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Filler Friends vs. Floater Friends: Why Some Friendships Feel Empty

Friendship is one of life’s greatest protective factors. Strong friendships can reduce stress, improve mental health, and even help people live longer. Yet despite being more connected online than ever before, many people report feeling lonelier than they did a generation ago.

New terms like “filler friend” and “floater friend” have become popular because they describe feelings many people have struggled to explain.

Although these aren’t official psychological diagnoses, friendship researchers say they capture real experiences that many adults recognize.

As friendship researcher Jaimie Arona Krems, director of UCLA’s Center for Friendship Research, explains, these terms “put words to something that we didn’t have words for.”

Understanding these friendship patterns can help you recognize where your relationships stand—and how to create more meaningful connections.

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What Is a Floater Friend?

A floater friend is someone who seems to belong everywhere—but never truly feels like they belong anywhere.

They may have dozens of acquaintances and regularly attend social events, yet rarely feel deeply connected to one particular group.

A floater friend often experiences:

• Being invited but not truly included
• Having many acquaintances but few close friends
• Feeling like the “extra” person
• Constantly moving between social circles
• Rarely being someone’s first call

Many people describe themselves as always being welcome—but never fully belonging.

Psychologists refer to many of these relationships as weak ties. These friendships still matter. Coworkers, neighbors, gym friends, and classmates all contribute to emotional well-being, but they often don’t provide the closeness people need for lasting emotional support.

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What Is a Filler Friend?

A filler friend serves a different role.

This is the friend someone reaches out to only when their preferred plans fall through.

Signs you may be someone’s filler friend include:

• They contact you only when they’re bored.
• You receive last-minute invitations.
• Plans are frequently canceled.
• They disappear when someone “better” becomes available.
• You rarely feel prioritized.

While every friendship naturally changes over time, consistently feeling like an afterthought can become emotionally exhausting.

As many therapists point out:

People can often sense where they stand in someone else’s life.

Healthy friendships leave room for flexibility without making someone feel disposable.

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Why Are These Friendships Becoming More Common?

Researchers believe several cultural changes have made deep friendships harder to build.

These include:

Digital Communication

Social media allows us to stay connected with hundreds of people—but connection isn’t always the same as closeness.

Likes, comments, and text messages rarely replace spending meaningful time together.

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Busy Adult Lives

Many adults juggle careers, parenting, caregiving responsibilities, and financial stress.

Friendships often become the first relationships sacrificed when schedules become overwhelming.

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The Pandemic

COVID-19 disrupted social routines across the world.

Many friendships weakened during lockdowns and never fully recovered afterward.

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The Loneliness Epidemic

Former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy warned that loneliness and social isolation have become serious public health concerns.

Meanwhile, researchers have described today’s culture as experiencing a “friendship recession,” with fewer people reporting close friendships than in previous decades.

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Why Feeling Like a Floater Friend Hurts

Humans are naturally wired to belong.

Feeling disconnected—even while surrounded by people—can increase:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Social exhaustion
• Feelings of rejection

Sometimes the hardest loneliness isn’t being alone.

It’s feeling invisible in a crowded room.

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Can You Move Beyond Being a Floater or Filler Friend?

Absolutely.

Friendships aren’t fixed identities.

They change throughout different stages of life.

Experts recommend focusing on quality instead of quantity.

Try These Strategies

1. Invest in Fewer Relationships

Instead of trying to maintain dozens of casual friendships, spend more time nurturing a handful of meaningful ones.

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2. Be Vulnerable

Real friendship grows through honesty.

Share your thoughts, struggles, and victories rather than keeping conversations surface-level.

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3. Initiate Plans

Don’t always wait to be invited.

People often appreciate someone who reaches out first.

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4. Join Communities

Volunteer organizations, book clubs, hobby groups, fitness classes, faith communities, and local nonprofits provide repeated opportunities for connection.

Repeated interaction is one of the strongest predictors of lasting friendship.

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5. Accept That Some Friendships Have Seasons

Not every friendship is meant to become lifelong.

Some people enter our lives for a chapter, while others stay for decades.

Letting go of one-sided relationships creates space for healthier ones.

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When Friendship Feels Lonely

If you constantly feel overlooked, excluded, or emotionally drained, remember that your worth isn’t determined by where you rank in someone else’s social circle.

Healthy friendships should leave you feeling:

• Seen
• Valued
• Safe
• Respected
• Accepted

If they consistently leave you questioning your value, it may be time to invest your energy elsewhere.

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Final Thoughts

Whether you identify as a floater friend, a filler friend, or simply someone searching for deeper connection, know that meaningful relationships can be built.

