Love bombing is a term that has gained increasing attention in recent years, particularly in discussions about romantic relationships and emotional abuse. As someone who wants to better understand this behavior, I’ll break down what love bombing is, how to recognize it, and what to do if you find yourself in a love bombing situation.

What is Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by individuals to gain control over another person by overwhelming them with affection, attention, and gifts. It often occurs in the early stages of a relationship and can create an intense emotional bond. However, this behavior is not genuine love; rather, it is a way for the love bomber to exert power over their partner.

Key Characteristics of Love Bombing:

1. Excessive Compliments: Constantly praising and adoring their partner.
2. Rapid Attachment: Pushing for quick emotional investment and commitment.
3. Gifts and Surprises: Showering the partner with extravagant gifts and surprises unexpectedly.
4. Incessant Communication: Frequent texts and calls, often overwhelming the partner’s personal space.
5. Over-the-Top Romantic Gestures: Grand declarations of love and romantic gestures that feel a bit excessive.

How to Recognize Love Bombing

Recognizing love bombing can be tricky, especially when you’re being swept off your feet. Here are some red flags to watch out for:

1. The Pace of the Relationship

If the relationship is moving too quickly for comfort, it might be a sign of love bombing. Love bombers often push for quick commitments and can become overly attached in a short period.

2. Inconsistent Behavior

Love bombers may alternate between intense affection and withdrawal. This push-pull dynamic can leave you feeling confused and craving their affection, which they know how to exploit.

3. Manipulation of Emotions

Watch for moments where you feel guilty or responsible for their happiness. Love bombers often make their partners feel as if they owe them their affection or loyalty.

4. Isolation Tactics

If they discourage you from spending time with friends or family, it’s a major red flag. Love bombers often try to isolate their targets to exert control.

5. Pressure on Your Time and Attention

An intense desire for your undivided attention can be a sign of love bombing. If they expect you to constantly prioritize them above everything else, it could indicate manipulation.

6. Feeling Overwhelmed

If you frequently feel overwhelmed by their affection or find it hard to breathe in the relationship, it’s an important warning sign.

What to Do if You’re Experiencing Love Bombing

If you suspect that you’re being love bombed, here are steps to take to protect yourself and regain balance.

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

Take time to understand your feelings about the relationship. Keep a journal or talk to trusted friends to assess the situation and clarify your emotions.

2. Set Boundaries

Establish healthy boundaries that allow you to maintain your independence. Discuss your needs and limits clearly with your partner.

3. Slow Down the Relationship

If you feel pressured, it’s okay to slow down. Take a step back from the intensity and allow the relationship to develop naturally.

Reflect on Feelings	Gain clarity on how you really feel.
Set Boundaries	Protect your space and maintain independence.
Slow Down the Pace	Create an environment for genuine connection.

Action Steps

Purpose

4. Communicate Openly

Make an effort to communicate your feelings and concerns with your partner. You have every right to express how their behavior affects you.

5. Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family, or even a mental health professional. Sometimes an outside perspective can help assess the situation better.

6. Consider Ending the Relationship

If you find that your partner refuses to respect your boundaries and continues to engage in love bombing behaviors, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. Your well-being should always come first.

Conclusion

In conclusion, love bombing can feel exhilarating at first, but understanding its nature and recognizing the signs is essential to protecting yourself. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel overwhelmed by affection, take time to assess your feelings and establish healthy boundaries.

Remember that genuine love grows gradually and is built on respect, communication, and trust. If you ever suspect that a relationship’s dynamic doesn’t feel healthy, trust your instincts and seek help if needed.

Staying informed is the first step in safeguarding your heart and finding authentic connections that uplift you rather than manipulate you.

Ten ways to do the small things that will add up

You did everything right.

You crushed your 45-minute HIIT class. You sweated, you pushed, and your fitness tracker gave you a gold star. You burned 350 calories.

Then you sat down.

You sat in the car on your commute. You sat at your desk for 8 hours. You sat on the couch to watch your favorite show. You sat to eat dinner.

And you’re wondering why the scale isn’t moving.

The fitness industry has sold us on the idea that the only movement that matters is the grueling, scheduled, 60-minute “official workout.” But the science is clear: that one hour can be easily sabotaged by the other 23 hours of your day.

What if the real key to a lean, energetic body isn’t found in that one hour of pain, but in all the tiny movements you make throughout the day?

Welcome to the Invisible Workout.

The Fat-Burning Metric No One Talks About

In the scientific community, it’s known as NEAT, or Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis.

NEAT is the energy expended for everything we do that is not sleeping, eating, or sports-like exercise. It’s the energy we burn by simply living our lives.

