If you struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), you know it’s more than just being stressed. It’s that constant, nagging worry about everything—work, health, family, or money—that feels impossible to turn off. This never-ending dread, often mixed with physical symptoms like tense muscles, restless feelings, and exhaustion, can make everyday life feel draining.

While medication can certainly help, the most effective and lasting treatment for GAD is a type of talk therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT isn’t just about venting; it’s a practical, skills-based approach that helps you find the ‘off switch’ for worry by targeting the patterns of thinking and behavior that keep the anxiety cycle going.

Why Worry Sticks Around: The CBT View

CBT starts with a simple idea: It’s not the event itself that makes you anxious, but how you think about the event. For people with GAD, this means getting stuck in loops of negative, worst-case-scenario thinking, also called catastrophic thinking.

But here’s a key part of GAD: many people secretly believe that worrying is helpful. They might think, “If I worry about it, I’ll be prepared,” or “My worrying is the only thing stopping something bad from happening.” In reality, this “helpful” worrying is actually a form of avoidance. It prevents you from having to face life’s uncertainties directly, but it just traps you in an exhausting cycle of mental effort.

CBT teaches you to recognize these unproductive thinking patterns and replace them with something healthier.

Part 1: Retraining Your Brain (Cognitive Techniques)

The core of CBT is cognitive restructuring, which means learning to challenge your anxious thoughts. Instead of instantly believing your worried thoughts are facts, you learn to treat them like guesses that need to be tested.

Here are the main tools you learn:

1. The Evidence Check: Your therapist helps you ask: “What real proof do I have that this bad thing will happen?” and “What evidence suggests it probably won’t, or that I can handle it?” This forces your brain to move away from pure emotion and look at the facts.
2. De-Catastrophizing: This involves facing your absolute worst fear and then creating a realistic plan for what you’d do if it actually happened. Often, just planning for the worst-case scenario makes it seem much less terrifying and more manageable.
3. Analyzing the ‘Helpfulness’ of Worry: This technique makes you look at your worry like a chore. You ask, “Has this particular worry actually helped me solve a problem, or has it just made me miserable?” You quickly learn that most chronic worrying is just mental noise.

By practicing these steps, you start to see that your anxious predictions are almost always bigger than the actual risk, and you start to trust your ability to cope.

Part 2: Changing Your Actions (Behavioral Techniques)

Worry is often a way to avoid feeling uncertain. People with GAD hate not knowing what’s coming next, so they try to control things by over-planning, asking for constant reassurance from others, or checking things repeatedly (these are called safety behaviors).

CBT uses practical strategies to help you get comfortable with uncertainty:

1. Worry Time: Instead of letting worry spill over into your whole day, you schedule a specific, short block of time (say, 15 minutes) each day just for worrying. If a worry pops up outside that time, you jot it down and tell yourself, “I’ll deal with this later in Worry Time.” This trains your brain that you are in charge of your thoughts, not the other way around.
2. Dropping Safety Behaviors: You work on gently giving up the habits that make you feel temporarily safe but keep the anxiety alive. This might mean deciding to only check your work email three times a day instead of thirty, or not asking your partner for reassurance that you’re doing a good job.
3. Exposure to Uncertainty: This is where you intentionally put yourself in small situations where you don’t know the outcome—like sending a text without proofreading it five times, or deciding on dinner five minutes before you eat. This teaches you that you can handle feeling uncertain without falling apart.

A Lasting Solution

CBT is so successful because it gives you a tool kit. It doesn’t just treat the symptoms; it teaches you how to be your own therapist. Research shows that people who complete CBT are less likely to relapse than those who rely solely on medication because they have learned powerful, practical skills they can use for the rest of their lives to keep their worries in check.

This approach gives you back control and helps you live a life defined by your values, not by your fears.

1. “I don’t even know why you’re upset…”
👉 Gaslighting & denial.
The narcissist pretends confusion and innocence, denying wrongdoing. This makes the victim question whether their feelings are valid.

