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It’s essential to recognize that emotional manipulators have a talent for distorting reality through lies, fibs, and misstatements. By doing so, they can easily confuse and control those around them. Be aware of their tactics and protect yourself from manipulation.

The Home-Court Advantage

in a comfortable environment can significantly influence your sense of empowerment during social interactions. Whether you’re in your own home or a familiar coffee shop, a comfortable space can boost your confidence.

If the individuals you’re meeting with always insist on gathering in their own space, it may be an attempt to establish a power imbalance. They could be putting you at a disadvantage by asserting ownership over their environment.

For example:

• When you have time, please come to my office. I’m swamped and can’t make the trip to you.”
• It’s quite a long drive for me. Could we meet at my place tonight?”

Listens Well?

When a person seeks control, they might ask probing questions to gain insight into your thoughts and concerns.

• This information can be used to manipulate your decisions in line with their hidden agenda. For instance, be aware that your answers can be used against you, especially if someone has ulterior motives.
• Stay vigilant and trust your instincts to avoid falling victim to such tactics.

Sympathy Misplaced

They may exaggerate events to make themselves seem more vulnerable. They may also understate their role in a conflict to gain your sympathy.

For example:

“I cried all night and didn’t sleep a wink.

” Well, you’re just going to have to explain why you’re mad at me again

They Engage in Intellectual Bullying.

Suppose someone overwhelms you with statistics, jargon, or facts when you ask a question. In that case, you may be experiencing a type of emotional manipulation. The manipulators presume to be the experts, and they impose their “knowledge” on you. Put-down

This is particularly common in financial or sales situations.

• For example:
• “You’re new to this, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
• “I know there are a lot of numbers for you, so I’ll go through this again slowly.”They use your insecurities against you.

Insecurities

Be aware that people can and will exploit your insecurities. When they know your weaknesses, they can use them to hurt you. Their comments and actions may be designed to leave you feeling vulnerable and resentful.

For example:

• “You said you’d never want your kids to grow up in a broken home. Look at what you’re doing to them now.”
• “This is a tough audience. I would be nervous if I were you.”

What To DO

Trusting your instincts is essential if you feel someone is manipulating you. Apologize for any mistakes, but don’t dwell on their accusations. Avoid engaging in manipulative behavior yourself, as this will only worsen the situation. Instead, learn to recognize manipulative tactics so you can respond appropriately. Setting boundaries is crucial, especially if the manipulative person becomes desperate or more aggressive.

And how to tell someone is lying

It’s essential to recognize that emotional manipulators have a talent for distorting reality through lies, fibs, and misstatements. By doing so, they can easily confuse and control those around them. Be aware of their tactics and protect yourself from manipulation.

The Home-court Advantage

This can be a significant factor in feeling empowered during social interactions. Whether you’re in your own home or a familiar coffee shop, being in a comfortable space can make you feel more confident.

If the people you’re meeting with always insist on meeting in their own space, they may be trying to assert a power imbalance. They may be disadvantaging you by claiming ownership of their space.

For instance:

• When you have time, please walk over to my office. I’m swamped and can’t make the trip to you.
• It’s quite a long drive for me. Could we meet at my place tonight?

Listens Well?

When one person seeks control, they may ask probing questions to gain an advantage by learning your thoughts and concerns early.

• They may use your answers to manipulate your decisions based on their hidden agenda. For example:
• Be aware that your answers can be used to manipulate your decisions, especially if someone has a hidden agenda in mind.
• Stay vigilant and trust your instincts to avoid falling prey to such tactics.

Sympathy Misplaced

They may exaggerate events to make themselves seem more vulnerable. They may also understate their role in a conflict to gain your sympathy.

For example:

“I cried all night and didn’t sleep a wink.

”“Well, you’re just going to have to explain why you’re mad at me again

They Engage in Intellectual Bullying.

Suppose someone overwhelms you with statistics, jargon, or facts when you ask a question. In that case, you may be experiencing a type of emotional manipulation. The manipulators presume to be the experts, and they impose their “knowledge” on you. Put-down

This is particularly common in financial or sales situations.

