Narcissistic rage is not the same as typical anger. It is an immediate and overwhelming reaction to a perceived threat that punctures the narcissist’s carefully constructed, grandiose self-image. Any slight, no matter how minor, can be interpreted as a devastating insult that threatens their core sense of superiority.

1. Direct Challenges to Superiority and Perfection

These triggers directly contradict the narcissist’s belief that they are flawless, uniquely talented, or the ultimate authority.

• Constructive Criticism or Feedback: Even mild or well-intentioned suggestions are interpreted as a declaration that they are incompetent or wrong. The rage is an attempt to immediately punish the critic and discredit their judgment.
• Being Corrected Publicly: If someone points out a factual error, a mistake in their story, or a flaw in their argument, it causes immediate humiliation and a loss of status. The public exposure makes the injury far worse.
• Success or Attention Paid to Others: The narcissist believes they must be the most important person in the room. When a partner, friend, or colleague receives praise, recognition, or a promotion, the narcissist can feel intensely envious and injured, viewing the other person’s success as a personal affront.
• Skepticism or Doubt: Questioning their claims, memory, or version of events can trigger rage because it implies they are lying or unreliable, which is incompatible with their self-concept.

2. Loss of Control and Setting Boundaries

Narcissists view other people as extensions of themselves or objects designed to serve their needs (called narcissistic supply). Anything that restricts their access to or control over these resources is a major trigger.

• Setting Boundaries: Saying “no,” limiting contact, or establishing a rule they must follow is interpreted as a direct act of defiance and rebellion. It reminds them that they do not have total control, leading to explosive anger.
• Disobedience or Independence: When a partner, employee, or child makes a decision without their approval, or acts independently in a way that doesn’t serve the narcissist’s needs, it triggers a rage aimed at restoring the power dynamic.
• Leaving or Rejection: The ultimate loss of control. If a partner attempts to leave the relationship, the rage response is designed to terrify them into staying and to inflict pain for the perceived abandonment.

3. Withdrawal of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, validation, admiration, and praise they constantly require to regulate their shaky self-esteem. When this supply is cut off or neglected, rage often ensues.

• Being Ignored or Dismissed: If they are talking and someone looks away, or if their demands are not immediately met, they feel invisible and unimportant. This profound sense of neglect leads to a demand for immediate, disproportionate attention.
• Indifference: Reacting to their attempts at emotional manipulation or drama with calmness or indifference is frustrating to them. They need a strong reaction (positive or negative) to feel seen; indifference suggests they lack the power to affect others.
• Feeling Unspecial: Being treated like “everyone else”—waiting in line, getting standard service, or not receiving preferential treatment—can trigger entitlement rage, as it violates their belief that they deserve special privileges simply because they exist.

Be prepared for a barrage of accusations as the narcissist will strike out

Nonconsensual pornography, commonly known as “revenge porn,” is a deeply invasive form of abuse where explicit images or videos of individuals are shared without their consent. The laws surrounding this issue vary significantly across the United States, reflecting diverse approaches to addressing this pervasive problem.

Legal Landscape Across the United States

In the United States, laws against nonconsensual pornography are not uniform, with each state having its specific statutes and penalties. For instance, in Arizona, distributing a nude depiction without consent is a class 5 felony, upgraded to a class 4 felony if the person is recognizable. This can lead to sentences ranging from six months to three years in prison. (FindLaw, 2019).

In Illinois, nonconsensual dissemination of private sexual images is treated as a class 4 felony. Offenders can face one to three years in prison and fines up to $25,000. Illinois also provides civil remedies for victims, allowing them to recover economic and punitive damages (FindLaw, n.d.).

States like Delaware categorize violations involving nonconsensual pornography as class A misdemeanours, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $2,300 fine, or class G felonies if aggravating factors are present, which can result in up to five years in prison (FindLaw, n.d.). Similarly, in Florida, first offences are treated as first-degree misdemeanours, while subsequent offences can be classified as third-degree felonies, with penalties including up to five years in prison and fines (FindLaw, n.d.).

