Getting into Older Sibling Vibes

Owning our older sibling vibes is a strong way to express ourselves in today’s world. Growing up as the oldest usually comes with its own set of duties and expectations. Being an older brother or sister often means trying to be a role model who looks like they have everything sorted out. But sometimes, that can lead us to stretch ourselves too thin as we try to take care of everyone else.

Embracing this older sibling thing is more than just playing our family roles; it’s about showing our strength and resilience. When we show up for our younger siblings and friends as our true selves, we change the game for what it means to be an older sibling. This energy helps us not only celebrate our wins but also encourages those around us to embrace who they are in their families and communities.

However, I realized it is our way of caring, and sometimes we care too much! I realized that proclaiming our older sister’s energy goes beyond fulfilling family roles; it becomes a way for us to assert ourselves in society. It becomes a declaration of our strength and resilience. No longer confined by traditional gender roles or societal norms, we redefine what it means to be an older sister, whether biological or not, by showing up authentically in our younger sibling’s time.

We show up whether we are needed: Firstborn women tend to be pleasers; everybody’s got to be happy,” says Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book. “They’re the leaders of the family; they tend to be achievers. They’re more likely to be the pilot, the engineer, the architect, or the English teacher. Anywhere where structure and perfection pay, you’ll find the firstborn.” (He says firstborn men, alternatively, tend to be controllers.)

Embracing my older sister’s energy has been liberating. It also allows me to celebrate my accomplishments while supporting others in their journeys. Whether mentoring younger siblings or guiding friends through life’s challenges, wielding this power gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment. By embracing this self-expression, we uplift ourselves and inspire those around us to stand tall in their unique identities within their families or communities. I do have to learn to let others do their thing.

No one is exempt from narcissistic projection, not even their children.

It often comes as a shock to people who have children with pathological narcissists how easily some of them abandon their children.

Many narcissistic parents have an emotionally immature worldview. They see the world in terms of “good” or “bad”, “black” and “white”, “wrong” or “right.” Unfortunately, this extends to how they see their family, even their children.

While narcissists perceive themselves as superior to all and sundry, they have suffer from a painfully fragile ego that is susceptible to a never ending barrage of real and imagined narcissists injuries.

This warped view of reality is part of what makes them high conflict individuals. They are prone to objectifying and dehumanizing other people and their children are no exception.

The reasons for this may be rooted in the narcissist’s dysfunctional family of origin.

Characteristics of a dysfunctional family

Narcissists typically come from family units with power imbalances, rampant denial, low empathy, little to no boundaries and a lack of justice. These structures are centered on a…

In a narcissistic family, there will be a lot of coercive and controlling behaviors. Beneath the façade, anger, hypocrisy, envy, and betrayal contaminate the ecosystem. The toxicity between the caregivers usually trickles down to their children.