationship to the adult. The challenge lies in distinguishing deviance from benevolence.
Recognizing Sexual Grooming: Motivation Matters
Jeglic et al. note that many sexual grooming behaviors, particularly those not related to sexual content or touch, can be challenging to recognize because some of the tactics are seemingly innocuous, and many may reflect a natural, normal, healthy adult relationship with a child. This is an abuser’s goal, in order to avoid detection. Jeglic et al. use examples that are not themselves inherently suspect, such as adult gift-giving or playing childlike games with children, even though these types of strategies are also used in sexual grooming.
On the other hand, Jeglic et al. identify certain behaviors that are red flags, indicating sexual grooming. They include behaviors specifically designed to desensitize children to sexual content and physical contact such as undressing in front of a child, showing a child pornography, or using inappropriate sexual language.
Another hallmark of abuse is the use of a large number of many different sexual grooming behaviors, including engaging in activities with a child away from other adults, showering a child with gifts or compliments, and communicating with a minor through texting or other means.
Preying on Vulnerability
From a victim selection perspective, Jeglic et al. noted that one identified risk factor was the psychological vulnerability of the child, including feelings of low self-esteem, feeling isolated or lonely, experiencing psychological or behavioral problems, and feeling unloved, unwanted, or needy.
Access and Isolation
Regarding conduct that facilitates abuse, Jeglic et al. identified the biggest red flag as separating a child from peers and family—a behavior they found to be 20 times more likely in cases of CSA. This includes physical and psychological separation—the latter being perhaps even more important because it removes the precepting of having social support outside the abusive relationship. This perceived isolation can aggravate feelings of isolation or parental alienation, making a child more vulnerable to abuse.
Family Grooming
Jeglic et al. explain that predators often spend time with a child’s family to increase access to the child, known as familial grooming. Consequently, they note the importance of closely monitoring community members such as teachers, coaches, or religious leaders seeking to spend time with a child and his or her family to ensure that all activities are done as a family unit. This type of monitoring can be facilitated through the community member’s organizational policies and procedures which may prohibit certain types of contact outside of the official position, as well as parents and caregivers who the perpetrator may try to groom to gain access to the child.
Together, families and local organizations can work together to protect children, identify abusers, and make communities safer.
References
[i] Jeglic, Elizabeth L., Georgia M. Winters, and Benjamin N. Johnson. 2023. “Identification of Red Flag Child Sexual Grooming Behaviors.” Child Abuse & Neglect 136 (February): 1–13. doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2022.105998.
Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading.
Is this relationship normal? ”You have been having this cramping feeling in your guts, telling you if this constant criticism and fights are stealing your joy, and peace. “Am I overreacting?” – Maybe, or maybe not…
Leaving a toxic relationship is not just a struggle with your partner but also within yourself with all the doubt you have put through. If you have recognized all the signs of your relationship As TOXIC then it is a brave step to set yourself to be free.
But this process is not just like “getting up and leaving”, You have to carefully understand your situation. Therefore, this guide will work as your strategy or a roadmap to plan your journey to emotional healing and both physical and mental security.
BUT first, Recognize: Am I having a Toxic Relation?
It is crucial to accept your feelings before exiting. There are a few behaviors in the toxic partner that you need to understand first to recognize the reality of this relationship:
Dismissing Emotional support and Criticism: Whether you are struggling or accomplishing your personal goal, there is always nagging, and jealousy coming from your partner. You struggle and efforts are always dismissed or criticized. It’s like you are always walking on eggshells.
Manipulation: Love is a feeling used towards manipulation, “If you love me, prove it by doing this….” They use your feelings and guilt to get what they want. Honesty is out of the question!
Control and Isolation: Your partners always control what you do, how you spend your money, how you dress and everything should be according to them. This kind of control isolates you from family and friends too.
Disrespect: They always disrespect you and your opinion without considering your feelings. They overstep personal boundaries.
Emotional Drainage: You feel consistently exhausted. You start losing your worth in your own eyes which will be further followed by insecurities.
If this is what you are facing, then Reality is hit hard. Acceptance might seem impossible. Since you have recognized these patterns, you will build up your courage silently to leave too.
Phase#1: Silent Preparation:
Convince yourself first: Make a list why you want to end this relationship and why you need to leave. This list will help you when doubts creep in. You can visit a mental health professional too.
Physical safety: If your partner is aggressive, or he might hurt you physically when you are leaving then seek professional help. Always have a plan which includes where to stay, who to call, who’s protection to seek etc.
Start building a support system: Group of friends and family who you can trust emotionally. These confidants will also help in communication with the partner in future, if needed.
Secure a safe place: If you are leaving, where are you going to stay? Safety should be your first priority.
Prepare a bag: A go-to bag with all your essentials like clothes, shoes or personal items.
Phase#2: Independence Plan:
Be Financial Independent: Make your own savings account. Try to be financially independent as soon as possible. Save up enough to get you through at least 4 to 6 months.