• For example:
• “You’re new to this, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
• “I know there are a lot of numbers for you, so I’ll go through this again slowly.”They use your insecurities against you.

Insecurities

Be aware that people can and will use your insecurities against you. When they know your weak spots, they can use them to wound you. They may comment and take actions meant to leave you feeling vulnerable and resentful.

For example:

• “You said you’d never want your kids to grow up in a broken home. Look what you’re doing to them now.”
• “This is a tough audience. I’d be nervous if I was you.”

What To DO

Trusting your instincts is important if you feel like someone is manipulating you. Apologize for any mistakes, but don’t dwell on their accusations. Don’t try to engage in manipulative behavior yourself, as it will only make the situation worse. Instead, learn to recognize manipulative tactics, so you can respond appropriately. Setting boundaries is also important, especially if the manipulative person becomes desperate and more aggressive.”

And how to tell someone is lying

KEY POINTS

• Accurately perceiving the unique characteristics of a potential paramour on a first date can reduce romantic interest.
• Due to high expectations, deviations from expected first-date behavior could reduce romantic interest.
• Inaccuracy about the unique characteristics of a date might stimulate interest, sparking potential “pleasures of uncertainty.”
• Less accurate personality impressions can decrease the ability to make good decisions regarding relational pursuit.

Source: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock

Some first dates end with zero expectations of a second. Most provide both parties with plenty of information to consider. But for some people, first dates involve instant attraction where the sparks just fly.

Perceiving both compatibility and chemistry, seeing fireworks instead of friendship leaves the combustible half of the potential pairing suddenly smitten. But is an impression fueled by immediate, untested attraction accurate? According to research, the answer is probably no.

The Accuracy of First Impressions

As a career sex crimes prosecutor, I am deeply concerned about good judgment on first dates. Sexual assault and acquaintance rape have made up a significant portion of my caseload for over 23 years. According to research, accurately sizing up a first date is tied to romantic interest.

Gazzard Kerr et al. (2020) in a piece entitled “Blind at First Sight,” [i] analyzed the concept of distinctive accuracy, recognizing that in some settings, it may be interpersonally beneficial. For example, with new classmates, a higher level of distinctive accuracy has been associated with both more interaction as well as a higher degree of liking over time. For newlywed wives, specific accuracy was linked with a lower chance of divorce.

But first dates are different. Kerr et al. note that accurately perceiving the unique characteristics of a potential paramour on a first date could actually reduce romantic interest. Why? Apparently, a higher degree of familiarity, which they define as having more knowledge about a person as opposed to more time spent together, can decrease attraction on the dating scene, affording more opportunities to find fault.

So perhaps on a first date, the less we know about our dining partner, the more we like. But in order to make good decisions, the more we should know.

Regarding Attraction on a First Date, Less is More

Kerr et al. observe that due to high expectations for self-presentation, deviations from expected first-date behavior could increase distinctively accurate impressions and thereby diminish romantic interest. They also note that because more self-disclosure can improve distinctive accuracy, oversharing on a first date might make it the last.

On the other hand, Kerr et al. recognize that at least on a first date, less is more. They recognize that a lower amount of distinctive accuracy may limit negative interpretations, making it easier to reserve judgment. In fact, they explain that inaccuracy about the unique characteristics of others might actually stimulate interest, sparking potential “pleasures of uncertainty.” They note that with more uncertainty, perceivers may have to think more about people who are harder to read in order to judge personality, thereby sparking romantic interest.

Regarding why distinctively accurate impressions are interpersonally beneficial in other settings, such as platonic getting-to-know-you interaction and within romantic relationships, Kerr et al. suggest there might be something about first dates that makes distinctive accuracy disadvantageous, other than the concept itself. They opine that perhaps the higher stakes might cause people to be more critical, causing them to view even neutral or positive characteristics as less appealing than they might otherwise.