• Pacing while on a phone call
• Tapping your foot while you work
• Walking to the mailroom
• Carrying groceries
• Fidgeting

It sounds trivial. It’s not. The caloric difference between a person with high NEAT and a person with low NEAT can be staggering. Seminal research on NEAT, led by Dr. James A. Levine at the Mayo Clinic, found that the variation in daily energy expenditure from NEAT between individuals can be as high as 2,000 calories per day (1).

For the average person currently living a sedentary lifestyle, consciously optimizing your Invisible Workout can realistically add up to an extra 300-800 calories burned per day.

Think about that. That’s the equivalent of a 5-mile run, but instead of pounding the pavement, you just integrated more movement into your existing routine. This is the single biggest hack for breaking through a weight loss plateau.

Your 1-Hour Workout Can’t Outrun an 8-Hour Chair

Let’s visualize it. Your “official workout” is like a single, big log you throw on a fire. It burns hot and bright for an hour.

Your “Invisible Workout” (NEAT) is the slow, constant smolder that keeps the fire burning all day and all night long.

Which one do you think burns more total fuel over 24 hours? For most of us, it’s the smolder.

In fact, research is frighteningly clear on this point. Studies published in top-tier journals like The Lancet have shown that high amounts of daily sitting time are associated with an increased risk of mortality, even if you get your 30-60 minutes of daily exercise (2). Your workout is vital, but it cannot fully undo the damage of being sedentary.

10 Micro-Hacks to Activate Your ‘Invisible Workout’ Today

You don’t need more time or more gym memberships. You just need to weave more movement into the life you already have.

1. The “Walk & Talk” Rule: Never take a phone call sitting down again. Whether it’s for work or family, pace around your room or walk outside. A 30-minute call can easily add 2,000 steps.
2. Become a Water Cooler Wanderer: Deliberately place your water bottle far away from your desk. Every time you need a sip, you’re forced into a short walk. This simple habit breaks up long periods of sitting.
3. The “Commercial Break Commando”: Watching a show? The rule is you’re not allowed to sit during commercials. Do jumping jacks, walk in place, do pushups against the couch, or just tidy up the room.
4. Park in the “Fitness Zone”: Stop hunting for the closest parking spot. Intentionally park at the far end of the lot. Those extra steps, multiple times a day, add up massively over a year.
5. Carry, Don’t Cart: Grabbing just a few things at the grocery store? Ditch the cart and use a basket. This turns a simple chore into a functional loaded carry, engaging your core and upper body.
6. The 2-Minute Chore Sprint: Set a timer for 2 minutes every hour you’re at home. In that time, do a small chore as fast as you can: wipe counters, put away dishes, vacuum one room. It elevates your heart rate and keeps your house clean.
7. Take the Long Way: Whether you’re in the office or at the mall, never take the most direct route to the bathroom or exit. Weave through an extra aisle. Your metabolism benefits from every extra step.
8. Embrace Fidgeting: The impulse to fidget is your body’s natural way of burning off excess energy. Studies have directly linked fidgeting to higher daily energy expenditure (3). So, tap your feet, bounce your knee, or use a standing desk and shift your weight often.
9. The “One-Trip” Unload: When bringing in groceries from the car, try to carry as much as you safely can in one trip. This turns a simple task into a full-body strength and endurance challenge.
10. Set a “Stand-Up” Trigger: Choose a common daily event (like receiving an email from your boss, or your phone buzzing) as your cue to immediately stand up for 60 seconds.

The Takeaway

This isn’t about ditching your gym routine. That one hour is great for your heart, your strength, and your mental health.

This is about fixing the other 23 hours.

Don’t let a sedentary day erase your hard work. By turning your daily life into your workout, you are tapping into a powerful, scientifically-validated mechanism for energy expenditure that doesn’t rely on willpower or motivation.

Your Challenge: Pick just three of these hacks and do them for one week. Don’t change anything else. See how you feel—and what the scale says—in seven days.

Drop a comment below: Which hack are you going to try first?

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References:

1. Levine, J. A. (2002). Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT). Best Practice & Research Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 16(4), 679-702.
2. Ekelund, U., Steene-Johannessen, J., Brown, W. J., Fagerland, M. W., Owen, N., Powell, K. E., … & Lee, I. M. (2016). Does physical activity attenuate, or even eliminate, the detrimental association of sitting time with mortality? A harmonised meta-analysis of data from more than 1 million men and women. The Lancet, 388(10051), 1302-1310.
3. Levine, J. A., & Lanningham-Foster, L. M. (2005). The role of nonexercise activity thermogenesis in obesity. In Endotext. MDText.com, Inc.

Most of what you experience leaves no trace in your memory. Learning new information often requires a lot of effort and repetition – picture studying for a tough exam or mastering the tasks of a new job. It’s easy to forget what you’ve learned, and recalling details of the past can sometimes be challenging.