In Hawaii, nonconsensual disclosure of intimate images is treated as a class C felony, punishable by up to five years in prison and fines up to $10,000. Idaho treats similar violations as felonies, with penalties of up to five years in prison and fines of up to $50,000 (FindLaw, n.d.).

Case Studies and Effectiveness

Legal challenges, enforcement issues, and the scope of laws significantly impact how well these statutes protect individuals. For example, the case of Arizona highlights how legal ambiguity and challenges can stall the implementation of protective measures (FindLaw, 2019).

The distribution networks for revenge porn often exploit loopholes and federal protections like the Communications Decency Act, which limits the liability of platforms hosting such content. This federal law can undermine state efforts to control the dissemination of nonconsensual pornography, as seen in various high-profile cases where victims struggled to remove their images from online platforms (Jeong, 2022).

In some states, initial offences might result in misdemeanour charges, which might not serve as a strong deterrent for repeat offenders. In Georgia, for instance, first offences are treated as aggravated misdemeanours, but subsequent offences can be elevated to felonies with significantly harsher penalties, indicating a tiered approach to deterrence and punishment (FindLaw, n.d.).

Broader Implications and the Need for Comprehensive Reform

The disparity in state laws underscores the need for a more unified and comprehensive approach to combat nonconsensual pornography. Advocacy groups argue for stronger federal laws that can effectively address the challenges posed by digital platforms and cross-state distribution. Additionally, there is a call for laws that not only punish offenders but also provide clear avenues for victims to seek redress and have their images removed from the internet.

Educational initiatives are also crucial in addressing the root causes of nonconsensual pornography. Raising awareness about the legal consequences and promoting respectful digital behaviour can help prevent these incidents.

A comprehensive approach would also involve improving the technological measures available to victims. For example, developing tools and services that can help victims track down and remove nonconsensual content more efficiently could significantly mitigate the harm caused. Legal frameworks should support these technological advancements by ensuring that victims have the legal right to demand the removal of such content swiftly and effectively.

International Perspectives

Looking at international responses can also provide valuable insights. Some countries have implemented more stringent measures against nonconsensual pornography, which can serve as models for reform in the United States. For instance, the United Kingdom has made significant strides with the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, which criminalizes the sharing of private sexual images without consent and imposes severe penalties.

In conclusion, while many states have enacted laws to criminalize nonconsensual pornography, the effectiveness of these laws varies, and significant challenges remain. A combination of stronger legislation, improved enforcement, and comprehensive victim support is necessary to address this complex issue effectively. By looking both within and outside the United States, lawmakers can craft more effective responses to ensure that victims of nonconsensual pornography receive the protection and justice they deserve.

References

• FindLaw. (n.d.). State Revenge Porn Laws. Retrieved from FindLaw.
• FindLaw. (2019). Arizona AG Agrees to Stay Enforcement of ‘Revenge Porn’ Law. Retrieved from FindLaw.

Jeong, S. (2022, September 29). Legal protections for revenge porn victims are still a work in progress. The Guardian. Retrieved from The Guardian

“I know people who seem nice but gossip about me behind my back. They are such hypocrites, it’s depressing. Being confrontational hasn’t worked.”

Rise above the fray. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on the petty gossip that many people participate in, whether they are gossiping about you or others.

People often gossip out of boredom or envy. Thus, Oscar Wilde said, The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

This is one of the situations in life where you must create a mental barrier around your feelings. If you become confrontational, fearful, or humiliated by gossip, you increase your vulnerability and give those who gossip power over you. Ignore them and you take away their power. Don’t be hostile, but don’t allow yourself to dwell on what they are saying.

Focus on more positive, interesting people and activities. There are many people in this world who have adequate self-worth and are too busy living their lives to have any time or desire for malicious gossip. Keep your eye out for these people and find activities that you are passionate about.

If you have to engage with people who are prone to gossip, maintain a casual, even somewhat friendly but unconcerned attitude. Convey a lack of interest in what they are saying by simply ignoring them, but avoid acting superior. Thus, you will maintain your dignity and inner strength without giving up your power or provoking more hostility.