True friendship isn’t about having the biggest social circle.

It’s about finding people who make you feel like you belong.

Because everyone deserves more than being someone’s backup plan.

Everyone deserves to feel chosen.

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If You Need More Than Self-Help

At Fitness Hacks For Life, we believe education and self-help resources can be a powerful starting point. But sometimes, healing requires personalized support.

If you’re struggling with loneliness, relationship challenges, anxiety, or depression, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional.

Our sister site, TheraConnect, helps connect individuals with therapists, psychologists, coaches, and wellness professionals who can provide compassionate, confidential support.

You don’t have to navigate life’s challenges alone.

Overcome • Grow • Thrive

Privacy Matters: How to Find Mental Health Support Without Sacrificing Your Confidentiality

At FitnessHacksForLife.org, we believe mental and emotional wellness should be accessible to everyone — without fear, shame, or compromising your privacy. If you’re ready to connect with a licensed professional, TheraConnect is our trusted directory of therapists, coaches, psychologists, and wellness providers who are ready to support you.

Reaching out for mental health support is one of the bravest things you can do.

But for many people, the fear of being found out stops them before they even start.

You might be asking yourself:

• Will my parents see this on an insurance statement?
• What if my roommate overhears my session?
• Will someone find out I’m seeing a therapist?
• Is my personal information safe online?

These fears are valid. And you’re not alone in having them.

This article is for you — whether you’ve been thinking about reaching out for a while, or this is the first time you’re considering it. Privacy matters. And so does your wellbeing.

Why Privacy Fears Keep People From Getting Help

One of the most common reasons people delay or avoid therapy isn’t that they don’t want support. It’s that they’re afraid of who might find out.

You might worry about:

• A partner or parent seeing a billing notification
• Family members asking uncomfortable questions
• Coworkers overhearing a virtual session
• A shared device or email account revealing appointment reminders
• The idea that seeking help might somehow define or follow you

These are real concerns — and a good mental wellness platform should take them seriously.

Your Story Is Yours. Your Healing Is Yours.

When you reach out for support, your information should be handled with care. You deserve to know how your data is managed, how billing works, and what communication to expect — before you commit to anything.

That’s why we always encourage our community to ask questions, take their time, and choose a provider or platform they genuinely trust.

If you’re looking for a place to start, TheraConnect is a mental wellness directory we built specifically to help people like you find licensed, compassionate professionals — in a straightforward, low-pressure way.

Common Privacy Questions Answered

Will my parents know I’m seeking therapy?

It depends on how services are paid for. If you’re on a shared insurance plan, explanation of benefits (EOB) statements can sometimes be seen by the primary account holder. If privacy is a concern, paying privately or understanding your billing options ahead of time can give you more control. A good provider will walk you through this.

What if someone overhears my session?

This is one of the most common worries — and it’s solvable. Try using headphones, scheduling during quieter hours, sitting in your car, or using a private room. Some providers also offer audio-only or messaging-based sessions that offer more flexibility.

Is my information safe online?

Always ask. A trustworthy platform should be transparent about how your data is stored, how communication is secured, and who has access to your information. If a platform isn’t clear about this, that’s a sign to look elsewhere.

Who This Article Is For

Privacy concerns don’t belong to just one group of people. Here’s what we want each part of our community to know.

Students

If You’re a College Student or Young Adult

You may be sharing a dorm room, living with family, or on a parent’s insurance plan — all of which can make privacy feel complicated. Campus counseling centers often have long waitlists, and small campus communities can feel anything but anonymous.

Online support can give you something in-person options sometimes can’t: real privacy. No waiting rooms. No running into someone you know. Connect from wherever works best for you.

Find a provider on TheraConnect →

LGBTQ+

If You’re LGBTQ+

Finding affirming care requires trust — and that trust starts with knowing your privacy is protected. You may be navigating concerns about being outed, finding a provider who truly sees and affirms your identity, or worrying about shared accounts revealing your sessions.

You deserve support that meets you where you are, without judgment and without risk. There are providers who specialize in affirming, confidential care — and we want to help you find them.

Connect with an affirming provider on TheraConnect →

Women

If You’re a Woman

Women often carry the weight of everyone else’s needs while quietly setting aside their own. You might be managing postpartum anxiety, processing relationship stress or trauma, navigating burnout, or simply feeling like you’ve been running on empty for too long — and worried about what it means to finally ask for help.

It means you’re paying attention. And you deserve care that’s compassionate, private, and centered on you.