2. “You don’t realize how lucky you are…”
👉 Entitlement & superiority.
They imply the victim should feel grateful for tolerating mistreatment, flipping the dynamic so the victim feels indebted.

3. “I try so hard… but you push me away.”
👉 Reversal of blame.
The narcissist positions themselves as the one who’s trying while the victim is framed as defensive or weak.

4. “You make such a big deal out of little things…”
👉 Minimization.
The narcissist downplays harmful behaviors (ignoring texts, excluding the victim) to invalidate the victim’s feelings.

5. “The way you make me feel guilty—it’s manipulative.”
👉 Projection.
They accuse the victim of doing the very thing they are guilty of (manipulation), confusing and silencing the victim.

6. “Sometimes I wonder if you even want this to work…”
👉 Conditional love & boundary shaming.
Boundaries are reframed as proof of not loving enough, when in reality, boundaries protect well-being.

7. “You provoke me, and then I react…”
👉 Victim-blaming.
Here, the narcissist excuses harmful outbursts by blaming the victim for “provoking” them.

8. “I forgive you for your outbursts…”
👉 False magnanimity.
By “forgiving” the victim, the narcissist frames themselves as noble while subtly accusing the victim of cruelty.

9. “If you could just stop criticizing, everything would be fine.”
👉 Unrealistic expectations.
The victim is told that only by suppressing their needs and concerns can peace exist.

10. “I don’t want to lose you, but…”
👉 Fear mixed with threat.
The narcissist dangles abandonment while implying it’s the victim’s fault if the relationship ends.

11. “I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you.”
👉 Love-bombing finale.
They end with flowery “love” to soften the abuse, creating confusion and pulling the victim back in.

The link between relationship status and romantic interest.

• Grandiose narcissists view themselves as unique, special, and entitled.
• Despite their negative qualities, grandiose narcissists are socially skilled and charming.
• Narcissists maintain relational power by keeping partners guessing about their level of commitment.

We are all familiar with the concept of forbidden fruit, where something that is off-limits is viewed as more desirable. In a romantic context, this often includes an attraction to someone else’s spouse or partner. We justifiably denounce mate poaching in any context. Yet we sometimes accuse narcissists of engaging in this practice to boost their egos. Is that true? Does their sense of entitlement overcome their sense of decency? Research presents some interesting results.

Source: Image by vilyaeva94 from Pixabay

Noticing Narcissism: Grandiose Qualities on Display

Amy B. Brunell et al. (2018) explored specifically whether narcissists are attracted to others based on relationship status,[i] examining the practice of mate poaching by participants who exhibit traits of grandiose narcissism.

Brunell et al. describe grandiose narcissism as marked by arrogance, selfishness, an inflated view of self, and a high amount of extraversion paired with low amounts of agreeableness and neuroticism. They note that grandiose narcissists view themselves as unique, special, and entitled. Perhaps accordingly, they take advantage of other people, feel less guilt, and experience reduced levels of moral reasoning about day-to-day behavior that could be harmful to others. But there is a perceived bright side. Brunell et al. explain that despite their negative qualities, grandiose narcissists are socially skilled and charming, allowing them to rise to positions of power and leadership. Unfortunately, one way they maintain relational power is by keeping their partners guessing about their level of commitment and interest.

Spotting the Short Timer

Regarding relational style, Brunell et al. note that grandiose narcissists are more likely to endorse casual sex without commitment, have more sexual partners, and prefer short-term relationships. They also note that a craving for influence and power links grandiose narcissism with sexual attitudes and behavior, including sexual coercion for women, and sexual aggression among men.

Regarding relational choice, grandiose narcissists report more frequent mate poaching, defined as behaviors deployed with an intent to attract someone to engage in a sexual encounter who is already in a romantic relationship with someone else. No doubt aiding this endeavor is the fact that grandiose narcissists are perceived as “sexy,” potentially exciting sexual desire in others. Brunell et al. recognize that individuals who intentionally engage in self-enhancement are better able to attract a greater number of short-term sexual partners. They also note that perhaps not surprisingly, grandiose narcissists tend to inflate their own ratings of their attractiveness, which can lead them to pursue short-term relationships with others who are “out of their league.”

