Category: Latest

THE BASICS

Key points

• Enhancing appearance isn’t only for attracting partners, but also for retaining them.
• Beauty enhancements can be harmless, buying a new outfit, or dangerous, taking pills with side effects.
• Women who were more jealous were more willing to use costly and risky beauty enhancement strategies.

What would you do for love? Everyone wants to be better looking, more beautiful, and more appealing to potential romantic partners. To accomplish that, we put a lot of effort into enhancing our appearance through the clothes we wear, cosmetics, and trips to the gym.

Improving our looks extends beyond mere vanity and has other benefits for our relationships. Specifically, being better looking gives us an evolutionary advantage in ongoing relationships because it helps us retain our current partner. When we’re more appealing, our partner will find alternatives less appealing.

What would you do to protect your relationship? How far would you be willing to go to make yourself more beautiful?

That’s what researchers wondered. They suspected that individuals with more jealous tendencies would be particularly protective of their relationship and more willing to consider using risky and or costly methods to enhance their appearance.

The Low-Risk and High-Risk Behaviors

To test this, the researchers surveyed 189 undergraduate females aged 17 to 37 years old, all currently in committed relationships.

To assess the jealousy level of participants, questions asked how often they suspected their partner was secretly seeing someone else, if they would be upset if their partner flirted with someone else, and how much they questioned their partner about previous relationships.

The researchers also wanted to determine participants’ interest in enhancing their appearance, including activities with varying degrees of risk. For example, they asked participants about low-risk activities such as how much money they spent on appearance-enhancing goods and services such as skin treatments or products, make-up, clothing, jewelry, and hair styling. They also asked how often women used facial cosmetics.

To assess riskier behaviors, researchers inquired about their openness to cosmetic surgery: “It makes sense to have minor cosmetic surgery rather than spending years feeling bad about the way you look.” “If a simple cosmetic procedure would make me more attractive to others then I would think about trying it.” And, “If I could have a surgical procedure done for free, I would consider trying cosmetic surgery.”

Finally, they asked about potentially high-risk behaviors (for example, a free tanning membership) and obviously risky behaviors (for example, taking a diet pill that had a known link to future heart problems).

What They Found About Jealousy

Overall, more jealous participants sought to elevate their attractiveness through a variety of behaviors. Specifically, women who indicated higher jealousy also reported spending more money on their appearance, greater openness to plastic surgery, greater willingness to use a tanning membership, and greater likelihood to use a dangerous diet pill.

article continues after advertisement

There was no link between jealousy and the intended use of facial cosmetics. The lack of association with cosmetic use is likely because using make-up is a fairly common and low-risk behavior that is highly socially acceptable (even encouraged).

Boosting one’s beauty can help hold onto a current partner amidst perceived threats from rival partners who may threaten the relationship. That sounds noble, romantic even. However, willingness to engage in clearly dangerous behavior is a concern. Why would you willingly take a diet pill that you knew was linked to significant health problems later on? Apparently, part of the answer to that question is jealousy.

But why? Jealousy results from a concern that you will lose someone you care for. In this study, participants may have decided that the present potential reward (keeping their partner) outweighed the future cost of having heart problems. That could be due to the participant’s age. However, ignoring the long-term implications of short-term benefits is a human issue across all ages.

Importantly, these findings don’t say that enhancing your appearance is bad. While romantic jealousy may drive women towards appearance enhancement, wanting to optimize physical attractiveness is common. Yet, there’s a fine line between healthy self-improvement and potentially harmful procedures or drug use. Maintaining a balanced and mindful approach to self-improvement or beauty-enhancing practices is important.

We often wistfully and romantically ask, “What would you do for love?”

Perhaps, a better question is, what shouldn’t you do for love?

Facebook image: Maksym Fesenko/Shutterstock

References

Arnocky, S., MacKinnon, M., Clarke, S., McPherson, G., & Kapitanchuk, E. (2023). Women’s romantic jealousy predicts risky appearance enhancement effort. Evolutionary Psychology, 21(3), 1-11. https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049231185782

Do you often second guess yourself? Are you having trouble making simple decisions?  Do you ask yourself ‘am I just too sensitive’ a dozen times a day?  Do you sometimes feel confused and crazy at work? Do you know there is something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it?  You start lying to your partner to avoid the reality twists?  Do you withhold details of your relationship from friends?  Do you feel that you are not the same self you were when you met your partner?

