Building self-confidence is a transformative journey that profoundly influences your mental health, self-esteem, social interactions, and overall well-being. Feeling confident empowers you to embrace new challenges, foster healthy relationships, and achieve your aspirations.

Yet, for many, low self-confidence acts as a formidable obstacle, fostering self-doubt and undermining self-efficacy. If you’re on a quest to enhance your self-confidence and cultivate a robust self-esteem, you’ve found your starting line.

This guide will navigate you through effective strategies to bolster your confidence and self-assurance, paving the way for a more rewarding life.

Self-confidence transcends mere self-perception; it shapes your interactions with others and your approach to the world. It’s a cornerstone of your personality, social life, and performance in various life domains. By integrating simple yet impactful self-help techniques into your daily life, you can commence the journey to heightened self-confidence and improved mental health.

We will delve into the top hacks to elevate your confidence, ranging from fostering a positive self-dialogue to consistently challenging yourself.

1. Cultivate a Positive Self-Dialogue

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Cultivating a positive self-dialogue is an essential step in building self-confidence. Positive self-talk involves replacing negative and critical inner voices with supportive and encouraging ones. This practice can significantly impact your mental health, self-esteem, and overall confidence.

To start, become aware of your inner dialogue and identify instances of negative self-talk. Ask yourself if you would speak to a friend in the same critical manner you sometimes use with yourself.

If not, it’s time to make a change.

One effective strategy is to challenge and replace negative thoughts with positive or neutral ones. For example, if you think, “I won’t be able to cope with this situation,” reframe it as “I am coping quite well, given everything else that is going on. This situation is stressful, but it will pass.”.

Positive affirmations can also be a powerful tool. Repeat positive statements to yourself, such as “I am doing well,” or “I am capable of handling this challenge.” These affirmations can help shift your mindset to a more optimistic and supportive one. Additionally, surround yourself with positive influences, including people and media, to reinforce this positive self-talk.

Embrace Your Strengths

Embracing your strengths is another key aspect of cultivating a positive self-dialogue. Recognizing and acknowledging your strengths can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Make a conscious effort to identify what you are good at and what you have achieved. Accept compliments graciously and reflect on them positively.

This helps to reinforce a positive self-image and encourages you to build on your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses.

Practicing gratitude is also beneficial. Focus on the things you are grateful for, which can help shift your attention from negative thoughts to positive ones.

Keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a moment each day to reflect on the good things in your life can make a significant difference in how you feel about yourself and your abilities.

By combining the practice of positive self-talk with an emphasis on your strengths, you can create a more supportive and encouraging inner dialogue. This will help you feel more confident, motivated, and capable of tackling the challenges that come your way.

2. Set Achievable Goals

Breaking It Down

Setting achievable goals is a fundamental step in building self-confidence. When goals are too broad or unrealistic, they can lead to frustration and disappointment, which can further erode your self-confidence. To avoid this, it’s essential to break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

This approach makes the goal-setting process less overwhelming and more achievable.

Using the SMART goal framework can be highly effective. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, if your goal is to improve your physical health, a SMART goal might be: “I will engage in a 30-minute walk, three times a week, for the next six weeks.” This goal is clear, measurable, achievable, relevant to your health, and has a specific timeframe.

Breaking down goals also helps in identifying and leveraging your strengths and weaknesses. By understanding your core values and inherent strengths, you can align your goals in a way that maximizes your chances of success. Additionally, being honest about your weaknesses allows you to plan around potential pitfalls, which can further boost your self-confidence and self-respect.

Celebrate Small Victories

Celebrating small victories is essential for maintaining motivation and building self-confidence. Achieving smaller goals releases a sense of accomplishment and boosts your self-esteem. Each completed goal serves as proof of your capability, chipping away at negative self-beliefs and reinforcing the idea that you are competent and capable.

Recognizing and celebrating these small wins helps to create a positive feedback loop. As you achieve each goal, you build momentum and confidence, which in turn motivates you to set and achieve even more challenging goals. This cycle of achievement and celebration reinforces your self-confidence, making it easier to tackle larger and more complex goals over time.

