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Rerun: Today’s podcast delves into the overlooked warning signs that could indicate potential problems in your romantic connections. From excessive compliments to controlling behavior and everything in between, we’ll guide you through these potential pitfalls that many women tend to ignore.
But that’s not all! We also introduce you to the intriguing concept of “beige flags,” those quirky behaviors that may not be good or bad, but should give you pause and spark further investigation.
Don’t let these dangerous red flags slip through the cracks and sabotage your happiness. It’s time to shed light on these overlooked red flags and make informed choices for your heart’s sake.

NEXT STEP: Book a complimentary Love Strategy Session and let us help you attract love this year: https://go.lovestrategies.com/session

When faced with someone that resists your boundaries, these strategies may help.

• Good mental health requires boundaries—setting limits on what we do for others, and how much we’ll allow them to disrespect us.
• “Boundary-pushing” can involve ignoring or testing our boundaries, and trying to manipulate us into relaxing our boundaries.
• There are ways to uphold a boundary with little drama, even when facing a tenacious boundary pusher.

Setting boundaries with others is an important life skill. Sometimes we need to set limits on what we’re willing to do for someone else, or how much we’re willing to let someone takes advantage of us or mistreat us. A lack of healthy boundaries can harm our emotional, psychological, physical, or financial health and negatively impact our other relationships. Without good boundaries, we can enable unacceptable behavior by rewarding it.

Despite healthy boundary benefits, some of us have a troubled relationship with personal boundary-setting because we:

• Feel guilty about how our boundaries will affect others.
• Fear others’ anger, emotion, abandonment, or rejection.
• Feel selfish because we believe “good” people should sacrifice for others.
• Are empathic and want to relieve other peoples’ suffering.
• Are “people-pleasers” that want everyone to like us.
• Have low self-esteem and don’t think that what we want or need is as important as what others want or need.
• Don’t know how to effectively advocate for ourselves.

If you’re like me, having healthy boundaries took emotional work and practice, motivated by experiencing some of the costs I outlined earlier. I’m happy to report that I’m better at having healthy boundaries and most people accept my boundaries without conflict. But that’s not to say it’s easy, especially when I encounter the dreaded “boundary pusher.”

Boundary Pushers and the Things They Do

Boundary pushers come in a variety of forms and may be narcissistic, immature, entitled, selfish, privileged, desperate, clueless, or some combination. They want what they want, our boundaries be damned. They do things like:

• Flat out ignore our boundary.
• Test us to see if we mean it.
• Argue with our reasons for the boundary.
• Repeatedly request or expect unjustified rule-bending that’s unfair to others.
• Try to manipulate us into relaxing our boundary. They act like we’re unreasonable or mean and exaggerate their plight. They say things like, “It’s just this one time, I’ll never ask again.” If it’s unfair to others, they promise not to tell. They try to wear us down by asking repeatedly even after we’ve said “no.”

Countering Boundary Pushers

There’s a difference between boundary-pushing and legitimate requests for relaxing our boundaries. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. Compassionate people consider whether the situation calls for bending their boundaries. Likewise, wise people consider whether the benefits of asserting their boundaries are worth the potential costs. Some boundaries are more important than others.

If you conclude your boundary is worth standing up for, remind the “offender” of the boundary using a confident, well-modulated, matter-of-fact tone of voice. You might, very briefly, restate why you’re committed to the boundary if you think it will help, but keep it simple. Don’t over-explain. Then, change the subject or leave the situation. If your resolve is tested by a tenacious boundary pusher fruitless.

We all experience stress, but sometimes, we don’t even realize how much it’s affecting us. Whether it’s work pressure, personal struggles, or just everyday life piling up, chronic stress can creep in silently and impact our body, mind, and emotions.

Recognizing the early signs of stress can help you act before burnout. Here’s how to tell if you’re stressed—and what you can do about it.

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🔍 What Is Stress?