To Remain Romantically Objective, Avoid Falling Too Fast

Kerr et al. observe that if romantic interest lessens distinctive accuracy, we should proceed with caution if we are overly impressed because less accurate personality impressions could decrease the ability to make good decisions regarding relational pursuit. On the other hand, they also note that distinctive accuracy could prompt first daters to be overly critical and too quickly discount potential paramours, especially in light of the proliferation of online dating options.

The researchers leave us with some parting wisdom: If the goal is to pursue a relationship beyond a first date, “perceivers may wish to bring their rose-colored glasses and leave their magnifying glass behind.”

Facebook image: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock

“Reprinted with permission from Wendy Patrick, Why Bad Looks Good” https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/why-bad-looks-good

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Red Flags, and co-author of Reading People.

Understanding Friendship Dynamics

Friendship is more than shared laughter and good times; it involves navigating complex emotions and expectations. Each friendship has unique dynamics shaped by individual personalities and experiences. For instance, some friends may naturally take on the caretaker role, while others might be spontaneous adventurers. Recognizing these dynamics helps one appreciate the depth of connections and the varying roles friends play in each other’s lives.

Aim of Evaluating Friendships

Evaluating friendships is essential for personal growth and emotional well-being. It allows individuals to:

• Determine which relationships are enriching and supportive.
• Identify friends who may not align with their values.
• Foster a healthier social circle.

Ultimately, reassessing friendships can lead to a more fulfilling and genuine connection with those who matter.

Characteristics of Real Friends

Trust and Loyalty

A defining characteristic of genuine friends is their steadfast trust and loyalty. These are the friends you can share your thoughts with, confident that they won’t judge you and will support you unconditionally. In challenging situations, a real friend listens attentively and offers genuine advice rather than simply siding with you. This trust fosters a relationship that endures conflicts, strengthening the friendship as time goes on.

Mutual Respect and Support

Mutual respect is another critical characteristic that defines genuine friendships. It involves valuing each other’s opinions, beliefs, and boundaries. Support becomes a crucial part of the relationship, whether celebrating achievements together or lending a shoulder to cry on during tough times. Real friends often:

• Encourage one another to pursue goals.
• Provide constructive criticism when needed.
• Celebrate each other’s successes without envy.

These qualities create a solid foundation for lasting, meaningful connections.

Signs of Fake Friends

Lack of reliability and consistency

Identifying fake friends can be challenging, but certain red flags can make it easier. One significant sign is a lack of reliability and consistency. If a friend frequently cancels plans at the last minute or fails to follow through on promises, it reflects their insincerity. For instance, it might be time to reassess the friendship if you’ve shared important news and they seem indifferent or forgetful.

Consistency builds trust, and an absence often points to deeper issues. If called on, it Minimizes your emotions: They could dismiss your feelings as an overreaction, causing you to question the validity of your emotions.

Selfishness and Jealousy

Another telling characteristic of fake friends is selfishness and jealousy. These types of friends tend to prioritize their own needs and desires, often at the expense of others. They may react negatively to your achievements, showing jealousy instead of support. Consider someone who rarely asks about your life but eagerly seeks your attention when they have something to share. This imbalance can lead to resentment, clarifying the importance of mutuality in friendships.

Toxic behavior

– Gaslighting: Your friend may deny events, making you doubt your memory.

– Isolation: They may imply that your other friends don’t care about you, making you feel lonely and increasing your dependence on them.

Building and Nurturing Real Friendships

Communication and Openness

To cultivate real friendships, effective communication and openness are essential. Sharing thoughts and feelings fosters a deeper understanding and connection between friends. For instance, a simple conversation about daily experiences can open doors to shared values and interests. Openness encourages vulnerability, allowing friends to express concerns and joy. This creates a safe space that nurtures trust and intimacy, which are fundamental for lasting relationships.

Investing Time and Effort

Building and nurturing friendships also requires a consistent investment of time and effort. Making an effort to connect through regular meet-ups or checking in via texts demonstrates care and dedication. Consider scheduling:

• Weekly dates to catch up. Walks, coffee, events.games
• Fun activities that you both enjoy.
• Small gestures like a handwritten note or a surprise treat.