Moreover, celebrating small victories helps shift your focus away from perceived flaws and toward your strengths and abilities. This positive focus enhances your overall self-image and encourages you to continue striving for improvement and growth.

3. Challenge Yourself Regularly

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Challenging yourself regularly is a powerful way to build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. One of the most effective methods to achieve this is by stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you engage in activities that push you beyond what you are accustomed to, you demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of more than you thought possible.

Simple acts like trying a new recipe, taking yourself to a coffee shop or lunch alone, or starting a conversation with a stranger can be significant steps. These small challenges help you realize that you can handle situations that initially seem daunting, thereby increasing your confidence and self-assurance.

For instance, taking on a task that makes you feel nervous, such as public speaking or acting in front of an audience, can be incredibly empowering. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, the sense of accomplishment you feel after overcoming your fear can be transformative.

It teaches you that stress and challenges are opportunities for growth rather than threats to your well-being.

Learn New Skills

Learning new skills is another excellent way to challenge yourself and enhance your self-confidence. Engaging in activities that expand your horizons, such as learning a new language, taking a dance class, or mastering a new hobby, can significantly boost your self-esteem.

When you embark on learning something new, you are not only acquiring a new skill but also proving to yourself that you are capable of learning and adapting. This process reinforces your self-efficacy and makes you more confident in your ability to tackle new challenges. Reflecting on past successes, such as times when you learned a new skill, can also remind you of your capabilities and reinforce your self-worth.

Moreover, the act of learning itself can be highly rewarding. It keeps your mind engaged, provides a sense of accomplishment, and opens up new opportunities.

Whether it’s through online courses, workshops, or self-study, the process of learning new skills is a continuous reminder of your potential and capabilities, further enhancing your self-confidence and overall mental health.

Conclusion

In conclusion, building self-confidence is a journey that requires consistent effort and a positive mindset. To summarize, cultivating a positive self-dialogue through positive self-talk and embracing your strengths is essential. Setting achievable goals and celebrating small victories helps to build momentum and reinforce your capabilities.

Challenging yourself regularly by stepping out of your comfort zone and learning new skills can significantly boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Remember to practice self-care, build positive relationships, and work on a growth mindset to support your confidence journey. Acknowledge your achievements, speak positively to yourself, and minimize negative thoughts. By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can develop a healthier self-image, improve your mental health, and live a more confident and fulfilling life.

Take the first step today, and watch your self-confidence grow over time

THE BASICS

• What Is Stress?
• Take our Burnout Test
• Find a therapist to overcome stress

Key points:

• Music interventions are very easy and inexpensive to integrate in both our daily lives and in medical settings.
• Research shows that listening to music can have a significant effect on alleviating anxiety and stress.
• Non-lyrical music with a slow tempo is one of the most effective music interventions for stress reduction.

Listening to music is an appealing alternative intervention for stress and anxiety as it is accessible, inexpensive, and easy to include in daily life. Listening to and making music have been associated with a broad range of positive health outcomes. Listening to music can decrease cortisol levels, increase serotonin levels, and activate the brain areas involved in reward.

For example, in medical settings, listening to relaxing music before, during, and after medical procedures has been reported to correlate with lower cortisol levels. There exists some evidence to support the anxiety-reducing effect of background music on patients awaiting clinical encounters.

Here are six ways that music seems to reduce anxiety and stress.

1. The Relaxing Effect of Tempo

Music tempo can be considered one of the most important factors. Research has shown that listening to slow-tempo and low-pitch music can calm people down during stressful situations. For example, music with a slow tempo (60–80 bpm), such as meditative music or mellow jazz, has often been associated with relaxation. Music with a slow, steady rhythm provides stress reduction by altering body rhythms, such as heart rate.

2. Music without Lyrics

Music without lyrics usually works best. The use of instrumental music, instead of music with lyrics, often leads to greater effects of music interventions on stress reduction. Music containing lyrics may be more distracting instead of calming.