An Appetite for Forbidden Fruit, or Merely a Fling?

Brunell et al. note that although grandiose narcissists tend to report short-term mate poaching, there is a question regarding whether they are more interested in pursuing people who are already in relationships rather than people who are single. In their research, they found that grandiose narcissists were not more interested in drawing someone away from an existing relationship, but instead, considered their own relationship status when evaluating interest in someone else, either for a fling or a long-term relationship. They conclude that apparently, grandiose narcissists pursue whoever interests them the most, regardless of the other person’s relationship status.

The bottom line appears to be that considering the undesirable traits narcissists bring to a relationship, the best practice is to steer clear of others seeking short-term uncommitted romance. Ideal partners showcase a desire to cultivate healthy, happy, wholesome relationships with an eye toward long-term relational quality and stability.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.

Online: wendy.patrickphd.com, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Instagram

‘References

[i] Brunell, Amy B., Joshua Robison, Nicholas P. Deems, and Bradley M. Okdie. 2018. “Are Narcissists More Attracted to People in Relationships than to People Not in Relationships?” PLoS ONE 13 (3). doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0194106.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex and nuanced mental health condition defined by grandiosity, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it impacts a small yet significant portion of the U.S. population, approximately 1% to 2%. Individuals with NPD tend to engage in self-centered, arrogant, and manipulative behaviors, which can manifest in both overt and covert ways.

The disorder is often split into two types: the grandiose type, known for attention-seeking, entitlement, and exploitative behaviors, and the vulnerable subtype, marked by an extreme sensitivity to criticism, chronic envy, and a hidden sense of superiority. Narcissism extends beyond mere self-love or vanity; it’s rooted in a fragile self-image and a relentless pursuit of external validation.

This incessant need for admiration, coupled with an inability to empathize, can significantly impair functioning and lead to psychosocial issues, affecting relationships, work, and mental health. We will explore a specific dynamic within narcissistic family systems: the role of the “Golden Child.” Understanding this concept is essential for unraveling the complex relationships and behaviors in families affected by NPD.

The Role in Narcissistic Family Systems

Definition of a Narcissistic Family System

A narcissistic family system is characterized by a hierarchical structure where the needs and desires of the narcissistic parent or caregiver take precedence over those of the other family members. This system operates much like a cult, with the selfish individual at the center, dictating the rules and reality for the rest of the family.

The family dynamics are often marked by manipulation, emotional abuse, and a lack of empathy, where the narcissist’s mood and needs dictate the overall atmosphere of the household. In such families, the roles of each member are clearly defined and serve to maintain the narcissist’s power and control. The family’s primary function is to meet the narcissistic parent’s needs, often at the expense of the emotional and psychological well-being of the other members. This can lead to a highly dysfunctional environment where healthy communication, boundaries, and relationships are severely compromised.

Characteristics of the Golden Child

In a narcissistic family system, the “Golden Child” is a role assigned to a child who is idealized and seen as an extension of the narcissistic parent. This child is often praised excessively and receives significant attention, but this attention comes with a price. The Golden Child is expected to reflect positively on the narcissistic parent, reinforcing their grandiosity and self-importance. The Golden Child may be encouraged to excel in various areas, such as academics, sports, or other activities, not for their own benefit but to enhance the parents’ status and self-esteem. This child is often groomed to be a mini-version of the narcissistic parent, adopting similar traits and behaviors that align with the parent’s selfish needs.

Impact on the Golden Child

Being the Golden Child in a narcissistic family system can have profound and lasting impacts on a child’s psychological and emotional development. Despite the outward appearance of favoritism and praise, the Golden Child often struggles with their own identity and self-worth. They may feel pressured to constantly perform and achieve to maintain their status within the family, leading to anxiety, stress, and a sense of inauthenticity.