But some past experiences can keep haunting you for years. Life-threatening events – things like getting mugged or escaping from a fire – can be impossible to forget, even if you make every possible effort. Recent developments in the Supreme Court nomination hearings and the associated #WhyIDidntReport action on social media have rattled the public and raised questions about the nature, role and impact of these kinds of traumatic memories.

Leaving politics aside, what do psychiatrists and neuroscientists like me understand about how past traumas can remain present and persistent in our lives through memories?

Bodies Respond Automatically to Threat

Imagine facing extreme danger, such as being held at gunpoint. Right away, your heart rate increases. Your arteries constrict, directing more blood to your muscles, which tense up in preparation for a possible life-or-death struggle. Perspiration increases, to cool you down and improve gripping capability on palms and feet for added traction for escape. In some situations, when the threat is overwhelming, you may freeze and be unable to move.

Threat responses are often accompanied by a range of sensations and feelings. Senses may sharpen, contributing to amplified detection and response to threat. You may experience tingling or numbness in your limbs, as well as shortness of breath, chest pain, feelings of weakness, fainting or dizziness. Your thoughts may be racing or, conversely, you may experience a lack of thoughts and feel detached from reality. Terror, panic, helplessness, lack of control or chaos may take over.

These reactions are automatic and cannot be stopped once they’re initiated, regardless of later feelings of guilt or shame about a lack of fight or flight.

Brains Have Two Routes to Respond to Danger

Biological research over the past few decades has made significant progress in understanding how the brain responds to threat. Defense responses are controlled by neural systems that human beings have inherited from our distant evolutionary ancestors.

One of the key players is the amygdala, a structure located deep in the medial temporal lobe, one on each side of the brain. It processes sensory threat information and sends outputs to other brain sites, such as the hypothalamus, which is responsible for the release of stress hormones, or brain stem areas, which control levels of alertness and automatic behaviors, including immobility or freezing.

Research in animals and more recently in people suggests the existence of two possible routes by which the amygdala receives sensory information. The first route, called the low road, provides the amygdala with a rapid, but imprecise, signal from the sensory thalamus. This circuit is believed to be responsible for the immediate, unconscious responses to threat.

The high road is routed through the cortical sensory areas and delivers more complex and detailed representations of threat to the amygdala. Researchers believe the high road is involved in processing the aspects of threats of which a person is consciously aware.

The two-roads model explains how responses to a threat can be initiated even before you become consciously aware of it. The amygdala is interconnected with a network of brain areas, including the hippocampus, the prefrontal cortex and others, all of which process different aspects of defense behaviors. For example, you hear a loud, sharp bang and you momentarily freeze – this would be a low road-initiated response. You notice somebody with a gun, immediately scan your surroundings to locate a hiding spot and escape route – these actions wouldn’t be possible without the high road being involved.

Two Kinds of Memories

Traumatic memories are intensely powerful and come in two varieties.

When people talk about memories, most of the time we refer to conscious or explicit memories. However, the brain is capable of encoding distinct memories in parallel for the same event – some of them explicit and some implicit or unconscious.

An experimental example of implicit memories is threat conditioning. In the lab, a harmful stimulus such as an electric shock, which triggers innate threat responses, is paired with a neutral stimulus, such as an image, sound or smell. The brain forms a strong association between the neutral stimulus and the threat response. Now this image, sound or smell acquires the ability to initiate automatic unconscious threat reactions – in the absence of the electric shock.

It’s like Pavlov’s dogs salivating when they hear the dinner bell, but these conditioned threat responses are typically formed after a single pairing between the actual threatening or harmful stimulus and a neutral stimulus, and last for life. Not surprisingly, they support survival. For example, after getting burned on a hot stove, a child will likely steer clear of the stove in order to avoid the harmful heat and pain.

Studies show that the amygdala is critical for encoding and storing associations between a harmful and neutral stimuli, and that stress hormones and mediators – such as cortisol and norepinephrine – play an important role in the formation of threat associations.

Researchers believe traumatic memories are a kind of conditioned threat response. For the survivor of a bike accident, the sight of a fast approaching truck resembling the one that crashed into them may cause the heart to race and skin to sweat. For the survivor of a sexual assault, the sight of the perpetrator or someone who looks similar may cause trembling, a feeling of hopelessness and an urge to hide, run away or fight. These responses are initiated regardless of whether they come with conscious recollections of trauma.

Conscious memories of trauma are encoded by various sites in the brain which process different aspects of experience. Explicit memories of trauma reflect the terror of the original experience and may be less organized than memories acquired under less stressful conditions. Typically they’re more vivid, more intense and more persistent.

After the Memories are Made

Memories are biological phenomena and as such are dynamic. Exposure to cues that trigger the recall or retrieval of traumatic memories activates the neural systems that are storing the memories. This includes electrical activation of the neural circuits, as well as underlying intracellular processes.