3. Music as a Distraction Strategy

Music provides a means of escape. Listening to music can provide a “distraction” from stress-increasing thoughts or feelings. Music as a distractor can divert attention from a stressful event to something more pleasant, which reduces stress levels. So, listening to music that alters mood via shifting thought patterns may have a long-lasting effect.

4. Music Triggers Pleasure

Music has a strong connection to feelings of pleasure. Engaging with music can trigger the same biological and psychological responses associated with other highly fundamental rewards, such as food, sex, and money. Music experienced as pleasant increases positive emotion, which has a stress-reducing effect.

5. Social Connection

Listening to music in the presence of others may strengthen the stress-reducing effect of the music intervention. Music facilitates social connection and bonding. Group music-making or singing together may result in social bonding, which may be explained by the release of the neurotransmitters endorphin and oxytocin.

6. Your preference matters

Source: Anna Shvets/Pexels

Research suggests that having a choice of what to listen to shows more beneficial effects than music chosen by someone else. When, for some reason, the chosen music is not suitable for the situation, it can lead to undesired mood shifts or worsening of negative mood. For example, if you don’t care for rock, it could have the opposite effect.

Overall, research suggests that listening to music plays an important role in reducing anxiety and stress. And some evidence suggests that it may do so more effectively than anti-anxiety drugs. A key benefit of such interventions is that, unlike interventions involving the creation of music, they do not require any specialist knowledge, equipment, or ability. Furthermore, music listening can be flexibly self-administered. However, the effectiveness of music in reducing stress is highly dependent on the individual’s preference and familiarity with the music.

About the Author

Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., is an associate professor emeritus of health economics of addiction at the University of Illinois at Springfield.

Online:

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(Pimkie/Flickr, CC BY)

Psychopath and sociopath are popular psychology terms to describe violent monsters born of our worst nightmares. Think Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs (1991), Norman Bates in Psycho (1960) and Annie Wilkes in Misery (1990). In making these characters famous, popular culture has also burned the words used to describe them into our collective consciousness.

Most of us, fortunately, will never meet a Hannibal Lecter, but psychopaths and sociopaths certainly do exist. And they hide among us. Sometimes as the most successful people in society because they’re often ruthless, callous and superficially charming, while having little or no regard for the feelings or needs of others.

These are known as “successful” psychopaths, as they have a tendency to perform premeditated crimes with calculated risk. Or they may manipulate someone else into breaking the law, while keeping themselves safely at a distance. They’re master manipulators of other peoples’ feelings, but are unable to experience emotions themselves.

Sound like someone you know? Well, heads up. You do know one; at least one. Prevalence rates come in somewhere between 0.2% and 3.3% of the population.

If you’re worried about yourself, you can take a quiz to find out, but before you click on that link let me save you some time: you’re not a psychopath or sociopath. If you were, you probably wouldn’t be interested in taking that personality test.

You just wouldn’t be that self-aware or concerned about your character flaws. That’s why both psychopathy and sociopathy are known as anti-social personality disorders, which are long-term mental health conditions.

What’s the difference?

Psychopaths and sociopaths share a number of characteristics, including a lack of remorse or empathy for others, a lack of guilt or ability to take responsibility for their actions, a disregard for laws or social conventions, and an inclination to violence. A core feature of both is a deceitful and manipulative nature. But how can we tell them apart?

Sociopaths are normally less emotionally stable and highly impulsive – their behaviour tends to be more erratic than psychopaths. When committing crimes – either violent or non-violent – sociopaths will act more on compulsion. And they will lack patience, giving in much more easily to impulsiveness and lacking detailed planning.

Psychopaths, on the other hand, will plan their crimes down to the smallest detail, taking calculated risks to avoid detection. The smart ones will leave few clues that may lead to being caught. Psychopaths don’t get carried away in the moment and make fewer mistakes as a result.

Both act on a continuum of behaviours, and many psychologists still debate whether the two should be differentiated at all. But for those who do differentiate between the two, one thing is largely agreed upon: psychiatrists use the term psychopathy to illustrate that the cause of the anti-social personality disorder is hereditary. Sociopathy describes behaviours that are the result of a brain injury, or abuse and/or neglect in childhood.

Psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. In essence, their difference reflects the nature versus nurture debate.

There’s a particularly interesting link between serial killers and psychopaths or sociopaths – although, of course, not all psychopaths and sociopaths become serial killers. And not all serial killers are psychopaths or sociopaths.

But America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has noted certain traits shared between known serial killers and these anti-social personality disorders. These include predatory behaviour (for instance, Ivan Milat, who hunted and murdered his seven victims); sensation-seeking (think hedonistic killers who murder for excitement or arousal, such as 21-year-old Thomas Hemming who, in 2014, murdered two people just to know what it felt like to kill); lack of remorse; impulsivity; and the need for control or power over others (such as Dennis Rader, an American serial killer who murdered ten people between 1974 and 1991, and became known as the “BTK (bind, torture, kill) killer”).

A case study

The Sydney murder of Morgan Huxley by 22-year-old Jack Kelsall, who arguably shows all the hallmarks of a psychopath, highlights the differences between psychopaths and sociopaths.

In 2013, Kelsall followed Huxley home where he indecently assaulted the 31-year-old before stabbing him 28 times. Kelsall showed no remorse for his crime, which was extremely violent and pre-meditated.

There’s no doubt in my mind he’s psychopathic rather than sociopathic because although the murder was frenzied, Kelsall showed patience and planning. He had followed potential victims before and had shared fantasies he had about murdering a stranger with a knife with his psychiatrist a year before he killed Huxley, allegedly for “the thrill of it”.

Whatever Kelsall’s motive, regardless of whether his dysfunction was born or made, the case stands as an example of the worst possible outcome of an anti-social personality disorder: senseless violence perpetrated against a random victim for self-gratification. Throughout his trial and sentencing, Kelsall showed no sign of remorse, no guilt, and gave no apology.

A textbook psychopath, he would, I believe, have gone on to kill again. In my opinion – and that of the police who arrested him – Kelsall was a serial killer in the making.

In the end, does the distinction between a psychopath and sociopath matter? They can both be dangerous and even deadly, the worst wreaking havoc with people’s lives. Or they can spend their life among people who are none the wiser for it.

Jealousy, often dubbed the “green-eyed monster,” is a complex emotion that plays a significant role in our lives, especially within the sphere of romantic relationships. It stems from insecurity, envy, and fear of loss, serving as a natural response to protect valued bonds. However, when jealousy escalates to an extreme, it can harm both the individual and their relationships.

In romantic dynamics, jealousy is intricately linked to attachment styles and emotional health. Those with anxious attachment styles are particularly vulnerable, their fears of abandonment fueling heightened jealousy. This can trigger a harmful cycle of doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and damaging behaviors that strain the relationship further.

Narcissistic jealousy represents a more intense and harmful variant, rooted in the narcissist’s grandiosity, need for admiration, and empathy deficit. Understanding this form of jealousy involves exploring the psychological aspects of narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on emotional responses and relationship dynamics.

The Nature of Narcissistic Jealousy

Definition and Characteristics

Narcissistic jealousy is a distinct and intensified form of jealousy, deeply rooted in the psychological dynamics of narcissistic personality disorder. Unlike ordinary jealousy, which may stem from genuine concerns about relationship security, narcissistic jealousy is driven by the narcissist’s insatiable need for validation, admiration, and a sense of superiority. People with narcissistic tendencies often exhibit grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance, making them highly sensitive to any perceived threats to their status or attention.

This form of jealousy is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with the fear of losing their partner’s attention or admiration to someone else. Narcissists may become envious of others who receive attention or praise, believing that they are entitled to such recognition themselves.

This envy can manifest as competitiveness, where the narcissist constantly compares themselves to others and seeks to outdo them to maintain their perceived superiority.

Common Triggers

Narcissistic jealousy can be triggered by a variety of factors, many of which are tied to the narcissist’s deep-seated insecurities and need for validation. One common trigger is the perception that their partner is giving attention to someone else, whether this is a friend, family member, or potential romantic interest. Even innocent interactions can be misinterpreted as threats, leading to accusations of infidelity or emotional infidelity without any evidence.

