The Real Problem with Love at First Sight by Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D.

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Some first dates end with zero expectations of a second. Most provide both parties with plenty of information to consider. But for some people, first dates involve instant attraction where the sparks just fly.

Perceiving both compatibility and chemistry, seeing fireworks instead of friendship leaves the combustible half of the potential pairing suddenly smitten. But is an impression fueled by immediate, untested attraction accurate? According to research, the answer is probably no.

The Accuracy of First Impressions

As a career sex crimes prosecutor, I am deeply concerned about good judgment on first dates. Sexual assault and acquaintance rape have made up a significant portion of my caseload for over 23 years. According to research, accurately sizing up a first date is tied to romantic interest.

Gazzard Kerr et al. (2020) in a piece entitled “Blind at First Sight,” [i] analyzed the concept of distinctive accuracy, recognizing that in some settings, it may be interpersonally beneficial. For example, with new classmates, a higher level of distinctive accuracy has been associated with both more interaction as well as a higher degree of liking over time. For newlywed wives, specific accuracy was linked with a lower chance of divorce.

But first dates are different. Kerr et al. note that accurately perceiving the unique characteristics of a potential paramour on a first date could actually reduce romantic interest. Why? Apparently, a higher degree of familiarity, which they define as having more knowledge about a person as opposed to more time spent together, can decrease attraction on the dating scene, affording more opportunities to find fault.

So perhaps on a first date, the less we know about our dining partner, the more we like. But in order to make good decisions, the more we should know.

Regarding Attraction on a First Date, Less is More

Kerr et al. observe that due to high expectations for self-presentation, deviations from expected first-date behavior could increase distinctively accurate impressions and thereby diminish romantic interest. They also note that because more self-disclosure can improve distinctive accuracy, oversharing on a first date might make it the last.

On the other hand, Kerr et al. recognize that at least on a first date, less is more. They recognize that a lower amount of distinctive accuracy may limit negative interpretations, making it easier to reserve judgment. In fact, they explain that inaccuracy about the unique characteristics of others might actually stimulate interest, sparking potential “pleasures of uncertainty.” They note that with more uncertainty, perceivers may have to think more about people who are harder to read in order to judge personality, thereby sparking romantic interest.

Regarding why distinctively accurate impressions are interpersonally beneficial in other settings, such as platonic getting-to-know-you interaction and within romantic relationships, Kerr et al. suggest there might be something about first dates that makes distinctive accuracy disadvantageous, other than the concept itself. They opine that perhaps the higher stakes might cause people to be more critical, causing them to view even neutral or positive characteristics as less appealing than they might otherwise.

To Remain Romantically Objective, Avoid Falling Too Fast

Kerr et al. observe that if romantic interest lessens distinctive accuracy, we should proceed with caution if we are overly impressed because less accurate personality impressions could decrease the ability to make good decisions regarding relational pursuit. On the other hand, they also note that distinctive accuracy could prompt first daters to be overly critical and too quickly discount potential paramours, especially in light of the proliferation of online dating options.

The researchers leave us with some parting wisdom: If the goal is to pursue a relationship beyond a first date, “perceivers may wish to bring their rose-colored glasses and leave their magnifying glass behind.”

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