“Dear Victim”: A Letter from a Narcissist

Dear Victim

I don’t even know why you’re so upset with me. Honestly, I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong, and yet you act like I’m the villain. It’s exhausting for me to constantly deal with your accusations and negativity. I’ve always given you so much—my time, my attention, my love—and what do I get in return? Criticism. Distance. Coldness.

You don’t seem to realize how lucky you are to have me. Most people would give anything for what I offer. I’ve tolerated so much from you—your moods, your endless questioning, your neediness—and I’ve still stayed by your side. If anything, I deserve your gratitude. Instead, you make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells, like nothing I do will ever be good enough for you. Do you see how unfair that is?

I try so hard to keep this relationship together, but you keep pushing me away. Every time I point out something you could work on, you get defensive. I can’t even be honest with you anymore because you twist it into me being cruel. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to improve, to grow, to meet me at my level. But you’d rather sit there playing the victim, blaming me for every problem. That’s not growth—that’s weakness.

You make such a big deal out of little things. A text I didn’t answer right away, a tone of voice you didn’t like, a decision I made without telling you. I shouldn’t have to explain myself constantly. I’m not under interrogation. If you trusted me the way you say you do, you wouldn’t need all these explanations. Your insecurity is suffocating. Maybe if you worked on yourself more, we wouldn’t be in this position.

And you call me a future faker ???

* Understanding Future Faking

Future faking is a form of emotional manipulation where an individual makes elaborate, often dazzling promises about a shared future—such as discussing marriage, moving plans, or major trips—without any real intent to follow through. This tactic is used to quickly build trust, secure emotional investment, and control the pace of the relationship.

Common Examples of Future Faking

• The Moving Target: Initiating serious talks about cohabitation early on, only to become evasive, change the subject, or cancel discussions when a genuine deadline (like a lease expiration) approaches.
• Elaborate, Non-Committal Plans: Going into great detail about fantasy trips, including researching destinations, specific dates, or flights, but continuously postponing the actual booking or canceling plans at the last possible minute.
• Hypothetical Commitments: Sharing specific details about significant life events, like naming future children, detailing a dream wedding, or choosing a retirement location, yet showing no concrete effort or desire to advance the current relationship toward those long-term goals.

And the way you make me feel guilty—it’s manipulative. You sulk, withdraw, and accuse me of not caring, when in reality I’ve given you more than anyone else ever would. I’ve stayed despite your flaws. I’ve forgiven things most people wouldn’t. You think you’re the only one who’s hurt here? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to put up with your constant drama? I’m the strong one in this relationship, holding everything together while you fall apart over nothing. If anyone deserves sympathy, it’s me.

Sometimes I wonder if you even want this to work. You say you love me, but then you disrespect me with your doubts, your questions, your “boundaries.” Boundaries are just walls you put up to keep me out. If you truly cared, you wouldn’t need them. Love means giving all of yourself, and that’s what I’ve done. You, on the other hand, hold back. You punish me with silence and coldness when I don’t meet your impossible standards. How is that fair?

I don’t want to fight anymore, but you push me to it. You provoke me, and then when I react, suddenly I’m the “abuser.” You know I hate that word, yet you throw it around like a weapon. It’s cruel, and it shows you don’t really see me for who I am. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. Why can’t you appreciate that? Why do you always focus on my mistakes instead of everything I’ve done right?

Look, I forgive you for your outbursts, for your lack of trust, for the way you make me feel small sometimes. I know you don’t mean to hurt me. But you need to understand how damaging your behavior is. You need to take responsibility for your role in this mess. Relationships are two-sided, and I can’t carry all the weight on my own. I need you to meet me halfway.

If you could stop criticizing, stop doubting, stop overreacting, everything would be okay between us. I’ve already proven my loyalty and my love. I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t care. But I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing this if you keep treating me like the enemy.

As for Monkey Branching, over the years, I have gotten better at that. I have amassed quite a bit of money doing this.

*Monkey branching occurs when someone transitions from one relationship to another, securing the next before entirely ending the previous. This behavior is often rooted in insecurity, a fear of being alone, or attachment issues.

I don’t want to lose you, but I also won’t keep being punished for trying. I need you to trust me, to believe in me, to give me the benefit of the doubt. That’s all I’ve ever asked. And if you can’t do that, then maybe you’re the one sabotaging us—not me.

I hope you think about everything I’ve said. I hope you realize that I’ve always been on your side, even when you couldn’t see it. I hope you stop making me into the bad guy and start appreciating me for all I am and all I’ve given. Because at the end of the day, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you—and for us.

Sincerely,
The One Who Loves You Most

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