Above all, the best way to stay above the banality of scandal-mongering is to maintain a sense of humor, as expressed by Vanna Bonta’s attitude:

Gossip can be entertaining: occasionally, I’ve heard the most fascinating things about myself I never knew.

By Dr. Alison Poulsen

Embracing the gracious gift of gratitude.

• Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional state often resulting from a lack of social relationships.
• Some people seek social contact when they feel lonely, others self-isolate.
• Gratitude is an emotional antidote for loneliness.

Source: Silvestre Leon / Pixabay

Loneliness is a negative emotional state most people experience on occasion, some more frequently than others. Prompted by separation due to death or divorce, isolation or illness, the experience is ubiquitous, and for some people, can be overwhelming. I have previously written about the role of social support in alleviating loneliness,[i] which remains an important part of the equation. But there is some additional good news in terms of how to improve mood. Research explains.

The Gift of Gratitude

James B. Hittner and Calvin D. Widholm (2024) explored the link between gratitude and loneliness,[ii] and found some positive results. They describe gratitude in social terms, as a positive emotion recognizing the benefits that others have bestowed upon them, as compared with loneliness, which is an unpleasant emotion prompted by a perceived lack of social connection.

Hittner and Widholm remind us that gratitude is important for maintaining social connections, increasing relationship satisfaction, and perhaps not surprisingly, even improving physical health. They describe gratitude as a transitory emotional state as well as an individual trait—conceptualizing trait gratitude as the tendency to “notice and appreciate benefits and recognize anything in the world with grateful behavior.”

Hittner and Widholm describe loneliness, in contrast, as an unpleasant emotional state resulting from a discrepancy between social relationships that are desired versus personally experienced. They recognize loneliness as subjective, separate from the actual amount of social interaction. Some people seek social relationships when they feel lonely, although Hittner and Widholm note that higher levels of loneliness are linked with a higher level of social isolation, as well as increased depression, higher cognitive deficits, cardiovascular health risks, a depressed immune system, and perhaps not surprisingly, earlier mortality.

Expanding on the significance of social network, Hittner and Widholm note that changes in social network quantity or quality can predispose someone toward loneliness. They note that a decrease in quantity is linked with social loneliness, and reduction to network quality is associated with emotional loneliness.

The key then, is to learn how to enhance the experience of gratitude, which should reduce feelings of loneliness. Thankfully, gratitude research also contains some practical takeaways.

Try This at Home: Practicing Positive Perception

Hittner and Widholm describe the main finding from their meta-analysis as an inverse proportion between gratitude and loneliness. Simply put, grateful people are less lonely. To improve mood by swinging the balance, Hittner and Widholm suggest participating in a daily “three good things exercise,” listing three positive things experienced every day, and how they appeared to have happened. When the list items are socially or interpersonally focused, Hittner and Widholm predict gratitude for relationships will increase, and loneliness will decrease.

Gratitude Is the Gift that Keeps on Giving

Embracing the power of thankfulness, gratitude benefits everyone involved. Thanking someone for anything, however small, is a powerful relational connector that is often underestimated. Try it. Both the giver and receiver of an expression of gratitude enjoy an emotional boost. And sometimes just the intentional exercise of recognizing the good things every day, is a step in the right direction leading from self-imposed solitude to social satisfaction.

References

[i] Best Way to Overcome Loneliness

[ii] Hittner, James B., and Calvin D. Widholm. 2024. “Meta‐analysis of the Association between Gratitude and Loneliness.” Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, May. doi:10.1111/aphw.12549.

About the Author

Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., is a career trial attorney, behavioral analyst, author of Why Bad Looks Good, Red Flags, and co-author of the revised New York Times bestseller Reading People.

Online:

 wendypatrickphd.com, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Instagram

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Should I stay with my partner who is impossible to live with?

My partner barks orders at me, is rude and condescending, and when things heat up he uses profanity and calls me names. He does things that can be very selfish, and if I complain he says I’m being “toxic”. He rarely says he’s sorry and is uninterested in counseling.