Find women’s wellness support on TheraConnect →

Professionals

If You’re a Working Professional

High achievers are often the last to ask for help. You may be managing burnout, anxiety, or stress while worrying that seeking therapy will signal weakness — or that your employer-sponsored insurance will reveal more than you want it to.

Online sessions fit around your schedule — early mornings, lunch breaks, evenings — and can be completely discreet. Your mental health is not a liability. It’s an asset.

Browse TheraConnect providers →

Older Adults

If You’re an Older Adult or Senior

You may have grown up in a generation where you were taught to push through — where asking for help felt like weakness. But loneliness, grief, chronic illness, and life transitions are real. And support is available, at any age.

It’s never too late to prioritize your mental and emotional wellbeing. You deserve care that respects your experience and meets you where you are.

Find compassionate support on TheraConnect →

Why Online Support Can Actually Give You More Privacy

For many people, online therapy or coaching feels more private than traditional in-person care — and it often is.

There’s no waiting room. No running into someone from your neighborhood. No commuting to an office or explaining where you’re going. You connect from a space you choose, on a schedule that works for you.

That lower barrier can make it much easier to take the first step.

Seeking Help Is Not Weakness

So much of the hesitation around mental health care is rooted in stigma — the fear of being judged, or of people thinking you’re “not okay.”

But here’s what we know at FitnessHacksForLife.org: seeking support is self-awareness. It’s emotional fitness. It’s the same energy that leads someone to go to the gym, eat well, or prioritize their physical health — applied to your mind and heart.

You are not broken for needing support. You are human.

When you’re ready, we’re here to help you take the next step.

TheraConnect is our directory of licensed therapists, psychologists, life coaches, and wellness professionals across the country. We built it for people in our community — people just like you — who are looking for support that feels safe, simple, and private.

There’s no pressure. Browse at your own pace. Reach out when you’re ready.

Final Thoughts

If privacy concerns have been holding you back, we want you to know: that hesitation makes sense. And you don’t have to have it all figured out before you reach out.

Your story is personal. Your healing is personal. Your privacy deserves to be protected too.

We believe wellness — mind and body — should be available to everyone. And that getting support should feel like a relief, not a risk.

You’ve already done something brave just by reading this.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Browse TheraConnect to find a licensed therapist, psychologist, coach, or wellness professional who’s right for you — privately, simply, and on your terms. Find a Provider on TheraConnect

TheraConnect is a mental wellness directory created by the team at FitnessHacksForLife.org.

What Are Microaggressions? Definition & Examples

By FitnessHacksForLife.org  |  Mental Health & Wellness Education

You don’t have to intend harm to cause it. Microaggressions are one of the most misunderstood forms of everyday discrimination — and understanding them is the first step toward healthier relationships and communities.

What Are Microaggressions? Definition & Examples

Microaggression is a term coined by psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce in the 1970s and later expanded by psychologist Derald Wing Sue. It refers to brief, commonplace exchanges that send denigrating messages to members of marginalized groups — often without the person delivering them being aware of the impact.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), microaggressions are subtle insults — verbal, nonverbal, or environmental — directed at people based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, or other marginalized identity.

A key characteristic: the person committing the microaggression often has no conscious intention to harm. This is what makes them so complex — and so easy to dismiss.

Three Types of Microaggressions

Researcher Derald Wing Sue at Columbia University identifies three main types:

• Microassaults — Conscious and intentional; the closest to old-fashioned discrimination (e.g. using a slur, deliberate exclusion).
• Microinsults — Communications that convey rudeness or insensitivity, often unintentional (e.g. asking a person of color “How did you get this job?”).
• Microinvalidations — Messages that exclude or negate someone’s experiences (e.g. telling a Black person they’re “so articulate” or asking an Asian-American “Where are you really from?”).

Who Commits and Who Experiences Microaggressions?

Microaggressions are most commonly directed at people from marginalized or minority groups — including people of color, women, LGBTQ+ individuals, people with disabilities, and those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds.

Research published in Perspectives on Psychological Science notes that while many microaggressions are committed without malicious intent, their cumulative effect on recipients can be significant and lasting.

The person on the receiving end experiences a kind of “Did that just happen?” moment — unsure whether to speak up, aware that speaking up may lead to being dismissed or labeled as oversensitive.

Common Examples of Microaggressions

These examples are drawn from Sue et al.’s foundational research published in the American Psychologist:

• Asking a woman of color, “You speak English so well.”
• Turning to look at a woman as she walks by, eyes focused on her body.
• Assuming a person of color is in a service role rather than a professional one.
• Saying “I don’t see color” — which erases real lived experience.
• Being condescending to someone or not giving them the attention they deserve.
• Expressing surprise that a woman knows how to change a tire.