Social media can also be a significant trigger, as narcissists may feel threatened by their partner’s online interactions or the attention their partner receives from others.

The constant comparison and competition fueled by social media platforms can exacerbate the narcissist’s feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.

Additionally, any form of success or recognition achieved by their partner or others can trigger narcissistic jealousy. Narcissists may feel that such successes undermine their own status and entitlement to admiration, leading to behaviors such as sabotage, belittling, or gossiping to diminish the achievements of others.

Impact of Narcissistic Jealousy in Relationships

Effects on Partners

Narcissistic jealousy can have devastating effects on the partners of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. One of the primary consequences is the creation of a highly controlling and manipulative environment.

Narcissists often use jealousy as a tool to exert power and control over their partners, making them feel like possessions rather than equals in the relationship. This can manifest through constant monitoring, accusations of infidelity, and restrictions on social interactions.

The emotional toll on partners can be significant.

Narcissistic jealousy often leads to emotional abuse, where the partner is subjected to belittling, blame-shifting, and gaslighting. For instance, a narcissist might accuse their partner of being jealous or envious, projecting their own feelings onto the partner to deflect attention from their own behavior.

This can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and low self-esteem in the partner.

Additionally, the constant need for validation and the narcissist’s inability to genuinely celebrate their partner’s successes can create a toxic dynamic. Partners may find themselves walking on eggshells, avoiding any actions or conversations that might trigger the narcissist’s jealousy.

This can stifle personal growth and happiness, as the partner may feel compelled to downplay their achievements or hide their interactions with others to avoid provoking the narcissist’s envy.

Handling Jealousy in Narcissistic Relationships

Dealing with narcissistic jealousy is incredibly challenging and often requires a strategic approach. It is important to recognize that the narcissist’s jealousy is not about the partner’s actions but rather about the narcissist’s own deep-seated insecurities and need for control.

Setting clear boundaries and communicating openly can sometimes help, but it is essential to understand that narcissists may not respond positively to rational discussions or emotional appeals due to their lack of empathy and self-awareness.

In many cases, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be vital. Having a support network can provide emotional validation and practical advice on how to navigate the relationship. It may also be necessary to consider distancing oneself from the relationship or seeking professional help to develop strategies for managing the narcissist’s behavior and protecting one’s own mental health.

It is also important to remember that narcissistic jealousy can escalate into more severe forms of abuse, including emotional and psychological manipulation.

Recognizing the signs of abuse and knowing when to seek help or leave the relationship is critical for maintaining one’s well-being. In some cases, the best course of action may be to end the relationship to protect oneself from further harm.

Comparative Analysis with Other Forms of Jealousy

Narcissistic vs. Non-Narcissistic Jealousy

Narcissistic jealousy differs significantly from other forms of jealousy, particularly in its underlying motivations and behavioral manifestations. Unlike non-narcissistic jealousy, which may arise from genuine concerns about relationship security or feelings of insecurity, narcissistic jealousy is deeply rooted in the narcissist’s need for validation, admiration, and a sense of superiority.

In non-narcissistic relationships, jealousy can be a response to real or perceived threats, such as infidelity or emotional disconnection. However, this type of jealousy is often accompanied by a willingness to communicate and work through the issues, as the individual is motivated by a desire to maintain and strengthen the relationship.

In contrast, narcissistic jealousy is characterized by a lack of empathy and a tendency to manipulate and control the partner to satisfy the narcissist’s own needs for admiration and validation. Narcissists often engage in behaviors such as game-playing tactics, stalking, and interpersonal violence to maintain control over their partners. These actions are driven by the narcissist’s grandiosity and sense of entitlement, rather than a genuine concern for the relationship’s well-being.

This distinction highlights that narcissistic jealousy is not about protecting the relationship but rather about protecting the narcissist’s ego and status.

Role of Self-esteem

The role of self-esteem in narcissistic jealousy is complex and multifaceted. Unlike individuals with healthy self-esteem, who may experience jealousy as a temporary and manageable emotion, narcissists have fragile and inflated self-esteem that is highly vulnerable to threats. This vulnerability stems from the narcissist’s deep-seated feelings of insecurity and inferiority, which they mask with grandiosity and arrogance.

