If you are attracted to people with narcissistic tendencies, it is usually for one or more of the following reasons:

One of your parents had narcissistic traits and you are unconsciously choosing a type of relationship that is familiar to you.

You enjoy the narcissistic courtship style, especially the instant intimacy and over the top idealization of you—and do not understand how temporary it is likely to be.

If the person is a bossy Exhibitionist Narcissist, you might enjoy someone else taking charge or making decisions for you.

If you are a Closet Narcissist, you might idealize the Exhibitionist because he or she dares to take center stage.
You might have low self-esteem and the Narcissist’s devaluation of you resonates with your own opinions.
You are used to being treated badly, so you have set the bar too low.

The person with NPD has other things that you like enough to be willing to put up with his or her narcissistic traits.
You mistake defensive grandiosity for self-confidence.
Punchline: All sorts of people are attracted to people who are narcissistic. In my experience, most of them do not really understand what an ongoing relationship with a Narcissist is likely to be like.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.