Reactivated memories are susceptible to modification. The character and direction of this modification depends on the circumstances of the person recalling the memory. Retrieval of implicit or explicit traumatic memories is usually associated with high levels of stress. Stress hormones act on the activated brain circuits and may strengthen the original memory for trauma through a phenomenon known as memory reconsolidation.

There are clinical strategies to help people heal from emotional trauma. One critical factor is the sense of safety. Retrieval of traumatic memories under safe conditions when levels of stress are relatively low and under control enables the individual to update or reorganize the trauma experience. It’s possible to link the trauma to other experiences and diminish its destructive impact. Psychologists call this post-traumatic growth.

It is an ethical imperative to consider the circumstances under which traumatic memories are recalled, whether in the course of therapy, during police investigations, court hearings or public testimonies. Recalling trauma may be a part of the healing process or may lead to re-traumatization, persistence and continued detrimental effects from traumatic memories

1. Jacek DebiecAssistant Professor / Department of Psychiatry; Assistant Research Professor / Molecular & Behavioral Neuroscience Institute, University of Michigan

Building self-confidence is a transformative journey that profoundly influences your mental health, self-esteem, social interactions, and overall well-being. Feeling confident empowers you to embrace new challenges, foster healthy relationships, and achieve your aspirations.

Yet, for many, low self-confidence acts as a formidable obstacle, fostering self-doubt and undermining self-efficacy. If you’re on a quest to enhance your self-confidence and cultivate a robust self-esteem, you’ve found your starting line.

This guide will navigate you through effective strategies to bolster your confidence and self-assurance, paving the way for a more rewarding life.

Self-confidence transcends mere self-perception; it shapes your interactions with others and your approach to the world. It’s a cornerstone of your personality, social life, and performance in various life domains. By integrating simple yet impactful self-help techniques into your daily life, you can commence the journey to heightened self-confidence and improved mental health.

We will delve into the top hacks to elevate your confidence, ranging from fostering a positive self-dialogue to consistently challenging yourself.

1. Cultivate a Positive Self-Dialogue

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Cultivating a positive self-dialogue is an essential step in building self-confidence. Positive self-talk involves replacing negative and critical inner voices with supportive and encouraging ones. This practice can significantly impact your mental health, self-esteem, and overall confidence.

To start, become aware of your inner dialogue and identify instances of negative self-talk. Ask yourself if you would speak to a friend in the same critical manner you sometimes use with yourself.

If not, it’s time to make a change.

One effective strategy is to challenge and replace negative thoughts with positive or neutral ones. For example, if you think, “I won’t be able to cope with this situation,” reframe it as “I am coping quite well, given everything else that is going on. This situation is stressful, but it will pass.”.

Positive affirmations can also be a powerful tool. Repeat positive statements to yourself, such as “I am doing well,” or “I am capable of handling this challenge.” These affirmations can help shift your mindset to a more optimistic and supportive one. Additionally, surround yourself with positive influences, including people and media, to reinforce this positive self-talk.

Embrace Your Strengths

Embracing your strengths is another key aspect of cultivating a positive self-dialogue. Recognizing and acknowledging your strengths can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Make a conscious effort to identify what you are good at and what you have achieved. Accept compliments graciously and reflect on them positively.

This helps to reinforce a positive self-image and encourages you to build on your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses.

Practicing gratitude is also beneficial. Focus on the things you are grateful for, which can help shift your attention from negative thoughts to positive ones.

Keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a moment each day to reflect on the good things in your life can make a significant difference in how you feel about yourself and your abilities.

By combining the practice of positive self-talk with an emphasis on your strengths, you can create a more supportive and encouraging inner dialogue. This will help you feel more confident, motivated, and capable of tackling the challenges that come your way.

2. Set Achievable Goals

Breaking It Down

Setting achievable goals is a fundamental step in building self-confidence. When goals are too broad or unrealistic, they can lead to frustration and disappointment, which can further erode your self-confidence. To avoid this, it’s essential to break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.

This approach makes the goal-setting process less overwhelming and more achievable.

Using the SMART goal framework can be highly effective. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, if your goal is to improve your physical health, a SMART goal might be: “I will engage in a 30-minute walk, three times a week, for the next six weeks.” This goal is clear, measurable, achievable, relevant to your health, and has a specific timeframe.

Breaking down goals also helps in identifying and leveraging your strengths and weaknesses. By understanding your core values and inherent strengths, you can align your goals in a way that maximizes your chances of success. Additionally, being honest about your weaknesses allows you to plan around potential pitfalls, which can further boost your self-confidence and self-respect.

Celebrate Small Victories

Celebrating small victories is essential for maintaining motivation and building self-confidence. Achieving smaller goals releases a sense of accomplishment and boosts your self-esteem. Each completed goal serves as proof of your capability, chipping away at negative self-beliefs and reinforcing the idea that you are competent and capable.

