How to Leave a Toxic Relationship: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Freedom

Is this relationship normal? ”You have been having this cramping feeling in your guts, telling you if this constant criticism and fights are stealing your joy, and peace. “Am I overreacting?” – Maybe, or maybe not…

Leaving a toxic relationship is not just a struggle with your partner but also within yourself with all the doubt you have put through. If you have recognized all the signs of your relationship As TOXIC then it is a brave step to set yourself to be free.

But this process is not just like “getting up and leaving”, You have to carefully understand your situation. Therefore, this guide will work as your strategy or a roadmap to plan your journey to emotional healing and both physical and mental security.

BUT first, Recognize: Am I having a Toxic Relation?

It is crucial to accept your feelings before exiting. There are a few behaviors in the toxic partner that you need to understand first to recognize the reality of this relationship:

  • Dismissing Emotional support and Criticism: Whether you are struggling or accomplishing your personal goal, there is always nagging, and jealousy coming from your partner. You struggle and efforts are always dismissed or criticized. It’s like you are always walking on eggshells.
  • Manipulation: Love is a feeling used towards manipulation, “If you love me, prove it by doing this….” They use your feelings and guilt to get what they want. Honesty is out of the question!
  • Control and Isolation: Your partners always control what you do, how you spend your money, how you dress and everything should be according to them. This kind of control isolates you from family and friends too.
  • Disrespect: They always disrespect you and your opinion without considering your feelings. They overstep personal boundaries.
  • Emotional Drainage: You feel consistently exhausted. You start losing your worth in your own eyes which will be further followed by insecurities.

If this is what you are facing, then Reality is hit hard. Acceptance might seem impossible. Since you have recognized these patterns, you will build up your courage silently to leave too.

Phase#1: Silent Preparation:

  1. Convince yourself first: Make a list why you want to end this relationship and why you need to leave. This list will help you when doubts creep in. You can visit a mental health professional too.
  2. Physical safety: If your partner is aggressive, or he might hurt you physically when you are leaving then seek professional help. Always have a plan which includes where to stay, who to call, who’s protection to seek etc.
  3. Start building a support system: Group of friends and family who you can trust emotionally. These confidants will also help in communication with the partner in future, if needed.
  4. Secure a safe place: If you are leaving, where are you going to stay? Safety should be your first priority.
  5. Prepare a bag: A go-to bag with all your essentials like clothes, shoes or personal items.

Phase#2: Independence Plan:

  1. Be Financial Independent: Make your own savings account. Try to be financially independent as soon as possible. Save up enough to get you through at least 4 to 6 months.
  2. Secure digital life: Change passwords on all existing accounts like banking accounts, and social media accounts. Ensure they are hard to guess.
  3. Secure your Documents: Gather your important documents (ID, social security card, passports, drivers’ license birth certificates), financial documents (bank statement, cheque books, insurance) and any property papers. Make a copy and keep them safe outside of the house with a confidant or deposit book.
  4. Seek legal help: If you are married, have kids or have joint possessions, then it’s better to keep the legal advisor in the loop here too.

Phase#3: The EXIT

  1. Where to have the conversation: Choose a public place. The less private the better. If you can’t bring yourself to tell them face to face, it’s ok to leave a message, letter or tell them on a phone call. Your safety is the first priority.
  2. Check the mood: If they are angry or drunk, it’s not the right time. Do rush yourself too.
  3. Deliver the Decision clearly: State your decision firmly like its a fact. For example, “I am ending this relationship!”
  4. Avoid further conversation: You do not need to engage in any debate or explain yourself. For example, “I can stay in this relationship with you. It’s my decision.”They will try to play victim but do not apologize or brief your reasons.
  5. Have support: Have a person on standby when you end the conversation. It can be a friend in the car or a family member on the phone.

Phase#4: The Aftermath

  1. No-Contact: Block them from literally everything. They will try to pull you back by apologizing, begging to by playing a victim but you do not have to hear anything from them.
  2. Exchange of things: If you want to exchange or return anything, it should always be through a friend or family. If in-person then have an escort, even from the police if needed.

Phase#5: Healing

  1. Seek Emotional support: Surround yourself with the people who really care about you often. You can seek help from a therapist or counselor too.
  2. Redirect to Selfcare: Have a routine, focus on sleep, your diet. Get yourself engage into activities that bring you joy and peace. Try something you wanted to do but can’t because of the relationship.
  3. Give yourself sometime: Don’t be so hard on yourself. You will feel lost, sad or guilty but it’s ok. You deserve to be loved, invest in yourself. Acceptance might be hard but it is not impossible. Only you can bring yourself out of this trauma just by accepting to end this relationship.

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