By prioritizing these moments, friends can create memories and strengthen their bond, ensuring the relationship flourishes over time.

OUR SELF-HELP PRODUCTS

Detoxifying Toxic Friendships

Identifying Toxic Traits

Recognizing toxic friendships is the first step towards healing and nurturing healthier connections. Toxic traits may include constant negativity, manipulative behavior, or an inability to celebrate successes. These friends often drain your energy rather than uplift you. For example, if you feel exhausted after every interaction or doubt their intention, it’s time to look closers. Identifying these signs can help you make more informed decisions about your social circle.

Setting Boundaries and Walking Away

Once you’ve identified toxic traits, setting boundaries is crucial for self-protection. Be clear about what behaviors you will not tolerate. If the toxicity persists, walking away may be necessary.

Consider:

• A direct conversation expressing your feelings.
• Gradually distancing yourself from toxic interactions.
• Focusing on friendships that positively impact your life.

Letting go can be challenging, but prioritizing your well-being is essential for fostering a more supportive and uplifting social environment.

Self-Reflection for Better Friendships

Assessing Your Contributions

To foster better friendships, it’s vital to self-reflect and assess your contributions to the relationship. Ask yourself questions like: Am I supportive? Do I listen well? Understanding how you show up can reveal areas for improvement. For instance, if you often dominate conversations, it might be worthwhile to encourage your friends to share more. Recognizing your role is crucial for nurturing balanced, reciprocal relationships.

Working on Personal Growth

Beyond assessing contributions, committing to personal growth enhances friendship quality. Embracing new experiences and learning can resonate positively with those around you. Consider:

• Reading self-help books for new insights.
• Attending classes or workshops that align with your interests.
• Practicing mindfulness to improve emotional intelligence.

As you evolve, you’ll likely attract friendships that mirror your growth, leading to more fulfilling and supportive connections and ultimately creating a positive ripple effect in your social circles.

Got all that?

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Healthy friendships are fundamental to our overall well-being and happiness. They provide emotional support, reduce stress, and enhance our sense of belonging. Genuine friends celebrate our successes and console us during tough times, creating a safe space to share life’s ups and downs. Remember, it’s the quality of friendships that matters most, not the quantity.

As you evaluate your friendships, embrace the opportunity for growth and healing. Cultivating real connections enriches your life and contributes to a fulfilling social circle. Focusing on trust, mutual respect, and personal development can foster deeper, more meaningful relationships. So take a moment to reflect on your friendships and nurture those that bring joy and positivity into your life. Your relationships deserve the effort!

And if you go out for cocktails? Know who will have your back and who will make sure you are home safe and sound!

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Limerence is the secret ingredient of romance.

KEY POINTS

• People experiencing limerence release norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine, estrogen, and testosterone, creating romantic euphoria.
• Limerence can last up to three years if nurtured; however, limerence usually only lasts about six months.
• The shelf-life of limerence can be extended, keeping romantic relationships new and exciting.

Source: Wendy Wei/Pixeles

When you first meet a person of interest, you feel like it’s the Fourth of July, Christmas, and your birthday all at once. Wow, you found the perfect mate. They can do no wrong. Dorthy Tennov, in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, coined the term limerence to describe this euphoric feeling. Tennov described limerence as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing for emotional reciprocation, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person.”

Limerence is biological

Limerence is biologically based. At the onset of limerence, the pituitary gland releases norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine, estrogen, and testosterone. This chemical concoction creates romantic euphoria.

Limerence bridges the gap from the time you first meet someone until the relationship is more firmly bonded by the attachment hormones vasopressin and oxytocin. Vasopressin stimulates vigilance and behaviors required for guarding a partner or territory. Oxytocin creates bonds of trust between two people in a romantic relationship. Vasopressin and oxytocin are typically released anywhere from six months to two years into a romantic relationship.

