“Dear Victim”: A Letter from a Narcissist

Dear,

I don’t even know why you’re so upset with me. Honestly, I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong, and yet you act like I’m the villain. It’s exhausting for me to constantly deal with your accusations and negativity. I’ve always given you so much—my time, my attention, my love—and what do I get in return? Criticism. Distance. Coldness.

You don’t seem to realize how lucky you are to have me. Most people would give anything for what I offer. I’ve tolerated so much from you—your moods, your endless questioning, your neediness—and I’ve still stayed by your side. If anything, I deserve your gratitude. Instead, you make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells, like nothing I do will ever be good enough for you. Do you see how unfair that is?

I try so hard to keep this relationship together, but you keep pushing me away. Every time I point out something you could work on, you get defensive. I can’t even be honest with you anymore because you twist it into me being cruel. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to improve, to grow, to meet me at my level. But you’d rather sit there playing the victim, blaming me for every problem. That’s not growth—that’s weakness.

You make such a big deal out of little things. A text I didn’t answer right away, a tone of voice you didn’t like, a decision I made without telling you. I shouldn’t have to explain myself constantly. I’m not under interrogation. If you trusted me the way you say you do, you wouldn’t need all these explanations. Your insecurity is suffocating. Maybe if you worked on yourself more, we wouldn’t be in this position.

And the way you make me feel guilty—it’s manipulative. You sulk, withdraw, and accuse me of not caring, when in reality I’ve given you more than anyone else ever would. I’ve stayed despite your flaws. I’ve forgiven things most people wouldn’t. You think you’re the only one who’s hurt here? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to put up with your constant drama? I’m the strong one in this relationship, holding everything together while you fall apart over nothing. If anyone deserves sympathy, it’s me.

Sometimes I wonder if you even want this to work. You say you love me, but then you disrespect me with your doubts, your questions, your “boundaries.” Boundaries are just walls you put up to keep me out. If you truly cared, you wouldn’t need them. Love means giving all of yourself, and that’s what I’ve done. You, on the other hand, hold back. You punish me with silence and coldness when I don’t meet your impossible standards. How is that fair?

I don’t want to fight anymore, but you push me to it. You provoke me, and then when I react, suddenly I’m the “abuser.” You know I hate that word, yet you throw it around like a weapon. It’s cruel, and it shows you don’t really see me for who I am. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. Why can’t you appreciate that? Why do you always focus on my mistakes instead of everything I’ve done right?

Look, I forgive you for your outbursts, for your lack of trust, for the way you make me feel small sometimes. I know you don’t mean to hurt me. But you need to understand how damaging your behavior is. You need to take responsibility for your role in this mess. Relationships are two-sided, and I can’t carry all the weight on my own. I need you to meet me halfway.

If you could just stop criticizing, stop doubting, stop overreacting, everything would be fine between us. I’ve already proven my loyalty and my love. I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t care. But I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing this if you continue to treat me like the enemy.

I don’t want to lose you, but I also won’t keep being punished for trying. I need you to trust me, to believe in me, to give me the benefit of the doubt. That’s all I’ve ever asked. And if you can’t do that, then maybe you’re the one sabotaging us—not me.

I hope you think about everything I’ve said. I hope you realize that I’ve always been on your side, even when you couldn’t see it. I hope you stop making me into the bad guy and start appreciating me for all I am and all I’ve given. Because at the end of the day, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you—and for us.

Sincerely,
The One Who Loves You Most

Learn more about narcissim here