If you answered YES to one or more of these questions – you may be in a gaslighting relationship. Let’s take a closer look on how to identify the gaslight effect.

In my book The Gaslight Effect: how to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life, I describe the debilitating impact that dancing the ‘gaslight tango’ can have on you as you move through the stages of gaslighting.  If you are suffering the gaslight effect, you are no longer sure of your reality, you are questioning your sense of self and you have given over your power  in order to preserve the relationship. That’s the bad news. And, tragically, you are in deep psychological pain – sometimes you even feel like your soul hurts. But – there is good news here too: being in an ongoing gaslighting relationship requires your  participation – even unwittingly – and that means that when you can name it  you can begin to gather  your inner strength and outside resources to step out of the dynamic.

I wrote the book because I listened to my patients and my friends, for years, talk about being consumed by a dynamic I called the “gaslight tango”.  I witnessed the most successful of women, come unglued in their most intimate relationships, while at the same time, leading non profits, running companies with confidence and great success.

The people I saw dancing the ‘gaslight tango’ most often in my practice were in romantic  relationships. While both men and women can be gaslighters, the pairing I see most often is the man as gaslighter and the woman, the gaslightee – following a more traditional model of man, the dominant and woman, the submissive.  However, I have worked with many men who are gaslightees, many women who are involved with gaslighting women and both sexes being gaslighted by men or women in the workplace.  No matter the players, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse.

The “powerful” gaslighter communicates with certainty and consistency that he is right and there is something wrong with you or the way you think.  The systematic knocking you down over time, will eat away at your confidence  and cause you to experience a growing shakiness of self. Gradually, you begin to question what you thought you knew to be true. You are second guessing your reality.

Identifying The Stages Of The Gaslight Effect

In the next blogs, I will tell you more about what gasligting looks like in Stage 1:  Disbelief, Stage 2: Defense, Stage 3: Depression.  I will describe the different types of gaslighters the “glamour gaslighter” “good guy gaslighter” “the intimidator gaslighter”.  I will explore – and, present some cases  – about vulnerabilities on both sides and dynamics that keep gaslighter and gaslightee dancing together.

And – importantly, I will give you tips and strategies about how to stop gaslighting, and how to decide to stay or leave a relationship – and, either way, how to reclaim your reality and your joy.

In the meantime – if you are dancing the Gaslight Tango: here are a few quick tips about how to step out of the dance, now that you recognize that’s what is happening :

1. Opt out of power struggles – write down language you can use and practice it (like this: we are saying the same thing, again and again, I just don’t want to continue)
2. Avoid the right-wrong debates – pay attention to how you feel instead
3. Practice sentence stems like “we can agree to disagree” when your perspectives clash
4. Use silence instead of commenting when someone is provoking you – or, excuse yourself and walk away
5. Write down your dialogue, as verbatim as you recall, and take a look at it at another time – notice when the conversation pivots to gaslighting
6. Talk to a trusted friend for a reality check when you feel uncertain
7. Trust your gut, if something feels wrong, it is wrong for you!

Identify The Gaslight Effect With Robin Stern’s Book

If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from.

The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life will show you how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from —and how to gasproof your life so you’ll avoid gaslighting relationship. Learn more about my book on The Gaslight Effect.

We’ve all read the generic “put your phone away” sleep tips. But the truth is, what’s keeping you up isn’t the same as what’s keeping someone else up — so we built a quick quiz to help you figure out your actual sleep blocker, whether it’s screens, racing thoughts, late caffeine, an erratic bedtime, or your room setup.

Four questions, one honest answer, one tip you can try tonight.

Once you know your type, our Anxiety Workbook and Setting Boundaries Workbook go deeper into the mind-side habits — overthinking, boundaries with your own time — that quietly sabotage sleep.

Take the quiz, then check out the full shop here:https://ko-fi.com/fitnesshacksforlife/shop

Many icks, on reflection, are just harmless “nicks.”

• Tweet
• Share on Bluesky
• Share
• Email

THE BASICS

• Why Relationships Matter
• Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?
• Find counselling to strengthen relationships

Source: Photo by Polina Zimmerman / Pexels

The ick is giving me the ick.