How limerence progresses

Limerence can last up to three years if nurtured; however, limerence usually only lasts about six months. Once the effects of limerence dissipate, the romantic couple will either enter into a more permanent relationship or break off the relationship. More permanent relationships are typically less exciting than the euphoric feeling of meeting someone for the first time.

In order to experience the same blissful feeling, some people choose to break off relationships and seek new and more exhilarating interpersonal experiences. Like drug addicts, romance addicts go from one new relationship to another new relationship in their quixotic search for the perfect romantic high, which cannot be achieved. Instead, they leave broken hearts and disillusionment in their wake. Limerence can blindly drive people to excess in their pursuit of unrequited romantic exuberance.

Extending limerence

A key part of limerence is the joy of discovery. Limerence can be extended by allowing your person of interest to actively discover who you are over a long period of time.

When meeting a person of interest for the first time, people tend to “data dump” personal information and accomplishments in an effort to impress the other person. This practice can be dangerous. Once you have nothing new to share, the excitement of discovery morphs into ennui, which is a relationship killer.

A better approach is to gradually reveal personal information and accomplishments over a period of many months or even years. When the relationship ebbs, you can always offer new and intriguing titbits to give the relationship an emotional boost. In this way, your person of interest is constantly discovering something new about you, thus extending the joy of discovery.

Introducing new experiences into relationships can also extend limerence. New experiences do not always have to cost a lot of money. Sometimes, the simplest experiences are the most memorable and the most emotionally satisfying. Trying things that you and your person of interest have never done can generate interesting conversations. Something as simple as making a homemade pizza for each other can be enlightening. You will learn what types of food your person of interest likes and dislikes. You can also share the experience of shopping for the pizza ingredients at a local supermarket, and, of course, you can both enjoy your new food creations.

With a little effort, the shelf-life of limerence can be extended, keeping romantic relationships new and exciting for an extended period of time. Limerence is the secret ingredient that bridges the gap between love at first sight and love everlasting.

Reprinted with Permission/

About the Author

John R. “Jack” Schafer, Ph.D., is a behavioral analyst for the FBI and is the author of The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over.

Online:

Website

Overwhelmed and under-appreciated? Time to celebrate yourself.

• We often set our partners, and ourselves, up for disappointment with unrealistic holiday expectations.
• There are infinite simple, creative ways we can celebrate ourselves this Valentine’s Day.
• Hijacking does not require buying into the commercialization but does ask that you take a moment to consider what you are truly craving.

Source: Laura Ockel/Unsplash

If you happen to be partnered up with the rare human who dotes on you with breakfast in bed, flowers, chocolate, and a romantic dinner out (sans kids! babysitter secured!), you just sit back, my dear, and soak it on up. You deserve it. And know—you either landed yourself a unicorn or are deep in the honeymoon phase. (Jaded? Perhaps. Also…truth.)

If, however, you find yourselfin the majority, you may need to sweetly remind, doggedly train, or kindly threaten in order to garner a modest token of affection.

Persistence is also required. Take heed, it only took 20 years for me to indoctrinate my husband. He now stops for hand-picked chocolates and a card (romantic, not humorous—that took 12) on his way home from work on Valentine’s Day. A wee dose of well-placed fear can be effective.

Perhaps you’ve employed the above tactics ad nauseam to no avail, are feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated, or are flying solo this year.

If so, lean in and listen up.

No more unrealistic romanticizing and tearful, dashed hopes on Valentine’s Day.

Instead of waiting around for our (current or future) partner to finally get it right, I say we take back control and claim it as a welcome opportunity to treat ourselves, celebrating all that we do and all that we are as women and moms.

Let’s Hijack Valentine’s Day for Ourselves.

Hijacking does not require buying into the commercialization (no Hallmark purchases needed). It does, however, ask that you take a moment out of your full day (go ahead, do that right now) to consider what it is you are truly craving.

What would make this Valentine’s Day deservedly decadent and delightful? How can you get a taste of that?