The Debate: A Problem of Subjective Perception?

One of the most discussed challenges around microaggressions is the subjective nature of their definition. Critics — including psychologist Scott Lilienfeld — have argued that because the person who perceives the slight is also the one who defines it, the concept can be difficult to study objectively.

The concern is that this framework can make ordinary conversations, humor, or differences of opinion feel impossible to navigate — where almost any statement can be interpreted as a microaggression depending on the receiver’s experience.

The takeaway: The debate doesn’t mean microaggressions aren’t real or harmful. It means we need nuance — recognizing that intent and impact are both important, and that dismissing someone’s experience is just as harmful as over-interpreting neutral actions.

Why Microaggressions Matter: The Cumulative Impact

A single microaggression may seem minor. But research published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology shows that the cumulative effect of repeated microaggressions contributes to:

• Increased rates of depression and anxiety
• Reduced sense of belonging and self-worth
• Decreased academic and professional performance
• Physical health consequences linked to chronic stress

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) highlights that experiences of discrimination — including subtle forms like microaggressions — are significant contributors to mental health disparities in marginalized communities.

What Can You Do?

If you’ve committed a microaggression:

• Listen without becoming defensive.
• Acknowledge the impact, not just your intent.
• Apologize genuinely and briefly — then move forward.
• Educate yourself. Curiosity is more powerful than guilt.

If you’ve experienced a microaggression:

• Know that your experience is valid.
• You don’t have to educate everyone — protect your energy.
• Seek support from trusted people or a mental health professional.

If you’re looking for professional support, TheraConnect can help connect you with a licensed therapist who understands the impact of discrimination and identity-based stress.

In Summary Microaggression is a real, research-backed concept describing small acts — often unintentional — that carry cumulative harm for marginalized individuals. Understanding the difference between intent and impact is key to healthier, more respectful relationships. The goal isn’t to police every interaction. It’s to build genuine awareness and empathy.

Sources & Further Reading

• American Psychological Association — Microaggressions
• Sue et al. (2007) — Racial Microaggressions in Everyday Life, American Psychologist
• Perspectives on Psychological Science — Microaggression Research Review
• Journal of Counseling Psychology — Cumulative Effects of Microaggressions
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) — Race, Culture & Mental Health
• Lilienfeld (2017) — Microaggressions: Strong Claims, Inadequate Evidence

This article is published for educational purposes by FitnessHacksForLife.org — a 501(c)(3) nonprofit mental wellness community. If you need professional support, visit TheraConnect.net.

A simple method of cooling your emotional temperature.

• Failure to suppress anger can compromise interpersonal relationships, even within families.
• Physical disposal of written angry feelings can help neutralize anger.
• Retaining written feelings of anger may not reduce negative emotion.

When conversation gets heated, sometimes tempers flare. Whether rhetoric turns controversial, antagonistic, or critical, people can become resentful and defensive. Some people are offended not during a conversation, but upon learning after the fact what someone else said about them. Yet because adversity is unfortunately a part of life, the question becomes not how to avoid it, but how to deal with the feelings. The key to managing anger may be as simple as “disposing” of it. Research explains.

Source: kinkate/Pixabay

Reducing Anger to Avoid Reacting

Many people describe themselves as level-headed or mild-mannered. That is, until provoked. From the classroom to the boardroom to your living room, disagreements happen. The key is knowing how to avoid acting on emotion.

Yuta Kanaya and Nobuyuki Kawai (2024) explored methods of eliminating anger stemming from provocation.[i] They began by acknowledging the importance of suppressing anger in day-to-day living, because as everyone is aware, failure to do so can compromise interpersonal relationships, even within families. They note that failure to reduce anger can lead to rumination where someone repeatedly thinks about a provocative event. They note that such self-immersed, experiential rumination can cause someone to relive past provocation, thereby maintaining or increasing subjective feelings of anger as well as associated vascular responses.

Against a backdrop of research examining effective strategies of neutralizing or suppressing anger, Kanaya and Kawai found that physical disposal of a piece of paper that contains a person’s written feelings about the cause of a provocative event neutralizes feelings of anger, while merely holding the paper containing the written feelings did not.

Kanaya and Kawai had study participants author brief opinions about social issues, after which they each received a handwritten, insulting comment that contained a negative evaluation of their composition. Participants then wrote down the cause as well as their thoughts and feelings about the provocative event. Kanaya and Kawai then had half of the participants (referred to as the disposal group) throw away the paper in a trash can or shredder, while the other half of participants retained the file on their desk. They found that while all participants experienced an increased feeling of anger after receiving the insulting feedback, the subjective level of anger for the disposal group decreased down to the baseline period, while the retention group remained higher than baseline. Apparently, as demonstrated by Kanaya and Kawai, disposing of a tangible memorialization of the experience of anger can also dispose of the negative sentiment. They described their method as a powerful yet simple way to eliminate anger.