In a world of trending dating terminology, “the ick” has proven surprisingly enduring. Headlines like “Three Ways to Combat the Ick” or “Got the Ick?” continue to flood social media. On TikTok, there are a whopping 191.5 million videos tagged with the term. Reddit communities thrive on users swapping stories of ick-inducing moments, from wearing capris on a first date to running to grab sweets from a piñata. (How else is one supposed to do it?) Even Netflix’s latest rom-com series Nobody Wants This features Joanne (Kristen Bell) doing what she thought was impossible: getting over her new partner’s ick (although, let’s face it, when it’s Adam Brody, it shouldn’t be that hard).

And it’s not just online. The ick has fully woven itself into common discourse. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve overheard discussions of the ick. And, for the record, I’m not immune to it either; I may lambaste it professionally, but I caught myself saying it when a date repeatedly texted me “Oi” instead of Hello.

This year, the ick was one of 3200 new buzzwords to enter the Cambridge Dictionary. Originally coined by a Love Island contestant who used it to describe the breakdown of her relationship, the ick denotes a characteristic or behavior that elicits disgust or revulsion. Disgust, as it turns out, is a real, well-evidenced phenomenon: Psychological research shows us that it has a clear evolutionary purpose. It’s a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors avoid danger, from poisonous food to pathogens.

But somewhere along the way, our use of the ick became problematic.

To begin with, the ick has zero scientific basis. (While we’re at it, the same largely goes for our beloved ‘love languages’ and ‘dating flags.’) There’s plenty of rigorous, empirical research on the role of disgust—such as studies showing that women are more prone to experiencing it than men—but there’s no evidence that avoiding or succumbing to the ick has any bearing on short- or long-term relationship success or satisfaction. And yet it’s morphed into a catch-all term we use for anything that mildly irritates or irks us, whether it’s singing too loudly or walking too slowly in public.

The trouble is that one person’s quirk could easily be another person’s ick. When we start scrutinising a person—or a date—for potential icks, there’s no stopping us. We become hyper-judgmental, vigilant daters on a constant search for reasons to be ambivalent towards someone, or worse, to jump ship.

We’re not even reliable judges of the ick. As a psychologist, I am constantly preaching the dangers of cognitive biases. We may think we know ourselves, but our blind spots are ever-present. Take confirmation bias, when we may unfairly interpret a partner’s actions to reinforce our assumptions, or the halo effect, when we let one positive impression (e.g. attractiveness) influence our overall view of a person. Relying on our perceptions of the ick is risky business.

But of all the problems with the ick, my biggest concern is that we’ve started using the term as a quick and dirty barometer for incompatibility. If a person gives us the ick by clapping when the plane lands, or wearing sunglasses indoors, it’s often game over. But these are not actual, meaningful measures of compatibility. These are what I call “nicks”— small annoyances or superficial quirks that, like proverbial paper cuts, heal quickly with time.

A true ick, on the other hand, should be something that genuinely disgusts us. A trait like extreme negativity or constant criticism, that’s an ick. So is being self-absorbed and quick to mock someone for their words or actions. Or refusing to take accountability and being defensive. Or stonewalling—withdrawing to avoid conflict. Research by relationship psychologist John Gottman has consistently found that these are the behaviours that can lead to the breakdown of a relationship—and so these are the icks we should be looking out for.

article continues after advertisement

When we confuse nicks with icks, we lose sight of what’s actually important and our attention gets diverted to the wrong place. While quirks and annoyances can be overcome, the real work of building a relationship lies in addressing the traits and behaviors that truly affect its foundation.

So the next time you find yourself on a date cringing at someone’s insistence on saying gracias with a faux Spanish accent, pause for a moment. Is it a harmless nick, or is it a genuine ick that signals deeper incompatibilities? The distinction matters. Don’t let a distraction cause you to miss the bigger picture.

Sanna Balsari-Palsule, Ph.D., is a behavioral scientist at the University of Cambridge.

 Dr. Sanna Balsari-Palsule, X, Instagram

You’ve tried the morning pages. The cold showers. The gratitude lists, the breathing exercises, the “just go for a walk, it’ll help” advice from every wellness account you follow — including, honestly, some of ours.

And some days, it does help. That’s not nothing.