Recognizing and celebrating these small wins helps to create a positive feedback loop. As you achieve each goal, you build momentum and confidence, which in turn motivates you to set and achieve even more challenging goals. This cycle of achievement and celebration reinforces your self-confidence, making it easier to tackle larger and more complex goals over time.

Moreover, celebrating small victories helps shift your focus away from perceived flaws and toward your strengths and abilities. This positive focus enhances your overall self-image and encourages you to continue striving for improvement and growth.

3. Challenge Yourself Regularly

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Challenging yourself regularly is a powerful way to build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. One of the most effective methods to achieve this is by stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you engage in activities that push you beyond what you are accustomed to, you demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of more than you thought possible.

Simple acts like trying a new recipe, taking yourself to a coffee shop or lunch alone, or starting a conversation with a stranger can be significant steps. These small challenges help you realize that you can handle situations that initially seem daunting, thereby increasing your confidence and self-assurance.

For instance, taking on a task that makes you feel nervous, such as public speaking or acting in front of an audience, can be incredibly empowering. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, the sense of accomplishment you feel after overcoming your fear can be transformative.

It teaches you that stress and challenges are opportunities for growth rather than threats to your well-being.

Learn New Skills

Learning new skills is another excellent way to challenge yourself and enhance your self-confidence. Engaging in activities that expand your horizons, such as learning a new language, taking a dance class, or mastering a new hobby, can significantly boost your self-esteem.

When you embark on learning something new, you are not only acquiring a new skill but also proving to yourself that you are capable of learning and adapting. This process reinforces your self-efficacy and makes you more confident in your ability to tackle new challenges. Reflecting on past successes, such as times when you learned a new skill, can also remind you of your capabilities and reinforce your self-worth.

Moreover, the act of learning itself can be highly rewarding. It keeps your mind engaged, provides a sense of accomplishment, and opens up new opportunities.

Whether it’s through online courses, workshops, or self-study, the process of learning new skills is a continuous reminder of your potential and capabilities, further enhancing your self-confidence and overall mental health.

Conclusion

In conclusion, building self-confidence is a journey that requires consistent effort and a positive mindset. To summarize, cultivating a positive self-dialogue through positive self-talk and embracing your strengths is essential. Setting achievable goals and celebrating small victories helps to build momentum and reinforce your capabilities.

Challenging yourself regularly by stepping out of your comfort zone and learning new skills can significantly boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Remember to practice self-care, build positive relationships, and work on a growth mindset to support your confidence journey. Acknowledge your achievements, speak positively to yourself, and minimize negative thoughts. By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can develop a healthier self-image, improve your mental health, and live a more confident and fulfilling life.

Take the first step today, and watch your self-confidence grow over time

THE BASICS

• What Is Stress?
• Take our Burnout Test
• Find a therapist to overcome stress

Key points:

• Music interventions are very easy and inexpensive to integrate in both our daily lives and in medical settings.
• Research shows that listening to music can have a significant effect on alleviating anxiety and stress.
• Non-lyrical music with a slow tempo is one of the most effective music interventions for stress reduction.

Listening to music is an appealing alternative intervention for stress and anxiety as it is accessible, inexpensive, and easy to include in daily life. Listening to and making music have been associated with a broad range of positive health outcomes. Listening to music can decrease cortisol levels, increase serotonin levels, and activate the brain areas involved in reward.

For example, in medical settings, listening to relaxing music before, during, and after medical procedures has been reported to correlate with lower cortisol levels. There exists some evidence to support the anxiety-reducing effect of background music on patients awaiting clinical encounters.

Here are six ways that music seems to reduce anxiety and stress.

1. The Relaxing Effect of Tempo

Music tempo can be considered one of the most important factors. Research has shown that listening to slow-tempo and low-pitch music can calm people down during stressful situations. For example, music with a slow tempo (60–80 bpm), such as meditative music or mellow jazz, has often been associated with relaxation. Music with a slow, steady rhythm provides stress reduction by altering body rhythms, such as heart rate.

2. Music without Lyrics

Music without lyrics usually works best. The use of instrumental music, instead of music with lyrics, often leads to greater effects of music interventions on stress reduction. Music containing lyrics may be more distracting instead of calming.

3. Music as a Distraction Strategy

Music provides a means of escape. Listening to music can provide a “distraction” from stress-increasing thoughts or feelings. Music as a distractor can divert attention from a stressful event to something more pleasant, which reduces stress levels. So, listening to music that alters mood via shifting thought patterns may have a long-lasting effect.

4. Music Triggers Pleasure

Music has a strong connection to feelings of pleasure. Engaging with music can trigger the same biological and psychological responses associated with other highly fundamental rewards, such as food, sex, and money. Music experienced as pleasant increases positive emotion, which has a stress-reducing effect.