Secure digital life: Change passwords on all existing accounts like banking accounts, and social media accounts. Ensure they are hard to guess.
Secure your Documents: Gather your important documents (ID, social security card, passports, drivers’ license birth certificates), financial documents (bank statement, cheque books, insurance) and any property papers. Make a copy and keep them safe outside of the house with a confidant or deposit book.
Seek legal help: If you are married, have kids or have joint possessions, then it’s better to keep the legal advisor in the loop here too.
Phase#3: The EXIT
Where to have the conversation: Choose a public place. The less private the better. If you can’t bring yourself to tell them face to face, it’s ok to leave a message, letter or tell them on a phone call. Your safety is the first priority.
Check the mood: If they are angry or drunk, it’s not the right time. Do rush yourself too.
Deliver the Decision clearly: State your decision firmly like its a fact. For example, “I am ending this relationship!”
Avoid further conversation: You do not need to engage in any debate or explain yourself. For example, “I can stay in this relationship with you. It’s my decision.”They will try to play victim but do not apologize or brief your reasons.
Have support: Have a person on standby when you end the conversation. It can be a friend in the car or a family member on the phone.
Phase#4: The Aftermath
No-Contact: Block them from literally everything. They will try to pull you back by apologizing, begging to by playing a victim but you do not have to hear anything from them.
Exchange of things: If you want to exchange or return anything, it should always be through a friend or family. If in-person then have an escort, even from the police if needed.
Phase#5: Healing
Seek Emotional support: Surround yourself with the people who really care about you often. You can seek help from a therapist or counselor too.
Redirect to Selfcare: Have a routine, focus on sleep, your diet. Get yourself engage into activities that bring you joy and peace. Try something you wanted to do but can’t because of the relationship.
Give yourself sometime: Don’t be so hard on yourself. You will feel lost, sad or guilty but it’s ok. You deserve to be loved, invest in yourself. Acceptance might be hard but it is not impossible. Only you can bring yourself out of this trauma just by accepting to end this relationship.
At one point in time or another, we’ve all encountered or exhibited signs of manipulation—it’s an inherent aspect of human interactions to some extent. Recall a young child feigning tears or gazing at you with hopeful eyes when they desire something. However, as we mature, these manipulative behaviours morph into less adorable forms such as deceit, ultimatums, or other tactics aimed at controlling or influencing others to achieve certain outcomes. Recognizing these manipulative behaviours is essential to addressing them and establishing healthy boundaries for oneself and others.
Manipulation can be defined as a tactic where one individual attempts to sway another’s emotions to achieve a specific reaction or result, notes Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, therapist and Chief Medical Officer at LifeStance Health. While the definition may seem simple, the manifestations of manipulative behaviour can be veiled as various interpersonal dynamics. Generally, manipulation is at play when one feels devoid of autonomy, choice, or the ‘license’ to set boundaries, states psychotherapist and psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, LP.
To help identify manipulation in real-life scenarios, we reached out to mental health professionals to shed light on some seemingly innocuous actions that are red flags. Here are five common yet subtle manipulative behaviours to be vigilant about:
Gaslighting
Originating from the 1938 play, Gas Light, and its subsequent 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, the term ‘gaslighting‘ has become synonymous with a form of manipulation where the manipulator causes the victim to doubt their reality. Sadly, this form of manipulation remains prevalent today, particularly in toxic relationships, says Spinelli. Confronting gaslighters with phrases like “We remember things differently” or “I am not interested in debating what happened with you” can be a way to address this behaviour.
The Silent Treatment
Here, the manipulator shuns communication with the other party, sometimes to assert control. While they may be genuinely upset, the silence is used as a tool of power, making the victim feel they’ve committed an unforgivable act, explains mental health counsellor Leon Garber, LHMC. Digital silence, like intentionally ignoring texts or emails to elicit anxiety or maintain control, is also a manipulative tactic, adds Spinelli.
Guilt Tripping
Guilt tripping is aimed at making someone feel remorseful or embarrassed to sway their behaviour. It often involves reminding others of personal sacrifices made for them or evoking guilt over attributes the manipulator lacks, states Garber. Recognizing and addressing guilt tripping when it occurs is crucial for maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.
Flattery
While compliments are generally well-received, excessive or insincere flattery is a manipulative tactic. It often includes exaggeration to gain favour or maintain closeness, rather than fostering genuine connection, explains Garber. Being aware of and addressing insincere flattery when it occurs can help maintain authentic relationships.
Love Bombing
Excessive expressions of love, especially in a budding relationship, can be a form of manipulation with the strategic intent to quickly entangle someone emotionally, explains Spinelli. Love bombing can also reoccur in relationships, particularly after a hurtful incident, as a way to seek forgiveness without addressing the underlying issue. Recognizing love bombing early on can help prevent long-term emotional distress.
Conclusion
Remember, if a loved one’s actions are causing mental or physical distress, consulting a professional is advisable. Your well-being should never be a subject of negotiation. It’s important to stay informed and take proactive steps to maintain healthy relationships.