Here are the reasons I have stayed with him to date:

1) I don’t want another failed marriage,

2) We have a kid together and for her sake I don’t want to break our family apart,

3) He is very smart, can be fun, and we share values,

4) He is the primary breadwinner so I’d have to go back to full time work, and

5) We are both in our early 50’s and that feels like a pretty advanced age to give up and try to start over.”

1. Another failed relationship

Is staying in a failed relationship better than leaving it? We all make mistakes and face different challenges in our lives. Life is about learning from our experiences and transforming ourselves and our relationships for the better. Ask yourself whether staying in a failed relationship is better than leaving it when there is very little hope for joy, mutual growth, and deepening love.

2. Staying together for the children

Staying in an abusive relationship is not good for you or your daughter. In contrast, having the courage to seek a better life can be of great benefit to your child. It is a gift to show your daughter that you can set clear boundaries, that you have the self-respect to expect better treatment, and that you will take action to improve your life.

It may be helpful to explain the situation to your child, without unnecessarily disparaging your husband. There is no need to go into great detail, especially if the child is young. For example, you might say:

“You probably have noticed that we have great difficultly talking to each other without arguing. There will be disagreements in any relationship. But in our case, we are hurting each other constantly and unnecessarily. Since your dad is unwilling to go to counseling, I have decided to leave the relationship. But we both love you and life will go on and eventually improve.”

You may be surprised by her reaction, if not immediately, then down the road. If your partner is as abusive as you say then she may thank you for the separation.

3. My partner has good qualities. What is the magic ratio?

Something attracted you to each other in the first place, and it is good to still be able to see his positive qualities. The question to ask yourself is whether your relationship reaches the magic ratio — that is, a minimum of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction (found through John Gottman’s research.) When that magic ratio is not reached, the relationship will spiral out of control toward misery.

4. Financial considerations and going back to work

For many people, financial security is a very serious consideration. Yet independence from an abusive relationship is well worth your going back to full-time work. As a capable and thoughtful person, I am sure you will find work and thereby become more independent and also attract more positive people into your orbit. In fact, working can be the most liberating and rewarding experience you can have outside your relationship. Whether you stay together or not, working can expand your life and social network, which can enhance your self-respect and courage.

5. Too old to start over

You say that you are hesitant to end your relationship because you are in your fifties. But consider that you could easily live for another 35 or 40 years. Even if you only had another five years, your best years are likely ahead of you given your current circumstances. People can have new relationships, learn, grow, and find joy and happiness in many ways later in life. I know many people who are physically and mentally active well into their 80’s and 90’s.

Now that your husband is spending more time at home, ask yourself whether things are improving and will continue to do so, or not. Ask yourself whether you will be able to enjoy your life more in the next 30–40 years with him at your side or without him? What you have described is an abusive relationship, so I suspect the answer would be the latter.

It is laudable that you are taking responsibility for your part in the conflicts between the two of you. You can continue to work on becoming a more effective communicator and focus more on controlling your own life.

If you do leave your husband, there is no need to blame him or to be hostile. If you can, try to explain the situation in a “nonviolent” way in person or in a letter (see Marshall Rosenberg.) Here is an example,

“We have many values in common, I enjoy your wit and intelligence, and most importantly, we have a wonderful daughter. However, I need to be able to communicate with my partner in a loving way, to share joy, and to find ways to grow together. I feel distressed and frustrated that we rarely can talk with one another without fighting. I want to be in a relationship where there is mutual respect, curiosity and love. I’m sure you have noticed it too that our relationship is no longer a happy one — for either of us. We may find a way to resolve our ongoing problems by counseling, but if you aren’t willing to try, it’s best that we separate. It makes me very sad. I certainly don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t foresee continuing in the way we have been.”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Unparented girls are those who lack parental guidance or support. They may have lost their parents due to death, abandonment, or other circumstances, or they may have never had parents in the first place. These girls are often left to fend for themselves and face numerous challenges.

Without the guidance and protection of parents, unparented girls are vulnerable to a range of risks, including abuse, neglect, and exploitation. They may lack the resources and support needed to thrive, and as a result, they may struggle with issues such as poverty, low self-esteem, and mental health problems.