Stress is your body’s natural response to a challenge or threat. In small amounts, it can help you stay alert and focused. But when stress becomes constant, it can damage your mental and physical health.

Understanding the warning signs of stress is the first step toward managing it healthily.

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🚨 10 Signs You Are Stressed

1. You Feel Constantly Overwhelmed

If your to-do list feels never-ending and you’re always playing catch-up, you might be experiencing chronic stress. Overwhelm can make even small tasks feel impossible.

2. Sleep Is a Struggle

One of the most common signs of stress is difficulty sleeping—either falling asleep or staying asleep. Your mind may be racing, and your body may remain on “high alert.”

3. You’re More Irritable or Moody Than Usual

When you’re stressed, your emotional fuse gets shorter. Minor annoyances might suddenly feel unbearable. You may snap at others or feel emotional for no apparent reason.

4. Physical Symptoms Show Up

Stress doesn’t just live in your mind; it also manifests in the body. You might notice:

• Headaches or migraines

• Muscle tension, especially in the neck and shoulders

• Upset stomach or digestive issues

• Rapid heartbeat

5. You’re Constantly Tired

Even after a whole night’s sleep, you may wake up feeling exhausted. Chronic stress can wear you down mentally and physically, leaving you drained.

6. You’re Easily Distracted

Stress impacts your ability to concentrate. You might struggle to stay focused, make decisions, or remember simple things.

7. Changes in Appetite

Stress can mess with your eating habits. Some people eat more (stress eating), while others lose their appetite entirely.

8. You Withdraw Socially

If you’re avoiding friends, skipping events, or isolating yourself, it could be a sign that stress is becoming overwhelming.

9. You Feel Anxious or Restless

Stress often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. You may experience constant nervousness, unease, or a sense of dread, without knowing why.

10. You Feel Emotionally Numb

Sometimes stress is so intense that your brain shuts down your emotions to cope. This can leave you feeling numb, disconnected, or robotic.

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💡 What to Do If You’re Stressed

If several of these signs sound familiar, you’re not alone, and there are healthy ways to manage it. Try these simple strategies:

🌿 Practice Deep Breathing

Just a few minutes of slow, intentional breathing can calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present.

🧘‍♀️ Try Mindfulness or Meditation

Apps like Headspace or Insight Timer offer guided meditations to help you slow down and reset.

📝 Keep a Stress Journal

Write down your thoughts, worries, or triggers. Journaling helps you process emotions and identify patterns.

🚶‍♂️ Move Your Body

Exercise—even a short walk—releases endorphins, your body’s natural stress-relievers.

💬 Talk to Someone

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to share it. Talk to a friend, therapist, or coach who can offer support without judgment.

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✅ Final Thoughts

Stress is a regular part of life, but when it lingers too long, it can affect your health, relationships, and overall well-being. By recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps to manage stress, you can regain control and start feeling like yourself again.

Toxic Positivity is a ploy used by Narcissits, they don’t validate what you say.

We live in a world that often promotes “good vibes only,” encouraging us to always look on the bright side and stay positive. While optimism can be a powerful tool, there’s a fine line between encouragement and emotional invalidation. That’s where toxic positivity sneaks in.

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how bad or painful a situation is, we should keep a positive mindset. It’s the voice that says, “Everything happens for a reason,” when your world is falling apart. It’s the pressure to smile when your heart is heavy.

And while it’s often well-intentioned, it can do more harm than good.

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🌫️ What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state in a way that denies, suppresses, or invalidates authentic human emotions.

It shows up in phrases like:

• “Just stay positive.”

• “It could be worse.”

• “Good vibes only.”

• “You’ll get over it.”

These statements might seem harmless or even encouraging at first glance. But for someone going through real pain, they can feel isolated and dismissed.

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🌱 What Is Healthy Support?

Healthy support, on the other hand, holds space for emotions. It’s the practice of listening without judgment, validating feelings without trying to fix them, and offering empathy instead of solutions.

Examples include:

• “That sounds hard. I’m here for you.”