Narcissistic jealousy is often triggered by any perceived slight or competition that could undermine the narcissist’s self-image. For instance, if a partner receives attention or praise from others, the narcissist may feel envious and threatened, leading to jealous behaviors aimed at diminishing the partner’s achievements or status. This reaction is not about the partner’s actions but about the narcissist’s own need to maintain a superior self-image.

In contrast, individuals with non-narcissistic jealousy may experience a temporary dip in self-esteem due to feelings of insecurity, but they are generally more resilient and capable of addressing these feelings through open communication and mutual support. The narcissist’s inability to handle perceived threats to their self-esteem without resorting to manipulative and controlling behaviors sets their jealousy apart from more typical forms of jealousy.

Conclusion: Dealing with Narcissistic Jealousy

Dealing with narcissistic jealousy requires a deep understanding of its roots and manifestations. Remember that narcissistic jealousy is driven by the narcissist’s need for validation, admiration, and control, rather than genuine concerns about the relationship. It can lead to manipulative and abusive behaviors, including projection of their own envy and jealousy onto their partners.

To protect yourself, it is important to set clear boundaries, maintain emotional distance, and avoid public confrontations. Seeking support from a therapist or a healthy support network is essential for managing the emotional toll of these relationships. Ultimately, recognizing the signs of narcissistic jealousy and taking proactive steps to safeguard your mental health can be the key to navigating or escaping these toxic dynamics.

FAQ

How can I stop being jealous?

To stop being jealous, be honest about your feelings and identify their source. Master your mindset by recognizing and challenging distorted thinking patterns. Practice self-compassion and focus on your strengths.

Communicate openly with your partner, and consider seeking help from a therapist to address underlying insecurities and fears. Shift your focus to the goodness in your life and celebrate the success of others.

What is at the root of jealousy?

At the root of jealousy are often insecurities, fears of loss or abandonment, and low self-esteem. It can be triggered by past experiences, mental health issues, and the perception of threats to relationships or possessions, driven by a desire to maintain security and control.

What triggers jealousy?

Jealousy is triggered by various factors, including insecurity, past traumas, low self-esteem, and fears of loss or betrayal. It can be spurred by comparisons to others, perceived or real threats to a relationship, and personal vulnerabilities such as anxiety or past painful experiences.

What is the exact meaning of jealousy?

Jealousy is the unpleasant emotion felt when someone believes another person is trying to take away something or someone they value, such as a romantic partner, friend, or possession. It involves feelings of insecurity, fear, anger, and resentment, and is often triggered by the perception of a threat to a valued relationship.

If you are attracted to people with narcissistic tendencies, it is usually for one or more of the following reasons:

One of your parents had narcissistic traits and you are unconsciously choosing a type of relationship that is familiar to you.

You enjoy the narcissistic courtship style, especially the instant intimacy and over the top idealization of you—and do not understand how temporary it is likely to be.

If the person is a bossy Exhibitionist Narcissist, you might enjoy someone else taking charge or making decisions for you.

If you are a Closet Narcissist, you might idealize the Exhibitionist because he or she dares to take center stage.
You might have low self-esteem and the Narcissist’s devaluation of you resonates with your own opinions.
You are used to being treated badly, so you have set the bar too low.

The person with NPD has other things that you like enough to be willing to put up with his or her narcissistic traits.
You mistake defensive grandiosity for self-confidence.
Punchline: All sorts of people are attracted to people who are narcissistic. In my experience, most of them do not really understand what an ongoing relationship with a Narcissist is likely to be like.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

Narcissists are individuals who have an extreme sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. They often go to great lengths to maintain control and keep tabs on others, which can lead them to use social media to track where you go and who you see. In addition, the use of spyware and tracking apps to monitor your whereabouts is also part of their game. Discover more about their tactics in our resources section.

Some have said they have found the apple air tags in their belongings. Check your personal belongings and if you find one report it to the authorities

Additionally, stalking can manifest in behaviors such as showing up uninvited at the victim’s location, repeatedly sending unwanted gifts, or incessantly contacting the victim’s family and friends.