If you’re coming up blank or your only answer involves a not-very-realistic-for-your-current-situation plane ride and two-week getaway to a remote island, I’ve gone ahead and brainstormed ideas to get your creative wheels turning:

15 Ways to Hijack Valentine’s Day:

1. Take yourself on a date. If you had a few hours to yourself, how would you spend it? Where would you go?
2. Go for a walk in a new-to-you place. Use your senses and take in your surroundings. Do you hear that? Silence between the sounds?
3. Bask in the flavor bombs. Slowly savor those chocolates or your favorite stuffed burrito. For today, calories and nutrition do not exist.
4. Move your body in whatever ways feel pleasurable to you. Dance to music. Head to a class. Get outside for a hike.
5. Take a bubble bath. Yes, I understand this might require cleaning the tub. It’ll be worth it.
6. Phone that friend who will make you laugh.
7. Tune in to an indulgent or inspirational podcast.
8. Curate humor. Rewatch that movie guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Check out that popular comedian.
9. Take a freaking nap.
10. Go to the movies alone. Order the vat of buttery popcorn and ridiculously overpriced M&Ms.
11. Eat dessert for lunch. Or a generous hunk of baguette, brie, and an apple.
12. Listen to music that pumps you up, relaxes you, takes you back.
13. Go outside, lie down on a blanket, and stare at the clouds.
14. Visit your local bookstore. Browse. Take those purchased books to the local cafe. Sip and read.
15. Write a love letter to yourself. Be generous, loving, and kind. You know, exactly the way you treat others you love. Tuck it away. Pull it out when a reminder of your awesomeness is needed.

What would you add to the list?

Of course, those of us parenting solo or in the trenches with little ones may need to plan ahead and get creative with childcare. (Swap care with a friend? Schedule your celebration for after you’ve put the kids to bed or at nap time?)

Maybe your celebration consists of a few minutes scattered here and there throughout your chaotic, full day. That’s fine. Ultimately it’s about the intention and attitude focused on just how amazing you are.

So, what’s the plan? How will you hijack Valentine’s Day and celebrate yourself this year?

Shonda Moralis, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, mindfulness educator, writer, and mom of two.

Online:

shondamoralis.net, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

Emotions in romantic relationships can be intricate, as different interest levels are involved. Lust and Love are two crucial factors that shape these partnerships, each having distinct characteristics.

Lust vs. Love

Lust can be defined as a solid physical attraction or desire for someone. A need for sexual gratification drives it. On the other hand, love is a deep affection and attachment towards another person, encompassing emotional and psychological bonds. Love is often characterized by compassion, care, and a desire for emotional connection.

Levels of Interest in Romantic Partnerships

When it comes to romantic relationships, individuals may experience different levels of interest. These levels can range from physical attraction to emotional connection, intellectual compatibility, and long-term commitment. Understanding these levels can help individuals navigate relationships and determine whether Lust or Love drives them.

Physical Attraction and Lust

Physical attraction plays a significant role in Lust, where individuals are primarily driven by sexual desire and a physical connection. It is based on the immediate physical appeal of another person.

Signs of Being Driven by Lust Rather than Love

Signs of being driven by Lust rather than love include solely focusing on physical appearance, having a superficial interest in the other person, and disregarding emotional compatibility or long-term commitment. Lust thrives on the excitement of interaction, whereas love necessitates vulnerability, deep understanding, emotional intimacy, trust, and empathy to foster strong bonds between partners.

Importance of Demonstrative Connections

Emotional connection is vital in love as it helps partners understand each other, provides support, and brings deep intimacy. It allows for trust, vulnerability, and an emotional bond.

Infatuation and Love

Differentiating love from infatuation can be challenging, but there are key differences. Love is based on a deep emotional connection, while infatuation is driven by intense passion and often fades quickly.

The Significance of Intellectual Compatibility in a Loving Relationship

Intellectual compatibility is crucial in a loving relationship, allowing partners to connect deeper through shared interests and values and stimulating conversations. This compatibility fosters intimacy and helps maintain a fulfilling and long-lasting partnership.