But maybe you’re here because some days, it doesn’t. You do everything “right” and you still feel like you’re carrying something too heavy to journal your way out of. If that’s you right now, we need to say something we don’t say often enough on a fitness and self-help site:

Self-help is a tool. It was never meant to be the whole toolbox.

Why this hits different when you’re “the person who has it together”

Here’s the thing nobody tells you about being someone who’s into self-improvement: you get really, really good at managing yourself from the outside. You know the techniques. You can talk yourself down. You can perform “fine” so convincingly that even you start to believe it.

Which is exactly why it’s so disorienting when the techniques stop working. If you’re someone who prides yourself on handling things — on being resourceful, on not being “that person” who needs help — admitting that habit trackers and hot yoga aren’t touching what you’re actually feeling can feel like failure.

It isn’t. It’s information. It’s your mind telling you that what you’re dealing with needs a different kind of support — the kind that comes from an actual person trained to help you work through it, not another app, worksheet, or 5am routine.

What actually changes when you talk to someone

Self-help gives you tools. A therapist or coach helps you figure out why the tools aren’t landing — and that’s a different, deeper kind of relief.

It’s the difference between reading about boundaries and having someone help you rehearse the actual conversation you’re dreading. Between knowing you’re anxious and understanding where that anxiety is actually coming from. Between white-knuckling through another hard week and having one hour that’s entirely yours, with someone whose whole job is paying attention to you.

That’s not a luxury. That’s not “extra.” That’s care — the same category as the workouts and the meal prep and the sleep hygiene you already take seriously. Your mind deserves the same maintenance you give your body.

The part that usually stops people: finding someone

If you’ve ever tried to find a therapist, you know the drill — insurance directories that are half out of date, a dozen phone calls that go to voicemail, three-month waitlists, and profiles so clinical you can’t tell if this is a person you’d actually want to talk to.

That’s the exact gap TheraConnect was built to close. It’s a directory of licensed therapists and wellness coaches — real profiles, real specialties, no insurance required to get started, and no waitlist standing between you and the first conversation. You can actually see who someone is and what they focus on before you ever reach out.

If today is one of those days

You don’t need a crisis to justify getting support. You don’t need to hit some invisible threshold of “bad enough.” Feeling like you’re doing everything right and still not okay is reason enough.

Take five minutes. Look through a few provider profiles. Find someone who feels like a fit. You don’t have to have the whole thing figured out before you start — you just have to take the first small step, the same way you did the first time you laced up your shoes and didn’t feel like a runner yet either.

Find your therapist or coach on TheraConnect →

You’ve already proven you’re someone who shows up for yourself. This is just the next way to do it.

---

---

FAQ

Does needing therapy mean my self-help routine failed?
No. Self-help and therapy aren’t competing systems — they do different jobs. Journaling, movement, and routines help you manage day-to-day stress; therapy helps you understand and work through what’s underneath it. Most people benefit from both.

How do I know it’s “enough” of a problem to see someone?
You don’t need to hit crisis level to justify support. If you’re doing “all the right things” and still feel stuck, overwhelmed, or not like yourself, that’s already a good enough reason.

What if I don’t have insurance?
You don’t need it. TheraConnect providers don’t require insurance to book — you can see pricing and specialties upfront on each profile.

What’s the difference between a therapist and a coach on TheraConnect?
Licensed therapists are trained and credentialed to treat mental health conditions. Coaches support goals, habits, and life transitions but don’t diagnose or treat. TheraConnect profiles make it clear which is which so you can choose what fits.

---

Sources

• American Psychological Association — “Understanding psychotherapy and how it works”
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) — “Types of Mental Health Professionals”
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) — barriers to mental health care access

The link between social support and both physical and mental health.

KEY POINTS

• Pandemic measures to slow the spread have decreased infection but increased feelings of loneliness and social isolation.
• Social restrictions such as physical distancing have been identified as potential risk factors for loneliness.
• Social disconnection can profoundly impact individual health, both mentally and physically.

With social restrictions lifted, families are reuniting, friends and neighbors are reconnecting, and co-workers are catching up around the water cooler. But not everyone has emerged from the pandemic ready to rejoin the social scene. Some people are still suffering both physically and emotionally; some from lingering symptoms, some from loneliness.