• “It’s okay to feel upset. Your feelings are valid.”

• “Do you want to talk about it or sit quietly together?”

This kind of support makes people feel seen, heard, and safe.

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💡 Why Toxic Positivity Can Be Harmful

1. It invalidates emotions. When someone is told to “just think positive,” it suggests their pain isn’t real or important.

2. It causes shame. People may believe they’re weak or wrong for feeling negative emotions.

3. It disrupts the connection. Real relationships are built on honesty. If someone can’t be vulnerable, they may start to withdraw.

4. It blocks healing. Suppressing difficult feelings doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, unacknowledged emotions can linger and grow.

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🧠 Let’s Reframe It: Side-by-Side Examples

Here’s how we can turn toxic positivity into healthy, emotionally intelligent responses:

Toxic Positivity	Healthy Support
“Just be happy.”	“I can see this is really hard. Want to talk about it?”
“Look on the bright side.”	“It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed right now.”
“You’ll get over it.”	“Take all the time you need to heal. I’m here.”
“Others have it worse.” Positivity isn’t bad, but it becomes toxic when it’s used to cover up, dismiss, or rush through pain. Instead of offering sunshine during someone’s storm, try offering shelter. Empathy is a deeper form of love than any bright-side cliché. Let’s be people who allow others to feel it all—messy, real, and fully human.’	“Your experience is valid, and your pain matters.”

Knowing how avengers are provoked can prevent aggression

Posted January 26, 2025 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitc

Key points

• Many people feel slighted, but avengers act on vengeful feelings; nonavengers don’t.
• Revenge is impacted by the offense, relationship between the parties, and context.
• Social exclusion often prompts revenge, highlighting its social nature.

Source: Image by Photolesh from Pixabay

Within human interaction, relational conflict is inevitable. It occurs between friends, family members, and coworkers, from the classroom to the bedroom to the boardroom. The outcome, however, depends on the personalities and proclivities of the individuals involved. Some people are better equipped to handle conflict than others. We all know people who have a thick skin when it comes to weathering negative sentiments and personal attacks, seemingly unruffled in the fray. We also know people on the other end of the spectrum who take offense easily and carry grudges. It is those in the latter category who are more difficult to deal with, more disagreeable, and potentially be dangerous. Research explains.

Responding With Revenge

Maartje Elshout et al. in a piece entitled “Situational Precursors of Revenge” (2017) investigated settings that predicted revenge, including social exclusion, types of relationships, and opportunity.[i] They compared what they termed avengers—people who acted on vengeful feelings—and nonavengers, orpeople who did not.

Elshout et al. recognize that revenge may be excessive with severe consequences, including what they term “personally and societally disruptive acts” including everything from school shootings to homicide to mass murder. They acknowledge the importance of acquiring insight into revenge predictors, yet also know, as threat assessors can attest, that acts of revenge are often unpredictable. Elshout et al. corroborate this reality with examples of friends and acquaintances expressing disbelief when hearing about the carnage caused by an avenger they considered to be “such a normal person” or “a totally normal, nice guy” whom they did not believe capable of violence. But there are red flags.

Vendettas and Vengefulness

Elshout et al. note that some prior research focusing on how demographics and personality traits impact attitudes and intentions about revenge show that vengefulness is higher among men than women, and higher among younger people. They note that vengefulness is also positively associated with attitudes about power, social dominance, and psychological states such as narcissism and neuroticism, while negatively correlated with empathy, agreeableness, and benevolence. Yet knowledge about potentially predisposing factors cannot predict whether such people will actually take revenge. Situation matters also.

Situations Geared to Revenge

Elshout et al. compared avengers to nonavengers within different situations related to the nature of the offense, the relationship between the parties, and context. They found that avengers, perhaps contrary to popular opinion, did not exact revenge because the offenses they suffered were more severe or emotionally intense, or created more rumination, based on the number of audience members, or based on their level of closeness to the offender.

