7 Ways to Tolerate Insensitivity and Build Resilience When Highly Sensitive

All individuals possess varying degrees of emotion sensitivity and that is fundamental to developing empathy, strengthening connections, and managing personal well-being. People differ significantly in how strongly they react to emotional stimuli, and even an individual’s sensitivity can shift depending on their circumstances. This article explores the core differences between highly sensitive and less sensitive individuals and offers strategies for tolerating these variations.

The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

The concept of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) describes an individual who reacts more strongly to emotional and environmental inputs, showing deep attunement to others’ emotional expressions. The nervous system of an HSP is more reactive to stimuli, which is rooted in both genetics and personality (Lynch, 2018; Tabak et al., 2022).

While this trait can lead to feeling easily overwhelmed by the outside world, it is also associated with significant gifts:

• Deep Processing: HSPs are often deep thinkers who process information thoroughly (Acevedo et al., 2021).
• High Empathy: They are generally highly empathic and aware of subtle shifts in the emotional atmosphere (Laros-van Gorkom et al., 2024).
• Creativity: Studies suggest relationships between sensory processing sensitivity and creativity (Laros-van Gorkom et al., 2024).

For HSPs, even minor perceived insensitivity from others—such as a partner dismissing a concern or a colleague appearing distracted during a serious announcement—can trigger feelings of invalidation, frustration, and distrust.

The Less Sensitive Person

In contrast, less sensitive people are generally less anxious and may approach life with a notable sense of optimism, which often makes them enjoyable to be around. They do show empathy, but they do not typically prioritize others’ emotions in every single situation.

This lower sensitivity is not necessarily a deficit; it offers unique strengths:

• Resilience and Lower Anxiety: Less sensitive individuals may experience lower anxiety and better self-esteem, partly because they are less threatened by external judgments (Lionetti et al., 2018; Pérez-Chacón et al., 2023).
• Authenticity: Their tendency not to overthink others’ feelings can sometimes lead to more genuine, direct communication.
• Focus on Needs: They are less prone to constantly trying to please others, which allows them to more effectively prioritize their own needs and perspectives.

However, this trait can sometimes lead to them being perceived by HSPs as oblivious, insensitive, or dismissive of others’ hardships.

The Spectrum of Sensitivity

It is important to avoid binary thinking (sensitive versus insensitive). Emotion sensitivity exists on a spectrum (Lionetti et al., 2018). Sensitivity can also be fluid, influenced by internal and external factors:

1. Situational Factors: A person’s sensitivity can be temporarily diminished by a random event, such as a stressful morning commute or an argument, or enhanced by excitement (Lynch, 2018). For example, someone who is highly excited about an upcoming event might inadvertently neglect to notice a friend’s distress.
2. Personality and Coping: Traits like anxiety sensitivity and general coping strategies also interact with emotional sensitivity (Bardeen & Daniel, 2018; Pérez-Chacón et al., 2023).

HSP Guide: 7 Ways to Tolerate Insensitivity and Build Resilience

For both the highly sensitive and the less sensitive, learning to tolerate these differences—both in others and within oneself—is crucial for relationship health and personal resilience.

Here are 7 strategies to help Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) navigate a less-sensitive world:

1. Acknowledge Your Gifts: Build resilience by appreciating the inherent strengths that being an HSP brings, such as creativity and deep empathy. Focusing on these positive traits can reduce the sense of threat felt when encountering less sensitive behaviors.
2. Challenge Assumptions (Check Your Story): Recognize when you are “mind-reading”—building inaccurate stories or malicious motivations around another person’s insensitive behavior. Their behavior is often not intended to hurt you; they may simply not be considering your feelings as deeply as you might hope.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: Recognize that ignoring your personal needs in an effort to be constantly sensitive to others leads to emotional exhaustion and irritability. Taking care of your needs ultimately benefits everyone, allowing you to engage with others from a position of emotional strength.
4. Embrace Necessary Insensitivity: Understand that showing some insensitivity is part of being authentic and expressing genuine needs. For example, declining an unwanted gift politely is better than accepting something you don’t want, which can be viewed as an honest boundary.
5. Practice Matching Emotions: When someone’s excitement or enthusiasm comes across as insensitive, try shifting your focus to match their positive emotion, even if you arrive there through a different route (e.g., recalling a funny memory). This allows you to connect without invalidating your annoyance.
6. Validate Your Own Annoyance: Before attempting to match a positive emotion, take a moment to internally validate your initial feeling, such as annoyance or frustration. This acknowledges your reality before you try to shift your emotional state.
7. Know When to Pull Back: Remember that being sensitive to everyone else’s emotions can lead you astray from expressing prosocial values like kindness and patience if you become too drained. Recognizing your emotional limits and prioritizing your internal balance is key to long-term resilience.

Conclusion

A world that often feels impersonal requires compassion and understanding to navigate. By moving past the binary labels of “sensitive” and “insensitive” and embracing the full spectrum of emotional reactivity, we can foster stronger connections. Learning to tolerate less-sensitive behaviors in others, while also accepting our own moments of insensitivity, helps everyone build a more welcoming and validating society.

Cited References (Original Article Sources)

• Acevedo, B.P., Santander, T., Marhenke, R., Aron, A. & Aron, E. (2021). Neuropsychobiology.
• Bardeen, J.R. & Daniel, T. (2018). Cognitive Behavior Therapy.
• Laros-van Gorkom, B.A.P., Damatac, G.G., Stevelmans, I. & Greven, C.U. (2024). Frontiers in Psychology.
• Lionetti, F., Aron, A., Aron, E.N., Burns, L., Jagiellowicz, J., & Pluess, M. (2018) Translational Psychiatry.
• Lynch, T. (2018). Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Theory and Practice for Treating Disorders of Overcontrol. New Harbinger Publications.
• Pérez-Chacón, M., Borda-Mas, M., Chacón, A., and Avargues-Navarro, M.L (2023). International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.
• Tabak, B. A., Gupta, D., Sunahara, C. S., Alvi, T., Wallmark, Z., Lee, J., Fulford, D., Hudson, N. W., & Chmielewski, M. (2022). Journal of Research in Personality.