The Golden Child may also struggle with forming healthy relationships outside the family, as their self-worth is deeply tied to the validation they receive from the narcissistic parent. This can result in difficulties with assertiveness, boundary setting, and emotional regulation. Moreover, the constant need to reflect positively on the parent can stifle the child’s ability to develop an authentic sense of self, leading to feelings of emptiness and disconnection from their genuine emotions and desires.

Relationship with Siblings and Parents

Sibling Dynamics

In a narcissistic family system, the dynamics between siblings are often fraught with competition, mistrust, and conflict, and sometimes,jealousy. The narcissistic parent frequently employs tactics such as triangulation to pit siblings against each other, ensuring that the parent remains the central figure and maintains control over the family dynamics. A constant struggle for the limited resources of attention and affection characterizes sibling relationships in these families.

The Golden Child, in particular, may be pitted against other siblings, creating a sense of rivalry and competition that can be devastating. Siblings may be encouraged to report on each other, and the parent may badmouth one sibling to another, fostering an environment of distrust and hostility. This competitive atmosphere can lead to long-lasting damage to sibling relationships. Siblings may grow up feeling disconnected from each other, lacking the typical bonds of trust and camaraderie that are often found in healthier family environments. Instead, they may develop defensive mechanisms, such as becoming overly passive or compliant, to avoid conflict with their dominant or favored siblings.

Parental Expectations and Pressure

The Golden Child in a narcissistic family system faces immense pressure from parental expectations. The narcissistic parent often sees this child as an extension of themselves, expecting them to excel and reflect positively on the parent. This can lead to an overwhelming sense of responsibility and stress, as the child feels compelled to perform and achieve to maintain their favored status constantly. Parents may also use the Golden Child to control and manipulate other siblings.

For instance, the parent might confide in the Golden Child about the negative behaviors of other siblings, creating a sense of superiority and further dividing the siblings. This dynamic can make the Golden Child feel both privileged and trapped, as they are caught between the need to please the parent and the desire to form genuine relationships with their siblings.

Additionally, the parental expectations can be highly inconsistent and subject to change. Roles within the family can shift suddenly, with the Golden Child becoming the scapegoat and vice versa. This unpredictability contributes to the emotional turmoil and instability within the family, making it challenging for any child to develop a stable sense of self and form secure relationships with their siblings.

Long-Term Family Relationships

The long-term impact of these dynamics on family relationships can be profound and lasting. Adult siblings who grew up in a narcissistic family system often struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships, both within and outside the family. The constant competition and lack of empathy fostered in childhood can lead to difficulties in trust, communication, and emotional intimacy.

Sibling estrangement is a common outcome, as the scars from childhood conflicts and manipulations can be profound and enduring. Even when siblings attempt to reconnect or seek support from each other, the ingrained patterns of behavior and the ongoing influence of the narcissistic parent can make it challenging to overcome the past and build a healthier, more supportive relationship. Moreover, the family dynamics can perpetuate through generations, with favored siblings potentially adopting the same narcissistic behaviors and continuing the cycle of abuse and manipulation. This can result in a multi-generational pattern of dysfunction, where the roles of Golden Child, scapegoat, and other siblings are repeated, causing ongoing emotional pain and conflict within the family.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the role of the Golden Child in a narcissistic family system is complex and multifaceted, marked by both privilege and profound psychological challenges. It is essential to recognize the emotional toll of being constantly pressured to perform and the long-term effects on identity, independence, and mental health. To cope, it is essential to set healthy boundaries, seek support, and practice self-care.

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic family systems can help individuals break free from toxic patterns and work towards a more authentic and independent life. By acknowledging the stakes and the broader implications of these family dynamics, we can foster a more supportive and empathetic environment for those affected. Take the first step towards healing and empowerment by seeking knowledge, support, and the courage to challenge these harmful patterns.