I met a spectacular woman a few months ago. But then began her impulsivity, changeable moods and rage outbursts against me. She seems highly functioning but doesn’t have self-control. Why am I attracted to people who are like that?”
The excitement of impulsivity
Impulsive people respond to their feelings without giving them much thought. They often express and respond to their emotions fervently and without fear of consequences. They tend to lack a filter or inner critic, which can result in their being exuberant, spontaneous as well as hotheaded.
Spontaneity and exuberance can be exciting and appealing. When two people are first attracted to each other, there are a lot of positive emotions, and someone who expresses desire and excitement impetuously can be quite seductive and exhilarating to be with.
The fantasy in new relationships
When two people first become captivated with one another whether as friends or potential lovers, there is always a bit of projection going on. They don’t really know each other, so they fill in the blanks by projecting their hopes and fantasies onto the other person.
Yet no one can really fulfill the expectations of another person. Eventually, reality sets in and that reality will conflict with some of the fantasies each has had about the other. When they find out that their expectations are inaccurate, they may be disappointed and even blame the other person for failing to fulfill their fantasy. Disappointment and blame can trigger negative projections, furthering negative emotions and behavior in both people.
People who lack impulse control tend to follow their emotions, while ignoring reason based on experience. They allow themselves to get carried away by their projections when they are infatuated with someone. They also experience disappointment in an exaggerated way without tempering their negative emotions with rational thought and restraint. When they express their negative emotions without a filter, they may become volatile, hostile and explosive.
Develop your own self-control to avoid falling for someone too quickly. The word “falling” is appropriate here. It implies letting go of reason and caution while giving up any grounding in reality. This “letting go” or “falling” into your fantasy feels thrilling and intoxicating, but when you finally hit the ground, it can hurt.
So it helps to take your time before getting deeply involved with someone you’re attracted to. Take your time to get to know their true nature, qualities and character. By avoiding becoming emotionally enmeshed too quickly, i.e., by calling or seeing them everyday, you can retain some objectivity.
While it’s fine to enjoy people who are impulsive and exciting, know that such qualities can lead to moodiness, controlling behavior, dependency, manipulation, volatility and rage. Thus, make sure you remain independent and grounded on your own terms when engaging with impulsive people. Also try to avoid being controlling, possessive, overly impulsive, dependent, or manipulative yourself. None of these qualities bode well in the pursuit of a long-term relationship.
You can still enjoy the excitement of being captivated by or infatuated with a new person. But keep your eyes open and your reason intact to be able to stay connected to reality.
If you’re looking for support beyond physical fitness, learn how to find a qualified therapist who can assist you with mental health and emotional well-being.
Ever wonder about the phrases that narcissistic folks, sociopaths, and psychopaths use? How do you handle them?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where someone’s reality is twisted so much that it creates major confusion. It often happens in abusive relationships. When a narcissist puts you on blast, they tend to start wild arguments that question your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This gaslighting tactic wears you down to the point where you struggle to defend yourself. Instead of finding a healthy way to distance yourself from these toxic individuals, your attempts to feel validated and sure about what you went through get derailed.
Gaslighting can show up in different ways, like making you doubt your own mental health or questioning your life experiences. The worst offenders are those narcissistic types who use this tactic to mess with how you see things and dodge any responsibility for their behavior. These abusers can be really cruel and sadistic with what they do, showing little to no empathy or guilt as they secretly torment or provoke you.
Gaslighting by Tribe and Narcissism
People who gaslight others may have what’s called narcissistic personality disorder.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder think they’re super important and usually don’t care about others unless it serves their own needs. They lack empathy and just don’t get how another person is feeling or what they’re going through.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder might:
Have an inflated sense of their own significance
Blow their achievements out of proportion
React with anger when criticized
Use others to get what they want
Expect special treatment
Be overly critical of others
Get jealous or envious pretty easily
How to Deal with Gaslighting?
If you want to fight back against gaslighting, it’s crucial to stay in touch with your own reality and avoid getting stuck in a cycle of doubt. You should be able to spot the red flags of manipulative narcissists so you can exit tricky convos before they turn into accusations, blame, or just plain yelling, which will only leave you feeling more confused about yourself.
Building your self-worth and confidence can help you stay grounded in what you really feel about how someone treats you, rather than getting caught up in trying to explain yourself to a manipulative person with their own agenda.
Taking space from your abuser is super important. Make sure you keep track of what happens as it truly occurs instead of how your abuser says it went down. Save texts, voicemails, emails, and any recordings that can help you remember the truth if you ever feel foggy, rather than getting swept up in the lies from the person hurting you.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for outside help, like a trauma therapist, to talk through the abuse you’ve experienced. Smart narcissists might try to change your reality, but you don’t have to let them. Document everything.
If you’re looking for support beyond physical fitness, learn how to find a qualified therapist who can assist you with mental health and emotional well-being.
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