Regarding the characteristics that distinguished the two groups, they found that revenge was more prevalent among young male friends and acquaintances, following offenses involving social exclusion, and when it was possible. Elshout et al. recognize opportunity as a key factor in the choice to take revenge, explaining that it may be one of the few ways to gain attention in reacting to social exclusion, and may be less likely when offenders are strangers.

Revenge as Social Insult

Elshout et al. found that only offenses involving social exclusion predictably resulted in revenge, highlighting its social nature. They explain the link as illustrating the harm caused by interpersonal threats to the sense of belonging and note that rejection and social exclusion are linked with aggression in general as well as severe manifestations of aggression such as school shootings.

Elshout et al. provide a practical warning: Social exclusion should be closely monitored to detect red flags of plotting revenge and to prevent future danger. And as threat assessors know and seek to achieve every day, intervention is prevention.

References

[i] Elshout, Maartje, Rob M. A. Nelissen, Ilja Van Beest, Suzan Elshout, and Wilco W. Van Dijk. 2017. “Situational Precursors of Revenge: Social Exclusion, Relationship Type, and Opportunity.” Personal Relationships 24 (2): 291–305. doi:10.1111/pere.12185.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.

Reprinted with permission

Online:

wendypatrickphd.com, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram

. Demand less.

Key points

• Everyone’s relationship can use a boost. Knowing strategies to fix problems or prevent them is important.
• You can “do more” by working on the relationship or “demand less” by focusing on managing expectations.
• You can better appreciate what you have by focusing on the positives and what works well.

Source: Jennifer Murray/Pexels

When it comes to relationships, we tend to overcomplicate things.

We start wondering if this person is “the one” and if everything will remain perfect. Inevitably, reality falls short of our expectations. When we encounter problems, it can feel overwhelming. Or perhaps we start to feel adrift in love.

How will you deal with this? What should you do? You could read the scientific literature, go to counseling, or wade through all of the questionable relationship advice, hoping to uncover something useful.

It’s a lot to process, making you want to do nothing and hope for the best. While that may make you feel better temporarily, it’s not what will ultimately make your relationship better.

Ready for some good news? Relationship improvement is simpler than it may seem. It comes down to three basic strategies.

1. Do More

The “do more” types are the people who see a problem and attack it head-on. If you’re this type, you have difficulty just sitting there. Instead, you want to do something—anything. You want to dive in and devote the time and energy to fix what’s wrong. You like to be proactive by looking for what you can add or improve to address potential problems before they arise.

As Nicholas Sparks wrote in The Notebook, “So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day…” That’s OK. It’s natural and part of how people build strong relationships. The work makes it worth it. Here are a few ways to do more:

• The four-hour relationship: Doing more doesn’t have to be time-consuming. A week has 168 hours. Start by making your relationship a priority for four of those hours each week to see the benefits. To make that time even more impactful, have date nights featuring “N.I.C.E.” activities or those that are “new, interesting, challenging, and exciting.” Research shows that couples who do things together with those four qualities have better relationships (Aron et al., 2022).
• Building relationship skills: Spend some of those four hours each week building your relationship skills. There are lots to choose from, but here are some of the best: communication, conflict resolution, how well you know your partner, how well you know yourself, life management, stress management, and sexual/romantic skills (Epstein et al., 2013). The good news is that most of these skills relate to self-improvement (i.e., you don’t need your partner’s help), which makes them easier to implement. Because they’re skills, it also means there is always room for improvement, so returning to them often is helpful. It’s worth the effort because research shows that the better you are at these skills, the better your relationship will be.
• Doing more in bed: Here’s a fun one: Doing more sexually, particularly in terms of greater sexual/erotic variety, increases sexual arousal and desire (Morton & Gorzalka, 2015). More desire and arousal improve sexual satisfaction by counteracting familiarity and boredom, which helps minimize the potential for infidelity. Win-win.