Mental and physical health are two sides of the same coin. Just as you prioritize fitness and nutrition, understanding and caring for your mind is essential for a truly healthy life. That’s why at fitnesshacksforlife.org, we’re focused on expanding the conversation—and the care—around mental well-being.

What is Mental Health Awareness?

Mental Health Awareness is the commitment to recognizing, understanding, and actively discussing mental health conditions, like depression, anxiety, and stress. It’s about accepting that these are legitimate health issues, just like heart disease or a broken bone.

It’s more than just knowing that mental illness exists; it’s the collective effort to:

• Educate: Learning the signs and symptoms of mental distress.
• Advocate: Pushing for better policies and access to care.
• Destigmatize: Eliminating the shame and discrimination that often surround mental health challenges.

Awareness transforms a private struggle into a public health priority, encouraging people to address their issues before they escalate.

Why Does Mental Health Awareness Matter?

The simple answer is that awareness saves lives and improves communities. Here are the three most critical reasons why prioritizing mental health awareness is essential:

1. It Reduces Stigma and Encourages Help-Seeking

Stigma is one of the biggest roadblocks to recovery. When mental health challenges are viewed as a personal failing or weakness rather than a medical issue, people suffer in silence. Increased Mental Health Awareness creates an environment where asking for help is seen as an act of strength, not shame. When we talk openly about mental health, more people feel safe enough to seek treatment from mental health practitioners.

2. It Leads to Earlier Intervention and Better Outcomes

Awareness helps individuals, family members, and friends recognize early warning signs. By identifying symptoms like persistent sadness, significant changes in sleep or appetite, or social withdrawal quickly, individuals can seek intervention sooner. Early treatment drastically improves recovery rates and reduces the long-term impact of mental illness.

3. It Boosts Overall Public Health and Productivity

When people are mentally well, they are better equipped to handle stress, be productive at work and school, and maintain healthy relationships. By fostering a culture of mental wellness, we see stronger families, more cohesive communities, and a healthier workforce. Ignoring mental health comes with a huge economic and social cost; prioritizing it is an investment in human potential.

Our New Initiative: Thera Connect and the Mental Health Care Fund

We believe that awareness must lead to action. While fitnesshacksforlife.org has been dedicated to physical vitality, we recognized the urgent need for accessible mental care resources.

That’s why we’re proud to announce the launch of Thera Connect, our new sister site dedicated exclusively to linking individuals with qualified mental health practitioners in their area.

But we know that connecting people is only half the battle—the cost of care remains a major obstacle for many. To truly break down that barrier, we have established the Mental Health Care Fund right here on fitnesshacksforlife.org.

Every donation made to the Mental Health Care Fund goes directly toward providing financial assistance for those who cannot afford necessary care.

Your support helps turn awareness into tangible help, ensuring everyone has access to the resources they need to thrive mentally and physically.

Take Action Today

Join us in making mental health care a reality for everyone. Whether you spread the word about Thera Connect or donate to the Mental Health Care Fund, your action furthers the cause of Mental Health Awareness and helps us build a healthier, more connected community.

• Visit Thera Connect to find a practitioner.
• Donate to the Mental Health Care Fund on fitnesshacksforlife.org.

Distinguishing what you can and can’t change is key.

Estrangement is most usually accompanied by pushback and fallout.

Smear campaigns often seek to injure the estranged party socially.

The bottom line is to accept the loss.

Source: Photograph by by Katernya Hliznitsova. Copyright free. Unsplash.

Alicia’s decision to estrange from her family of origin had been close to a decade in the making after efforts to limit her parents’ contact with her two boys and set meaningful boundaries. The final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back involved her sons:

“Neither of my kids is particularly athletic but they both enjoy participating in sports; Todd is part of the swim team even though he is usually an alternate and rarely gets to compete. He doesn’t seem to care; his best bud is the captain and he likes the camaraderie. Jim is three years younger and is part of the track team. Same deal. My father is embarrassed by their showing and has taken it upon himself to talk to the coaches which is so not okay. HUGE fight and he did not back off. I made it absolutely clear that his inference was unwelcome and inappropriate and he basically called me a lousy mother for making my kids into ‘losers.’ He has coopted my two brothers and even involved the minister of the church we attend. Which I am now debating leaving.”