Kanaya and Kawai conclude that their study showcases a convenient new strategy for eliminating subjective anger, offering a cost-effective method of eliminating anger in a variety of situations, including everything from childcare to business meetings, as well as clinical applications. From managing daily stressors to engaging in behavioral therapies, this method can be useful and successful in helping people suppress anger, which will benefit personal emotional health as well as interpersonal relationships.

References

[i] Kanaya, Yuta, and Nobuyuki Kawai. “Anger Is Eliminated with the Disposal of a Paper Written Because of Provocation.” Scientific Reports [London], vol. 14, no. 1, no. 7490, April 2024,

About the Author

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.

Online:

 wendypatrickphd.com, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Instagram

By FitnessHacksForLife.org

There is a conversation many people avoid because it feels uncomfortable, complicated, and deeply personal.

What happens when the parent who neglected, abandoned, criticized, or emotionally hurt you now needs your care?

As people live longer and caregiving becomes a reality for millions of adults, many are discovering that family relationships aren’t always built on love and trust. Sometimes they’re built on survival, obligation, or unresolved trauma.

If you’re struggling with guilt, resentment, or uncertainty, you’re not alone.

Society Tells Us Family Comes First

Many of us grew up hearing phrases like:

• “They’re still your parent.”
• “Family is everything.”
• “You’ll regret it if you don’t help.”

While those statements may come from good intentions, they often ignore an important truth:

Not every parent provided a safe or nurturing childhood.

Some adult children were raised by parents who were emotionally unavailable, controlling, abusive, addicted, or simply absent.

Being related to someone doesn’t erase the impact of those experiences.

You Can Feel Compassion Without Sacrificing Yourself

Modern caregiving isn’t an all-or-nothing decision.

You don’t have to choose between abandoning someone and becoming their full-time caregiver.

There is a wide range of healthy options:

• Helping coordinate care
• Managing finances from a distance
• Visiting occasionally
• Hiring professional caregivers
• Working with social workers
• Setting clear limits on what you can realistically provide

Supporting someone doesn’t require sacrificing your own mental health.

Boundaries Are an Act of Self-Respect

Many adult children fall back into childhood roles when interacting with aging parents.

Suddenly they’re trying to earn approval that never came or hoping caregiving will finally create the loving relationship they always wanted.

Unfortunately, illness doesn’t automatically change lifelong patterns.

A difficult parent may still be critical, manipulative, or emotionally demanding.

Healthy boundaries sound like:

• “I can visit every Sunday.”
• “I can help with appointments but not provide daily care.”
• “I will speak respectfully, and I expect the same.”

Boundaries protect both people.

Grieving the Parent You Never Had

One of the hardest parts of caregiving is recognizing that the relationship you hoped for may never exist.

Many people experience grief while their parent is still alive.

They grieve:

• The childhood they didn’t have
• The support they never received
• The apologies that never came
• The unconditional love they deserved

Acknowledging that grief is part of healing.

You Are Allowed to Choose

There is no universal rule that says every adult child must become a caregiver.

Your decision should consider:

• Your physical and mental health
• Your financial situation
• Your family responsibilities
• Your personal safety
• The history of the relationship

Some people choose active caregiving.

Some coordinate professional care.

Some maintain limited contact.

Some choose no contact at all.

Every situation is different.

The Weight of Guilt

Guilt often appears because we confuse responsibility with obligation.

Ask yourself:

• Am I acting from love or fear?
• Am I trying to heal my childhood through caregiving?
• Would I expect someone else to sacrifice their well-being in this situation?

The answers may surprise you.

Healing While Caring

If you decide to help, remember that caregiving and healing can happen at the same time.

Practice:

• Therapy or coaching
• Journaling
• Support groups
• Meditation
• Time away from caregiving responsibilities
• Honest conversations with trusted friends

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

A Modern Perspective on Family

Today’s understanding of family recognizes that healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and mutual care—not obligation alone.

You can honor your values while still protecting your peace.

You can show compassion without abandoning yourself.

And you can acknowledge that loving someone doesn’t always mean becoming their caregiver.

Final Thought

If you’re facing this difficult decision, remember that there is no perfect answer.

Choose the path that allows you to act with kindness toward others and toward yourself.

Sometimes healing means showing up.