Unfortunately, unparented girls are attractive to men who prey on their vulnerability. These men may seek power, control, or dominance over someone easy to manipulate and exploit. Unparented girls may also be seen as “damaged goods” by some men struggling with issues such as low self-esteem or lacking social skills.

In some cases, the men who are attr unparented girls may use grooming tactics to gain their trust and manipulate them into harmful or dangerous situations, including sexual exploitation, trafficking, or other forms of abuse.

Unparented girls are vulnerable because they lack the guidance and support of their parents. Parents play an important role in the lives of children, providing them with a sense of safety, security, and stability. They also teach children valuable life skills, such as problem-solving, decision-making, and interpersonal communication. Without parents, unparented girls may struggle to develop these skills and may be more vulnerable to the risks and challenges of life.

Being unparented can have a significant emotional and psychological impact on girls. They may experience feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and insecurity, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. They may also struggle with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These emotional and psychological challenges can make it difficult for unparented girls to form healthy relationships, make good decisions, and navigate the complexities of life.

Unparented girls may also be vulnerable because they feel small and insignificant. They may lack a sense of purpose or direction and struggle to find their place in the world. This can make them more susceptible to the attention and advances of men seeking to exploit their vulnerability. They may also be more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as substance abuse or promiscuity, to cope with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

Certain men may be attracted to unparented girls because they perceive them as more vulnerable and easier to manipulate and control. These men may desire power and control in their relationships and see unparented girls as an opportunity to fulfill this need. They may use tactics such as emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and coercion to control the behavior and decisions of unparented girls.

In some cases, certain men may exhibit predatory behavior towards unparented girls, using grooming tactics to gain their trust and establish a relationship. Grooming tactics may involve building a rapport with the girl, flattering her, and making her feel special. Over time, the man may escalate the relationship to include sexual activity or other forms of exploitation. This predatory behavior can devastate unparented girls, leading to emotional trauma and long-term psychological damage.

Finally, certain types of men may be attracted to unparented girls because they need power and dominance in their relationships. These men may be seeking control over someone who they per they perceive as more vulnerable than themselves. They may enjoy the feeling of dominance that comes from being in a relationship with someone younger or less experienced. However, this desire for power and dominance can lead to abusive or exploitative behavior, causing harm to unparented girls.

“Certain types of men are attuned to unparented girls, ones who won’t make a fuss, who have already been conditioned to feel small. It was like ringing a dinner gong for predators.” (Ellison)

The media has reported on numerous cases where unparented girls have been targeted by certain types of men. These high-profile cases often involve celebrities or public figures accused of sexual misconduct or exploitation. For example, the case of Jeffrey Epstein, a wealthy financier, and convicted sex offender, involved the grooming and exploitation of numerous unparented girls over many years. Similarly, the case of R. Kelly, a well-known musician, involved allegations of sexual abuse and exploitation of underage girls.

In addition to high-profile cases in the media, there are countless real-life stories from survivors of abuse and exploitation who have experienced the harm caused by certain types of men attracted to unparented girls. These stories often involve situations where the girls were manipulated or coerced into engaging in sexual activity or other forms of exploitation. Many survivors report long-term emotional and psychological damage due to their experiences.

The prevalence of cases where unparented girls are targeted by certain types of men has significantly impacted the perception of these girls. Many people now recognize the vulnerability of unparented girls and the need to protect them from harm. However, there is still a stigma attached to being unparented, and some people may still view these girls as somehow responsible for the harm they have experienced. It is important to continue to raise appraising the issue and to promote a more compassionate and supportive approach towards unparented girls who are at exploitation and abused.

Unparented girls are a vulnerable group often targeted by certain types of men. It is crucial to recognize the importance of protecting them from these predators. This can be achieved through increased awareness and education on the issue, as well as intervention and support. We must understand the emotional and psychological impact of being unparented and work towards providing them with the guidance and support they need.

Our responsibility as a society is to take action and prevent the exploitation and abuse of unparented girls. We can make a difference and create a safer world with the right tools and resources.