Loyalty to Family Narratives

The reality is that experiences in dysfunctional families may differ significantly and that, indeed, your sibling or siblings may have a completely different take on your parent or parents’ behavior; some of this has to do with parental favoritism which is so common that it has its own psychological acronym (PDT or Parental Differential Treatment), good of fit (a parent finds one child easier to parent because of likeness or similar personalities), or the scapegoating of one child as the source of the family’s discord.

While it may feel that your other family members are denying your truth, the bottom line is that their own narrative—and their investment in it—is likely to trump any interest she or he might feel in being your ally. Yes, it feels aggressive but the truth is that it may not have anything at all to do with you but the narrative the person is protecting.

Recognizing Limits (and your own powerlessness)

As someone who did estrange, I recognize that the desire to “win” this situation—to bring people into your fold to validate your actions and thoughts—is a phase each of us is likely to go through. But—there is almost always a “but”—learning to make peace with the loss ultimately is what heals us.

Learning to Make Peace with the Loss

And, yes, the loss is real, even if your family of origin is toxic and hurtful. The loss can take many forms over time; you may think it is over and done with only to have it triggered by a memory or even watching other families interact. Many who estrange are surprised by the range of emotions they feel—from relief to raw anger to complex pain—but these are neither unusual nor anomalous. For more, see here.

In the end, your power to decide your intimate circle is what matters most.

These ideas are drawn from my books Daughter Detox and Verbal Abuse and interviews with readers.

Streep earned undergraduate and graduate degrees in English Literature from the University of Pennsylvania and Columbia University. She was best-known for her work on the mother-daughter relationship, although she frequently wrote on verbal abuse, goal disengagement, narcissism and narcissists, and brain science as well. The author passed away in 2024

Everything is going to fall apart. My child is going to get into an accident. I could never accomplish anything even close to great. I don’t have any special skills. I don’t think that my family will be okay. I probably won’t be able to handle it if something does happen to me or someone I love. No one will like me if they knew what I was really thinking. Last time I spoke my mind, I sounded like an idiot.

Do Any of These Thoughts Sound Familiar?

These thoughts, and many more, play through the minds of anxious people like a song on repeat. These very beliefs reinforce worry, fear, and self-doubt. You might know that these thoughts aren’t helpful to your wellbeing, but still, it feels impossible to stop them.

Instead of trying to stop them, though, I encourage you to take a closer look at your own thoughts and identify the ones that fill your mind with anxiety and worry. Not to judge them or rid yourself of them, just to observe them.

Ask yourself: Are these thoughts facts or merely anxious projections? How can I differentiate between what is a real threat and what is imagined?

When thoughts of worry enter your mind, be aware of the observer within you. This is the real you that dwells beneath the surface of your thoughts. When you observe, you can watch the thoughts that flow through your mind. In those moments of anxiety and worry, if you are able to access yourself, you will have the ability to better distinguish between facts and anxiety driven thoughts.

3 Ways to Shift Your Perspective and Overcome Anxiety

1.     Don’t try to stop your thoughts

I am sure that you have tried countless times, to get your anxious thoughts to stop. Most of us are aware that certain thoughts aren’t so useful to us, like when we think of all the “what ifs” and conjure up a ton of worst-case scenarios. However, what stumbles most people isn’t that they have the thoughts, but that they believe them to be true. Though it is important to remember, in those anxious moments, thoughts derived from anxiety aren’t facts, they are merely the most primitive parts of our brain reacting to a perceived threat. So, instead of trying to stop your thoughts, make-an-effort to recognize their presents and the discomfort you feel around them, knowing that they aren’t speaking the truth.

2.     Stay present

Worry cannot flourish and blossom if you are fully connected with the present moment. Anxiety happens when we dwell in the past or fear future outcomes. Try to bring yourself here now and live moment to moment, without judgment. This will help you to center yourself and not be drifted away by unfounded anxious feelings.