2. Demand Less

Don’t feel like you have the time or energy to add more to your already hectic life? Sometimes the answer isn’t to do more but to want less. This isn’t suggesting that you should throw out all of your standards. Rather, you want to properly calibrate your expectations and be more realistic. Savor having enough.

The “demand less” strategy will appeal to those who realize how their own interpretation or evaluation of their partner’s actions or their own rules for the relationship impact their happiness. For example, seeing a partner’s occasional moodiness as a deal breaker or believing couples in good relationships don’t fight are both counterproductive.

The key to this approach is to realize that, as Hamlet said, “…there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” In other words, the problem may not be the relationship, but your perspective. Learning more about what makes relationships work will help.

• Soulmate solution? Everyone loves a little romance in their relationship. There are few things more romantic than soulmates. However, seeing your partner as a soulmate can force them to live up to a nearly impossible standard. That’s because no one is really that flawless. Soulmates are allegedly your perfect match—the one person who is best suited for you, the person you’re destined to be with (Knee & Petty, 2013). When your partner inevitably falls short of soulmate-worthy performance, you’re left with doubt. Now you may wonder if this is the right relationship, the right partner, and your relationship may feel like a fraud. All for potentially nothing. It’s unfair. The fact is, soulmates are more mythical than magical. Ditch the impossible standards.
• Manage expectations. In the movie “Up in the Air,” Anna Kendrick’s character, Natalie, has an extensive and oddly specific list of what she wants in a partner and self-righteously proclaims, “I just don’t want to settle.” Vera Farmiga’s more experienced character, Alex, explains that not checking every box on a partner wish list isn’t a failure. Unrealistic expectations, however, will absolutely fail you because they set your partner and your relationship up for constant disappointment. Instead, demand less by realizing you’re not perfect, which makes it perfectly reasonable that you’re partner isn’t either. Having exceedingly high expectations and always wanting more can result in not appreciating the great partner you have.
• Don’t go looking for problems. Even if your expectations are properly calibrated, you may still be overly critical of your partner and relationship. We have a natural negativity bias that encourages us to pay more attention to the bad aspects of an experience (Rozin & Royzman, 2001). One way that happens is by engaging in “problemicity” or finding problems where they don’t exist. In fact, research suggests that when your relationship doesn’t have any big problems, you tend to overemphasize the smaller issues (Levari et al., 2018). An easy way to demand less is by not manufacturing drama and seeking out problems.

Careful, though: Demanding less is not about disregarding all of your standards. While lowering expectations a bit can improve happiness, if you go too far you’ll surely be miserable. Go far enough and the world’s worst relationship may seem acceptable. Ultimately, the best standards and expectations are reasonable and realistic.

3. Better Appreciate What You Have

Good news: The best fixes are sometimes the simplest ones. If finding time to “do more” feels impossible and your expectations are honestly fair, you may think, “Now what?” Well, you can use perhaps the easiest strategy of them all: Cherish your current relationship. Alan Kay said, “A change of perspective is worth 80 IQ points.” Wise words. Time to get wiser about your love life.

• Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Sometimes relationship improvement is as simple as being more thankful for what you already have. Take stock of everything about your relationship that is easy, comfortable, uncomplicated, stable, and predictable. We take so much for granted in our relationship, but especially these basic building blocks. But they are each fundamental to your relationship’s success. Something as simple as expressing gratitude about them (or other positive aspects of your relationship) improves relationship quality (Algoe et al., 2013).
• Celebrate the positives. It’s also OK to take that appreciation one step further by doing even more to highlight the good parts. Researchers call this capitalization and find that savoring the good news and positive moments in a relationship boosts individual partners’ well-being and self-esteem (Gable & Reis, 2010). Capitalization also increases the relationship’s closeness, satisfaction, intimacy, and commitment. Ultimately, good relationships have a lot more positives than negatives. We have to take the time to notice.
• Use your illusions. Now you may wonder if you can take all this gratitude and positivity too far. What if your partner and relationship really aren’t as great as you’re making it seem? What if you’re wrong, or worse, lying to yourself? That’s OK. In fact, holding positive illusions, whereby you see your relationship as better than it is, actually helps the relationship (Murray et al., 1996). Our overly generous assessments give our partner a goal to aim for that encourages their improvement (e.g., “My partner thinks I’m really wonderful, so I better make sure I am so they’re not disappointed.”), which ultimately benefits the relationship.

