Hacks for Enhancing Your Emotional Intelligence

“Using emotionally intelligent strategies when dealing with a narcissist is essential. It may take some practice, but it can save you from further emotional manipulation. You can find additional information on this topic in my new book, ‘How to Outsmart a Narcissist: Using Emotional Intelligence to Regain Control at Home, Work, and in Life’.”

Have you heard of Books Smarts, Street Smarts, etc?

Well, Do you know about emotional intelligence?

When you possess emotional intelligence, you are naturally in tune with your feelings. Recognizing, identifying, and processing challenging emotions allows you to understand them and respond in a constructive manner, rather than defensively. However, a narcissist often tries to make you doubt your emotions by imposing their distorted version of reality on you. This tactic is one of their most dangerous weapons. Therefore, an emotionally intelligent strategy to use with a narcissist is to trust your feelings. If something feels incredibly unfair in the relationship, it probably is. Trust your instincts.

Remember to manage your emotions so you can stay calm, even when you’re being provoked. If you “lose control,” which is understandable in these situations, the narcissist might try to make you seem “irrational.” They may even twist your words and spread them to others behind your back. Although it can be extremely difficult, staying calm when a narcissist is trying to manipulate you is crucial.

Keep this in mind: A narcissist usually embeds a grain of truth somewhere in their distorted narrative. When you hear one truthful statement, you may assume the entire story is accurate, but it isn’t. Remind yourself not to get caught up in a narcissist’s false narrative just because it includes a small piece of truth.

Self-awareness is an important aspect of emotional intelligence. It involves being able to take responsibility for your actions and understand your role in a relationship. However, it’s important to be cautious when dealing with a narcissist. For example, if you find yourself in an argument with a narcissist and they say hurtful things, it’s natural to feel provoked and respond in a similar manner. In such situations, it’s essential to acknowledge your part in the exchange, but also hold the narcissist accountable for their behavior. Simply acknowledging your mistake and continuing to address the narcissist’s emotional manipulation is the best approach.

The final strategy combines emotional regulation, understanding social dynamics, and self-awareness. Your emotional intelligence allows you to stay calm, analyze the situation, understand the manipulation, and set a boundary so you are not disrupted or taken advantage of again in the future by the narcissist.

When setting a boundary, it’s essential to be concise and direct. In as few words as possible and without justifying yourself, establish the boundary. For example, “I’ll take over my social media now. It causes too many conflicts, but thanks for your help.” If the narcissist demands an explanation, repeat the boundary. You may need to politely repeat it several times before they accept it.

These skills are valuable when educating yourself on the ways a narcissist manipulates you.