Creating a clear plan is essential for your physical and emotional well-being as you exit a toxic or abusive dynamic. After establishing safety, specialized therapy is crucial for healing from the emotional damage and breaking cycles of unhealthy attachment.

Part 1: Your Personalized Safety Plan

A safety plan is a dynamic, customized strategy designed to increase your safety while you are preparing to leave, during the exit, and immediately after.

1. Pre-Exit Logistical Checklist

Complete these steps discreetly and store the results outside your home, where your partner cannot find them (e.g., at work, a friend’s house, or a secure cloud account).

• Documents & IDs: Gather originals or copies of passports, driver’s licenses, birth certificates, social security cards, insurance cards, medical records, and deeds/leases.
• Financial Records: Collect bank account information, credit card numbers, and evidence of shared or hidden debt. Consider opening a new bank account in your name only, at a different bank, using a P.O. box or your work address instead of your home address.
• The “Go Bag”: Pack a small bag with critical items, including keys, cash, medication, a change of clothes, and a pre-paid “burner” phone, if possible. Leave this bag with a trusted person.
• Code Word: Establish a code word (e.g., “The movie starts now”) with two to three trusted friends or family members. If you text or say the code word, they know to call the police or come immediately to extract you.

2. Digital Safety and Security

Toxic partners frequently monitor and control communication. Locking down your digital life is crucial.

• Change All Passwords: Change every single password for email, banking, social media, and any shared devices (like Netflix or security cameras). Use strong passwords that are not related to your partner or easily guessed.
• Update Device Security: Check your phone and computer settings for tracking apps, keyloggers, or shared location services. Turn off location sharing on all platforms (Find My iPhone, Google Maps).
• Use New Email: Create a new, private email account that your partner knows nothing about for all communication related to your exit (housing, legal aid, therapist appointments). Access this email only from safe devices.
• Clear Browser History: If you must research or communicate at home, use incognito mode or clear your browser history after every session.

3. Safety During and After the Exit

• Public Meeting: If you must speak to them in person, do so in a public place where people are present, or have a trusted friend accompany you (they can wait nearby).
• Law Enforcement: If you fear physical harm, contact the non-emergency police line or a domestic violence agency before leaving. They can often provide a civil standby—a police officer present while you collect your belongings.
• Post-Exit Communication: The No-Contact Rule is mandatory. Block all communication methods. If you share children or property, all necessary communication must go through a mediator, lawyer, or an app like OurFamilyWizard, which logs all messages.
• Inform Key People: Tell your workplace, children’s schools, and gym that you have left the relationship and that your former partner is not authorized to pick you up or receive information about you.

Part 2: Finding a Specialized Trauma Therapist

Recovery from a toxic relationship often involves healing from complex relational trauma. General counseling may not be enough; you need someone who understands the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

1. What to Look for in a Therapist

When searching, look for practitioners who list experience in these key areas:

Area of Specialization	Why it’s Important
Narcissistic Abuse/Coercive Control	They understand the specific manipulation tactics used (gaslighting, blame-shifting) and can validate your reality.
Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) or Relational Trauma	Toxic relationships cause trauma from chronic stress, not a single event. A therapist familiar with C-PTSD will focus on regulating your emotional nervous system.
Attachment Theory	They can help you understand your core attachment patterns, ensuring you recognize and avoid similar toxic partners in the future.

2. Effective Search Terms and Modalities

When searching therapist directories (like Psychology Today or your insurance provider’s list), use these keywords:

• Search Keywords: “Relational Trauma,” “Narcissistic Abuse Recovery,” “Co-dependency,” “Trauma-Informed Care,” “C-PTSD.”
• Therapeutic Modalities: Look for these trauma-focused approaches:
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Good for breaking negative thought patterns and distorted self-beliefs.
  • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Highly effective for processing trauma memories and reducing emotional triggers.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills: Excellent for learning emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness (setting boundaries).