What’s Best?

Which of these three strategies is best? Whichever one you’re most likely to actually use. That comes down to how you prefer to tackle problems.

• If you’re action-oriented, do more.
• Can you be a bit picky, judgmental, or hard to please? Demand less.
• If you feel like you simply need to take a step back and reevaluate, take a moment to better appreciate what you have.

Pick the one that’s going to let you get started right away. Once you put that into effect, you’ll build some positive momentum that you can use to add other strategies. Mix and match, or stick with the one that works best. The only thing that matters is that you’re working to improve your relationship. Its future is too important to do anything else.

Facebook image: Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock

References

Algoe, S. B., Fredrickson, B. L., & Gable, S. L. (2013). The social functions of the emotion of gratitude via expression. Emotion, 13(4), 605–609. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032701

Aron, A., Lewandowski, G., Branand, B., Mashek, D., & Aron, E. (2022). Self-expansion motivation and inclusion of others in self: An updated review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221110630

Epstein, R., Warfel, R., Johnson, J., Smith, R., & McKinney, P. (2013). Which relationship skills count most? Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy,12 (4), 297–313, https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2013.836047

Gable, S. L., & Reis, H. T. (2010). Good news! Capitalizing on positive events in an interpersonal context. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology, Vol. 42, pp. 195–257). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(10)42004-3

Knee, C. R., & Petty, K. N. (2013). Implicit theories of relationships: Destiny and growth beliefs. In J. A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (pp. 183–198). Oxford University Press.

Levari, D. E., Gilbert, D. T., Wilson, T. D., Sievers, B., Amodio, D. M., & Wheatley, T. (2018). Prevalence-induced concept change in human judgment. Science, 360(6396), 1465–1467.

Morton, H., & Gorzalka, B. B. (2015). Role of partner novelty in sexual functioning: A review. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41(6), 593–609. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2014.958788

Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(6), 1155–1180.

Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(4), 296–320.

Gary Lewendowski Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., is a Professor and former Chair in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University and author of Stronger Than You Think:The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.

Warning – offensive words appear in this document.

The Men Who Call Women “W*)*(***

Words hold more power than we often realize. While it may seem harmless to use terms like “slut,” “bitch,” or “whore,” such disrespectful language can significantly impact how women perceive themselves and can lead to serious consequences. Men, in particular, should never refer to women by any name other than their given name. Resorting to name-calling, such as calling a woman a “whore” or “slut” when things don’t go their way, reflects a lack of emotional maturity and is not indicative of a healthy mindset.

The words “whore,” “slut,” and “bitch” are not new; they have been used for hundreds of years. These derogatory terms have served to demean and belittle women throughout history. They are often used to shame women and compare them to prostitutes in a sexual context. This is a clear example of sexism at its worst.

Today, this word is still weaponized against women, especially young girls and those with an online presence. Social media amplifies men’s words, giving them a reach and impact that far surpasses anything seen in the past.

When men use that offensive term to refer to women, whether online or offline, it leads to more harmful and insidious outcomes. In this post, we will explore what this means for women and explain why you should avoid men who resort to name-calling like that.

The advent of the Internet and other online technologies has significantly changed our world. Overall, the Internet and online culture have brought many benefits. For example, we can now communicate with people from around the globe and have greater access to knowledge and job opportunities.

While we celebrate the advancements in communication and technology, it’s important to acknowledge the challenges that come with them. Social media has profoundly affected women’s lives, often placing immense pressure on them to meet unrealistic and harmful body image standards. Additionally, many women endure degrading language and actions from men online, which can be deeply hurtful. It’s crucial to recognize these struggles and support one another in creating a more compassionate and respectful online environment.