Sometimes healing means stepping back.

Both choices can be made with compassion.

By FitnessHacksForLife.org


You Don’t Need a Perfect Life to Live a Healthy One

Many people believe they need a new year, a new gym membership, or a complete life makeover before they can become healthier or happier. The truth is much simpler.

Real transformation happens through small habits repeated every day.

One glass of water.
One five-minute meditation.
One healthy meal.
One walk around the block.
One positive thought.

Over time, these tiny actions create remarkable results.

Why Small Habits Work

Research shows that consistent behaviors become automatic through repetition. Instead of relying on motivation—which comes and goes—healthy habits become part of who you are.

Small habits:

• Reduce stress
• Improve mental clarity
• Increase energy
• Build confidence
• Support long-term wellness
• Create sustainable change

Progress always beats perfection.

8 Small Habits That Can Change Your Life

1. Start Your Morning with Water

Before coffee, drink a full glass of water.

Hydration improves focus, energy, and mood while helping your body wake naturally.

Small action: Drink one glass of water within 15 minutes of waking up.

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2. Practice Five Minutes of Meditation

You don’t need an hour of silence to experience the benefits of mindfulness.

Five minutes of deep breathing can lower stress and help calm anxious thoughts.

Try this:

• Close your eyes
• Inhale for four seconds
• Hold for four seconds
• Exhale for six seconds
• Repeat

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3. Move Every Day

Movement doesn’t have to be intense.

Walk your dog.
Stretch during lunch.
Dance while cooking dinner.

Every step counts.

Aim for 20–30 minutes of movement each day.

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4. Replace Negative Self-Talk

Your mind listens to everything you say.

Instead of:

“I’m failing.”

Try:

“I’m learning.”

Instead of:

“I’ll never change.”

Try:

“I’m improving one day at a time.”

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5. Protect Your Sleep

Sleep is one of the most underrated wellness habits.

Try to:

• Turn off screens 30 minutes before bed
• Keep your bedroom cool
• Read instead of scrolling social media
• Maintain a consistent bedtime

Your body heals while you sleep.

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6. Practice Gratitude

Write down three things you’re grateful for every evening.

They don’t have to be big.

• A sunny day
• A good cup of coffee
• A kind conversation

Gratitude shifts your focus from what is missing to what is already good.

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7. Nourish Your Body

Forget restrictive diets.

Focus on adding more:

🥗 Vegetables

🍓 Fruit

🥜 Healthy fats

💧 Water

🍵 Herbal tea

Small nutrition choices create lasting energy and wellness.

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8. Give Yourself Grace

You will miss workouts.

You’ll eat dessert.

You’ll have stressful days.

That’s called being human.

Healthy living isn’t about perfection.

It’s about showing up again tomorrow.

Remember the 80/20 Rule

Healthy people don’t make perfect choices.

They make healthy choices most of the time.

Aim for consistency instead of perfection.

That’s where lasting change happens.

A Simple Daily Wellness Checklist

✔ Drink water

✔ Move your body

✔ Eat something nourishing

✔ Practice mindfulness

✔ Get outside

✔ Sleep well

✔ Speak kindly to yourself

✔ Celebrate small wins

Final Thoughts

Your future isn’t built by one big decision.

It’s built by the tiny choices you make every single day.

Choose one habit to start today.

Tomorrow, choose another.

One month from now, you’ll feel stronger.

One year from now, you may hardly recognize the person you’ve become.

Small habits really do create big changes.

For good reason, meditation is often advised as a practice that will improve your health. It has a host of beneficial effects, including easing bodily discomforts like headaches and boosting resistance to disease. It is simple to see why meditation has grown to be a well-liked alternative to traditional medication given the health advantages, as well as the fact that it is cost-free and just takes a few minutes.

What kinds of meditation are there?

Concentrative and non-concentrative meditation approaches are often divided into two groups by researchers. Using concentration methods, one may concentrate on anything external to themselves, such as the light of a candle, the sound of a music note, or a mantra. Contrarily, non-concentrative meditation allows you to concentrate on a wider range of things, including external noises, internal bodily functions, and even one’s own respiration. It should be noted that these methods may overlap since meditation can be both non-concentrative as well as concentrative.

Basic Mindfulness

To do this, choose a comfortable posture to sit in and concentrate on your breathing. Gently bring your attention back to your breaths if you feel yourself being sidetracked by other ideas or your mind wandering.

Concentrated Mediation

With concentrated meditation, you intentionally focus on something without thinking about it. You may focus on an object, such as a statue, an audio stimulus, such as a metronome or a recording of ocean waves, an ongoing process, such as your own breathing, or a straightforward idea, such as “unconditional compassion.”