3.     Be proactive

If struggles, difficulties or issues arise in your life and worry comes up in your mind, being proactive can keep you from conjuring up all of the worst-case scenarios. It can also help you to build confidence in yourself to face life’s difficulties. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and if there is something you can do about it. If there is, be proactive and find a way to get through it.

To shift your perspective, watch your thoughts and become aware of any worrisome ideas or feelings that pop up within your consciousness. Remind yourself that those worry-filled thoughts are not facts. Take a moment to accept the anxious thoughts for what they are, find the truth, and bring yourself back to the present moment.

How self-views evolve over the lifespan.

Some types of narcissism are more interpersonally harmful.

Many people age out of narcissism over their lifetime.

In contrast to narcissism, self-esteem often includes prosocial orientation.

Most people know a narcissist—at least in the practical, although not necessarily clinical sense. Usually, this is someone who holds themselves in high esteem and puts themselves first, both personally and professionally, at the expense of others if necessary. Yet, as we age, beauty fades, physical prowess diminishes, and mental acuity declines. Perhaps healthy self-concepts adjust accordingly.

Narcissism impacts not only the individual but also the lives of those around him or her. Although many narcissists are extraverted, flashy, and fun, they also experience relational difficulties, often stemming from some of the same traits that make them popular. If you love a narcissist as a family member, friend, or potential future paramour, research has some positive news for you.

Source: Edward Amezcua / Pixabay

More Than a Number: The Impact of Age

Ulrich Orth et al. (2024) examined the development of narcissism across the lifespan and studied changes over time.¹ They describe three models of narcissism. Agentic narcissism is characterized by assertiveness and leadership but also the need for admiration, as well as feelings of grandiosity and superiority. As we might imagine, they note that agentic narcissism results in fewer interpersonal problems as compared to the other two models. Antagonistic narcissism embodies the disagreeable and antisocial facets of narcissism including qualities such as deceitfulness, callousness, arrogance, exploitativeness, a sense of entitlement, and a low level of empathy. Neurotic narcissism is characterized by hypersensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and propensity to experience shame.

Among other things, Orth et al. note that the three-factor model helps to comprehend the relation between the characteristics of different types of narcissism and self-esteem, described as including subjective evaluation of personal worth. They also note that self-esteem and narcissism are distinguished conceptually because high self-esteem is often linked with prosocial attitudes and does not necessarily indicate personal feelings of superiority.

Examining data from 51 samples, including 37,247 participants, Orth et al. found that narcissism usually decreases from age 8 to 77 years, with small differences due to the type of narcissism experienced. They also discuss the concept of rank-order stability, which encompasses the stability of interindividual differences in a construct across time. They note that the rank-order stability of narcissism is high, even across long time periods, suggesting that narcissism should be considered a personality trait.

Is Generation “Me” a Myth?

In terms of popular ideas about whether narcissism is tied to generational differences, Orth et al. found that birth cohort was not a moderator of mean-level change for narcissism factors. The mean year of birth in their samples ranged from 1923 to 2002, and the narcissism trajectory has not changed over the generations, meaning their results fail to support the popular idea that “Generation Me” (people born in the 1970s to 1990s) express more narcissism than previous decades. Orth et al. note, however, that as with some of their other findings, more research would be beneficial here as well.

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The bottom line is that narcissism, even viewed as a personality trait, can change—for the better. With age comes wisdom, acceptance of less-than-perfect traits, and enhanced appreciation of others. With acceptance, love, support, and respect, narcissistic individuals can turn over a new leaf, slowly but surely.

References

1. Orth, Ulrich, Samantha Krauss, and Mitja D. Back. 2024. “Development of Narcissism across the Life Span: A Meta-Analytic Review of Longitudinal Studies.” Psychological Bulletin 150 (6): 643–665. doi:10.1037/bul0000436.

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.

Online: wendy.patrickphd.com, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Instagram