3. Questions to Ask During the Consultation

When you call a prospective therapist, ask direct questions to gauge their fit:

1. “What is your experience working with clients who have left controlling or emotionally abusive partners?”
2. “What modalities do you primarily use for relational trauma (e.g., EMDR, DBT)?”
3. “How do you approach helping a client rebuild self-trust and establish boundaries?”
4. “Are you familiar with the concept of gaslighting, and how do you help clients recover from that specific form of psychological manipulation?”

By combining this careful preparation with specialized support, you are setting yourself up for a safer exit and a much stronger, healthier future.

Do you need help finding resources like national hotlines for domestic violence, or would you like to start outlining your “Go Bag” contents?

We’ve all been there: an evening with friends, a little too much fun, and suddenly, you find yourself needing to sober up quickly. It’s a common scenario that, while often harmless, can sometimes lead to situations where quick sobriety is not just preferred but necessary. The Healthy @Reader’s Digest consulted with doctors and analyzed recent research to guide you from tipsy to clear-headed.

1. Hydration: The Power of Water

Water is your best friend when it comes to sobering up. As Dr. Zehra Siddiqui, DO, medical director, points out, “Alcohol dehydrates the body, which exacerbates the side effects of drinking.” Hydrating helps dilute the alcohol in your system and speeds up its elimination. Even better, try diluting your alcoholic beverages with carbonated water for a spritzer effect, which not only hydrates but also reduces your overall alcohol intake.

2. Carbonation: A Double-Edged Sword

While a fizzy drink might be refreshing, carbonation can be tricky. A study in 2007 showed that mixing alcohol with carbonated beverages can lead to faster absorption of alcohol in the body. So, if you’re trying to stay on the clearer side of tipsy, it might be best to avoid the bubbles.

3. Enzyme Tablets: The Future of Sobering Up?

Scientists are exploring innovative solutions to fast sobering. At UCLA, a team developed a capsule containing enzymes that mimic the liver’s alcohol-processing function. This treatment significantly decreased blood alcohol levels in mice, suggesting a potential future where a pill could offer a quick sobering effect.

4. Good Carbs: Your Alcohol Sponge

Bread and other high-carb foods can help soak up alcohol, but it’s not just about absorption. These foods can slow down the body’s absorption of alcohol, thus moderating intoxication levels. Dr. Siddiqui advises, “Eating a high-carb diet lowers the ratio of alcohol in your blood and slows absorption.” Meals rich in fats, proteins, or carbs delay gastric emptying, which in turn slows down alcohol absorption.

5. The Clock: Patience is a Virtue

The body takes about an hour to process one standard drink. This means the more you drink, the longer it takes for the alcohol to leave your system. Understanding this can help manage your drinking pace and prevent overconsumption.

Conclusion

Sobering up quickly is often more about mitigating the effects of alcohol rather than eliminating them entirely. The methods outlined here can help, but they are not a substitute for responsible drinking practices. Remember, the best way to avoid having to sober up fast is to drink responsibly in the first place.

3 skills that can help people learn to better control their anger.

KEY POINTS

• Anger is a strong negative emotion that prepares us to fight or confront our enemies.
• Although it’s normal to feel angry at times, over-expressing anger or suppressing it can be detrimental to relationships and health.
• Some tips for managing anger include journaling to better understand what causes anger, reframing angry thoughts and practicing being assertive.

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What Is Anger?

Anger is a strong negative emotion that arises as a result of what we perceive to be a threat or unfair treatment that blocks our goals. This had led some psychologists to propose that anger is simply our response when our “approach motivation“—or pursuit of good things—is blocked (Carver & Harmon-Jones, 2009). Anger is usually directed at others, includes increased physiological activation, and involves changes in our thought processes.

Although anger is considered to be a negative emotion, historical records suggest that it is normal to get at least mildly angry a few times per day to a few times per week (Berkowitz & Harmon-Jones, 2004). That leaves us with a lot of anger floating around. So how do we manage it?

The Importance of Managing Anger

Many negative emotions—emotions like sadness, shame, or fear—make us want to run and hide. But not anger. Anger makes us want to approach—to fight or confront our enemies. That makes anger a unique negative emotion. It’s important that we manage it so that we don’t over-express our anger, but we also have to be careful not to suppress our anger, as that can be bad for us too. Anger appears to be most beneficial when managed and expressed in a controlled, positive manner.