5. Social Connection

Listening to music in the presence of others may strengthen the stress-reducing effect of the music intervention. Music facilitates social connection and bonding. Group music-making or singing together may result in social bonding, which may be explained by the release of the neurotransmitters endorphin and oxytocin.

6. Your preference matters

Source: Anna Shvets/Pexels

Research suggests that having a choice of what to listen to shows more beneficial effects than music chosen by someone else. When, for some reason, the chosen music is not suitable for the situation, it can lead to undesired mood shifts or worsening of negative mood. For example, if you don’t care for rock, it could have the opposite effect.

Overall, research suggests that listening to music plays an important role in reducing anxiety and stress. And some evidence suggests that it may do so more effectively than anti-anxiety drugs. A key benefit of such interventions is that, unlike interventions involving the creation of music, they do not require any specialist knowledge, equipment, or ability. Furthermore, music listening can be flexibly self-administered. However, the effectiveness of music in reducing stress is highly dependent on the individual’s preference and familiarity with the music.

About the Author

Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., is an associate professor emeritus of health economics of addiction at the University of Illinois at Springfield.

Online:

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(Pimkie/Flickr, CC BY)

Psychopath and sociopath are popular psychology terms to describe violent monsters born of our worst nightmares. Think Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs (1991), Norman Bates in Psycho (1960) and Annie Wilkes in Misery (1990). In making these characters famous, popular culture has also burned the words used to describe them into our collective consciousness.

Most of us, fortunately, will never meet a Hannibal Lecter, but psychopaths and sociopaths certainly do exist. And they hide among us. Sometimes as the most successful people in society because they’re often ruthless, callous and superficially charming, while having little or no regard for the feelings or needs of others.

These are known as “successful” psychopaths, as they have a tendency to perform premeditated crimes with calculated risk. Or they may manipulate someone else into breaking the law, while keeping themselves safely at a distance. They’re master manipulators of other peoples’ feelings, but are unable to experience emotions themselves.

Sound like someone you know? Well, heads up. You do know one; at least one. Prevalence rates come in somewhere between 0.2% and 3.3% of the population.

If you’re worried about yourself, you can take a quiz to find out, but before you click on that link let me save you some time: you’re not a psychopath or sociopath. If you were, you probably wouldn’t be interested in taking that personality test.

You just wouldn’t be that self-aware or concerned about your character flaws. That’s why both psychopathy and sociopathy are known as anti-social personality disorders, which are long-term mental health conditions.

What’s the difference?

Psychopaths and sociopaths share a number of characteristics, including a lack of remorse or empathy for others, a lack of guilt or ability to take responsibility for their actions, a disregard for laws or social conventions, and an inclination to violence. A core feature of both is a deceitful and manipulative nature. But how can we tell them apart?

Sociopaths are normally less emotionally stable and highly impulsive – their behaviour tends to be more erratic than psychopaths. When committing crimes – either violent or non-violent – sociopaths will act more on compulsion. And they will lack patience, giving in much more easily to impulsiveness and lacking detailed planning.

Psychopaths, on the other hand, will plan their crimes down to the smallest detail, taking calculated risks to avoid detection. The smart ones will leave few clues that may lead to being caught. Psychopaths don’t get carried away in the moment and make fewer mistakes as a result.

Both act on a continuum of behaviours, and many psychologists still debate whether the two should be differentiated at all. But for those who do differentiate between the two, one thing is largely agreed upon: psychiatrists use the term psychopathy to illustrate that the cause of the anti-social personality disorder is hereditary. Sociopathy describes behaviours that are the result of a brain injury, or abuse and/or neglect in childhood.

Psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. In essence, their difference reflects the nature versus nurture debate.

There’s a particularly interesting link between serial killers and psychopaths or sociopaths – although, of course, not all psychopaths and sociopaths become serial killers. And not all serial killers are psychopaths or sociopaths.

But America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has noted certain traits shared between known serial killers and these anti-social personality disorders. These include predatory behaviour (for instance, Ivan Milat, who hunted and murdered his seven victims); sensation-seeking (think hedonistic killers who murder for excitement or arousal, such as 21-year-old Thomas Hemming who, in 2014, murdered two people just to know what it felt like to kill); lack of remorse; impulsivity; and the need for control or power over others (such as Dennis Rader, an American serial killer who murdered ten people between 1974 and 1991, and became known as the “BTK (bind, torture, kill) killer”).

A case study

The Sydney murder of Morgan Huxley by 22-year-old Jack Kelsall, who arguably shows all the hallmarks of a psychopath, highlights the differences between psychopaths and sociopaths.

In 2013, Kelsall followed Huxley home where he indecently assaulted the 31-year-old before stabbing him 28 times. Kelsall showed no remorse for his crime, which was extremely violent and pre-meditated.