The aim is the same: remaining in the present now, avoiding the continuous torrent of comment from your rational awareness, and enabling yourself to enter an altered level of consciousness. Some individuals find it simpler to accomplish this than to concentrate on nothing.

Exercise-Based Meditation

Activity-oriented meditation mixes meditation with new or existing activities that improve your ability to concentrate in the moment. This kind of meditation involves doing something repetitious or that allows you to feel “flow” and being “in the zone.” Once again, doing so calms your mind and enables mental flexibility.

Consciousness Training

Similar to activity-oriented meditation, mindfulness is a kind of meditation that may not seem to be meditation in any way. Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of focusing on the current moment instead of the past or even the future. Once again, this can be trickier than it appears! One strategy for remaining “in the moment” is to concentrate on your physical sensations. Another is to concentrate on your feelings and where they are located in your body without trying to understand why you are feeling them.

Religious Reflection

Meditation may be a spiritual activity even if it is not particular to any one faith. You may either meditate to calm your brain and embrace whatever happens that day, or you can concentrate on a specific subject until an answer appears. Kundalini meditation, which connects the mind and body, is also popular.

Conclusion

Whatever technique you use, bear in mind that regular practice—even just 5 minutes a day—is more beneficial than workouts that are longer but less often. The ideal meditating technique—and that which will enable you to reap the most rewards—is one that you can maintain.

“Alison,

I met a spectacular woman a few months ago. But then began her impulsivity, changeable moods and rage outbursts against me. She seems highly functioning but doesn’t have self-control. Why am I attracted to people who are like that?”

The Excitement of Impulsivity

Impulsive people respond to their feelings without giving them much thought. They often express and respond to their emotions fervently and without fear of consequences. They tend to lack a filter or inner critic, which can result in their being exuberant, spontaneous as well as hotheaded.

Spontaneity and exuberance can be exciting and appealing. When two people are first attracted to each other, there are a lot of positive emotions, and someone who expresses desire and excitement impetuously can be quite seductive and exhilarating to be with.

The Fantasy in New Relationships

When two people first become captivated with one another whether as friends or potential lovers, there is always a bit of projection going on. They don’t really know each other, so they fill in the blanks by projecting their hopes and fantasies onto the other person.

Yet no one can really fulfill the expectations of another person. Eventually, reality sets in and that reality will conflict with some of the fantasies each has had about the other. When they find out that their expectations are inaccurate, they may be disappointed and even blame the other person for failing to fulfill their fantasy. Disappointment and blame can trigger negative projections, furthering negative emotions and behavior in both people.

People who lack impulse control tend to follow their emotions, while ignoring reason based on experience. They allow themselves to get carried away by their projections when they are infatuated with someone. They also experience disappointment in an exaggerated way without tempering their negative emotions with rational thought and restraint. When they express their negative emotions without a filter, they may become volatile, hostile and explosive.

How to Avoid Getting Hurt by Volatile People

Develop your own self-control to avoid falling for someone too quickly. The word “falling” is appropriate here. It implies letting go of reason and caution while giving up any grounding in reality. This “letting go” or “falling” into your fantasy feels thrilling and intoxicating, but when you finally hit the ground, it can hurt.

So it helps to take your time before getting deeply involved with someone you’re attracted to. Take your time to get to know their true nature, qualities and character. By avoiding becoming emotionally enmeshed too quickly, i.e., by calling or seeing them everyday, you can retain some objectivity.

While it’s fine to enjoy people who are impulsive and exciting, know that such qualities can lead to moodiness, controlling behavior, dependency, manipulation, volatility and rage. Thus, make sure you remain independent and grounded on your own terms when engaging with impulsive people. Also try to avoid being controlling, possessive, overly impulsive, dependent, or manipulative yourself. None of these qualities bode well in the pursuit of a long-term relationship.

You can still enjoy the excitement of being captivated by or infatuated with a new person. But keep your eyes open and your reason intact to be able to stay connected to reality.

If you’re looking for support beyond physical fitness, learn how to find a qualified therapist who can assist you with mental health and emotional well-being.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Why do some people fear solitude while others embrace it?

Key points

• Loneliness is when we feel our separateness as human beings and feel uneasy in our mental space.
• Some people experience less separation and so feel more comfortable with solitude.
• Healthy psychological development involves developing a positive relationship to solitude.