One of the main reasons why narcissists may resort to using spyware and tracking apps is to satisfy their need for control. By knowing your exact location at all times, they can ensure that they have power over you and can manipulate situations to their advantage. Learn how to safeguard your privacy by visiting our shop.

This can create a sense of fear and vulnerability for the victim – subject, as they may feel constantly watched and under surveillance . By monitoring your activities, they can anticipate any potential threats to their reputation and take preemptive measures to protect themselves. In addition, the use of spyware and tracking apps by narcissists can have serious consequences for the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. For more insights, check out our blog on related issues.

It’s essential to understand that the trauma of being stalked can impact more than just your emotional state—it can lead to significant changes in your daily life. You might alter your routines, avoid certain places, or feel the need to change your job or residence. Our Fantastic Newsletter provides updates on coping strategies.

One way technology exacerbates stalking behavior is through persistent, non-consensual communication such as spamming emails, incessant phone calls, or intrusive messages on social media platforms. This use of technology to stalk can cause added distress to the victim by creating a sense of omnipresence of the perpetrator. Don’t miss our featured and greatest articles for more on coping mechanisms.

Having lived with two psychopaths—a mother and a sister—I am hoping that my personal experience will help others to better understand and protect themselves from women displaying traits of psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder. My goal is to sensitize readers to how female psychopaths act and behave in everyday settings. Living with two of them enabled me to see the entire personality up close over many years—a perspective very different from that of clinicians or researchers.

Source: Rodnae Productions/Pexels

Female Psychopaths Seek to Destroy and Command All Attention

Many female psychopaths seek to destroy others however they can. A female psychopath may undermine your self-esteem using innuendo, or bully you and turn friends and family against you by poisoning your reputation behind your back. There is no end to what she might do to shatter your life. Many female psychopaths are pathological liars who are more cunning and manipulative than male psychopaths.

The female psychopath desires to be the center of attention and demands center stage. Listen closely to her style of speech—how she also manages to play the victim. She may shed crocodile tears to play on your sympathy, and the next moment her tears can transform into raucous laughter. Her personality turns on and off like a neon sign.

Histrionics and Other Tactics

Dare not challenge her. This could trigger a ballistic response.

The psychopathic woman is often known for histrionics and her award-winning performance can be convincing enough to persuade her audience to believe her side of the story—even after hearing your side first. She may resort to whatever means necessary to get what she wants and will use any tool possible—including flirting with your partner or otherwise co-opting through seduction.

In the end, a female psychopath is often loyal to no one. She may believe she is entitled to everything, while it pleases her to give you nothing. She might gloat over your misfortune and, while she is gloating, you may even notice a smirk on her face. After all, why should you have more than her?

She might steal or deliberately damage a treasured possession—and if she gets caught, she will never apologize because it is really your fault. As a matter of fact, she distorts all stories in her favor and blames you for what she does.

Driven by Envy and Personal Inadequacy

At her core, the female psychopath may not like herself. But it rarely helps to feel sorry for her. No matter what you do for her, no matter what you give her, she will remain ungrateful. She is likely extremely envious and desires to obtain everything that she wants since she believes she was cheated out of life’s bounty, and it is up to her to even the score.

What she wants is impossible to get: Why aren’t movie producers banging down her door? Why doesn’t she have the long legs of a Rockette? Mind you, what she wants has no end and brings her no satisfaction. She appreciates nothing.

Beware if she offers you gossip as confidential information. She is telling others the same stories, many of which might be half-truths or even full-blown lies. She may be highly adept at sidling up to people. She will size you up in a moment while you are still trying to figure her out.

Incapacity for Love

The most devastating and destructive of her psychopathic traits may be her incapacity to love anyone—even her own child. This intrinsic incapacity spells doom for any relationship.

About the Author

Online:

 www.winisbooks.com

Last week, Samantha Brick published a now rather infamous essay in the UK Daily Mail, on the “downsides” of being as beautiful as she is, or feels herself to be. Her point was that women had treated her badly, ignored her, or trashed her socially, because of her beauty and good looks.