Apparently, pandemic measures to “slow the spread” have decreased infection but increased feelings of loneliness and social isolation—which can jeopardize both physical and mental health. As the pandemic has less of an impact on daily life, it is important to reach out to people who are still experiencing loneliness and anxiety, because research reveals both their physical and mental health may depend on it.

Source: Pexels/Pixabay

A Legacy of Loneliness

Many people have been lonely for years—a state of being that was exacerbated by the pandemic. Mareike Ernst et al. (2022)[i] recognize loneliness and social isolation as increasingly common public health concerns pre-COVID-19 pandemic, due to their serious impact on well-being, mental and physical health, and longevity. They note that the pandemic, along with associated containment measures, made loneliness and social isolation even more relevant.

Specifically, they note that COVID-19 pandemic social restrictions designed to mitigate transmission, such as physical distancing, have been identified as potential risk factors for loneliness, which in turn can increase the risk of adverse physical and mental health conditions.

Interestingly, Ernst et al. note that within the pandemic context, loneliness and social isolation are distinct concepts, because some people might have fewer contacts, but not feel lonely. They explain this is because loneliness depends on factors other than social isolation, including characteristics of the individual as well as his or her environment, including relational expectations, need for contact, personality traits, cultural norms, and physical and mental health. These variables explain why the pandemic has not affected everyone in the same way.

Comforting Company and COVID Resilience

Apparently, loneliness can even impact vaccine effectiveness. Gallagher Stephen et al. (2022) [ii] studied the response to a single dose of COVID 19 vaccine, finding that people with less social cohesion reported being lonelier, which was linked with lower antibody response. They conclude that feelings of “being in it together” impact the strength of antibody response to vaccination, emphasizing the significance and importance of pandemic social cohesion.

Erica A. Hornstein and Naomi I. Eisenberger (2022) explored the impact of loneliness on fear and the effect of COVID-19-created social disconnection on anxiety.[iii] They note that previous research suggests that social disconnection can profoundly impact individual health both mentally and physically, particularly impacting fear disorders. They report that feelings of disconnection and high levels of daily perceived threat due to COVID-19 combined to create conditions that were particularly likely to prompt dysfunctional and persistent fears. Their own research showed that loneliness damages the process through which fears are allayed, which is critical to both fear regulation as well as treatment of such disorders.

Proactive Support

Recognizing the link between loneliness and vulnerability to both physical and mental health, we are all encouraged to go through our contact list and reach out to those with whom we lost contact during the pandemic. Social support is significant both physically and mentally. It is easy to give, and healing to receive. Pick up the phone today.

References

[i] Ernst, Mareike, Daniel Niederer, Antonia M. Werner, Sara J. Czaja, Christopher Mikton, Anthony D. Ong, Tony Rosen, Elmar Brähler, and Manfred E. Beutel. “Loneliness before and during the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Systematic Review with Meta-Analysis.” American Psychologist, May 9, 2022. doi:10.1037/amp0001005.supp (Supplemental).

[ii] Stephen, Gallagher, Howard Siobhán, Orla. T. Muldoon, and Anna. C. Whittaker. 2022. “Social Cohesion and Loneliness Are Associated with the Antibody Response to COVID-19 Vaccination.” Brain, Behavior, and Immunity 103 (July): 179–85. doi:10.1016/j.bbi.2022.04.017.

[iii] Hornstein, Erica A., and Naomi I. Eisenberger. 2022. “Exploring the Effect of Loneliness on Fear: Implications for the Effect of COVID-19-Induced Social Disconnection on Anxiety.” Behavior Research and Therapy 153 (June): 1–9. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2022.104101.

Why Narcissistic Parents Never Seem to Believe the Scapegoat — Even When They’re Telling the Truth

If you grew up as the family scapegoat, you probably know this pattern intimately: you tell the truth — about something that happened, something that hurt you, something you witnessed — and it doesn’t matter. You’re met with denial, dismissal, or even punishment for speaking up. Meanwhile, a sibling’s version of events, however inconsistent, is accepted without question.

This isn’t a coincidence, and it isn’t about the facts. It’s about the role you’ve been assigned in the family system.

It Was Never About Accuracy

In families with a narcissistic parent, belief isn’t extended based on evidence — it’s extended based on function. The golden child’s word is believed because believing it maintains the family’s preferred narrative (that the parent is good, fair, and blameless). The scapegoat’s word is disbelieved because believing it would threaten that same narrative.