There’s no doubt in my mind he’s psychopathic rather than sociopathic because although the murder was frenzied, Kelsall showed patience and planning. He had followed potential victims before and had shared fantasies he had about murdering a stranger with a knife with his psychiatrist a year before he killed Huxley, allegedly for “the thrill of it”.

Whatever Kelsall’s motive, regardless of whether his dysfunction was born or made, the case stands as an example of the worst possible outcome of an anti-social personality disorder: senseless violence perpetrated against a random victim for self-gratification. Throughout his trial and sentencing, Kelsall showed no sign of remorse, no guilt, and gave no apology.

A textbook psychopath, he would, I believe, have gone on to kill again. In my opinion – and that of the police who arrested him – Kelsall was a serial killer in the making.

In the end, does the distinction between a psychopath and sociopath matter? They can both be dangerous and even deadly, the worst wreaking havoc with people’s lives. Or they can spend their life among people who are none the wiser for it.

Jealousy, often dubbed the “green-eyed monster,” is a complex emotion that plays a significant role in our lives, especially within the sphere of romantic relationships. It stems from insecurity, envy, and fear of loss, serving as a natural response to protect valued bonds. However, when jealousy escalates to an extreme, it can harm both the individual and their relationships.

In romantic dynamics, jealousy is intricately linked to attachment styles and emotional health. Those with anxious attachment styles are particularly vulnerable, their fears of abandonment fueling heightened jealousy. This can trigger a harmful cycle of doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and damaging behaviors that strain the relationship further.

Narcissistic jealousy represents a more intense and harmful variant, rooted in the narcissist’s grandiosity, need for admiration, and empathy deficit. Understanding this form of jealousy involves exploring the psychological aspects of narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on emotional responses and relationship dynamics.

The Nature of Narcissistic Jealousy

Definition and Characteristics

Narcissistic jealousy is a distinct and intensified form of jealousy, deeply rooted in the psychological dynamics of narcissistic personality disorder. Unlike ordinary jealousy, which may stem from genuine concerns about relationship security, narcissistic jealousy is driven by the narcissist’s insatiable need for validation, admiration, and a sense of superiority. People with narcissistic tendencies often exhibit grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance, making them highly sensitive to any perceived threats to their status or attention.

This form of jealousy is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with the fear of losing their partner’s attention or admiration to someone else. Narcissists may become envious of others who receive attention or praise, believing that they are entitled to such recognition themselves.

This envy can manifest as competitiveness, where the narcissist constantly compares themselves to others and seeks to outdo them to maintain their perceived superiority.

Common Triggers

Narcissistic jealousy can be triggered by a variety of factors, many of which are tied to the narcissist’s deep-seated insecurities and need for validation. One common trigger is the perception that their partner is giving attention to someone else, whether this is a friend, family member, or potential romantic interest. Even innocent interactions can be misinterpreted as threats, leading to accusations of infidelity or emotional infidelity without any evidence.

Social media can also be a significant trigger, as narcissists may feel threatened by their partner’s online interactions or the attention their partner receives from others.

The constant comparison and competition fueled by social media platforms can exacerbate the narcissist’s feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.

Additionally, any form of success or recognition achieved by their partner or others can trigger narcissistic jealousy. Narcissists may feel that such successes undermine their own status and entitlement to admiration, leading to behaviors such as sabotage, belittling, or gossiping to diminish the achievements of others.

Impact of Narcissistic Jealousy in Relationships

Effects on Partners

Narcissistic jealousy can have devastating effects on the partners of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. One of the primary consequences is the creation of a highly controlling and manipulative environment.

Narcissists often use jealousy as a tool to exert power and control over their partners, making them feel like possessions rather than equals in the relationship. This can manifest through constant monitoring, accusations of infidelity, and restrictions on social interactions.

The emotional toll on partners can be significant.

Narcissistic jealousy often leads to emotional abuse, where the partner is subjected to belittling, blame-shifting, and gaslighting. For instance, a narcissist might accuse their partner of being jealous or envious, projecting their own feelings onto the partner to deflect attention from their own behavior.

This can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and low self-esteem in the partner.

Additionally, the constant need for validation and the narcissist’s inability to genuinely celebrate their partner’s successes can create a toxic dynamic. Partners may find themselves walking on eggshells, avoiding any actions or conversations that might trigger the narcissist’s jealousy.

This can stifle personal growth and happiness, as the partner may feel compelled to downplay their achievements or hide their interactions with others to avoid provoking the narcissist’s envy.

Handling Jealousy in Narcissistic Relationships

Dealing with narcissistic jealousy is incredibly challenging and often requires a strategic approach. It is important to recognize that the narcissist’s jealousy is not about the partner’s actions but rather about the narcissist’s own deep-seated insecurities and need for control.