How intellectual Compatibility Differs from Lust

Intellectual compatibility involves a deep connection based on shared interests and stimulating conversations, while Lust is primarily driven by physical attraction and a temporary desire for gratification. Intellectual compatibility fosters a strong emotional bond and a lasting connection, whereas Lust tends to be more superficial and short-lived.

Long-term Commitment and Love

Creating a foundation of commitment is crucial in love. It involves dedication, trust, and a willingness to work through challenges together. Unlike casual relationships, love is built on a long-term commitment to each other’s happiness and well-being.

Creating a foundation of commitment in love

Creating a solid foundation of commitment in love involves dedication, trust, and a willingness to work through challenges together. It is about prioritizing each other’s happiness and well-being in the long term.

Differentiating Between Love and Casual Relationships

Differentiating between love and casual relationships is crucial in understanding the level of commitment and emotional investment in a partnership. Love involves a deep emotional connection and long-term commitment, while casual relationships are often based on temporary connections and lack of commitment.

Complexities of Lust and Love in Romantic Partnerships

Understanding the complexities of Lust and Love in romantic partnerships is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It requires self-awareness, open communication, and a willingness to balance physical attraction with emotional connection and long-term commitment.

Building a solid foundation of love involves recognizing the signs of lust and actively working towards a deeper and more meaningful connection. Couples can create a passionate and lasting relationship by understanding and navigating these complexities.

Finding a Balance Between the Two for a Healthy and Fulfilling Relationship

Finding a balance between the complexities of lust and love is essential to having a healthy and satisfying relationship. This balance can be achieved through open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to prioritize emotional connection alongside physical attraction.

And love?

Released during sex and heightened by skin-to-skin contact, oxytocin deepens feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex. Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, often associated with mate bonding. Vasopressin is linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships. The differences in behavior related to the actions of the two hormones may explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows.

An Invitation to Take a Survey about Women and Jealousy

Last week, Samantha Brick published a now rather infamous essay in the UK Daily Mail, on the “downsides” of being as beautiful as she is, or feels herself to be. Her point was that women had treated her badly, ignored her, or trashed her socially, because of her beauty and good looks.

She opened a Pandora’s box. The awkward thing that I think the cynical editors of the Daily Mail anticipated and even hoped for, is that the more than 5,000 overwhelmingly negative comments about the article often pointed out that Samantha wasn’t really a fitting ambassador from the realm of the beautiful to the realm of the average-looking. Also, Trolls objected to Samantha’s smugness, her shallow notion of beauty, and her cynical view that women would treat her badly, or differently, for what boiled down to jealousy over physical appearance.

Her piece made me curious about the matter of jealousy among women, or Platonic jealousy.

As a preliminary step, I’ve created an anonymous online survey on this kind of jealousy which, Samantha argues, causes women to have difficulties with other women.

Is Samantha on to something? Does jealousy among women fester under the surface of female friendships, or have we moved beyond it? Has envy secretly caused you to treat a woman differently—or do you suspect that you have been treated differently because a woman was jealous of your beauty, brilliance, figure, popularity, career successes, education, life achievements, sex life, family life, wealth, piety, altruism and unimpeachable character, or other factors?

You can answer and confess honestly. You won’t get flamed for speaking out. I’ll write a column on what the survey reveals in a few weeks.

About the Author

Pamela Haag, Ph.D., is the author of Marriage Confidential and many other books, essays, and articles—from the scholarly to the popular—on cultural trends, modern relationships, and feminism.

Online:

Marriage Confidential

Have you ever wondered how to know if a guy is falling in love with you?

The biggest sign is if he tells you he loves you, but what if he’s holding out on those three words as I did?

I waited five months before I first said “I love you” to Jessica. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her sooner; I said it too fast in my previous relationship, only to break up with that woman a week later (sorry!). So, I wanted to wait and make sure my feelings were real this time.

The moral of my story?

He might love you but hasn’t told you yet. So, here are four signs that he is falling hard.

Originally Aired: December 11th, 2022

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