Some men are increasingly able to shame women and use derogatory language without facing significant consequences. The rise of AI technology has made it alarmingly easy for them to create fake nude images of women. In the past, it was much more difficult to defame and harm women; however, this has changed dramatically with advancements in artificial intelligence. This technology not only facilitates the creation of fabricated images but also empowers men to use harmful rhetoric against women. When faced with rejection, it is all too common for men to resort to spreading rumors to inflict damage.

Online profiles can be made anonymously, and young girls and older women can be called whores, bitches, c*** by people who have a deficit In humanity. A startling and tragic example of this occurred recently in Houston, Texas. A young teen was harassed online by a group of three people. Two of the bullies were female, and one was a male whom the victim rejected.

The young girl named Mareja Pratt was targeted and stalked and called a whore for months. Her online bullying resulted in a real-life confrontation, which led to the death of the victim. She was shot and killed by the man who called her a whore, and the other two women who participated in the online bullying were also present while she was dead.

Not all instances of online bullying are as severe as this one, but young people and women of all ages remain vulnerable to harmful comments made online. Each year, many girls attempt to harm themselves due to the names they are called. Slut-shaming, in particular, has a significant impact on women.

A young teenager took the bus every day and started a conversation with a man in his thirties. Although he spoke to her, he continually referred to her as “putica,” aware that she did not understand Spanish. It’s important to be aware of foreign words and their meanings.

When men use derogatory terms to describe a girl, it can lead to her being ostracized and ridiculed in real life, particularly if others witness this behavior online. Situations like that of Ms. Pratt, along with other tragedies, clearly demonstrate that men should refrain from using terms such as “whores,” “hoes,” “bitches,” “cunts,” or “sluts.” It also highlights the importance for women to distance themselves from men and others who use such disrespectful language.

Reasons to Avoid Men Who Use Disrespectful Names for You

The terms “whore,” “slut,” “bitch,” and “c**”—along with other sexual slurs—should not be used for various reasons. These words can harm women’s self-esteem and physical safety, and they reflect poorly on the character of the man who uses them. Men who resort to such language do not respect women, and being around anyone who uses these words is not advisable.

It’s easy to overlook this issue, particularly in a culture that often demeans women sexually. However, it’s important to respect yourself and be with someone who respects you in return. While cutting ties with people can be difficult, it’s essential for your mental health to distance yourself from men who frequently call you derogatory names like “whore,” “bitch,” or “ho,” or who pry into your sex life.

Call you derogatory names in bed? RUN

Be cautious if a man uses certain words early in your friendship or relationship; this is a significant red flag. If he uses them, it may indicate that he is not someone deserving of your time and energy. While this can be overwhelming to consider, it’s important to reflect on how these words affect you and other women as you choose who to allow into your life.

You deserve respect just as much as any man!

And as an aside, what about the men who are whoring around? What do you call them?

smhore. fuckboi

AI makes dating easier, but not better.

Key points

• More than a quarter of online daters feel optimistic about using AI for dating.
• The flirty text messages that AI generates aren’t as useful as human suggestions.
• AI can answer dating questions, but it doesn’t do a good job of telling you if they’re bad questions to ask.

AI can help you with dating. But is that a good idea?

Source: Cottonbro / Pexels

Modern dating is tough. To make it easier, singles are turning to AI for help. But should you really rely on robots for your love life?

Can AI Help with Dating?

AI has already infiltrated modern dating. According to the recent Singles in America study by Match Group, 27% of online daters feel optimistic about using AI for dating. Among singles who have tried it, 43% used AI to help write their dating app profile, and 37% used it to craft a first message. Some think it helps — 26% reported receiving more matches, 27% got better matches, and 32% met potential partners faster with AI assistance. Interestingly, one-third of singles believe AI can assess romantic compatibility.