Anger emotions to manage might include:

• Frustration
• Contempt
• Outrage
• Fury
• Bitterness
• Resentment

​

Each of these emotions is thought to be closely related to anger and we may tend towards expressing some of these emotions more than others.

Managing Anger Out

When we think of a cartoon character with a bright red face and steam shooting out of his ears, we are thinking of “anger out.” This type of anger is expressed outwardly. Anger out can lead to challenges in personal relationships and at work. Who wants to be around someone who is yelling and irritable all the time? Anger management may be needed when anger is too frequent, too intense, too prolonged, or managed ineffectively.

Managing Anger In

When we think about managing anger, we don’t usually think about the people who suppress anger. Even if they are fuming from being poked, prodded, and tormented, they don’t respond with anger. Anger suppression, or “anger in,” can also have negative consequences. “Anger in” is related to increased hypertension while anger out is not (Hosseini et al., 2011).

What Triggers Anger?

Research suggests that an attitude of hostility, resentment, and suspiciousness may be related to increased anger (Fives, Kong, Fuller, & DiGiuseppe, 2011). Two other cognitions that lead to anger include awfulizing—or imagining a situation to be as bad as it can possibly be—and low frustration tolerance (Martin & Dahlen, 2004).

Another study among women found that anger was most often triggered by violations of personal values, feelings of powerlessness, and disrespectful treatment. The researchers suggested that women often feel anger when they want something to change, but are unable to make it so or even get people to listen to them. But in this study, women were able to regain a sense of power when using anger to restore justice, respect, and relationship reciprocity (Thomas, Smucker, & Droppleman, 1998).

Anger Management Training

Anger management is generally taught in the classroom. The goal is to share information, provide new perspectives, and help people practice anger management strategies. This approach provides the backdrop to help people empathize, provide feedback, and role-play conflicts.

To manage anger, we likely each benefit from different strategies. For example, those who express their anger too much may need to develop cognitive skills for reframing their experiences and regulating their emotions . On the flip side, those who suppress their anger may need to learn how to communicate their anger more directly.

Techniques for Managing Anger

1. Keep an anger journal: Journaling may help you better understand where your anger comes from and the thought processes that spiral it out of control. So, in your journal, try to explore what it is exactly that is triggering your anger. What thoughts are you having? What emotions are you having? What could you do to resolve your anger?

2. Manage angry thoughts: Try reframing your anger in ways that help you change the things that are bothering you.

3. Speak up for yourself: Practice being assertive, negotiating for yourself, and setting boundaries to reduce feelings of powerlessness.

Anger can be an intense emotion, but it can also be managed. Hopefully, these insights and tips will help you move in the right direction.

Adapted from an article published by The Berkeley Well-Being Institute.

References

Berkowitz, L., & Harmon-Jones, E. (2004). Toward an understanding of the determinants of anger. Emotion, 4(2), 107.

Carver, C. S., & Harmon-Jones, E. (2009). Anger is an approach-related affect: evidence and implications. Psychological bulletin, 135(2), 183.

​Fives, C. J., Kong, G., Fuller, J. R., & DiGiuseppe, R. (2011). Anger, aggression, and irrational beliefs in adolescents. Cognitive therapy and research, 35(3), 199-208.

​Martin, R. C., & Dahlen, E. R. (2004). Irrational beliefs and the experience and expression of anger. Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 22(1), 3-20.

Hosseini, S. H., Mokhberi, V., Mohammadpour, R. A., Mehrabianfard, M., & Lashak, N. B. (2011). Anger expression and suppression among patients with essential hypertension. International journal of psychiatry in clinical practice, 15(3), 214-218.

Thomas, S., Smucker, C., & Droppleman, P. (1998). It hurts most around the heart: A phenomenological exploration of women’s anger. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 28(2), 311-322

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By Dr. Tchiki Davis

This post was previously published on psychologytoday.com.