Source: Gantas Vaičiulėnas / Pexels

Some people are reluctant to spend time alone. Solitude makes them anxious and restless, and so they try to ensure that they’re always in the company of others. But other people have a completely different attitude toward solitude. Even if they enjoy the time they spend with others, they savor their moments of solitude. They find solitude therapeutic and essential to their well-being, a time to rest and reconnect themselves.

Solitude doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness. Loneliness is when we feel our separateness as human beings. We feel trapped inside our mental space, in separation from other human beings, and from a world that appears to be “out there.” (I refer to this as “ego-isolation.”) As the psychiatrist Frieda Fromm-Reichmann wrote in her seminal 1958 paper “Loneliness,” there is a threat to “self-orientation” too, since we derive our sense of self from “overt relationships with others.”¹ We need contact with others to maintain our sense of identity. In loneliness, our sense of identity weakens.

At the same time, loneliness involves experiencing the habitual restlessness of our minds, leaping from one association to the next, and often gravitating to negative thoughts. For people who suffer from more intense psychological discord, perhaps due to depressive tendencies or past trauma, loneliness is an even more negative experience.

Embracing Solitude

But why are some people much less affected by these negative aspects? Why do they feel comfortable with solitude, while others don’t?

Ego isolation is not a constant, or even a given. It exists on a continuum. In my book DisConnected, I describe the “hyper-disconnected” personality who experiences extreme separation and, therefore, has an intense fear of solitude and inactivity.² Hyper-disconnected people are unable to form any emotional connection to others or to feel empathy. Their intense separation typically generates an intense desire to accumulate success, power, and wealth, together with a deep unconscious frustration, which may express itself in violent and destructive behavior.

Hyper-disconnected people typically feel a compulsive need for activity and company to avoid experiencing the discomfort of their extreme separation. One example is the British business tycoon Robert Maxwell—father of Ghislaine Maxwell—whose hyper-disconnection was probably linked to early life experiences of trauma and emotional and material deprivation. In the words of one of Maxwell’s confidantes, “What drove him more than anything [was]…the desire to generate activity, no matter how pointless it was. Above all, he dreaded being on his own with nothing to do.”³

However, some people experience less ego isolation than others. A small proportion of people may experience very little separation at all and are therefore less prone to loneliness. Rather than seeking to avoid solitude, they may embrace it. Abraham Maslow identified a greater-than-normal need for peace and solitude as one of the characteristics of self-actualized individuals.⁴

In my own research—described in my book The Leap—I have found that a positive attitude to solitude is one of the characteristics of “wakefulness,” a state of expansive awareness with a strong sense of connection to other human and living beings, to nature, and to the world in general. Wakefulness can be cultivated gradually or arise suddenly and dramatically in the aftermath of intense psychological turmoil. In this state, people relish quietness and inactivity. Many people reported that they never felt lonely, even if they were alone for long periods. One participant reported, “I really love my quietude. It gives me the chance to read and delight and meditate in a different way that allows for reflection and for an ever-deepening.” Another person reported, “I can be on my own for long periods of time and doing nothing and that is okay with me.”⁵

In other words, our attitude to solitude and our vulnerability to loneliness depends on our degree of separation or connection, together with our degree of psychological discord.

The more ego isolation and psychological discord we experience, the more vulnerable we are to loneliness. But when we experience little or no ego separation, we relish solitude—and also inactivity. The compulsion to keep our minds occupied fades away

Healthy psychological development therefore involves developing a positive relationship to solitude and inactivity. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we should isolate ourselves from others—we should aim for a healthy balance of society and solitude. At the very least, we should learn not to fear the inevitable moments when we are obliged to be alone. On the contrary, we should view these periods as an opportunity to enter and explore our own inner being and to reattune to our essential selves.

In his poem “The Uprooted,” D.H. Lawrence vividly portrays the connection between ego isolation and loneliness. As he writes, “People who complain of loneliness must have lost something,/Lost some living connection with the cosmos, out of themselves… like a plant whose roots are cut.” For Lawrence himself, who lived in an intense state of connection, “To be alone is one of life’s greatest delights…feeling oneself uninterrupted in the rooted connection with the centre of all things.”⁶

References

1. Fromm-Reichmann, F. (1990). Loneliness. Contemporary Psychoanalysis 26, 305–329.

2. Taylor, S. (2023a). DisConnected: The Roots of Human Cruelty and How Connection Can Heal the World. Iff Books.

3. Preston, J. (2021). Fall: The Mystery of Robert Maxwell. Penguin.

4. Maslow, A. H. (1954). Motivation and Personality. Harper and Row.

5. Taylor, S. (2017). The Leap: The Psychology of Spiritual Awakening. New World Library

6. Lawrence, D.H. (1994). The Complete Poems. Penguin