She opened a Pandora’s box. The awkward thing that I think the cynical editors of the Daily Mail anticipated and even hoped for, is that the more than 5,000 overwhelmingly negative comments about the article often pointed out that Samantha wasn’t really a fitting ambassador from the realm of the beautiful to the realm of the average-looking. Also, Trolls objected to Samantha’s smugness, her shallow notion of beauty, and her cynical view that women would treat her badly, or differently, for what boiled down to jealousy over physical appearance.

Her piece made me curious about the matter of jealousy among women, or Platonic jealousy.

As a preliminary step, I’ve created an anonymous online survey on this kind of jealousy which, Samantha argues, causes women to have difficulties with other women.

Is Samantha on to something? Does jealousy among women fester under the surface of female friendships, or have we moved beyond it? Has envy secretly caused you to treat a woman differently—or do you suspect that you have been treated differently because a woman was jealous of your beauty, brilliance, figure, popularity, career successes, education, life achievements, sex life, family life, wealth, piety, altruism and unimpeachable character, or other factors?

You can answer and confess honestly. You won’t get flamed for speaking out. I’ll write a column on what the survey reveals in a few weeks.

About the Author

Pamela Haag, Ph.D., is the author of Marriage Confidential and many other books, essays, and articles—from the scholarly to the popular—on cultural trends, modern relationships and feminism.

Online:

 

The term “Karen” has become a popular internet label for someone—typically a middle-aged woman—who is entitled, demanding, and often rude to service workers or others in public spaces. Whether you’re a retail employee, restaurant server, or just an unlucky bystander, dealing with a “Karen” can be frustrating. Here’s how to handle the situation with patience and confidence.

1. Stay Calm and Composed

When confronted with an aggressive or entitled attitude, it’s easy to react emotionally. However, remaining calm is the best way to avoid escalating the situation. Take a deep breath, maintain a neutral expression, and keep your voice steady. Karens often thrive on drama, so refusing to engage in an emotional battle can deflate their aggression.

2. Listen and Acknowledge

Sometimes, a Karen just wants to be heard. Instead of immediately dismissing their concerns, acknowledge what they’re saying with phrases like:

• “I understand your frustration.”
• “I see where you’re coming from.”
• “Let me see how I can help.”
  This approach can sometimes de-escalate the situation before it spirals out of control.

3. Set Firm Boundaries

If a Karen becomes aggressive, disrespectful, or unreasonable, it’s important to set clear boundaries. For example:

• “I’m happy to help, but I need you to speak respectfully.”
• “I can assist you within company policy, but I cannot make exceptions.”
• “If you continue to yell, I’ll have to end this conversation.”
  Establishing these boundaries shows that you will not tolerate abusive behavior.

4. Stand Your Ground Politely

Karens often demand to “speak to the manager” or insist on getting their way, regardless of rules. If their request is unreasonable, stand your ground while maintaining a professional demeanor. Be confident in your response and avoid backing down just to appease them.

5. Get Support When Needed

If the situation escalates, don’t be afraid to involve a manager or higher authority. If you’re a customer witnessing a Karen harassing someone, offering moral support or stepping in with kindness can help diffuse the conflict. However, always prioritize safety first.

6. Use Humor and Perspective

Sometimes, the best way to handle an entitled person is to see the humor in the situation. If safe and appropriate, a little lightheartedness (without being rude) can disarm them. Additionally, remind yourself that their behavior likely has more to do with their own frustrations than with you personally.

7. Walk Away When Necessary

Not all battles are worth fighting. If a Karen refuses to be reasoned with and the situation is going nowhere, sometimes the best option is to remove yourself from the conversation. Know when it’s time to disengage and move on.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a Karen can be stressful, but maintaining composure, setting boundaries, and standing firm in a respectful manner can help you navigate the encounter smoothly. Whether you work in customer service or just happen to cross paths with an entitled individual, these strategies will equip you to handle the situation like a pro. Stay calm, be firm, and remember—it’s not about you, it’s about them.