When dealing with difficult relatives, it is vital to establish your boundaries. This will allow you to identify when your boundaries are being crossed and respond accordingly. You have two options when your boundaries are crossed: disengage or confront the issue directly. It is important to note that confronting the issue directly can be a more volatile option.
A common trait of toxic family members is their desire to engage with you, almost as if they enjoy it. Hint, they probably do
“Give yourself permission to say, ‘Hey, I feel angry or resentful, and I need to talk about this,'” licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P., previously suggested to mindbodygreen
And recognize that you can only control your actions no matter how the conversation goes.
It’s important to remember that even if a family member reacts in a toxic way, you have control over how you respond. According to Annette Nuñez, Ph.D., LMFT, it’s crucial to empower yourself and take control of your actions, thoughts, and behaviors. If someone tries to blame you or make you feel inferior, it’s essential to acknowledge that it’s their issue, not yours.
To overcome toxic dynamics within a family, it’s essential to establish your boundaries and adhere to them firmly. This is something that can be achieved more easily as an adult than as a child. Often, when we grow up in families with toxic people, we find ourselves repeating the same emotional patterns we had in childhood. It can be challenging to realize that we are now adults, and we have the power to set boundaries.
Self-empowerment is another critical aspect of boundary setting. Setting a boundary is not just saying, “Hey, Mom, don’t call me while I’m at work.” Instead, it’s more like, “If you call me during the workday, I won’t answer.” Similarly, instead of saying, “Can you not bring up politics around me?” you would say, “I will not participate in political conversations.”
The difference here is that the boundary is a clear directive rather than a question. It’s enforced by your actions rather than waiting for others to change. When you’re living in a self-empowered place, toxic family dynamics will have much less effect on you.
Unpacking toxic family dynamics can be a complex and deeply rooted issue that may require professional help. It is perfectly normal to seek help in such cases. It is best to find and consult with a skilled therapist who can help identify and address toxic behaviors.
Often, people with poisonous relationships within a family or with someone toxic may not be able to recognize them as usual. A therapist can help you identify such toxic patterns, understand how they are affecting you, and teach you how to deal with them. You can also learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries, which is crucial for your well-being.
Last but not least, this family change may not be possible overnight.
Our posts are not intended to substitute for professional mental health care.
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