Truth becomes irrelevant. What matters is which story protects the parent’s self-image.

The Scapegoat Threatens the Family Myth

Every dysfunctional family system built around a narcissistic parent runs on an unspoken myth: this is a normal, loving family, and any problems are caused by [the scapegoat]. The scapegoat’s accurate observations — “you yelled at me,” “that wasn’t fair,” “you favor my sibling” — are direct threats to that myth. So they get reframed:

• Truth becomes “dramatic” or “oversensitive”
• Valid complaints become “attacks”
• Accurate memories become “that’s not what happened”

This isn’t really disagreement. It’s motivated reasoning in service of the parent’s ego.

Believing You Would Require the Parent to Change

If a narcissistic parent believed the scapegoat, they’d have to face something intolerable: that they caused harm. Most narcissistic personality structures are organized specifically to avoid that kind of accountability. So disbelief isn’t a bug — it’s the mechanism that protects the parent from ever having to look inward.

Other Family Members Learn the Pattern Too

Over time, this dynamic doesn’t stay contained to the parent. Siblings, and sometimes even the non-narcissistic parent, learn that agreeing with the scapegoat is risky, while doubting them is safe. This is how an entire family system can end up organized around disbelieving one person by default — regardless of what that person actually says.

You’re Not Imagining It

If this pattern feels disorienting — like you could present video evidence and still not be believed — that’s because you’re not misreading the situation. This is a documented dynamic in family systems literature on scapegoating, sometimes referred to as Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA). Your perception of the unfairness is accurate. The distortion is coming from the system, not from you.

---

FAQ

Why does my narcissistic parent believe my sibling over me?
Because belief in these families is assigned by role, not evidence. The “golden child” role exists to reflect well on the parent; the scapegoat role exists to absorb blame. Whoever’s account fits the assigned role gets believed.

Can a scapegoat ever be believed by a narcissistic parent?
Rarely, and usually only when the truth doesn’t threaten the parent’s self-image. If believing you would require the parent to admit fault, the odds drop sharply.

Is it normal to feel like I’m losing my mind?
Yes — it’s a common response to chronic disbelief and is sometimes described as a form of gaslighting. Feeling destabilized doesn’t mean you’re wrong; it means the pattern is working as designed.

---

Sources

• Mandeville, R. C. — Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed (scapegoatrecovery.com)
• General family systems literature on scapegoating dynamics

You don’t need an hour, a cushion, or a quiet retreat to meditate. Sometimes the most powerful reset is the shortest one — a full two minutes, done anywhere, that gives your mind and body a chance to catch up with each other.

Why Even 2 Minutes Matters

Meditation doesn’t need to be long to be effective. Short, intentional pauses can lower cortisol, slow your heart rate, and shift your nervous system out of “go” mode. For a lot of people, the barrier to meditating isn’t the practice itself — it’s the belief that it has to take 20 minutes to count. It doesn’t. A two-minute breathing reset is enough to interrupt a stress spiral, refocus a scattered mind, or create a small buffer between two demanding parts of your day.

This is where mind and body actually meet: your breath is one of the few bodily functions you can consciously control, and controlling it is one of the fastest ways to influence your mental state.

Try This: A 2-Minute Guided Meditation

Find a comfortable seat or lie down. Let your eyes close, or soften your gaze toward the floor.

Arrive (0:00–0:20)
Take a slow breath in through your nose, then let it go. Notice the weight of your body — wherever you’re sitting or lying, let it be fully supported.

Breathe (0:20–0:50)
Inhale for a count of four, hold for two, exhale for six. Repeat. Let each exhale run a little longer than the inhale — this signals your nervous system that it’s safe to slow down.

Notice (0:50–1:20)
Bring attention to your shoulders. Drop them if they’re raised. Unclench your jaw. Soften your hands. For these few breaths, you don’t have to hold onto anything.

Return (1:20–1:50)
When your mind wanders, that’s not failure — it’s just what minds do. Gently guide your focus back to your breath, without judgment.

Close (1:50–2:00)
Take one more full breath in and out. When you’re ready, open your eyes and carry the steadiness with you.