Putting AI to the Test: Flirty Texting

To see how AI handles a common dating question, I asked, “What’s a flirty text I can send someone?” Here’s ChatGPT’s suggestion:

“Hey there, just wanted to let you know that you’ve been on my mind lately. Your smile has a way of brightening up my day. Care to join me for [insert activity or event] sometime? I have a feeling it would be a lot of fun with you by my side. 😊“

My Analysis: First, it’s way too long and positions the sender as chasing after the other person, which seems needy or desperate. The message is a bit sexually suggestive, which isn’t ideal (it’s better to build your relationship on friendship and compatibility). Similarly, I’d suggest focusing less on looks (e.g., smile) and more on substance (e.g., intellect, humor, kindness, positivity).

To make sure this first try wasn’t a fluke, I asked the AI to try again:

“Hey there, just a friendly reminder that you make my heart race every time I see you. 😏 How about we grab a coffee/drink sometime and continue this electrifying connection we’ve got going on? Can’t wait to see that charming smile of yours again.”

My Analysis: It’s really more of the same, problems and all, so I’ll skip the lengthy analysis. At least the AI is consistent. One bonus aspect this time was including the phrase “electrifying connection” which sounds cringey. But maybe that’s how robots talk.

My Suggestion: Here’s a suggestion from a human (me): Try texting something a bit out of the ordinary, like sending a picture with the message “Saw this and thought you.” Or “Weird observation…” then send something quirky/interesting. One other suggestion is to ask a question or give them a challenge, “I’d love to get your thoughts on something…”

Putting AI to the Test: Dating Advice

The great thing about AI is that you can ask judgment-free questions. For example, “How do I make a guy like me?” or “How do I avoid arguments in my relationship?” Sounds good, but…

My Analysis: Those questions will get you an answer. The problem is, maybe you shouldn’t. They aren’t the right question or the best approach. For the first one, it’s much more important to have a partner like you for who you are (i.e., be authentic, and the right person for you will like that). For the second question, you really shouldn’t avoid arguments. It’s better to work through small issues so they don’t become worse.

Why AI Isn’t Great for Dating

The suggestions aren’t great (at least so far). Case in point: when scientist Janelle Shane tasked AI with creating the best pickup line ever, it produced this: “You look like a thing, and I love you.” Weird.

Not surprisingly, a research paper titled “Should ChatGPT Write My Breakup Text?” concluded that, no, you shouldn’t (Fu et al., 2024). In their words, “current technologies often fall short in fully addressing the nuanced needs of individuals”

But the most compelling case is research showing that people want a human element in certain experiences like art (Samo & Highhouse, 2023). People preferred human art over machine art and reported more positive emotions after experiencing human art. That desire for humanness likely extends to other experiences like music and, yes, love.

Ultimately, relying on artificial intelligence is inauthentic. Would you want your possible partner to be a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac by using someone else’s words? Nope. You want truth in advertising and a dating partner who uses their own words. You should do the same.

When AI Might Be OK in Dating

If you’re stuck and drawing a blank writing a dating profile or even a text, AI can avoid the scary blank page and help you get started. AI is also a fantastic way to help gather information and facts if you want to learn about the different types of love, attachment styles, or problematic communication methods.

Overall, I think Adam Grant said it best, “One of the things I’ve noticed so far is that AI is terrible at coaching. Terrible. Like you, you ask for advice on anything. And so far tools like Claude and ChatGPT give you the most banal, trite suggestions you could possibly think of. And I think this is where there’s still a great human advantage.”

References

Fu, Y., Chen, Y., Lai, Z.G., & Hiniker, A. (2024). Should ChatGPT write your breakup text? Exploring the role of AI in relationship dissolution. ArXiv, abs/2401.09695.

Samo, A., & Highhouse, S. (2023). Artificial intelligence and art: Identifying the aesthetic judgment factors that distinguish human- and machine-generated artwork. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/aca0000570

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., is a Professor and former Chair in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University and author of Stronger Than You Think:The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.