Setting clear boundaries and communicating openly can sometimes help, but it is essential to understand that narcissists may not respond positively to rational discussions or emotional appeals due to their lack of empathy and self-awareness.

In many cases, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be vital. Having a support network can provide emotional validation and practical advice on how to navigate the relationship. It may also be necessary to consider distancing oneself from the relationship or seeking professional help to develop strategies for managing the narcissist’s behavior and protecting one’s own mental health.

It is also important to remember that narcissistic jealousy can escalate into more severe forms of abuse, including emotional and psychological manipulation.

Recognizing the signs of abuse and knowing when to seek help or leave the relationship is critical for maintaining one’s well-being. In some cases, the best course of action may be to end the relationship to protect oneself from further harm.

Comparative Analysis with Other Forms of Jealousy

Narcissistic vs. Non-Narcissistic Jealousy

Narcissistic jealousy differs significantly from other forms of jealousy, particularly in its underlying motivations and behavioral manifestations. Unlike non-narcissistic jealousy, which may arise from genuine concerns about relationship security or feelings of insecurity, narcissistic jealousy is deeply rooted in the narcissist’s need for validation, admiration, and a sense of superiority.

In non-narcissistic relationships, jealousy can be a response to real or perceived threats, such as infidelity or emotional disconnection. However, this type of jealousy is often accompanied by a willingness to communicate and work through the issues, as the individual is motivated by a desire to maintain and strengthen the relationship.

In contrast, narcissistic jealousy is characterized by a lack of empathy and a tendency to manipulate and control the partner to satisfy the narcissist’s own needs for admiration and validation. Narcissists often engage in behaviors such as game-playing tactics, stalking, and interpersonal violence to maintain control over their partners. These actions are driven by the narcissist’s grandiosity and sense of entitlement, rather than a genuine concern for the relationship’s well-being.

This distinction highlights that narcissistic jealousy is not about protecting the relationship but rather about protecting the narcissist’s ego and status.

Role of Self-esteem

The role of self-esteem in narcissistic jealousy is complex and multifaceted. Unlike individuals with healthy self-esteem, who may experience jealousy as a temporary and manageable emotion, narcissists have fragile and inflated self-esteem that is highly vulnerable to threats. This vulnerability stems from the narcissist’s deep-seated feelings of insecurity and inferiority, which they mask with grandiosity and arrogance.

Narcissistic jealousy is often triggered by any perceived slight or competition that could undermine the narcissist’s self-image. For instance, if a partner receives attention or praise from others, the narcissist may feel envious and threatened, leading to jealous behaviors aimed at diminishing the partner’s achievements or status. This reaction is not about the partner’s actions but about the narcissist’s own need to maintain a superior self-image.

In contrast, individuals with non-narcissistic jealousy may experience a temporary dip in self-esteem due to feelings of insecurity, but they are generally more resilient and capable of addressing these feelings through open communication and mutual support. The narcissist’s inability to handle perceived threats to their self-esteem without resorting to manipulative and controlling behaviors sets their jealousy apart from more typical forms of jealousy.

Conclusion: Dealing with Narcissistic Jealousy

Dealing with narcissistic jealousy requires a deep understanding of its roots and manifestations. Remember that narcissistic jealousy is driven by the narcissist’s need for validation, admiration, and control, rather than genuine concerns about the relationship. It can lead to manipulative and abusive behaviors, including projection of their own envy and jealousy onto their partners.

To protect yourself, it is important to set clear boundaries, maintain emotional distance, and avoid public confrontations. Seeking support from a therapist or a healthy support network is essential for managing the emotional toll of these relationships. Ultimately, recognizing the signs of narcissistic jealousy and taking proactive steps to safeguard your mental health can be the key to navigating or escaping these toxic dynamics.

FAQ

How can I stop being jealous?

To stop being jealous, be honest about your feelings and identify their source. Master your mindset by recognizing and challenging distorted thinking patterns. Practice self-compassion and focus on your strengths.

Communicate openly with your partner, and consider seeking help from a therapist to address underlying insecurities and fears. Shift your focus to the goodness in your life and celebrate the success of others.

What is at the root of jealousy?

At the root of jealousy are often insecurities, fears of loss or abandonment, and low self-esteem. It can be triggered by past experiences, mental health issues, and the perception of threats to relationships or possessions, driven by a desire to maintain security and control.

What triggers jealousy?

Jealousy is triggered by various factors, including insecurity, past traumas, low self-esteem, and fears of loss or betrayal. It can be spurred by comparisons to others, perceived or real threats to a relationship, and personal vulnerabilities such as anxiety or past painful experiences.

What is the exact meaning of jealousy?

Jealousy is the unpleasant emotion felt when someone believes another person is trying to take away something or someone they value, such as a romantic partner, friend, or possession. It involves feelings of insecurity, fear, anger, and resentment, and is often triggered by the perception of a threat to a valued relationship.