When to Use It

• Before a stressful meeting or hard conversation
• Between tasks, as a reset instead of scrolling
• First thing in the morning, before reaching for your phone
• Anytime anxiety spikes and you need to come back to your body

The Bigger Picture

A two-minute practice won’t replace deeper mental health work, but it builds something valuable: proof that you can shift your state in under 120 seconds. Over time, these small resets add up — training your nervous system to return to calm more easily, even outside of meditation.

---

FAQ

Is a 2-minute meditation actually effective?
Yes. Short breathing-focused meditations can measurably lower stress markers and calm the nervous system, even at just a minute or two. Consistency matters more than duration.

What’s the best breathing pattern for a short meditation?
A 4-2-6 pattern (inhale 4, hold 2, exhale 6) works well because a longer exhale activates the parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system.

Can I do this meditation anywhere?
Yes — at a desk, in a car (parked), before bed, or in a bathroom stall during a hard day. No equipment or app required.

How is this different from deep breathing exercises?
It’s closely related — this practice combines breathwork with brief body awareness and a gentle mental return, which is what makes it a meditation rather than just breathing.

Sources:

https://www.uclahealth.org/uclamindful/guided-meditations

The surprising revelation on the effect of narcissism on relationships.

Key points

• Narcissistic admiration is different from narcissistic rivalry.
• Narcissistic admiration can be linked with positive traits, especially early in a relationship.
• Narcissism does not always moderate a decline in relationship satisfaction.

We all know someone involved with a person who is self-centered and self-absorbed. We are always hesitant to jump to conclusions and diagnose someone as a “narcissist.” But there are a variety of negative traits that value self over others, that affect romantic relationships in different ways.

Source: Image by Daniil Kondrashin from Pixabay

Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry

Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik (2026) examined how narcissistic admiration and rivalry affect changes in relationship satisfaction over time.[i] They adopt the narcissistic admiration and rivalry concept, definitions of narcissistic admiration as “seeking admiration from others by being charming and asserting one’s unique and special status,” and narcissistic rivalry as a strategy that is more antagonistic and destructive within interpersonal relationships, including demonstrating superiority and devaluing others. They explain that narcissistic admiration is linked with positive traits such as higher self-esteem and constructive conflict strategies; narcissistic rivalry is associated with lower self-esteem, hostility, and reduced communal behavior and forgiveness. They acknowledge prior research suggesting that narcissistic individuals may initially prompt enjoyable and satisfying relationships due to their charming tendencies, but experience steep declines in satisfaction over time due to narcissistic antagonistic tendencies.

Narcissism and Relationship Satisfaction

In their own research, Seidman and Chopik sought to delve further. They studied a sample of over 5000 romantic couples and a subset of couples in new relationships of one year or less, over six years, examining changes in relationship satisfaction as linked with narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry. They found that narcissistic rivalry was linked with lower relationship satisfaction, consistent with past research. They note that these effects were stronger for an individual’s own amount of narcissistic rivalry than for one’s partner. Contrary to predictions and prior research, however, they found no association between narcissistic admiration and satisfaction or how it changes over time. In addition, Seidman and Chopik found that neither partner’s narcissism moderated the degree to which relationship satisfaction changed in either of their samples.

In discussing limitations and future directions, Seidman and Chopik point out that relationship satisfaction is only one factor related to relationship quality, and the only one included within their study. They note that some evidence indicates people with high levels of narcissism are less relationally invested and may have a positive view of relational alternatives. They also note that even though less relational commitment and satisfaction combined with high quality alternatives are linked with higher rates of dissolution, these risk factors are more pronounced within people who have higher levels of narcissism.

article continues after advertisement

Romance and Self-Love: How to Navigate Narcissistic Traits

Couples, where one or both parties acknowledge a tendency to put self first, can learn from research in this area to maximize relationship satisfaction, as well as quality and commitment. Recognizing selfish tendencies in oneself or a prospective partner in the early stages of a relationship can prompt objective analysis of compatibility issues before either partner invests in the partnership. Engaging in this reflection before trading in reading glasses for rose colored glasses also allows individuals to spot red flags before they become pleasantly muted. And of course, even when a relationship is already underway, narcissistic traits and all, counseling is available and can be of assistance to both partners.

Seidman, Gwendolyn, and William J. Chopik. “From Spark to Strain? Changes in Relationship Satisfaction as a Function of Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry.” Journal of Personality, March 26, 2026.